Like a good dream.
One where life is good.
Where something that shouldn't be happening, in a normal world where God isn't moving, is happening anyway?
God restored my relationship with my husband.
He restored my relationship with Him and helped me to understand who He really is.
And He is restoring a friendship that most people would scoff at.
Due to MY mistakes, there is no reason that this friend should give me a second chance. No WORLDLY reason. Fortunately, this friend is friends with the God of second chances, and believes in giving second chances.
And I am so thankful for the time I've been able to spend with this friend lately, after a couple of months being apart. We went from seeing each other on average once a week to no contact at all. While it was extremely hard on me, because I felt so close to this friend, I understood why she needed to back off. It made sense. She needed time to breathe, and try to understand, where there was no way to understand. She needed to support her loved ones and be respectful. So I didn't sit around letting Satan beat me up over the loss of this friend. It grieved me and I had to learn how to cope without her. I'm still not sure I fully learned how to cope. I just sort of...I dont know...adjusted to what life was without her.
And I can't explain it, except to say that in some ways, it's as if we didn't spend those months apart. Yet, at the same time, I think that we are both completely different than we were two months ago. We've both grown and learned from the situation and now that we are exploring this new friendship God is giving us, I feel like we are just picking up where we left off, just like old times. It's as if no time has passed and we can talk about everything, even cautiously about the hurt I caused her and her family. Or, we can sit in a room together quietly too, like we used to. T.V. on in the background, both on our laptops doing our own thing. I'd compare it to marriage and just being so comfortable just having someone around you that you don't need to talk, but I don't need you insinuating anything!
David Tyson Gentry
That's what I'm trying to describe. It's not awkward. It's not weird. There is no pressure to talk. And there is no animosity. We're just chilling. Doing nothing. Together. And content. Do you have a friend like that? I'm blessed to have a few. Jennifer, when we find time to hanging out; sadly we don't seem to be able to as much these days. I miss her a lot. Kris, well, thank goodness we have always had that. You know, except for those last seven years. Thank God (seriously!) those years are OVER! And then...then there's this friend. That I didn't expect would open her heart to me again so soon. And there's my friend Bethanie, who I am so blessed to have reconnected with. I love these four human beings with all that I have in me.
Going back to my friend that has given me so much more than I deserve, so much sooner than I expected; it isn't that what I did didn't hurt her, and maybe some days what I did still does hurt her, especially when she thinks about her loved ones that are hurting. And she has to be sensitive to those people too, which makes her choice to love me and reach out to me even more difficult. But yet, she extended God's grace and forgiveness to me anyway. In the midst of opposition from her friends, she did what she felt God would have her do.
I had NO idea that these last two days would turn out the way that they have. But I am so grateful. I want to express that I am emotionally exhausted from this experience. Not in a bad way though. I can't explain it. I told Kris, trying to explain it, that I didn't expect this. I didn't expect her to reconnect with me. Sure I thought maybe, in a few years we might exchange some emails. Maybe go to lunch sometime. But I didn't imagine that God would do this, this soon. And in this way. That she'd be sitting in my living room, in that comfortable silence that we used to enjoy so much. My mind doesn't know how to process it, but thanks to God's working in me, my heart just accepts it.
I don't deserve it. I can't say enough how much I admire this girl for her strength and her heart. And her love for others. Throughout this whole process, she has wanted to make sure that I am OK. Who does that? Not a "normal" person of this world. Not someone who lives by their flesh. Some of her friends have told her to just forget about me. Some even to treat me with malice. No way would they be so kind and loving towards me. And yet...she's not of this world. She's in it, but not of it. She lives that verse, and so many others. She's 27 years old (6 years YOUNGER than me), and so much wiser than I am. I admire her and respect her so much.
Sometimes I still can't get over God's love and God's grace towards me. I just want everyone to be able to experience that!
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