Blessings pour forth

You know guys, I am sitting here, so grateful to God and those of you who read this blog and pray for me.  I feel so overwhelmed with thankfulness and am filled with joy over the blessings God is giving to me.

I received a very sweet card today from an old college friend and an unexpected gift inside.  To you, I say thank you.  Your thoughtfulness and desire to help in any small way was so appreciated.  It was more your motive that moved me than anything else.

I also got a Mother's Day card from my mom.  Which moved me to tears.  You have to understand that this is probably the first time in my life I could read a card from my mom, believe with my whole heart that she meant every word and feel so blessed to have her in my life.  We haven't always had the best relationship.  There were times in high school and college when I can remember it feeling very turbulent. But as I grew older and had kids of my own, I began to understand that her fears and worries about how many kids I had and all the responsibility I was taking on was born out of her own struggles as a young overwhelmed mother with four kids.  I have come to respect my mother very deeply for the hardships she went through when we were little and I know that she did the best she knew how to raise us up, with Jesus in our hearts, helping us to be the best possible individuals that we could.

And while it took me a long time to get back to that place where Jesus was really all I needed, now that I am there and I get it, I see my mother so differently.  And it's not Mother's Day yet, and maybe this post would be more appropriate tomorrow, but it's on my heart today.  So today it shall be.

I'm sitting here, once again, with tears streaming down my face.  That seems to be normal these days and so I just let the tears fall.  It's healing.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much the card my mom sent to me touched my heart and blessed me.  I would write so much more if I could.

I didn't realize it until I read her card today that I loved her more deeply than I have ever loved her before in my life.  I know I've hurt her over the years at times, with words or actions.  But we have learned to respect one another and to know that she is proud of me means a lot to me.  Even more so because I am in a place where I can actually believe that she is proud of me.  I am grateful to have reached a place in my life, before she has died, where I can tell her these things.  That's not meant to be morbid or imply that she is going to die soon from old age.  Some people don't still have their mothers in their lives-that is what I am saying.

I'm not eloquent with spoken words.  So I write.  And this is for my mom.  To tell her I love her.  And I am thankful that I have an opportunity that others don't to be able to express these words to her.  That she is still with me in this life.  God is so great and his blessings are just too amazing to comprehend.

I'm hoping that I am not being too presumptuous in sharing my mother's words with you.  First, from the card itself.  As I read these words, I could literally picture my mother and me as a child and that is something that I have never been able to do.  I think for so long the devil had this lie in my head about my mom and now that I am free from those lies, I see so clearly.

"For a Lovely Daughter

It doesn't seem so long ago your head rested on my shoulder,
and I held your little hand in mine.
It doesn't seem so long ago you were all dressed up
for your first day of school,
and I tried to calm your fears...

It doesn't seem so long ago you showed me how you'd grown,
and I realized you weren't a child anymore...

Now that you're grown and are a mother,
you still bring me more joy than you'll ever know.

Happy Mother's Day with Love."

Her handwritten note send me over the edge, with the tears I mean.  Mom, I know I didn't ask permission but I hope you don't mind that I share this.

"Jamie:
Hope you have a great day and focus on those 4 blessings in your life, instead of beating yourself up for failures (like I usually did!).  I love you and am proud of you and your family,
Love,
Mom."

Mom, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  For years, having kids of my own, I finally understood some of the struggles you went through raising us.  But it wasn't until today, with my eyes wide open and my heart free of Satan's lies that I really understood how much you love me and how much I love you in return.

I hope that you have a great Mother's Day and that God fills you with the love that I feel for you and that you are blessed.  I know I don't do things the same way.  Sending cards and the like.  This is my way to express my gratitude and love.  Thank you!