Tree frogs-the devil's spawn

Missouri has some weird animals.

Like cats.

And dogs.

And mice.

And, last but most certainly not least...

Tree frogs!

My life changed drastically tonight, after a terrifying incident with a tree frog.  I'm not joking. And this one, like all the mice that exist in the world, was very menacing.

Evil to the core.  You could tell.  Especially when it puffed up it's creepy little mouth/neck/whatever-that-was, before yelling every curse word it knew at me.

I have no doubt that if it had any vampires in it's family history it would have killed me for sure.

I'm easy prey.

Because I hate animals.

Except giraffes.

I want a pet giraffe. Even if they don't eat gum balls, I would train mine to eat them straight from the tree, before they ever die and fall to the ground, making my yard a safe place for all; instead of the death trap it really is.

So, we went to a pool party tonight with some friends from church. Fun was had by all. I was quite hilarious, as usual, but good company full of sarcastic people helps!  So do cupcakes.  Especially those made by Dianna (click her name to check her out on Facebook).  HOWEVER, just a tip, if you have put on sunscreen and are prone to licking icing off of your fingers, USE A FORK when eating her delicious cupcakes.  Otherwise, your taste buds will not be happy with you.  And then you'll have to eat another cupcake, to take away the bug spray taste!  Although, looking back, it seemed more like a blessing in disguise!

For some reason, though my sarcasm radar is usually very in tune, I had trouble discerning whether they were joking or serious on several different occasions tonight. It is evident that discernment is NOT one of my gifts. Which begs the question, could God use sarcasm as a spiritual gift?  I'm going to have to ponder that for a while.

An example of my inability to determine whether or not they were serious was when...we'll call him Chris, the CH is silent, told me his pool had salt water instead of chlorinated water.

Well, of course there is no such thing as a salt water pool.  That's just ridiculous.  Oceans have salt water. Pools do not.  I  thought they were joking. It was at least an hour later that I was informed there seriously was salt water in the pool.  Who knew?  Likely everyone but me...

But I digress...

There was an incident tonight.  Apparently Chris with the silent CH and Julie (the j really has an h sound (like in Spanish)...so it's pronounced "Hoo-lee"...go around cavorting with pretty much every animal that enters their property.  They seem kind of sketchy.  In a way, that makes me think they would allow mice to rule their house or squirrels to wreak havoc in their attic, but I still like them just the same.  And likely, because they are so loving towards all of God's odd creations (myself included!), those things wouldn't happen to them.  Just me.

Well they happen to have given a tree frog rent-free admission onto their deck.  Personally, I think they should pay rent, or at least be fined severely for the amount of noise they make.  I'm pretty sure there are local sound ordinances that these tree frogs are breaking.  

And that squatter tree frog happened to hate me.

And maybe I was talking trash about it.

Maybe I was complaining about all the noise it was making.

But seriously...that thing was annoying!  I felt like one of my children was constantly talking in my ear, just to annoy me.  And I KNOW that tree frog was intentionally trying to irritate me.  Job well done, tree frog.

Just when I was beginning to forget about the tree frog (still cursing it silently in my head), it made a huge leap for the chair I was sitting in.  Kris' chair was closer, so I have no doubt in my mind that it purposely jumped the farther distance to get to me.

You can't see how evil it is from this picture.  But take my word for it.  This was not a kind-hearted, gentle tree frog.  It was violent, ill-tempered, and downright hateful.

I know.

Because I saw it's eyes.

And those were not kind eyes.

That awful tree frog was right next to me, squawking away.  I just stared down at it, glaring mostly.  At first, before it was on my chair, I had the idea that it might be fun to throw darts at that bubble it seems to grow when it talks, but Chris didn't have any darts.  I put my fingers near it, tempted to squish it's gross little bubble (gently of course--there were children present) but kept chickening out.

Well, this apparently angered the tree frog.  I think it was all too aware of my attitude towards it and my intentions.  It took evasive action immediately and launched into a full scale assault of my knee, leaving a gross wet trail behind it.  I had already warned "Hoolie" that if that thing touched me, I was not responsible for any reflex actions that followed.  She managed to stop me before my foot came slamming down on top of it.  Lucky tree frog.

Overall, that was a very unpleasant experience and I now have a new animal to add to the list of those that INTENTIONALLY try to torture me.  For more in depth history into my hatred of certain animals, and some possibly comical reading, try these:

Mice

Squirrels (this also addresses the ants and crickets that have chosen at times to take up residence IN OUR HOME WITHOUT PERMISSION!)

What we learned today?

Jamie Bishop - does not play well with others
                    - or animals
                    - or children
                    - or idiots