Second Chances

What began as simply seeing a picture posted on Facebook turned out to be an hour spent on my laptop researching Pinterest and scouring the internet for information on second chances.  And another hour writing this.  Whatever "this" becomes.  I didn't exactly plan that, the "research".  It is just what happened.  I was looking for the original post, as the picture I saw on Facebook was from Pinterest.  And while I never did find it so I could give credit where credit is due, this is what I read on Facebook today, that went on to consume the last hour of my life.

Now, I have so MANY new thoughts and words running through my head about second chances.  Do you give someone a second chance?  A third?  A fourth?  A millionth?  How many second chances are too many?

Before I get too ahead of myself, let me start with the image above.  I love that whoever "penned" this indicated that a second chance is the most powerful thing you can give another person.  "...it amplifies LOVE..it restores HOPE...it redeems VALUE."  I believe that with all my heart.  Love gets bigger.  Hope, where there was none, is restored.  Value, where a person may have always felt worthless, is finally revealed and redeemed!

And a second chance really can change our story.  

And God, being the perfect example, shows us how many times to forgive.  How many second chances to give to others.  Because he was the example himself.  He died for our sins.  ALL OF THEM.  Who out there hasn't sinned or wronged someone else TIME AND TIME AGAIN???  At what point will God stop giving us second chances?  The answer to that question is NEVER!!

NEVER.

Do you believe that?

I didn't.

But I do now.  I was blind, but now I see.

Take a moment to really soak that in.  It doesn't matter what you've done.  It doesn't matter how many times you've done it (whatever IT is).  It doesn't matter what your past holds.  It doesn't matter whether you even believe it or not.  The simple truth is that our God is a God of second chances.  If you only knew the number of second chances God has given to me.  I'm thirty-three years old and I have made decisions that could have (and almost did) wrecked my life, my marriage and my family.  My husband would tell you the same thing is true about him.  So, if God is a God of second chances, and I believe that God is WHO and WHAT He says he is, then there is no other answer (regarding how many second chances should we give people) than this:

As many as God gives to us.  

Because here's the thing.  

We're all broken.  

We're all unworthy of such grace, and yet God extends it to us anyway.

In Philippians 2:5, we find this:  "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had."  There is more to that passage.  Putting it in context, it talks about how Christ humbled himself, took the nature of a servant, lived among us, and died to take the punishment for our sins.

ALL OF THEM.  

All of mine.  

And all of yours.  

And if that is the kind of second chance that Christ gave to us (that He gives to us over and over again), and we are to have the same attitude as Christ, it seems to me that we need to give a lot more second chances to people than we actually do, or want to!

I know that what I am saying may sound radical to some.  It may sound perfectly rational to others.  Some of you may fall somewhere in the middle.  This post isn't directed at anyone in particular.  The picture above just sparked something in my heart and mind, that led to my searching the internet for what I could find on second chances, which then led to this post.  So, if you are reading this and you feel I may be talking about you or your life, please believe me when I say that I'm NOT.  I have no people in mind, no situations in mind, except those from my own life and what Christ did for me.

Having cleared that up...let's carry on, shall we?

While "researching", I stumbled upon a group called People of the Second Chance.  At first I thought maybe it was some sort of cult.  The more I read about them though, the more I was intrigued at what they were trying to do, and with the message they are trying to send.  You can read more about them by clicking the link above.  They "appear" to be all about grace and giving second chances to people.  I could be wrong in their intention, but I didn't spend too long on the site.  You'll have to explore and determine that for yourself, should you so choose.

Other "research" focused on little sayings/quotes I found on Pinterest.  Some I loved.  Some I hated.  I'll try not to go TOO crazy with them!  You know sometimes I tend to get carried away, though, so we'll see what happens.

Before I get to the "good stuff", let me start with one "pin" I found that rubbed me the wrong way.

Kris and I have spent the last 12 years giving one another second chances.  Some were done out of an obligation, a promise we made to "stay together no matter what".  Before we got married, we committed to one another that "divorce will not be an option".

It really WAS that simple.  

And then we got married.  

And life got hard.  

Marriage got hard.  

And yet, if we had thrown in the towel 2, 5, 7, 10 years ago, we wouldn't be in the place that we are today.  Our children would not be thriving as greatly as they could be.

**PLEASE NOTE - I am NOT saying that if you are divorced with kids that your children are not thriving.  I do not want anyone to misconstrue my words.  That is the LAST thing I am saying. 


What I am saying is that if KRIS AND I had chosen that path, it would have been detrimental to our children.  Each parent/couple has to make that decision for themselves, and I am in no place to judge or question anyone else's decision.  I am only responsible for the choices I make, and am in no way condemning anyone for choices they may have had to make.  We all live different lives and different things affect us differently.  So please, if I have stepped on your toes, take a deep breath and realize that I am solely talking about MY opinion on what was best for MY marriage and MY children.

Going back to the last picture; if we truly NEVER let someone hurt us twice, we would be surrounded by...

...take a wild guess...

NO ONE.

Any person that comes into your life will at some point hurt you.  It may be small.  It may be larger than you ever thought possible.  But people will hurt us.  People will fail us.  My kids have hurt me at times with their behavior or theirs words.  Kris has hurt me.  I have hurt him.  And I have hurt my kids.  And those are just the people that live in my house!

If we never give people second chances, we wind up alone.

THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE.

There will be people and circumstances, especially if a CRIME is committed, where I do not think a second chance is necessary or warranted. If you are being beaten, for example, I am in no way saying that you continue to allow that person chance after chance to hurt you.  Let's be realistic here.  I'm talking about more common, day-to-day scenarios and relationships between your loved ones.

Now I realize that there may be someone reading this who is thinking "but that IS my common, day-to-day scenario".  Look, I'm not perfect and I can't please everyone or factor in every specific scenario so as not to offend someone.  I'm just trying to talk about life in general, and giving people second chances WHEN POSSIBLE.

I found this next picture; one that rings true in my own life.

If Kris and I hadn't made the wrong choices along the twelve year journey we've been on (and learned from them and granted more second chances than either of us deserved), we wouldn't be the couple that we are today.  And I LOVE the couple that we are today.  That God is making us into.  We are on the path to healing.  We still have a long way to go, but the love that is there between us is far greater than it was before the wrong choices and before the hurt we caused one another.  Because not only did we give each other a second chance, we gave each other more second chances than seem "allowable" in this day and age.

And it was no longer because we said thirteen years ago that "divorce wouldn't be an option".  It's because God stepped down and hauled us up, kicking and screaming (QUITE LITERALLY-on the inside-ON MY END), and forced us to take a good hard look at our lives and our marriage.  He showed us all the ugly, filthy truth about ourselves and we had to decide how to respond.

And this is what we decided:

We looked again.  

Because let me tell you, at first glance and beyond, it didn't just APPEAR hard. 

It was downright impossible by human standards.  

There was too much pain.  

Too many bad memories.  

The situation we found ourselves in was something we weren't sure we could recover from.  And yet, where it is impossible for us, it is possible for God.  It is only by His grace and mercy that we are recovering and rebuilding our lives and our marriage.  This time on the RIGHT foundation.  And it has been the best decision we have ever made.  But I don't think we could have done it without God.  Kris may "beg to differ" but I did not think we could do it.  I didn't think we could save our marriage, before God intervened.  I didn't think we could "fix" what was wrong.  It took God stepping in and revealing who He really is for me to see that I was actually right.  I couldn't fix it.  I couldn't do it.  I had to LET Him help me.  I had to take His hand and trust Him.  Which was one of the hardest, yet most rewarding experiences I have ever had.  And it will shape the rest of my life and the decisions I make from here on out.

So, what has now become a new, restored love and faith in both God and in my husband & marriage, will be passed down and given to our children.  It is best reflected in this picture, that I absolutely love.  Someday I will have this posted in my house.  I know it would be overkill, but I dare admit there is a part of me that wants this posted in every room of our house, on every ceiling, mirror and wall.

It's funny how I started this with several thoughts in mind and it wound up going an entirely different direction than I anticipated.  That's usually how it is with me though, and I embrace it.  I just let the words flow.  This is Jamie, unscripted.

There is a line in a Switchfoot song that says:

"Hallelujah, I'm caving in

Hallelujah, I'm in love again.

Hallelujah, I'm a wretched man

Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance."

Every breath is a second chance.  

EVERY breath is a second chance.

I can only hope that someday Kris and I can share our story with others and they can find the same healing and redemption that we have found.  I do not believe that there is any couple out there who CAN'T be healed, if they WANT to be.  Even if it means stripping everything away and starting completely over, as strangers.  It can be done.  It IS possible.  I know this and I believe it because it is the life I am now living.