Kris and I got to talking after church today about me crying all the time (OK not All the time...). The kids all thought mom had seriously gone off the deep end...again...for the millionth time; they kept asking, during communion, "What's wrong with Mommy? Why is she crying?" His simply answer was "Because God is good." Which is really the truth of it.
The reasons vary, but it has been happening quite a bit these past two months. This morning it was because the "communion song" was Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone). And that song was very meaningful for me on Good Friday, as I watched my sins burn; and like the song that brought me to tears Friday night, my "ashes were turned into beauty".
So, hearing Amazing Grace again, for the first time since that night, I was just overwhelmed by God's goodness. By His love. By His forgiveness. By His freedom from sin. And from shame. And from guilt.
And rather than try to hold back the tears, as I have forced myself to do these last seven years (so I didn't have to feel anything), I let them flow. I allowed God to hold me and reassure me and shower His unwavering love over me.
I was thinking (and asking Kris) "Am I going to cry like this any time I hear a song that talks about sins being forgiven, or God's great love for me?" The conclusion that Kris and I came to is "most likely yes". I think this is how it is supposed to feel. I hope that I never, ever lose that understanding and deep appreciation for what Christ did for me. Whether it be two months, two years, or two decades, I want to remember. I want to always be moved to tears, when reminded of what was done, the punishment that was taken, to save me.
The reasons vary, but it has been happening quite a bit these past two months. This morning it was because the "communion song" was Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone). And that song was very meaningful for me on Good Friday, as I watched my sins burn; and like the song that brought me to tears Friday night, my "ashes were turned into beauty".
So, hearing Amazing Grace again, for the first time since that night, I was just overwhelmed by God's goodness. By His love. By His forgiveness. By His freedom from sin. And from shame. And from guilt.
And rather than try to hold back the tears, as I have forced myself to do these last seven years (so I didn't have to feel anything), I let them flow. I allowed God to hold me and reassure me and shower His unwavering love over me.
I was thinking (and asking Kris) "Am I going to cry like this any time I hear a song that talks about sins being forgiven, or God's great love for me?" The conclusion that Kris and I came to is "most likely yes". I think this is how it is supposed to feel. I hope that I never, ever lose that understanding and deep appreciation for what Christ did for me. Whether it be two months, two years, or two decades, I want to remember. I want to always be moved to tears, when reminded of what was done, the punishment that was taken, to save me.
Awesome Jamie... God is so good... And I'm sure your tears are precious to him. It reminds me of the woman who wept at Jesus' feet !
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