Friday, July 9, 2010

This is why...

...I love the blogging community. I don't have very many friends. Note, I did not say ANY. Just not very many. Let me explain. I don't have many CLOSE friends. Like the kind of friend that you could tell all your secrets to. I've had them. They've come and gone over the years. Presently though, I've got my husband and a friend from church, and a friend from work. But I'm still guarded. I can't just sit and say "You know, I'm really struggling right now and here's why." I've never been good with verbal or face-to-face communication. But I can write. So I bear my soul, instead of just to one or two people, here on the internet for all the world to see. Is it weird that I am more comfortable doing that? It's less personal, in some ways. Deeply personal in others. But what I love about the blogging community is those of you that pounced on my last post with promises of prayers and words of encouragement. THANK YOU! You don't know how appreciated you are.

For those of you who asked, I'm unmedicated because I thought I'd be able to manage this time around without them. There's no excuse for it or reason. I was not instructed by a doctor to go off of them. I was feeling really good, at a high point in life, and wanted so badly to make it work without being on an anti-depressant. And I did OK for a while. And then the same old feelings crept back in and little by little they began to take over.

So here I am. And Fridays seem to be worse. It's like the culmination of work and kids and summer and everything build and build and it just hits me. The weekend hits and I just sort of crash. Come Saturday morning, I begin feeling better and live in a little bubble until Monday comes again and it starts all over again. Does that make sense?

Rest easy my friends! I'm now armed with Diet Dr. Pepper and I indulged in a chicken taquito from QuikTrip and just being home has lifted my spirits. I'm in a better place just having left work and now I'm ready to see what other blogs are out there waiting for me...

Thank you for listening and praying and being my friends!
from the crazy mind of at

7 comments:

  1. Beth ZimmermanJuly 9, 2010 at 7:54 PM

    Glad to hear you revived but taking yourself off antidepressants cold turkey is a really bad idea, girlie! Be careful!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LizJuly 9, 2010 at 8:20 PM

    Aww, I totally agree - in some ways it is easier to write your feelings and experiences to people you will never meet...I love that, being Christians, we can still pray for and encourage each other though! Following ya back from WW, hope you have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. TreeJuly 9, 2010 at 9:17 PM

    That's IT...you found the cure in a Diet Dr. Pepper and a chicken taquito. LOL Seriously though, I think we've all felt that way at one time or another. At least I know, I have! Working through the week, then having to come home and work some more, will wear anyone out...and add kids in the mix, and UGH! I commend you for trying to be positive and work on your "moods" unmedicated...I chose to do that as well, and it worked for me. But, if it gets simply unbearable, please don't hesitate to tell your doctor. You have to take care of YOU!

    Tree (aka Mother of Pearl)
    Mother of Pearl It Is

    ReplyDelete
  4. Inspiring You To Save!July 9, 2010 at 11:46 PM

    Thanks for stopping by and following me. I'm your newest follower.

    ReplyDelete
  5. KeliJuly 10, 2010 at 8:43 AM

    thanks for stopping by and following me, I'm not following you. Off to look around your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Draft QueenJuly 10, 2010 at 8:47 AM

    Wow. It's only by complete freak blog hopping that I shouldn't even been doing (my mounting housework calls...) and you happened to be the only blog I actually clicked on... and then to your new space (which is lovely, might I add) and you just happened to say things that I've been (silently) obsessing over for more than a week.

    I had to go back on anti-depressants to rule of anxiety as a root cause of hypoxia. I had been un-medicated since, well it's been years, and struggled and forced myself away though my doctors continued to remind me of this option. Now that I was "temporarily forced" back onto them and they have no effect on my SpO2 I find myself extremely resistant to leave them. Which is weird for me because usually I just want away from them- I feel like they suck the highs out of my life as well as keep me from sinking too low. I'd (usually) rather deal with the lows and enjoy the highs. (Am I even making sense?)

    Somehow just reading that you had a dark day, but found your way back up, helps to remind me I will be able to do this unmedicated again.

    I hope you are feeling better. I know I would've been all kinds of frazzled by a hacker in my Gmail universe (more like my home than my actual home).

    ReplyDelete
  7. One PhotoJuly 10, 2010 at 9:20 AM

    I think you will find as you spend more time in the blogosphere that so many Moms who blog, myself included are like you in that we are not the social butterfly types but rather the sort to have a few close friends and so talking about the difficult things in life through a blog can be very therapeutic. So I hope talking about your depression here on your blog helps in some way - also know there are many many bloggers out there who suffer in the same way.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)