I'm in shock

I have been back on Wellbutrin for a week and a half.  I've been taking Xanax at night to help me sleep, and occasionally I will take one during the day if I am feeling panicky.  I think that I was SO "bad" before, I didn't realize how "good" I could feel.  It is amazing to me that bringing my anxiety level down significantly has helped me so much physically.  I had NO idea the amount of stress I was carrying with me and what it was doing to my body.

Listen to this.  Before I started taking the medicine again, I was experiencing severe pain in my neck (ranging between 6-10 on the pain scale) on a DAILY basis, non-stop.  Additionally, I had constant pain in my shoulders and between my shoulder blades that stayed around a level 4-5.  I always felt like I needed to pop my back or neck too.  I drank a LOT of water, in the hopes that it would help.  Drinking little water made the pain worse.  Extra water made just a little difference.

I realized something the other day.  Until today and yesterday, I haven't felt the need to adjust my back, or stretch my shoulders.  The pain in my shoulders and between my shoulder blades was COMPLETELY gone!!  Non-existent!  WHAT?  Are you kidding me???  Was my stress really impacting me that much physically?  The last two days at work this week were extremely stressful.  My neck was hurting a little more (maybe only a 3-4) and I could feel slight pain in my shoulders and between my shoulder blades.  But it was nowhere NEAR what it had been, and it further supports my belief that the medications really are helping the pain!  I still can't believe it.  Do you know what I have done over the last 2 1/2 years for my neck pain?  Primary doctor, several different rounds of physical therapy, three different chiropractors (one who did acupuncture), neurologist, neurosurgeon, pain management (who talked me out of it because I was so "young") and then an upcoming appointment with a rheumatologist.  It has been an extremely frustrating journey.

And, even better, my neck pain has stayed around a 1-2 level for the most part (Thursday/Friday was a little worse).  I can get through the day with only occasionally thinking about my neck, and then I think "Huh...it's not really hurting unless I bend it down too far."  I mean, I am feeling SO much better.  It's like night and day.  It's CRAZY.  I am just so confounded.  Is the Xanax causing me to stay so calm and relaxed that my physical pain has nearly dissipated?  Is that even possible?  Is it the Xanax, or the Wellbutrin, or a combination of both?  And then...will it last?  I was ONLY SLIGHTLY tempted to cancel my appointment with the rheumatologist, but I do realize that would be stupid. SO...I am keeping my February 16th appointment.  Maybe they can rule a few things out.  Especially since the pain was worse Thursday and Friday than it had been.

There are some drawbacks though.  I constantly find myself forgetting what I was saying.  I mean, it used to happen from time to time, but it seems to be happening on a daily basis, numerous times.  Worse than that, I am getting words mixed up.  I was telling the kids something yesterday and used the word "house" when I meant to say "head". I typed "snows" instead of "snow days".  I'm a grammar freak.  I don't make a habit of making mistakes like that.  It's happening several times a day.  Hopefully it will stabilize...But if it is the side effect of the medications that keep me calm and keep my pain level down, I think it's totally worth it.

And I'm happy.  Bubbly even.  I'm in a good mood, most of the time.  I laugh.  A lot.  I'm less pessimistic.  Overall, I just feel really good and it is something that I haven't felt in...well...years.  And I acknowledge and am learning to accept that it is imperative that I stay on the meds, regardless of how much it costs.  It feels good to feel good again.

Now, the one thing I haven't tested yet is how long I can stand doing tasks like loading the dishwasher, cooking or laundry.  The pain is different when doing those things...my lower back pulls and I literally can't stand up for more than about 10 minutes at a time when I am doing normal, household tasks.  I hope to test this out soon enough.  And I still have this restlessness in my legs all day long...so I will share all of this with the rheumatologist.

So, there's the scoop.  Here's to hoping the medication continues to help and that the rheumatologist can find something, or rule some things out.