Rough day

I've lost it.  I've had a complete emotional meltdown.  First of all, I'm going to blame it on all the pain and the medication.  But really, it's just a culmination of something that has been tugging at my heart for quite some time.  And I can't really write about it.  Rather, I am choosing not to write about it.  For several reasons, which I am not ready to share.

I'm just...

My heart is heavy.

I did something today that I had been wanting/needing to do for a couple of weeks.  It made me extremely anxious, even though I knew that there would be answers and honesty.  And I can't tell if my tears are from relief or sadness, or fear of the future and what will happen down the road with this particular situation.  It has left me feeling alone.  And yet, there is still that underlying peace that God has given me in the midst of it all, and an amazing man by my side.  But I still feel alone.

Perhaps today is just an off day.  Perhaps I'll feel better when Kris gets home and I can lay myself in his arms (awkwardly of course since I can still barely move my neck!).

I know I am rambling on about things you don't understand.  I just needed to "talk".  Thanks for "listening".