Darkness

Something about my mood tells me not to write. At least, not to write all that I am thinking and feeling. I'm not even sure that I could begin to pen with any coherence what I am feeling anyway. I'm in a dark mood today. I'm currently sitting at work, waiting for Kris to fix our database so that I can work for another 3 hours before going home to an empty house. It isn't going home to an empty house that puts me in such a dark mood. Quite the opposite. I am looking forward to the solitude. Kris is playing in a charity 3-on-3 basketball tournament tonight and possibly tomorrow if his team doesn't lose both of their games tonight. Cindy is keeping the kids overnight and that leaves me alone to catch up on The Bachelorette and all the blogs from the Friday hops. This should fill me with joy and yet I find myself feeling...desolate. I feel like I am suffocating. There is no real explanation, besides my broken mental state. I hate feeling like this. It's been mounting...and I feel like there is a dam that is right on the verge of bursting. I keep telling myself I just need to get through the summer. When in reality, I just need to get back on some medication and THEN get through the summer!

Hopefully the quiet tonight will be comforting and bring some peace.