Afraid

What are you afraid of?

Animals?  Germs?  Commitment?  Cabbage Patch Kids?

Mice don't really scare me...though I do despise them.  I also hate squirrels...they are evil and expensive to expel from your home.  I should have just fed them and kept them as pets.  But again, they do not scare me.  Cockroaches, while completely disgusting, do not terrify me.  They do however creep me out!!  I never minded the crickets that occupied our home for a while.  I just disagreed with their "religion" and refused to let them run their cult out of my home.

Here are some things that DO scare me:

People.  I don't like 'em.  95% of them are idiots.  If you are reading this, likely you are in the 5% that I do not consider idiots!  Because we all know that anyone who reads this lovely little blog of mine is certainly NOT an idiot.

Hugging.  Yeah...you know how I feel about that.  Mom and Dad...I don't mind hugging you!  Or you Jennifer Young, but only when we haven't seen each other for a while.

The dark.  That's right.  I'm a 32 29 year old woman afraid of the dark.  I'm like a child.  And yet I have no sympathy when my children tell me they are afraid of the dark.  My fear isn't rational, especially when you couple that with the fact that I also fear that in this darkness someone is going to rape and then kill me.  Yes...this is what is in my crazy head.  I think about this way more than I should!

My husband dying and leaving me alone to raise four children on my own.  And we do all know that he has promised me he is not going to die any time soon, but it still scares me.

And while I play out my husband dying, another fear creeps in.  A fear that if he does die while the kids are still young, no one will want to marry me.  Who wants an insta-family?  Not very many people.  I have absolutely no experience with dating and I'm pretty sure that no one else would put up with all the crazy that Kristopher puts up with!  And there is A LOT of crazy in this head of mine!!!

Losing a child.  I cannot even begin to imagine what that is like and don't want to ever find out. EVER.

Laundry.  Yes, laundry.  I mean, who isn't??

Pain.  I'm afraid of pain.  In terms of dying.  I am not afraid of dying.  I am just afraid that it will hurt.  That I'll get shot or be tortured (by that person who waits in the dark to rape and kill me), or that I'll drown or be strangled.  I would prefer to die peacefully in my sleep.  I get anxious when I think about pain that may be associated with dying.

This has all turned very morbid hasn't it?  It's probably because I am writing this at 2:45AM because I can't sleep.  And these are the thoughts that spill out when the day is done and I am left to my own thoughts!

What is your biggest fear?