Stories

Would it surprise you to read that there will be a song/video in this post?
I am hoping I can complete this post before the meds kick in and I am no longer coherent! We will see how far I get.

I'm actually writing from my van now,  while keeping a wary eye on my what-I'm-sure-will-be-awesome cupcakes, which happen to be resting precariously on my dash. They are German chocolate and also Neapolitan made by a girl from church; and I am a firm believer that cupcakes like this should really be eaten on a plate, with a fork and a glass of milk, to get the true fulfillment and joy they are meant to bring.

Tonight, Kris and I attended something called  Stories. It takes place 2 Fridays each month, at The Outpost, where we are currently attending church; and we have been trying to go to the last 3 meetings. Every time, there was something that prevented it. We couldn't attended due to one conflict or another.

The last one would have been on Good Friday. We couldn't attend because Kris was preaching, and they didn't have it; having a church-wide Good Friday celebration instead.
And you do remember what was significant about Good Friday for me? If not, or if you missed the post, you can find that here.

I found Jesus that night.  On a rugged, dirty Cross, I came face to face with the REAL Jesus.  The REAL meaning behind the Cross.  The truth of what He did for me.  The realization that I could give him all my shame, all my guilt, all the burdens I had been bearing alone for so long, and He would bear them on his shoulders, while He was beaten, hung on a Cross and died.  For ME.  Not just the rest of you.  But for ME.  For Jamie.  He did that for ME.  Understanding that, acknowledging that and finally embracing that, the Cross became real to me in way that words cannot fully explain.

All of that to say that tonight, at Stories, I sat around in a group full of hurting, broken, and HEALING people.  And there was no shame.  There was only love and comfort, and acceptance.  That is something that drew me to The Outpost to begin with.  There was just this deep sense of comfort that seemed to spill forth from the building and the people.  I feel like I'm "home" when I'm there.  Just like I feel like I'm "home" with my husband now.  And "home" with God now.  It's just right.

And what I found really profound was that had we been able to actually attend Stories any of the last 3 times they were "supposed" to meet, I would not have been in a place emotionally or spiritually where I could have handled Kris and I sharing our story tonight.  And I think it was an important place for us to be and I think that God has everything under control, and HIS timing is perfect.  How cool is that?!?!

I found myself thankful that the lights were out while the song "At The Foot of the Cross" was playing and people sang along tonight.  I heard this song just over two months ago, HOPING that I could feel that way someday, but fearful that I never would.  Fearful that I would never truly see God and have a real relationship with Him again.  Tonight though, tears of joy and a feeling of overwhelming love flowed in and through and out of me.  The lyrics are astounding.  Truly profound and very dear to my heart.  For instance (don't worry, I won't dissect the ENTIRE song just most of it):

"You won my heart.  Yes, You won my heart."

Those words are significant to me for two reasons.  Before I fully embraced the Cross, my husband won my heart back.  Two months ago yesterday, as he was winning my heart back, I chose to go home.  I've told him this in those exact words, several times:  "He won my heart back."  So to hear a song where it talks about God winning my heart, it struck home.

"Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty."

Remember Good Friday, when I burned my "sins"?  Only ashes remained.  And since that night, there has been beauty.  There has been freedom and life!

"And wear forgiveness like a crown."

I had my own thoughts on that line, but I wanted to hear Kris' perspective first, on those words.  Kris said it reminded him of Zechariah 3.  And I had to agree with him on the symbolism here.
Verses 1-4:  "Then the angel showed me Jeshua, the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord. The Accuser, Satan, was there at the angel's right hand, making accusations against Jeshua.  And the Lord said to Satan, 'I, the Lord, reject your accusations, Satan.  Yes, the Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebukes you.  This man is like a burning stick that has been snatched from the fire.'  Jeshua's clothing was filthy as he stood there before the angel. So the angel said to the others standing there, 'Take off his filthy clothes.'  And turning to Jeshua he said, 'See, I have taken away your sins, and now I am giving you these fine new clothes.'  Then I said, 'They should also place a clean turban on his head.' So they put a clean priestly turban on his head and dressed him in new clothes while the angel of the Lord stood by."

Do you see it?  The clean clothes, removing the sins and the clean turban represents that crown of forgiveness.  Also, what I find most profound here too is that the Accuser was there, making accusations.  Telling lies.  And while we (as humans) tend to believe those lies, God stepped forward and REJECTED those lies!

From a woman's perspective, who in some ways will always have the heart of a little girl, I heard and pictured this line differently.  Shocking.  Right?  Here is what I saw.  As little girls, we always want to be a princess. I don't know many girls who at some point or another haven't wanted deep down to be a princess.  Early in life, we look to our fathers to be our knight in shining armor.  To never leave us, and to rescue us from danger.  Later, as we grow up, we look to our husbands to fill this roll.  But the only person who can truly save us and take us off into the sunset, happily ever after, is God.  He puts a crown of forgiveness on our heads; he makes us his princess!

"Coming to kiss the feet of mercy..."

This brings to my mind a picture of humility.  Us, being broken and humble at the feet of Jesus, lying face down at his feet, acknowledging that we are but sinners, unworthy of anything but punishment.  And yet, he tells us that HE will take our punishment.  He DID take our punishment when he bled and died on that Cross.

"I lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross."

Since the Cross has such a new, intimate meaning for me, and I really did lay my burdens at his feet on Good Friday, I absolutely love this line!  And it is also a constant reminder to us.  A reminder that even now, after we've embraced God's love and forgiveness, we have to daily take our burdens and lay them at the feet of Jesus.  AND LEAVE THEM THERE.  NOT taking them back up again...that is the key.

"At the foot of the Cross, where I am made complete; You have given me life through the death you bore for me."

I feel at complete peace reading/listening to these lines.

As anticipated, the song I am referring to is below (with lyrics).