Stupid Spine...

I'm going to whine for a moment.  Not whine so much.  I'm just...feeling...a little frustrated.  With my 33 year old self that has the body of a 75 year old.  It is ridiculous how little I can do without pain.  Bending of any kind, to load the dishwasher, change laundry, pick something up...all of those things hurt my back.  We all know I've had neck issues going on four years now.  I have lived with daily pain for almost four years and it wears you down after a while.  Today is a bad day.  I woke up with my neck and shoulders just aching.  It was just three weeks ago that I was in the ER because the pain in my neck was so bad and I couldn't move my head.  So now, after seeing a spine specialist and having an MRI done on my entire spine I found out a few things.

#1.  I have some minor bulges in the thoracic area (middle) of my spine, but they are nothing too bad and not causing much pain.  So minor I guess that I don't have any info on where the bulges are.

#2.  I have a bulging disc at the very lowest disc in my lower back (lumbar), which is very likely causing the pain when I bend to do pretty much anything.  Again, it is minor and nothing to be done.  There is a possibility of talking with the spine specialist about an epidural injection there, so that I can function without pain, but essentially, I have to take preventative measures (whatever those may be) to ensure that that disc doesn't herniate/rupture.

#3.  I have mild bulges in my cervical spine between discs 3-4 and discs 4-5.

#4.  Discs C5-6 and C6-7, both found as bulging on my MRI 3 years ago have now herniated/ruptured.  They are compressing on/around my spine and one of them (C6-7) has caused significant pressure on my spine.  And so, of the two things I feared (either they'd tell me nothing was wrong or they'd say surgery), the doctor says the dreaded word "surgery".

My entire spine screams of degenerative disc disease, which is basically arthritis.  And for the most part, un-treatable, if I understand it correctly.  Unless, of course, the discs rupture, and then they can do surgery.  But they do surgery and then fuse the bones together.  Thus, giving you limited mobility.  When I brought this point up to Kris, he had a good counter.  He said, "Well, it's not like you don't already have limited mobility in your neck."  Good point Kristopher.  Good point.

And IF surgery would guarantee that the daily pain I experience at varying degrees dissipates, then to me, it seems worth it.  But it can't guarantee that.  I could be left feeling worse than before the surgery.

The spine specialist recommended I have a neurosurgeon take a look at my MRI results and get a "second opinion".  If he agrees that surgery is my best option, then that is what he recommends.  I am currently waiting be scheduled for a Myelogram CT, which will show if there is any nerve damage I guess.  It is apparently something that has to be done before they can even do the surgery.

Now I'm not rushing into surgery as an option.  I'm going to talk to my chiropractor, who (upon telling him I was having an MRI done of my spine) said "Well, that'll be a waste of time."  I don't think it was a waste of time.  No one has ever diagnosed me with anything except stress and told me I need to relax.  Now, I'm looking at finally being diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and I at least feel better for knowing that I'm not crazy.  That there is definitely something wrong with my neck and back.  If there is something that can make the pain go away, that's what I want!  I'm so tired of living in constant pain.  I'm sure my family is tired of bearing the brunt of my crankiness due to being in constant pain.

I don't know much at this point about the surgery.  I heard words like "outpatient" and "pain for a few days" and "you can drive after a week".  He made it sound like it wasn't that big of a deal, but then again, so did the guy that did my knee surgery and I wish I could punch him in the throat.  8-12 weeks and you'll be all better.  Right!  A YEAR later and I can finally function with some normality with my right knee.

But because I have gone through so many different types of treatment (physical therapy, cortisone injections, chiropractic care) and none of them have helped alleviate the pain, and now the discs have ruptured, it is looking like surgery will end up being in my near future.

And THAT is what scares me.  Some people have had good results from having neck surgery for this type of thing.  Others have not.  My uncle on my husband's side told me today "do not let them fuse the bones".  I understand what happens in this surgery.  They remove the fluid and pieces of the disc or whatever is in there around the spine, causing the pressure.  Then they fuse the bones together.  You no longer have the "shock absorber" that used to be there, giving you the mobility you need.  But, as Kris pointed out, with the amount of pain I am in, my mobility is already significantly decreased.  So, will it really be WORSE than what I have now?  Having limited mobility WITHOUT pain seems better than limited mobility WITH pain.

I'm just scared.  And it's just my instant reaction.  I know that as time goes by and I get more opinions and talk to my mom about her neck/back surgeries that I will feel better.  And really, I am not feeling anxious about it, which for me is a good sign.  But there is still that fear there.  IF I were to go through with surgery and it doesn't make me feel better...then I've gone through all of that for nothing. But...what if it does help?  What if it does alleviate the pain that I have had daily for over three years?

I'm not making any decisions at this point.  I will let them schedule the CT scan and go through that, and follow up with the neurosurgeon for a second opinion.  I will talk to my chiropractor and get his opinion, even if I choose to ignore it.  While I think he is good, I do not think that everything can be fixed with chiropractic care.  He has helped me on some of my bad days, but when the pain is really bad, even he can't make it better.  I'll also talk to my mom and pray about the surgery itself and ultimately, make an informed decision.

This post was really just so I could get out what is going on in my head and try to give myself some clarity on the situation.  Do I want to have neck surgery.  Absolutely not.  But if it will make me feel better overall, I will consider it.  At least I don't have to make any decisions right now.

I did a little research on cervical stenosis (which is what my spine specialist said was going on in my neck) and/or cervical myelopathy, and read that the pressure on my spinal cord will not go away without surgery and that the symptoms will only get worse as time goes on.  Because I have not improved over three years of non-operative care, I may be looking at a situation where surgery is my only option.  I will tell you that when I met with a neurosurgeon three years ago he said that surgery was not necessary at that point in time.  Because the discs were just bulging.  But now that they have herniated, I believe I will get a different answer.

Anyway...that's where I am at right now with my stupid spine.