Wow...what a week...

I'm still not in a place to tell you the funny story about Abbey running away, and everything that happened with Kaleb and how Satan is trying to destroy our family, since he has found that he can't destroy my marriage anymore.  But tonight, I am on a race against the clock, or the medication, really.  So I still can't sit and think and focus long enough to write that story down yet.  I'm not sure I'll be able to finish this one but we shall see what happens...

I did want to share something that happened to me today.  I haven't prayed in a long time.  Since Good Friday, I've tried to just be still and listen and rest in God's presence.  On a couple occasions I've silently, in my head, brought a request before the Lord.  Most recently, I've been using songs and Scripture and other people's prayers as a way of praying because I'm not really sure what form it should take for me.  I don't think there is a universal answer.  I think I am meant to stumble along on this journey back to God and discover what it really means to pray, both by and for myself, and with and for others.

Today, I was burdened with the knowledge that God wanted me to pray for my children.  After the attacks of the enemy on not just Kris and me, but on our children and their precious young minds, it was clear that I needed to pray with and over them.  So I determined that, even though I have always hated praying out loud, I was going to use the "time" we spend at night with each kid individually picking a verse in the Bible, praying for them, and praying said verse over them.

I cannot even begin to describe to you what happened tonight.  I couldn't effectively put words to what happened in my heart.  I'm sure Satan is throwing a temper tantrum right now because I claimed the victory Christ gave me and fought FOR my children.  I cried when I prayed with the older three kids.  It was so easy.  Not the crying part, but the praying.  Well, truth be told, the crying came easily as well.  No longer did I sit there trying to work up the courage to pray or think of what I wanted to say first.  I just jumped in.  Dove really.  I was so eager to get started I had to tell a couple of them, "We'll talk about that in a minute.  I really need to do this right now."

It was so liberating.  The tears I cried poured forth out of an overwhelming love for my children and an understanding that I was doing something so right.  So beneficial for all of us.  So necessary.  My kids don't have to fight against Satan alone.  I am fighting with them.  I'm fighting for them.  And to top it off, God is going before all of us!

So that I have a reference later, I prayed Zechariah 3 over Kaleb.  I prayed Psalm 139 over Abbey.    I prayed Ephesians 4:25-32 over Katherine.  All of those speak to them where they are at right now and it was so amazing.  With Livvy, she brought me a little children's story book Bible and asked me to read the story about the ten lepers that Jesus healed.  And we talked briefly about the one who came back, and I just prayed over her that God would help her to always be the one that comes back to Jesus and thanks him.  That she would always remember God and what Jesus did for her.

Always, always, ALWAYS when I would pray in the past, I found it difficult to stay focused and spend more than a minute praying.  But with the kids, with the timer set for 5 minutes each time, I went over.  I kept praying.  Until I felt like I was done.  It was so amazing and powerful.  I felt ALIVE.  And that feeling and sense of being alive is something I have only ever felt in the midst of sin (even though what felt like life was really death).  What an amazing difference!!!  I cried and I prayed and I fought for my kids.  And I intend to do this every night.

It isn't at all where I think my prayer life should be ultimately.  HOWEVER...it's a start.  I went from having no clue how to pray, to praying for my children.  Out loud.  With them.  Praying Scripture over them.  And it was really easy!  I suppose that part comes from God removing my heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh.  It is vitally important to me that my children understand that they, even at this young age, are being pursued by the devil.  But even more so, that God is fighting for them, going ahead of them, and giving them victory.  I want them to understand the Bible verses they memorize and know how they apply to their lives.  I want them to feel the hand of God and hear his words and see his power work in their young lives.  I want them to "get it" NOW, before they go through the heartache that Kris and I endured.

I love the old hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus".  Not because it talks about Jesus as our friend (though it does).  But because it talks about taking things to God to prayer. "Oh what peace we often forfeit.  Oh what needless pain we bear.  All because we do not carry EVERYTHING to God in prayer."  The verses to this song are powerful too.  I love the way the hymns usually show a progression.  And just because I can't resist the chance to throw in a video, here you go.




And to wrap this up, my eyes are blurry and I have absolutely no idea if there are any spelling or grammar errors.  Kindly correct them quietly in your head and carry on.  Thanks!