Bedtime, how I despise you...

Have I ever told you how much I HATE bedtime?  Hate isn't even a strong enough word for it.  The kids seem intent on sending me into a fit of rage.  Every. Single. Night.  It's maddening!!

Common excuses, most of which I am sure all parents have all heard:

5 minutes in:

"I can't sleep."
My response: You haven't even TRIED! It's only been 5 minutes!!"

"I'm thirsty" or "I need a drink."
My response: Whatever.  Hurry up.

"I need to go potty."
My response:  Go.  Just hurry up.

10 minutes in:
"I forgot to brush my teeth."
My response:  Too bad.  You should have done that 20 minutes ago when I told you to get ready for bed.
Their further response: But then my teeth won't be clean.
My further response:  Not my problem.

"My belly hurts."
My response:  Do you feel like you're going to throw up?
Their further response (ALWAYS): Yes.
My response:  Don't you DARE throw up!  You get a bucket and you lay back down.  If you are going to throw up, you throw up in the bucket!!!  And you'd better not throw up!

20 minutes in:

"I forgot to tell you something...(long pause while I sit there looking extremely annoyed)...I love you."

My response:  I love you too.  Now go to bed and don't get up again!

"My elbow hurts." (Elbow can be substituted with knee, toe, finger, head, eyeball, spleen, etc...)
My response: Well, go to sleep and if it is still hurting in the morning, I'll look at it.


"I need a bandaid for my boo boo."
My response: Let me see it.  (I investigate)  You do not.  I can't even see anything. Back to bed.


"The TV is too loud."
My response: Shut your door.


"(insert name of any child here) won't stop talking so I can't go to sleep."
My response:  Shut your door if you don't want to hear it.


"I'm scared of the dark."
My response:  No you're not.  Get in bed right now or I will shut your door and then you'll really be scared of the dark!


1 hour in:


If I hear anything at this point, which is about once or twice a week, I simply throw my hands up in the air and scream an exasperated "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"


*sigh*


I know that all too soon my children will grow up and move on with their lives and that as everyone says I "should cherish these moments."  


You know what my response is to that?  


Why don't you come over every night for the next ten years and go right ahead and cherish it while I lock myself in my room, curl up into the fetal position and wonder why on earth I thought having kids was a good idea.


All I do want to do practically every night occasionally is yell SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! say calmly "It's time for bed now kids. Please close your eyes and mouths and go to sleep."