50 Shades of Trash *For Adults ONLY*

I fear even mentioning this book on here, because I know that some people will wholeheartedly disagree with my opinion.  I am in NO way trying to promote this book.  I want to make that clear.  And I also make no apologies for my OPINIONS on this book.

I have not read this book and have no intention of reading this book.  If you have read, or are currently reading this book, I am also not judging you.  Read whatever you want.

HOWEVER, this post is a WARNING to anyone who wants to protect their marriage and guard their heart.  If you value the sanctity of marriage and keeping your heart and mind pure, do not read 50 Shades of Grey.

Stay away from this book!  Please!  Christian women, especially.  Just don't give Satan the foothold he so desperately wants to have.  He has enough ways to attack you and threaten your marriage and your family.  Having been through hell and back with my own marriage, I can guarantee that reading this book will only cause harm, or at the very least allow Satan just a small inch into your life that you don't want.  If this doesn't apply to you, read the book.  And know I'm not judging you. I just want to warn those friends of mine who are concerned about whether or not this is a book that they should read.

When a friend in California first suggested I read this book, I immediately went to the best source - Amazon.com.  I read the book description, and that alone was warning enough for me to stay away.  If you have been wondering about this book and whether or not you should read it, I believe that the summary on Amazon.com is enough for you to judge whether or not you should put this into your mind.

"When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.
 
Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires."

I knew immediately that this was not a book that God would approve of ME reading.  Everyone has to judge for himself (or herself).  I do not ever read the romance novels, especially those that would be considered soft-core pornography.  Primarily because the writing is so often just terrible.  But now, I recognize that little allowances like this book just fill a spot in my heart that was meant for Jesus.

For all intents and purposes, this book fits into the soft-core pornography category.  And the fact that it deals with sex (specifically BDSM-which is an abbreviation that is used to describe domination or a slave/master relationship between a couple) as it's primary theme, is the biggest deterrent for me.  I've never liked this theme in general, so perhaps some of it is just my own personal issue.  But it isn't just that theme.  It is the fact that the main male character is involved in an affair with a very young and naive girl, and based on all of the reviews I've read (good and bad), it is full of sex.

If there is one thing I hate most in this world (besides Satan), it is pornography.  Our society thinks pornography is acceptable.  A vast majority of CHRISTIANS think it is acceptable.  Because God doesn't say "Thou shall not look at pornography." does not make it Biblically OK.  Jesus tells us that lust is the same as actually having a physical affair.  Where there is pornography, there is lust.  Which means if you're married, there is adultery.  The same applies to WRITTEN pornography.  Erotica.  Whatever name you want to put on it.  

Any time that we expose ourselves to this, we are changed.  It's subtle at first.  So subtle that most times, you have no idea you are being changed.  It is a series of little compromises that will inevitably lead to more and more compromise.  And some day, no matter how much you think you are in control of your own life, the darkness will be exposed.  It may be only days.  It may be years.  But it WILL be exposed.  And pornography controls the person that views it.  Like the Casting Crowns song, "Slow Fade" says:  "Be careful little eyes what you see.  It's the second glance that binds your heart as darkness pulls the strings."  This couldn't be more true.

I'm not getting up on a high horse as one who is on the outside looking in.  While I'm not ready to tell my WHOLE story yet, I will admit that I am not unfamiliar with pornography and the impact it can have on a marriage.  

Have I ever viewed pornography?  

I'm not proud of the decisions I have made in my life.  

However, I'm willing to step up and tell you that yes, I have viewed pornography; picture, video and written.  I am not naive about what all is out there.  I stand as one who KNOWS more about this topic than I care to know.

As you know, I like to write.  I'll even go so far as to admit that when I was running from God, I wrote some short pieces of erotica myself.

I didn't even intend to get into this and admit that, but God guides this blog, not me.  

So there you have it.  Lest you think I am just bashing a topic I know nothing about.  

I'm not unblemished.  

I've told you I've made some really stupid mistakes in my life.  Allowing any piece of pornography into my mind and heart wasn't even the STUPIDEST mistake I made.  

I even know the justifications for why it's "not that bad" or "well, at least it's not this sin or that..."

We convince ourselves that it doesn't cause any harm.  I'm calling B.S. on that one!  It is impossible to truly know how deeply impacted your life and the lives of those around you can be when we think that pornography is OK.  Even within the confines of marriage.  One thing Kris and I have learned is that it is most definitely NOT OK.  ESPECIALLY within the confines of marriage.  I am my beloved and he is mine.  God intended my body and my mind to be for him.  God intended his body and his mind to be for me.  NO EXCEPTIONS!!!  Physical or otherwise.

Also, with the invention of the internet, pornography is EVERYWHERE.  And much more easily accessible than it ever used to be.  It's in commercials, TV, movies, billboards, books.  Every time a man turns around, he is tempted.  And I'm not saying that women aren't tempted with this as well, but we all know that where advertisements are concerned, it is usually the woman, not the man who is objectified.  I saw a commercial the other day for men's deodorant (MEN'S DEODORANT!!!) that had four women in bikinis in it.  Seriously?

I could write all day on how angry pornography makes me.  Pornography, along with several other issues, destroyed my marriage.  I started to write "almost destroyed" but the reality is, that it did destroy my marriage.  

But THANK GOD we have a God that is bigger than we are.  That gives us so much grace and mercy.  Thank God that He restored Kris and I and allowed us to start over with our marriage.  Thank God that pornography no longer rules our marriage.  We now both understand that we belong to God first, then to one another.  

And that's it.  

No one else is allowed in our bed.  

I know that may sound like a strange statement to some.  But for our entire married life, until February 19th, there were WAY TOO MANY people/images/whatever (in some form or another) in our bed.  Until February 19th, the day I came home, it was never just God, me and Kris.  

That's the sad truth of it.  

It's ugly and it's not even the whole story.

All of this to say, if you are a Christian woman and you are considering reading 50 Shades of Grey, please take my words into consideration before you read it.

Few people make it through what Kris and I have made it through.  We are not a statistic and I am thankful every day for that.  We should be a statistic.  Most marriages don't survive what Kris and I have.  That is a fact.  And while I am no statistician (look at me using fancy words), I believe that pornography is present (in one form or another) in the majority of marriages today. 

And it breaks my heart.  

Because I KNOW what it does to a marriage.  

It is part of my story.  

It is part of our story.  

Someday Kris and I will share more, but for now, just know that what seems innocent or socially acceptable can cause deep and lasting damage.  

Protect your hearts and your marriages.

**Two weeks after writing this post, I suddenly began to receive some negative feedback, some people who didn't quite agree with me.  This is my response:  "For All The Haters".