6am

6am is E.A.R.L.Y.  Anyone who gets up even earlier, I applaud you.  And I also shake my head and think "What is wrong with you???"  I got up at 5:50am this morning.  I'm attributing it to the fact that I took the muscle relaxer instead of Unisom last night.  I didn't sleep for six hours like the doctor wanted me to.  Not solid anyway.  But I did fall asleep around 11pm and don't remember waking up until 2:30am.  I went back to sleep until 3:30am.  Then I woke up around 5:50, ALERT.  Enough so that I could force myself to get out of bed and get myself ready for work.  And I got to work before 7:30!

Speaking of work...I'm ready to quit my job.  Now...if we could just come up with a way to make up my income...without me having to do anything.  Dreams come true sometimes, right?  I want to do what I want to do.  Yes, I want to be selfish.  But it is selfish on behalf of the children too.  I want to give them their mom back. I want to give Kris his wife back.  I want to find ME again.  I'm tired of feeling lost and stressed.  I am WAY too stressed out.  I need to relax and I think it will require me doing something I want to do.  Something like being a stay at home mom...that can be there for the kids.  One that can go to culinary school, without having to figure out how to squeeze it in.  One that can develop my own small business that I am passionate about.  Kris gave me hope the other day.  If Kris' business keeps growing, and does so at an alarming rate (PLEASE GOD!) we will be in a position where I can quit my job.  But I realize it is still at least 1-5 years away.  Hopefully closer to the 1 year mark, but I am not going to live with unrealistic expectations.  I've been feeling this way for a while...wanting to do something that I want to do.  But I thought it would have to wait until the kids are all grown.  Kris doesn't think so though...and he thinks it will happen sooner than later.  I'll keep you posted.