Wednesday, June 13, 2012

50 Shades of Trash *For Adults ONLY*


I fear even mentioning this book on here, because I know that some people will wholeheartedly disagree with my opinion.  I am in NO way trying to promote this book.  I want to make that clear.  And I also make no apologies for my OPINIONS on this book.

I have not read this book and have no intention of reading this book.  If you have read, or are currently reading this book, I am also not judging you.  Read whatever you want.

HOWEVER, this post is a WARNING to anyone who wants to protect their marriage and guard their heart.  If you value the sanctity of marriage and keeping your heart and mind pure, do not read 50 Shades of Grey.

Stay away from this book!  Please!  Christian women, especially.  Just don't give Satan the foothold he so desperately wants to have.  He has enough ways to attack you and threaten your marriage and your family.  Having been through hell and back with my own marriage, I can guarantee that reading this book will only cause harm, or at the very least allow Satan just a small inch into your life that you don't want.  If this doesn't apply to you, read the book.  And know I'm not judging you. I just want to warn those friends of mine who are concerned about whether or not this is a book that they should read.

When a friend in California first suggested I read this book, I immediately went to the best source - Amazon.com.  I read the book description, and that alone was warning enough for me to stay away.  If you have been wondering about this book and whether or not you should read it, I believe that the summary on Amazon.com is enough for you to judge whether or not you should put this into your mind.

"When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.
 
Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires."


I knew immediately that this was not a book that God would approve of ME reading.  Everyone has to judge for himself (or herself).  I do not ever read the romance novels, especially those that would be considered soft-core pornography.  Primarily because the writing is so often just terrible.  But now, I recognize that little allowances like this book just fill a spot in my heart that was meant for Jesus.

For all intents and purposes, this book fits into the soft-core pornography category.  And the fact that it deals with sex (specifically BDSM-which is an abbreviation that is used to describe domination or a slave/master relationship between a couple) as it's primary theme, is the biggest deterrent for me.  I've never liked this theme in general, so perhaps some of it is just my own personal issue.  But it isn't just that theme.  It is the fact that the main male character is involved in an affair with a very young and naive girl, and based on all of the reviews I've read (good and bad), it is full of sex.

If there is one thing I hate most in this world (besides Satan), it is pornography.  Our society thinks pornography is acceptable.  A vast majority of CHRISTIANS think it is acceptable.  Because God doesn't say "Thou shall not look at pornography." does not make it Biblically OK.  Jesus tells us that lust is the same as actually having a physical affair.  Where there is pornography, there is lust.  Which means if you're married, there is adultery.  The same applies to WRITTEN pornography.  Erotica.  Whatever name you want to put on it.  

Any time that we expose ourselves to this, we are changed.  It's subtle at first.  So subtle that most times, you have no idea you are being changed.  It is a series of little compromises that will inevitably lead to more and more compromise.  And some day, no matter how much you think you are in control of your own life, the darkness will be exposed.  It may be only days.  It may be years.  But it WILL be exposed.  And pornography controls the person that views it.  Like the Casting Crowns song, "Slow Fade" says:  "Be careful little eyes what you see.  It's the second glance that binds your heart as darkness pulls the strings."  This couldn't be more true.

I'm not getting up on a high horse as one who is on the outside looking in.  While I'm not ready to tell my WHOLE story yet, I will admit that I am not unfamiliar with pornography and the impact it can have on a marriage.  

Have I ever viewed pornography?  

I'm not proud of the decisions I have made in my life.  

However, I'm willing to step up and tell you that yes, I have viewed pornography; picture, video and written.  I am not naive about what all is out there.  I stand as one who KNOWS more about this topic than I care to know.

As you know, I like to write.  I'll even go so far as to admit that when I was running from God, I wrote some short pieces of erotica myself.

I didn't even intend to get into this and admit that, but God guides this blog, not me.  

So there you have it.  Lest you think I am just bashing a topic I know nothing about.  

I'm not unblemished.  

I've told you I've made some really stupid mistakes in my life.  Allowing any piece of pornography into my mind and heart wasn't even the STUPIDEST mistake I made.  

I even know the justifications for why it's "not that bad" or "well, at least it's not this sin or that..."

We convince ourselves that it doesn't cause any harm.  I'm calling B.S. on that one!  It is impossible to truly know how deeply impacted your life and the lives of those around you can be when we think that pornography is OK.  Even within the confines of marriage.  One thing Kris and I have learned is that it is most definitely NOT OK.  ESPECIALLY within the confines of marriage.  I am my beloved and he is mine.  God intended my body and my mind to be for him.  God intended his body and his mind to be for me.  NO EXCEPTIONS!!!  Physical or otherwise.

Also, with the invention of the internet, pornography is EVERYWHERE.  And much more easily accessible than it ever used to be.  It's in commercials, TV, movies, billboards, books.  Every time a man turns around, he is tempted.  And I'm not saying that women aren't tempted with this as well, but we all know that where advertisements are concerned, it is usually the woman, not the man who is objectified.  I saw a commercial the other day for men's deodorant (MEN'S DEODORANT!!!) that had four women in bikinis in it.  Seriously?

I could write all day on how angry pornography makes me.  Pornography, along with several other issues, destroyed my marriage.  I started to write "almost destroyed" but the reality is, that it did destroy my marriage.  

But THANK GOD we have a God that is bigger than we are.  That gives us so much grace and mercy.  Thank God that He restored Kris and I and allowed us to start over with our marriage.  Thank God that pornography no longer rules our marriage.  We now both understand that we belong to God first, then to one another.  

And that's it.  

No one else is allowed in our bed.  

I know that may sound like a strange statement to some.  But for our entire married life, until February 19th, there were WAY TOO MANY people/images/whatever (in some form or another) in our bed.  Until February 19th, the day I came home, it was never just God, me and Kris.  

That's the sad truth of it.  

It's ugly and it's not even the whole story.

All of this to say, if you are a Christian woman and you are considering reading 50 Shades of Grey, please take my words into consideration before you read it.

Few people make it through what Kris and I have made it through.  We are not a statistic and I am thankful every day for that.  We should be a statistic.  Most marriages don't survive what Kris and I have.  That is a fact.  And while I am no statistician (look at me using fancy words), I believe that pornography is present (in one form or another) in the majority of marriages today. 

And it breaks my heart.  

Because I KNOW what it does to a marriage.  

It is part of my story.  

It is part of our story.  

Someday Kris and I will share more, but for now, just know that what seems innocent or socially acceptable can cause deep and lasting damage.  

Protect your hearts and your marriages.

**Two weeks after writing this post, I suddenly began to receive some negative feedback, some people who didn't quite agree with me.  This is my response:  "For All The Haters".

35 comments:

  1. Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will."

    I completely agree. We need to be cautious and aware of what we allow into our homes and our lives. Satan has enough ways to attack us, we don't need to give him any ammunition.

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  2. RIGHT ON SISTER! I feel the exact same way. Soft, Hard, Erotica, it is all BAD NEWS!

    I HATE PORNOGRAPHY TOO!

    For anyone who has been the victim of pornography, or for anyone thinking that it is ok, especially if you are a christian, then you have not come to a true knowledge of the truth. In my honest opinion. If your a christian, and you think porn is ok, you really need to think about it. IT WILL DESTROY every relationship you have with another person. Period!

    Call a spade a spade and sin is sin. There is not middle ground when you talk about Porn! It is evil, and will, if you are married, Destroy your relationship with your spouse. Be warned. It is wrong! WRONG!

    If you are involved in pornography, I pray you repent! NOW! Good job Jamie!

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    1. We both know firsthand the devastation it causes. I wish more people understood...not that they had to go through what we have...but that they understood the danger.

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  3. I just realized that a line from Slow Fade is "It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray." How Ironic...

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    1. Indeed! I didn't catch that.

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    2. Grey is the last name of christian in the book...fifty shades is all his different personallities...because when he was 4 he was badly abuse..and his mother wasnt taking care of him like she should have...then when he was 15..he was in a relationship with an adult..a pedifile..

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    3. Ok...that doesn't change my view of the genre of the book or give me a desire to read it.

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    4. I realize, anonymous commenter, that you are explaining the last name, but I have to wonder if in all of the personalities there isn't maybe some sort of other implication from the author, about the gray in between all the black and white. My friend above was just pointing out that it was ironic to her, not that the author was being ironic. Though we can't know either way...

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    5. I do understand that it is the characters name but I was taking it as the author making a deeper statement since firstly, the author choose the characters name, and secondly, all of the characters actions could be considered grey area.. He isn't doing anything that would cause the majority to say he is wrong and bad but is doing things that many don't feel completely comfortable with. The grey area. Sadly I just see things as black and white. Jamie, and I had just heard and spoken about the song "Slow Fade" and I found it interesting and Ironic.

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  4. Wow Jamie. I just absolutely love your honesty and I felt like standing up and applauding when I read this. I know I haven't commented in so long but I have been reading your blog and I almost feel like we are the same person. Seriously I feel like some of your blog posts about what you've gone through in your marriage could have come right out of my mouth.
    I was tempted to read this book from my book club and I finally made the decision not to for the reasons you so wonderfully put. Some of the women in my book club read it and rave about it. I do not judge them, they are wonderful women but it is just not for me. I love how you say little allowances like this fill a spot in your heart meant for Jesus. That is so beautiful.
    Thankyou for your writing and honesty. I so enjoy reading it! God Bless :)

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    1. You know I love you Tylaine, don't you? I'm glad we have been able to grow together, in a way, through our blogs. I hope to meet you some day! Oh the stories we could tell. I'm pretty sure we'd have a lot of fun too! Thank you for your kind words. They warmed my heart and I am glad you chose not to read the book.

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    2. Thanks so much Jamie. I would love to meet you someday too. Maybe, maybe not but I'm sure glad to have "met" you through your blog. I don't keep mine up anymore. It kinda accomplished what it was intended too. I will always keep reading yours thoug and hope that we can keep in touch and develop our friendship :) Love you too girl!

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  5. Amen, amen, and amen!! I think you are quickly going to become one of my favorite bloggers!!

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    1. One of the best comments I've received, in a totally vain sense. :-) Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement.

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  6. What you are saying is ridiculous about the book...im against porn too. Fifty shades of grey is no where near porn...there is hardly any BDSM. Before you have opions on it...maybe you should read it. Its a very good book. Like the saying goes "never judge a book by its cover". Im married..and it made our sex life alot better!! Im not gonna run off and cheat on him. In the book..when they have sex...its two people in love having sex...they end up getting married and have two children. Read the books..thats the only way your gonna know what its exactly about. As for the BDSM...christian was into it because that was all he knew. The pedifile did that to him. He wasnt a pervert...he was abused sexually and mentally. Theres no cheating in it...no mpre the one sex partners... its two people falling in love and christian just has issues that ana helps him get thru..because he had a horrible childhood before he was adopted!!!!

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    1. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I read at least 100 different reviews, good and bad on this book (when I considered reading it and before I posted this blog), some of them very detailed about the sex scenes in the book-their frequency. Whether they have to do with BDSM, that is still a part of it, and not something I am interested in reading about. I would consider that to be soft core pornography (the book and sex scenes in it in general). Some people may not. Some people also haven't had the kind of strain in their marriages because of pornography like my husband and I have had, so I am very sensitive to even the slightest leaning towards pornography. That is why I will not read the book. It is not something that I need to put into my mind. What happens between my husband and I (in the bedroom) is between us alone and a gift from God. We don't need any external "stimuli" from a book or movie or picture. I am not faulting non-believers for reading the book, or judging anyone Christian or non for reading it. I am the LAST person to judge anyone. I am just warning my Christian friends that this is not a book that they want to fill their minds with. Which I stated clearly in the blog post.

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    2. Actually he was a pervert, by definition. A pervert is a person who acts on a perversion. Merriam Webster defines perversion as "an aberrant sexual practice or interest especially when habitual". Aberrant is "Departing from an accepted standard"... So thus BDSM is considered an non accepted standard by the majority of society... no matter what it stems from. Also, she states that if you choose to read this she does not judge you. It is your freedom and choice but she, and I, believe that it is not godly and not worth exposing ourselves to.

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  7. I know your prob gonna delete my comment cause im against to what you said. I do beleive in god and jesus. But this book has nothing to do with satan.

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    1. I'm not going to delete a comment just because someone disagrees with me. I did not directly say that this book has anything to do with Satan. To my Christian friends, I called it soft core pornography, which I believe is wrong. Some people, Christians included have their own reasons for why pornography is acceptable. My marriage was almost destroyed because of pornography and the hold it had in my husband's life, and Satan had his grips in me. Satan I believe USES things like books of this type to lure people away-entice them little by little, leaving them wanting more. I don't believe I ever stated that this book had something to do with Satan. Satan was mentioned in terms of pornography and the hold it can have in people's lives, and THAT is where I believe that Satan is very active.

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    2. There are two choices... You can only choose one master... either it is of God or it is of Satan... no other choices. There is no "50 shades of Grey"... it is black and white.

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    3. I agree Faith, but unfortunately our society tells us that anything goes, and we are to be tolerant of EVERYTHING. That the gray area exists. And for many people it does. In the end, God will separate the sheep from the goats. It's our job as Christians to love everyone and pray that we can be used to show others Christ's love.

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    4. I forgot to put the scripture that I am pulling from... I strongly believe in using scripture.

      Matthew 6:22-24 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy,[d] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

      “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

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  8. Porn doesnt mess up marriages...people mess up marriages

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    1. My response:

      http://littlebishopchronicles.blogspot.com/2012/06/for-all-haters.html

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    2. This is like guns don't kill people, people kill people.... If I don't allow a gun in my home, no one will accidentally get shot.

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    3. Men will be men...god made them very sexually beings...i beleive all men look at porn sometime in their life. Men are dogs...they are not like women. That doesnt make any sense...i have guns in my house..no one has been shot..yall are so ridiculous!!! This isnt the 1940s!!!!!

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    4. Not all men are dogs. That is a very feminist statement. There are some men out there who want to have eyes only for their wife, my husband being one of them. Since he has been freed (by the Grace of God) from his addiction to pornography, our relationship is so much healthier and his view of me is no longer distorted. Not all men want to be "dogs" as you put it. Some, especially good Christian men desire to make the right choices and keep themselves pure. God did create them to be very visual, but that doesn't mean it is acceptable for them to ogle women on a computer screen or in a magazine. Yes, the majority of men do it. No one is arguing that. All we are saying is that pornography is a major problem in our society (according to what we believe based on the Bible) and the men that stand up for what is right and choose NOT to look at pornography are to be commended and not lumped into a category where "men are dogs".

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  9. I am a christian and i do beleive in god

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    1. My response:

      http://littlebishopchronicles.blogspot.com/2012/06/for-all-haters.html

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  10. God gave you the right to make choices

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    1. My response:

      http://littlebishopchronicles.blogspot.com/2012/06/for-all-haters.html

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    2. God did give us free will, but in choosing to become a Christian that person is dying to themselves and following God. Which means that they take their free will and give it to God. They put God in authority and power over them. We do sin after becoming a Christian but the choice to live in sin and to allow sin into our lives is not right. We will still be disciplined. Also, God makes rules and guidelines for us because He knows what is best for us and what hurts us, very similar to a parent making rules for their child. I don't tell my baby to not touch the stove just to mess with her and to show my power over her. I do it because I love her and I don't want her to get burned.

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    3. Im not trying to burn anyone!!! Im speaking my opion as much as she is!!

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    4. Oops sorry miss read that

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