I got back home around noon, and as I was sitting on the couch, I got an email from my mother-in-law. She told me that she really thought it would be best if my parents heard my whole story from me directly. I thought about it and realized she was right. I was so ready to move forward and I knew that God was ready for me to share my story, but I hadn't stopped to consider my parents. So I took her wise advice and began the process of sharing with my parents what has been going on and about God's work in our life and our marriage.
I was very scared. It's one thing to tell a complete stranger my story. But someone that I know and love, and someone that loves me? All kinds of questions go through your head. What will they think? Will they be disappointed in you? Will they still love you? Will this make your relationship stronger or worse? I had so many fears flying through my head and heart. I was incredibly anxious and couldn't breathe. But I took that step forward that I had been trying to avoid for as long as possible.
I realized that none of those questions mattered. I knew what I had to do and so I did it. And really, they were just stall tactics from the enemy. It is amazing to me, being able to see how the enemy is constantly at work. I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes and is helping me to realize when my thoughts are not of Him. Any thought that isn't of God, must come from the enemy. Fear is from the enemy. And it keeps us tied down. It keeps us where we are. It keeps us from moving forward. And if the enemy can keep us stranded in fear, he is accomplishing his purpose.
I wasn't ready to tell my parents the ugly truth about my life. But God knew that I was going to be able to do it, gave me the strength, and blessed me through their loving and forgiving response towards me and Kris.
And of course, I heard a new song today that I just HAVE to share with you. I know that music isn't for everyone but it is a huge part of how God speaks to me and helps me through life. I don't believe in coincidences, as I have said many times before. I think that God gave me this song at just the right time. It was shortly after I received the reply from my parents. I was driving and feeling overwhelmed by God's goodness and grace in my life. I was thankful that my fears were unfounded. I was grateful to have parents that have been praying for me and my family, and that love us so much. And then this song came on. And God just reminded me that I no longer have to live as that person I used to be. In fact, I am NOT that person. I am NEW. Check this out! The lyrics are below. They speak for themselves. Very powerful.
I Am New - Jason Gray
Now I won't deny
The worst you could say about me
But I'm not defined
By mistakes that I've made
Because God says of me
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new
Who I thought I was
And who I thought I had to be
I had to give them both up
Cause neither were willing
To ever believe
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new
Too long I have lived
In the shadows of shame
Believing that there was no way I could change
But the one who is making everything new
Doesn't see me the way that I do
He doesn't see me the way that I do
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
I am chosen and holy
And I'm dearly loved
I am new
I am not who I was
I am being remade
I am new
Dead to the old man, I'm coming alive
I am new
Forgiven
Beloved
Made in the image of the Giver of life
Righteous and Holy
Reborn and Remade
Accepted and Worthy
This is our new name
This is who we are now
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