Beautiful Creation

I've always had "issues" (that word has become overused) with my self-esteem.  I've always felt like I was ugly, overweight, not good enough.  I believed the lies my mirror told me.  The lies Satan constantly whispered into my ear.  Kris and I were talking last night and I told him about two different experiences I had had this weekend.

One occurred on Saturday, while driving to my mother-in-law's.  We took Katherine out with us to see The Hunger Games (that could be a completely different post and likely will be soon), eat lunch and get pedicures. A fun day was had by all.  Katherine is already halfway through Catching Fire.  I love her passion for reading and getting to share in such a great story with her.  While on my way to Cindy's, I began thinking about my struggles with how I see myself and was struck with a thought.  "You are a beautiful creation.  I made you, and you are beautiful just the way you are."  I have no doubt that God was speaking to me.  And for the first time in 33 years, I believed Him.  When I shared that with Kris, he had a huge smile of relief on his face and said "I've been praying that you would see that since we got married."

The other experience happened at church yesterday morning.  We decided to call The Outpost our church home for a while (until God calls us somewhere else).  We just really felt this pull there, and I feel a great sense of comfort there.  Not a sense of being comfortable among the congregation, though that is certainly there even though we've only been twice.  But a sense of actual, tangible comfort for hurting and broken people, which Kris and I admittedly are.  The kids enjoy it as well, which is a plus.  The preacher, Tony, is real.  I like REAL people.  People who will get up to preach and admit that they have struggles just like the rest of us.  Too often in churches, it feels like the pastor (and everyone else) is doing just fine, while a small minority of us are sinners with lives that are crumbling around us.  I know that every church is full of sinners, which in my opinion is as it should be, but there are some churches where it feels like everyone but you has it all together.

So, while a song I can't remember now was playing, I had a moment with God.  I haven't had something like this happen in probably 9 years.  The reason I can't remember the song I think is not because it wasn't important, but because I was too distracted by this experience God wanted to have with me.  One minute I was listening to the words, because I had never heard it before, and the next I had this very clear picture of God smiling down at this "new" me.  The me that He has remade, and He was reaching down His hand to me, as if to say "I accept you and I love you, and I'm so happy you have come back home." It was such an amazing experience!