Stupid snow

I have come to accept that I don't cope well with change.  I don't know why this surprises me every time I realize it, but it does.  And I cannot seem to realize it until I'm in a really bad place in my life, or newly medicated.  I'm actually taking a physical break from work to write this, to distract myself while my sweet little pill kicks in.

Right now in St. Louis, everyone is freaking out about the weather.  Rightly so.  Because when the weather is bad, idiots seem to come out in droves.  The reason people are so nervous about driving in it and such is because it isn't often that we have to drive through feet of snow or layers of ice.  Sure, we get snow storms from time to time.  An inch here.  Some ice there.  We have accidents.  Just like everyone else.  But it seems that as soon as there is the POSSIBILITY of potentially "inclement" weather, people head out like wild animals looking for a kill.  Yesterday, when it wasn't snowing or raining or ANYTHING, everyone in St. Louis and the surrounding cities snatched up all the milk and bread and I'm assuming chocolate, because that would be on my priority list.  Some people are already hunkering down.  It's almost as if people feel that they need to build a bomb shelter in order to survive a snow storm.

I've never lived in Minnesota.  I've never lived in Colorado.  I've never lived in New York.  I've lived in Florida, Texas, Indiana, and Missouri.  I remember snow in Indiana, but I was too young to have to get out in it.  I've lived in Missouri for the last 12 years, and yes, it does snow from time to time.  And yes, sometimes they cancel school.  This year though, it seems like they've gone from waiting until the last possible moment to cancel to just saying "Screw it.  Let's just take the week off until this blows over."  No, my kids' school has not done that...it just seems like it sometimes.

I was feeling fine today.  Actually pretty darn good.  My neck pain is still around a 2 (down from a 5-6) and has been that way since last Wednesday when I started Xanax and Wellbutrin.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I'm not feeling as stressed and so my body isn't having to fight against me so much.  In fact, I haven't even needed Xanax during the day at all...it's usually just one in the evening once we get the kids from school and go through the routine of a life lived in chaos and then the regular bedtime regimine.  Things have been going great and I have been feeling better than I had been in a LONG time.

And then I got an email from Kat's basketball coach saying practice was cancelled tonight.  Fair enough.  I'm relieved on that one because I hate picking my kids up at 5 and having to get back out to pick her up at 7.  Then I got a call from Abbey's speech therapist.  Also cancelled.  Great...I hate the 5:30-6:00pm window that eats up my Monday and Wednesday nights.  Up to that point, I was doing just fine.  I was actually relieved on both accounts.  Thinking "Sweet!  We'll just pick the kids up at school, go home, and chill for the evening."

BUT THEN...I got an email from the kids' school.  Saying that due to the inclement weather school was dismissing at 1pm and could we please pick our kids up no later than one, if not before.  And so I started freaking out, in typical Jamie fashion.  Heart racing, can't breathe, stomach in knots, wanting to crash through a window into a fiery pit.  Full blown panic attack.  Because we have one van right now.  And we drove it to work.  Kris and I work together.  Kris wants to put a full day in.  I have to now go get the kids by one, go home for an hour or two (on supposedly icy roads), then get back out to pick Kris up at 5pm.  At this point I'm thinking it's time to administer the Xanax intravenously.  I was NOT coping well.

So I went to Kris' office to tell him that the kids have to be picked up at one and find out what we were going to do.  I told him I could leave and go get them, then we could come back later and get him.  And he very calmly (in typical Kris fashion) says "My mom will just take them to her house."  OH.  YEAH.  THAT'S RIGHT.  SHE'S A TEACHER.  AT THEIR SCHOOL.  AND WAS PLANNING TO TAKE THEM TO HER HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL ANYWAY.  And Kris just sits there all calm-like...looking at me as if everything would be OK.  Dilemma solved; crisis averted.  Yet I was still in full blown panic attack mode.  So I took my sweet little pill and am STILL waiting for it to do it's magic.  I am feeling a little bit better.

Kris came into our office just a little while ago and looked at me.  He was probably thinking something mundane and simple like "I love her" or "I think there's a hole in my sock".  But  I knew better.  I knew he was thinking "I'm so glad my wife is medicated again!"  Then we were discussing this in my office and pretty much determined that Kris has two looks, and two looks alone.  The one mentioned above and the other one, which coincidentally looks exactly like the first but says "Man I really wish my wife was medicated!"