Well, I did it.

This morning, I went on my first job interview in, oh maybe 12 years.  I thought I would be really nervous.  I mean, who wants to talk about their strengths and weaknesses?  I had to talk through it with Kris and Cindy last night, trying to prepare myself for it.  Last night I was nervous.  This morning, I was fine.  When I went in for the interview, I was calm and relaxed and I believe that I presented myself as well as I could.  And I think I made a good impression.

There are so many reasons I want this particular job.  The primary reason is that it is in a high school (secretary to the principal), so my schedule would closely resemble the kids'.  Even better, since it's high school, it is likely I would get done earlier and be able to get home before or around the same time as the kids.

Also, it is only 6 minutes from my mother-in-law's house and only 10 minutes from my house.  The proximity is great for gas mileage.  Furthermore, while this is HUGE and would be a very big blessing, it isn't my primary reason, the fact that "because of your experience it would pay $17 per hour" isn't bad either!

I (along with a lot of other people) am praying that I get this job.  If I don't, there will be other opportunities.  In order to make up the difference we are lacking each month, I really need to make at least $13 per hour.  So...anything I can get within that range ($13-17) would be great!

I have now applied for at least 40 different jobs at several different locations.  Some secretarial in school and others administrative positions at companies like Washington University and Edward Jones.  This interview I got called for yesterday (and went to this morning) is the first shot I have even had so far in this job search.  I got one email saying that I was not one of their top candidates.

I've been so busy applying for jobs and spent the weekend in Indiana, so I hope to get back to writing again.  I've started several posts, but am not "feeling" them just yet, so I'm waiting for direction...

So, that's the update.  I put makeup on and everything, to try to look presentable for my interview. Kris said that I can buy a new outfit, but the interview came up so suddenly I had to go with what I had on hand, which wasn't much.  If I don't get this job, I am going to go shopping for an "interview outfit"!  Here I am, all dolled up:

Do you have any interview tips?

Dora, Dora, Dora The Explorer

Boots and something something Explorer Dora...

Sing it with me now...

Or don't.

We all had shows we watched growing up.  For me, it was the Smurfs.  And Rescue Rangers.  Earlier on, it was He-man and G.I. Joe (real American hero...).  Shows change as we grow older and personally, I think they just keep getting worse.

I mean, The Wiggles?  Really?  Do I really need to expound?

And then there is Yo Gabba Gabba.  A show that my kids (thank you Jesus!) grew up too quickly to watch.

But we watched Dora.  Oh boy did we watch a LOT of Dora.  You have to remember, I had three toddlers all at the same time and Dora was THE show.  And then Olivia caught on to the tail end of Dora The Explorer's popularity.  So much so that until about a year and a half ago, everything had to be Dora.  I thought she would never outgrow her love for Dora.

In case you are not familiar with the show, Dora is a little girl who may or may not be Hispanic.  It's debatable, if you ask me.  She could be a tan girl who knows Spanish, or she could be a Hispanic girl who also has a good handle on English.  I used to like the show because she spoke in Spanish.  Nothing like a little Spanish enrichment for the little ones, right?

So, she has three very vital things in her life.  Boots, her pet monkey.  The Map, who helps her know the way to go, through a series of obstacles/pit stops along the way.  And then there is Backpack.  Backpack sings and talks and has everything Dora could possibly need.  But, you can't forget about Swiper.  He is always trying to "swipe" Dora's stuff.  And she is always saying "Swiper no swiping."  If she can say it three times fast enough, he can't swipe her stuff, then he sulks away saying "Ahh man..."

And every episode is done exactly the same way.  Except, from time to time, Dora's cousin Diego will show up.  I am not sure why.  But he is apparently some animal expert and his knowledge is somehow needed in some episodes.

Bottom line?

I had had just about enough of Dora the Explorer.

Until yesterday.

A friend posted a video on Facebook that had me laughing hysterically.  OK...maybe not quite THAT dramatically, but it was funny.  Then, watching Kris and Cindy watch the video, it was just priceless.  I couldn't stop laughing.  I would tell you all of my favorite parts, but I don't want to ruin it for you.

Kris and I were talking about this video we watched and how we would totally go see that movie, if it were only real!!  It would be hilarious!

So, without further ado, here is the video.  You're welcome!

Please leave a comment and let me know what your favorite part was!!

The Mice Have Returned

Yes, you read that right.

The mice have returned to our home.

In the form of carpenter ants.

The mice have been reincarnated as ants.

And they have brought an entire colony of mice ants with them.

I had quite the traumatic experience this morning when I went to shower.  First of all, who builds a stupid window inside a shower?  Dumbest.  Idea.  Ever.

So we have this wood frame around the window, that some idiot thought would be a great idea.  Seriously...did no one think about what would happen to the wood after time, as it was constantly hit with water????

Well, the wood has cracked and I did a temporary fix on it a few months ago.  The fix has now unfixed itself and is cracked again.  Essentially, in order to really fix the problem, we'd need to redo the entire tub/window nonsense.  Which would cost a LOT of money, which we do not have.  Still job hunting...

Because the crickets (and spiders) had returned, we bombed the house last month.  And we had hoped this would killed several hundred ants at one time.  But alas, we have been seeing them more and more.  And today, the stepped up the attack.

It was terrifying!!!

I just wanted to wash my hair in peace.

But NO!!!

The mice ants wouldn't have any of that!  They decided to choose this time to SHOW me how they were getting in and out of my bathroom.  I'd see these little legs sticking up out of the cracks and it made me want to vomit.  It was so disgusting!!  And creepy.  I was jumping around and screaming.

And then, I saw it.

I saw their evil intentions.

Several of them began lining up.

They were going to jump, one by one, off of the ledge to the bathtub floor.

Where my feet were.

I even felt one of them crawling around on the bottom of one foot.  The longer I stood there, frozen in horror, the more creeped out I became.

I finally decided to take the bottom of a soap dish and put it upside down over the crack.  They immediately started coming out of the woodwork.  LITERALLY.  There were probably 20 of them that started squirming out of the cracks.  I quickly finished my shower, and went straight for the Raid.

And I sprayed them.

All of them.

And the drain.

And the cracks.

And then I ran away.

Really, I just went to my friend's house, who actually gave me two things to write about this weekend.  I'm really excited about it, though it might ruffle some feathers.  But I was quite jumpy all day.  If a hair fell on my shoulder, I'd jump.  If I felt something brush against my leg, I'd jump.

Later this evening, I showed Kris the ants.  I was jumping around and screaming like a little girl when he moved the soap dish lid, as I bravely sprayed them with Raid.  Some of them were still moving.  I just kept spraying.  And then, they began to fall out of the cracks at the bottom of the window.  I ran out of there.  I made Kris spray the bottom of the tub and the drain, in case any other ants decide to take the dive.

Kris wants to try those liquid trap things, where they eat it and take it back to their nests (ewww!!).  I told him that was fine, but in the end to just plan on spending thousands of dollars tearing out that bathtub and window.  I am praying that we do resolve the problem without having to get an exterminator.  Time will tell.

For now, I'm terrified to take a shower.

Oh, and I think the animals are beginning to cycle back through.  If I am right, since the crickets went first, then ants came along, next up will be mice and then squirrels.  We very well may become the next Hoarders episode.  I may not survive...

Trying to catch my breath...

Hello...my name is Jamie...

And it's been 5 days since my last blog post.

Six months ago this lapse in writing would have been due to my mental state of mind. It would have meant that I was really struggling, emotionally. It meant that maybe my close friends should call and check up on me. This time, however, the delay in writing was a GOOD thing.

Mostly (only because I've been sick).

 Kris and I had the opportunity to go to a Growth Weekend, lead by Christian Marriage Ministry.

We met a lady at Stories one night who told us about the weekends, and just two weeks before the upcoming weekend, I found out about it. Sure there was another one in November, but Kris and I didn't want to wait. Anything we can do at this point to grow closer and strengthen our marriage and relationship with God is something we will cling to. We both went into the weekend not knowing what to expect. We came away from the weekend changed. There is too much good to even be able to express it here in this blog. I can't even fully put words to everything that transpired during this Growth Weekend. But I can tell you that it is called "Growth Weekend" for a reason. 

Your relationship, if you are open and willing, WILL grow. And after experiencing it for myself, I really want other couples, strong OR broken (or somewhere in between) to experience this weekend. It will change your marriage and you will leave the weekend feeling closer to your spouse than you ever thought possible. For some, maybe it will just be a reminder of why you fell in love, and give you hope for a brighter tomorrow (sounds cliche, I know, but it's true). For others, it will deepen what you already have. On top of all that we learned and the closeness that resulted, we had a weekend completely free of the worries of work, kids, cooking, etc...

Nowhere to go.

No one needing anything from us.

Almost 48 hours of just the two of us.

It was amazing!

All of our needs (mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically) were met during our Growth Weekend. And if you are in the St. Louis area (and even if you aren't), consider setting aside the first weekend in November to experience this for yourself. Kris and I were so moved by the ministry and the weekend that we knew we HAD to be a part of what CMM (Christian Marriage Ministry) is doing in the lives and hearts of broken people and their marriages. I've told you before that I have a heart for broken women and hurting marriages. This ministry came along at just the right time, and will hopefully give me an outlet to minister to those who were once in my place. 

Broken.

Bitter.

Hurting.

Alone.

There is hope.

There is always Hope.

He stands at the door and knocks.

You just have to let Jesus in. You have to (as Tony would say), take Jesus to your past. Take Him and let Jesus heal the hurt and mend what is broken.  Cry out to Jesus.

I'll write later about something significant I learned when it comes to guilt and feeling ashamed, in terms of my own life of sin, that most of you now know about. I've been sick since we got back from the weekend, so I haven't done much besides sleep and try to stay cool in my house, which isn't working too well. At least the kids aren't here suffering in the heat as well (my mom and dad are graciously watching them this week!) I am finally feeling better today, but 3 infections (one right on top of the other) has been taxing.

Let me just tell you...

So...funny story...

First of all, we'll start off with a conversation I had with Abbey.

After VBS tonight, I told Kris that I was at my limit.  I was done!  I'd had it up to HERE (pretend you can see how high my hand is...).  Abbey asked what it meant to be "at my limit".  I responded by saying this:

"I don't feel like being a mom right now."

She responded with:

"Do you feel like being a friend?"

She always makes me laugh.  That kid just has this way of saying things.  It removed the tension I was feeling, for the most part.

So, we went to Walgreens, because my prescription for Xanax ran out and I had NONE.  We got there and they had sent it to the wrong Walgreens.  So we had to then wait for them to fill the prescription, because the wrong location was already closed.  15 minutes.  She said that it would take just 15 minutes.

It didn't take JUST 15 minutes.  But I asked Kris if I could go inside alone, to wait for the prescription.  I needed some peace and time to myself.  Even if it was just for 15 minutes (which it wasn't).

I started walking around and remembered that Kris said he needed a razor.  So I found the razor aisle and thought I would just grab the one I needed.  Nope.  Not possible.

Why?

Because of this:

My first thought was "What kind of drug are they making with razors/razor blades?"  Then I considered that maybe they were trying to cut down on people cutting themselves.  But I looked to my left and found all the cheap razors out for anyone to buy.  I pondered this, while I thought "I need that orange razor in there."  There were several signs posted that said "For assistance, push the help button."

OK...feel free to laugh with/at me, OK?

So I'm standing there.

Looking at the glass.

Trying to see a button.  There is this little picture that shows what the button looks like, but I couldn't find it.  I would turn my head to make sure no one was looking and then push lightly on the small metal things on the glass.  I probably tried 10 of them, incognito.

But no.  That didn't work.  I stared and stared at the glass, looking for this supposed help button.  I even tried to push in on the metal pieces where the keys go in to unlock it.  Yes, I was THAT idiot.  There is probably a video of me already being uploaded to that "crazy people in Walmart website."

Finally, deciding that someone was just pulling some awful prank on me, I went to the front and asked for help with the razors.

A man comes over and sort of points to this HUGE RED BOX with a BUTTON on it.

One that you can push for assistance.  It was over in front of the cheap razors.  
Even though I had looked there, I didn't see this big box, right in front of my eyes!!

And the guy had NO sense of humor at all.  I was telling him how I kept looking all over for it.  He just said "No problem."

It gets better.

I said "Um...why are these all locked up?  Are there really that many people shaving???"

Again, he didn't laugh.

He just told me that it is one of the most stolen items!

So I said "Are they putting THOSE in meth too now?"

Instead of laughing, he said "I don't think so."  He mumbled something about the Sudafed being locked up for that reason.  I don't think he understood how humorous I was.  Poor guy.  He is really missing out.

And then, as if I was a thief about to bolt with my razor blades to make my meth, he wouldn't give me the razor blades.  He said he had to walk them to the register.  He was holding them away from me.  I think he was worried.  Maybe he had some foreknowledge that I was there to pick up Xanax in the first place.  Maybe he was keeping calm, so I didn't go all crazy on him!

I felt like he may as well have just taken my hand like a child and led me to the counter.

So I get to the counter to find out that my prescription that was supposed to be ready in 15 minutes hadn't been put through correctly.  It was going to take another 15 minutes.  I told the lady "I need that!"  I've done really well NOT taking Xanax during the day.  My panic attacks are lessening (though there was a minor one today when I was in a situation that could have been--but wasn't--awkward).  But all in all, I am only taking the Xanax at night to help me sleep.  This is a huge step for me.

But after four crazy days (some spent writing a resume, cover letters-which are stupid, and applying for jobs AND then helping at VBS (which I NEVER do-I swear this church is doing something to me...), then having extremely late nights with the kids, (and a really bad run on sentence...) the kids have been awful.  Fighting, screaming, hitting, being disrespectful, etc...it's been a long, exhausting week.  And I was not happy about being completely out of my Xanax.  

So they needed to fill that prescription, like yesterday, or else I was going to get those razor blades out and start cutting people!

I finally made it out of there with everything I needed and we got back and got the kids settled into bed.  While we were driving home, out of the blue, Olivia said "Who wants to play 'Torture'??"  I asked her if that is really what she said.  She assured me that it was.  Where do they come up with this stuff.  Why do Abbey and Olivia always pretend that someone has died, they are killing someone, or now torture???

All of that to say that the weekend could not come any sooner!  My mother-in-law has been gracious enough to keep the kids for us so that Kris and I can attend a marriage weekend.  BOTH of us are so looking forward to some time away, just the two of us.  It's an added bonus that we will be focusing on strengthening our marriage!  I can't wait to see what God has in store for us.  I think Satan has been on the prowl so much, trying to prevent us from experiencing what God has in store for us, both through VBS and the marriage weekend.  But we aren't going to let him steal our joy!  Joy comes in the morning.  Because in the morning, it will be Friday! ;-)

What are your plans for the weekend?

Resumes are HARD

I completed my resume. I *might* have had help from Bethanie. She may have provided all the correct wording that would appeal to those hiring for administrative assistant positions. I have at least 3 jobs at Washington University that I am going to apply to. I know there are more that were just posted. One was an editing gig, that I think I would really enjoy! I know that God will put me in the right place. But I'll tell you this. I spent 6 hours yesterday tracking down employee information, dates, etc...and created a resume. I gave it to my friend to check out and she wrote all over it in red ink!!!

Can you believe that?

So she spent some time working on it this afternoon and again tonight, and we have finally finished it! And I LOVE the way it looks! Now...to apply for jobs. Please pray for us in the job transition. I think it will wind up being a really good thing for us, and it will give me a chance to interact with people again, which I need. I am SO ready for summer to be over with!!

 With VBS this week and way too many late nights, my children have NOT been good. They've been downright horrid. That's the word I used with Kris earlier. They were all so horrible at different times today. Really, this whole week. And it's not that they are horrible kids. They just haven't been getting enough sleep and it is wearing us all down. And their behavior is out of control.

While I feel sorry for my mother-in-law for having to keep them this weekend, I am actually really looking forward to a marriage weekend that Kris and I were going to. Last fall, we went to a marriage conference. I was NOT in a good place. Kris was still bound by the chains of addiction, and I was living a second life no one knew about. The conference was OK. But for me, it didn't mean much. I tried, while I was there. But when it came time to repeat our vows to one another, I just stood there crying. I couldn't do it. And while I do not think this weekend will be anything like what we went to in the fall (as far as the style), I do believe that this is going to be an extremely refreshing time for us.

Satan has been attacking Kris and I like crazy. I don't know what he is trying to prevent from happening, as Kris and I aren't teaching at VBS or anything. But he keeps attacking, right before VBS. Kris and I have so little time right now, and the time we do have we spend fighting. And it is usually over stupid, trivial issues. We'll fight about the fact that we're fighting. I realized what was happening tonight on the way to VBS. I spent the first ten minutes there trying to hold back tears. Then Sheri came over (I love her!!!!) and asked how I was doing. I'm not really good at faking it. So I just shared briefly how I felt like Satan was attacking me and Kris. She hugged me, from the side and told me she'd be praying for me.  And I cried.  Then enemy is out there. We have to fight back! We HAVE to.

Have I mentioned that I love my church?

So much!

Tonight was crazy hair night at VBS. I thought I'd post a few pictures of my kids, since I don't have permission to post other people's kids! We tried a weird Koolaid version to dye their hair but it didn't work out, so we used my friend's blue hair coloring for the kids. Just little spots here and there.

You can't really see the blue tips but I also put her hair in pony tails all over and then linked them all together in various places.

We had pony tails in his hair in the spot where the blue is, but he took them out.

She used Mama Kat's YouTube tutorial on how to make bangs so she went for that look, then we dyed that one strip of her hair.

Such a free spirit!  I love this shot of Abbey.

I find You when...

...I fall apart.

I have been thinking about the song "Fall Apart" by Josh Wilson a lot today.  I was under attack again.  Satan was shooting arrows, filled with poisonous thoughts, at my mind this afternoon.  The last few days I've had these odd bouts of sadness.  Kris will ask me what's wrong or why I look sad.  And honestly, I don't know.  I've just been feeling blue...

But today, before I started feeling that same sadness creep in, the enemy attacked.  He really does pounce like a lion, waiting to devour his prey.  I was driving, yet again.  It seems like this happens often when I am driving.  So of course, I was listening to JoyFM.  And a couple of good songs came on and I tried what I normally do.  Focus on the words and pray them.  And Satan was fierce.  He did NOT want me to turn to Jesus.  So I sent Kris a chat to let him know what was going on and asking him to pray.  He did.  About this time, I had to pick up kids for VBS (we had 4 extras!), and so I was able to pretty much push down what I was feeling.
But then I got to church and just felt like I was going to cry at any moment.  Kris wasn't there yet and I was overcome with a heavy weight of sadness.  But I had to pull it together.  I couldn't just walk around taking pictures, crying could I?  All the while, I kept thinking "I know there is a song that says something about falling apart."  This is how I was feeling.  I couldn't remember the song, but I remember feeling fragile, and like I would 'fall apart' at any moment.

VBS got started and I got into taking pictures and all was well.  I never did burst into tears, which was good in the sense that it would have been awkward and I would have been unable to explain.  But at the same time, I knew I needed to weep about whatever it was I was feeling, and couldn't.

So then God did what He always does.  He sent me a gift.  A song.  It was the exact song I had been trying to remember, ever since the enemy began his assault on me earlier this afternoon.  I just love this song.  I think it is so powerful.  Not only does it encompass everything Kris and I have gone through lately, but it gets personal and relate-able for today too.

These lyrics remind me of how I was feeling in February, when I first came home to Kris, and leading up to Good Friday:

I don't know how long this will last

I'm praying for the pain to pass

But maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving

But I feel You now more than I did then

How can I come to the end of me and somehow still have all I need?

God I want to know You more

Maybe this is how it starts

I find You when

You will find me when

I fall apart

It calmed me and soothed my heart.  It gave me peace and made me grateful to have a God that cares enough for me to orchestrate things in such a way that when I was driving home, after dropping off all the extra kids, this song came on.  I am just amazed at God's kindness and the depth of His love for me.

Here is the full song:

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 9

Today topic: List 3 people who have influenced you and describe how. Oh wow...where do I begin? I could be so serious and so profound on this post, but since I am taking this challenge "lightly", let's keep it fun and upbeat, shall we?

 #1.  Giraffes.  Yes, giraffes are people too!

With their long neck and graceful beauty, I'm in love.  I want to own one.  I wish these were real:

My future dream house that I may never afford; this would be a good compliment to it.  Don't you think?

#2.  Gordon Ramsey:

That man scares the living daylights out of me!!  Even on MasterChef.  His mean filter seems to be getting worse and worse on that particular show.  I would never want to be on ANY of his shows.  I'd crumple into tears at just the thought of having to go before him, even without any FOOD!

#3.  Captain Jack Sparrow (need I say more?):

We could all learn a thing or two from Captain Jack.  Like, how to swagger.  How to panic.  "But WHY is the rum gone?"  How to survive when left on a deserted island.  Several times.  How to beat Davy Jones.  Everyone needs to know that, don't they?

I'm getting bored with this 30 day challenge.  If I stop, then I feel like I haven't completed the challenge.  But at the same time, I like my other stuff better.  Where I just write.

What do you think?  Should I keep up with the 30 day challenge or send it to Davy Jones' locker?

Late night blogging

I'm going to sneak a short little post in tonight in the next 6 minutes, because it just doesn't feel right not to have posted yesterday OR today!  I've had a really busy weekend.  I just got home and situated after working for 5 hours at Family Christian Stores, doing inventory.  A friend from church needed volunteers, and I am trying so hard not to spend my very small amount of money I get each pay period, plus MAKE some money so I can eventually get that Android tablet I'm afraid I'll never get!

So, I have some bad news.  I have to get a job.

OK...so I don't HAVE to.

But I need to.

Well, I don't NEED to.

I want to.

Well, I don't WANT to.

I want to contribute, we need the money, and I need something to do to feel like I am productive.  I can't feel productive at home because I am physically so limited.  More so now that BOTH of my knees appear to be messed up.

I went to the chiro on Thursday because I could barely walk.  For those who don't know (and I know you'll care...), I had surgery to repair a torn meniscus in December 2010.  I've had trouble with my right knee ever since.  Well, this time around I was jumping, while Kris and I were playing Kinect Adventures.  And instead of stopping when it hurt, I just kept doing it.  Idiot.  I was given a stern warning from the chiro to listen to my body.  So, I've been NOT working out for the past four days and it's driving me insane!!!  I am hoping to go back to the gym tomorrow.  Also, my meniscus (same knee) may be torn again.  So frustrating.

So, back to the job situation.  I have several leads for desk jobs, and one for a call center.  I also have a friend in HR at Washington University, and she may be able to get me an interview down there, which would pay a lot more than some of the other jobs I might find.  I think God will lead me to the right place.

Here's the problem.

If I work, during the day, the kids are in public school.  Which, honestly, I don't think is a problem.  I've always been pretty carefree about schooling.  I loved Grace.  I was looking forward to trying my hand at home school.  But I am also not worried about my kids being in public school.  If I can find a night job, I could still home school, but in order to make the money we need to compensate for what we're losing each month, I may end up having to get a regular 9-5 job.  And honestly, I'm OK with it.

I tried the staying home thing for about a year.  I'm ready to go back to work.  I'm ready to help out financially and do something that makes me feel good about myself.  Working has always done that.  That isn't to say that I don't feel good about myself.  What I mean is that I want to do a JOB where I see things accomplished and feel good about what I have done.  Does that make sense?

Anyway...I'll get back to 'real' writing this week. I have a couple of posts I've been working on here and there; hopefully I'll finish them this week.

The Shack

I can't believe that I have never blogged about The Shack.  There must be a mistake somewhere.  Because I am pretty sure I made it known that I was the ONLY person in the world that did NOT enjoy reading that book (KEEP READING)!

So, why am I bringing this up?  It's all Tony's fault!  Yeah, that's right.  I'm naming names.  Because I'm mad (not really).  Because #1.  I don't want to re-read the book (even though I think I should) and #2.  I don't want to draw a picture of my shack (it's scary and ugly and scary)!  And it's just not healthy to be mad at God about this whole healing process, so I'll blame Tony.  And my other friends at church who think "Yeah, Jamie should draw her shack!!!"  Thanks a lot...

At Stories last Friday night, we talked about this idea of shadows, or our past, following us.  Tony used several different movie clips to illustrate this, making me want to watch all of the movies again, except for Saving Private Ryan.  While the story was decent, the movie was 3 hours too long to begin with.

Someone posted this on Facebook this past week and I thought it was very fitting for what I am writing.

I love this picture above.  It is so profound, in light of this concept of our past following us.

Tony said something at Stories that I liked so much I had to copy down.  Not just to share it with all of you, but for myself, as well.  As a reminder.  Tony is a very wise man.  He should be after all that he has gone through and overcome.  God has done an amazing work in this man's life.

This is what he told us:

"You must give God direct access to the most wounded places of your past, to be healed in the present, so you can have a healthier future." -Tony Ingrassia, Author of Stories.  

Don't you just love that?

Tony also has an amazing Power of Purity ministry that is incredible, and has really been a source of freedom and healing in my own marriage.  Check it out.  NOW.  ;-)

Our pasts are right behind us.  They follow us, just like a shadow.  And what we talked about at Stories last week was how Satan uses our past.  He wants us to be so caught up in our pasts, whatever they may be, that we can't focus on God.  Satan uses our past against us.  He holds us, tightly, with the guilt and shame in our past.  He keeps us so focused on the past that it affects us in the present.  It affects every choice we make.  Every step we take.  (That sounds familiar...POLICE anyone?)  

And if we don't go back and revisit our past, and as Tony said during our last counseling session "Bring Jesus to the past", we can't experience healing and a healthy future.  We must confront our past.  We must take Jesus to it.  We must HEAL.  If we just live in the past, and let the past control our minds, emotions and actions, we will never truly be free of the hurts and pain of our past.

You cannot do this if your past is still following you.

Haunting you.

I love the idea of bringing Jesus to my past.

I do not, however, like the idea of revisiting my past.  Of confronting my personal "shack".  Of acknowledging where some of my deep-rooted fears (getting murdered) lie.  I don't want to do it.  But I know that I must.  It has to be done.  I have to be healed.  So that I can be healthier tomorrow.  And I know that, with Jesus, it is safe.  I am protected from the hurts and fears that await me.

"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."  - Maya Angelou

Is your past chasing you?

Or, have you taken Jesus to your past?

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 8

The topic for today is:

What are five passions you have?

#1.  Bacon (did you really have to wonder about this one?).

#2.  Parentheses (see?).

#3.  Making everyone around me as passionate about music and lyrics as I am (not to be confused with the movie, which was admittedly a good movie, except for that *one* scene).

#4.  Winning money at the casino so that Kris can retire in style.  (You go into the casino, expecting to win, right?)

#5.  Learning how to time travel, and/or make a machine that will allow us to get to and from places within moments.  (Beam me up, Scotty!)

There and Back Again

Today I took a journey.

A walk.

For real.

Outside.

By myself.

My purpose?  To prove I could walk a mile and then back again.  Or maybe it was because I didn't have a van and can't stand being stuck at home!

My destination?   QuikTrip.

My expected reward?  Sugar-free White Peach Tea.

Do you think I got my tea?

No.

Sadly, I did not.

It was 'out of service'.

So I went for my second choice:

Diet Dr. Pepper.

I knew it wasn't a good sign when it wasn't filling just right.  So I tasted it. Gross.  Too syrupy.

I chose water.  I'm pretty sure I've now had about 732 (OK maybe only 80) ounces of water so far today.

But...I did it!  You guys, this is huge for me. I'm so used to NOT being active.  The fact that I went outside at all during the summer, let alone walked two miles is a big accomplishment!
I'm getting to the point where I enjoy exercise.  I'd rather play Kinect Adventures than walk on a treadmill or outside, but each day I wake up and think "What am I going to do today?  Go to Planet Fitness?  Play the Kinect?  Use my Wii and EA Sports Active?" 

Something really strange is happening to me.

And I think I like it! 

It's all part of this new creation God has been molding me into.

I've been remade!

Do you have any good game recommendations for the Wii or the Kinect that provide a good workout?  I am going to buy Just Dance for the Wii for sure.  The kids love it, and maybe someday I'll be good enough that I can dance at the club (that I never go to)!

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 7

What is your dream job, and why?

Having a daycare in my home.

Because I LOVE kids.

Especially other people's kids.

I am definitely the type of person that can handle loud and crazy, in my home, at all times.  It is totally in line with my personality.

Other possible dream jobs:

Caring for sick people, especially those who cough.  I'd be really good at that.

Caring for men who injure themselves playing stupid games that they are too old to play.

Cleaning up vomit 24/7.

Food testing for vegetables of all kinds.

These are just some of the jobs that I think I could spend the rest of my life doing!

Exciting gifts in the mail!

I just wanted to show you what I got in the mail today.  I'm pretty excited about both things.

I am participating in a virtual book swap this month.  I sent my partner (they not-so-randomly paired us up) Robert Jordan's "The Wheel Of Time Book 1".  I decided that since she will read anything, she NEEDS to read this series!!!  I also sent her a few of the items in my Audible.com wishlist so she'd have an idea of what I like.

Well, she sent me not 1, but 2 books.  I think for the blog swap/link up, I will definitely read the shorter one, The Ruins of Gorlan.  But I am definitely excited to read Gone With The Wind!

Additionally, my shake mix for the Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge arrived today, as well as my info on being a promoter.  I hope that I can get some friends/family to join me in this challenge.  I think it is going to be a lot of fun and has the potential to help a lot of people get back on the right track with their health.  Plus, who doesn't want to eat dessert for breakfast and lunch?

Today I made up a recipe based on a dessert I had in Russia.  My favorite food from Russia was this ice cream we got from a little stand in a park.  It was blueberry ice cream covered in white chocolate and it was SO good!  Granted, the shake did not taste exactly the same.  However, it was really good.  I just used some frozen blueberries, some 1/2 fat, no sugar added ice cream (only 1/2 a cup), white chocolate pudding mix (1 Tbsp), 2 scoops of BBV shake mix, and 6 oz of milk.  It was delicious!  I went a little simpler for lunch and did the 1/2 cup of ice cream again, with 4 oz of milk, the BBV shake mix and frozen peaches.  It was good, but needed more peach flavor.  I'll have to work on that.  I doubt Peach Schnapps is a healthy alternative...

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 6

I just want to put this out there, for anyone who is new, that I am not taking this blog challenge seriously.  I know that sound horrible.  What I mean is that I wanted to put a little spin on it, and take it lightly.  Make it my own.  Be fun with it.

So, when I look at Day 6, "What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?", I immediately know that what I went through today was the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

Original photo can be found here.

My phone died.

Not a full death.  Just the battery.  Before I left my house to spend the day at my mother-in-law's, I thought "Maybe I should bring my charger..."  But I convinced myself I wouldn't need it, we wouldn't be staying late, and worst case scenario, Kris would have a charger in his laptop case when he got off of work.

So I set off to Cindy's, without a charger, and this would begin a ten hour time period during which I experienced quit a bit of anxiety.  My phone died around 2pm.  I had spent some time reading on the Kindle app, which of course means the screen was on for over an hour nonstop.  That certainly didn't help!

Does anyone else really understand how it feels when your phone dies and you have no way to charge it?  Maybe I got spoiled with my old phone, which had a second battery.  Maybe I got used to always having my van, and having a charger in there.  But Kris' van is in the shop right now, so we've been juggling vehicles with his mom, or I've been going without, and so it is really very tragic.

Tomorrow may be worse than not having a charged phone.  Tomorrow I won't have a van at all!  The horror!!!  How will I get my QuikTrip tea?  How will I leave my house?  How will I go to the store, if I need to go to the store?

As I was contemplating this reality of not having the van, I seriously thought "If I absolutely have to, CAN I WALK TO QT?"  On the drive home, I even watched to make sure there were sidewalks on the entire walk, should I decide to go get my tea.  Of course, there are several advantages to walking to QT.

I get my tea!

I get activity points for WW!

I get out of the house (which is probably going to be necessary since I was going to try to force myself to clean and I'll need a reason not to)!

We'll see if I actually do it.  I'm sure you'll know!  Maybe I'll do a video or photo journal of my trip.  I'm sure it will be extremely exciting!

But anyway...back to my dead phone...

It was very sad.

It was very difficult.

There were moments that I didn't think I would make it through the day.

Around 4pm, I seriously considered borrowing my MIL's van and driving to my house to get a charger, since Kris and I were going to stay at his mom's, have dinner and watch America's Got Talent, then work out using her Kinect.  But I was convinced he would have a charger.  So I took the risk and stayed.

And of course, he didn't have one!  What???  What happened to the one that is always in his laptop case?  And where did the one go that goes in the van?  How are we missing two chargers now?  True, we HAD four total...so having two missing shouldn't be that big of a deal...BUT...in reality, I didn't have my phone on for ten hours!

But I just want to assure you that I did indeed survive.  And I learned to never go anywhere without a phone charger.  Worst.  Experience.  Ever.

;-)

Weigh In

I was really disappointed this morning when I got on the scale.  First of all, I got on Cindy's scale and it said I had gained a pound.  I was so disappointed that I drove to MY house to get on MY scale.  The same scale I've been weighing myself on.  It was better.  It said I was down .6 lbs.  So that makes a total of 2 pounds in 2 weeks.  Which isn't that impressive.  The reason I was frustrated is because I did everything right.  Between WW and Body by Vi, I ate right.  I joined Planet Fitness and worked out every single day this past week.  I had a really good week.  And it didn't show up on the scale.  So, I was disappointed.  And of course, I let all of Facebook know.  ;-)

I know that when you build muscle you can gain weight or not lose as much, so maybe that explains the lack of pounds falling off of this body of mine.  But I don't care about any of that.  I want to see results on the scale.

And then, someone put me in my place.  Someone reminded me what was really important.  She's always doing that! A friend told me this:

"It is more important that you are healthier...you are a better example for your children...you are not turning to food instead of God...you have been in less pain.  Forget the pounds, you have been accomplishing so much more.  Psalm 27:14 'Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.'"

Wow.

You know what?

She's right.

I AM getting healthier.

I AM setting a better example for my kids.

I AM NOT turning to food.

And the biggest thing?

Less pain.

So much less that I canceled my appointment for an epidural injection scheduled for next week!!!

Seriously.

I knew that exercising and eating better would help my back.  I had no idea how much it would affect my neck.  Granted, it is hard to tell if it is JUST the diet and exercise or the two new medications I am on for nerve pain and osteoarthritis.  But regardless, I am feeling a LOT better physically.

I danced today.  I DO NOT dance.  It's so outside of my comfort zone.  I'm not agile.  I'm not flexible.  I have no rhythm.  But I dance (granted, no one was around to see how horrendous it was except the kids).  I found Just Dance For Kids 2 at the library and my mother-in-law has the Kinect.  So Katherine and I danced away for 30 minutes.  That might have been dumb kids music, and I may or may not have danced to songs from Yo Gabba Gabba & The Wiggles...but it was a workout!

So, there are so many good things that have come from this new journey I started two weeks ago.  I am going to celebrate all the little (and big) victories, even if they aren't showing up on the scale just yet!  Speaking of little victories, I went to Tony's Donuts today (my favorite donut shop EVER!) and did not get anything for myself!  Little victory.

A burden for women

I was that lost cause

I was the outcast

You died for sinners just like me

A grateful leper at Your feet

You are good

You are good

And Your love endures forever

You are good

You are good

And Your love endures forever

I love the lyrics to "Jesus Friend of Sinners," but I have to say that the last part is my favorite.  Hands down my favorite; lyrics I can relate to.

I've told you before that I have a heart for broken marriages.  Even more so, I am realizing that I have a very heavy heart for wounded, broken women.  Women, who like me, are afraid to let God in.  Who are afraid to let their walls down.  God keeps putting people in my path.  He's been doing it since February, since before I even discovered the truth and the beauty of the Cross.  For some reason, I knew it was important to tell my story.  To tell other women what I had done.  God kept putting me in situations where I would be one on one with another woman, and I would tell her what I had done.

At the time, I was still afraid of letting God in.  I would tell these broken, hurting women my story and tell them that I just wasn't sure how to let God in.  Wasn't sure if there was any hope left for me, where God was concerned.  But I was still sharing my story, opening up, sometimes to people I had never met before or barely knew.  It's like there was something in me that knew it was important to share my story.  And I couldn't believe how many women were placed right in front of me.

And now, AFTER Good Friday, it's even more apparent to me that there are a LOT of broken, hurting women that aren't sure that God can truly love them (OR FORGIVE THEM!).  That believe in God.  That go to church and sing the songs, read the main verses.  But they don't really understand the Cross.  Like the old me.  They are carrying around this heavy burden of guilt and shame.  And God wants to use my story to help them.  I wish just sharing my story was enough.  I wish that women could read what I am writing and magically just know.  Magically just understand.  I do believe that God can work through this writing and that the majority of the time, His hand is in this.  But there isn't always an easy fix.  The answer isn't always just in these words on the internet.

So my heart is heavy.  For a few women in my life who so desperately need to understand how big God's love is for them.  And for all the other women out there, that I haven't met yet. That need to hear my story, and stories like mine.  Stories of extreme brokenness, and healing, and redemption.

I was talking with a friend tonight about anxiety and how sometimes she might feel anxious before sharing her story with others.  I was marveling at the difference.  I have no anxiety before sharing my story with other women one on one, because I don't think about who I am going to tell my story to.  It seems that God just keeps putting me in these positions where the story just comes out.  It isn't premeditated.  It just happens.  And I am grateful for these opportunities.  I really am.  But I just sit back, after the fact, and marvel at conversations I have had.  And I'm like "God, what the heck?"  Or "Where did THAT come from?"  But I just smile and thank God for using me.  And I pray.  I pray for these women.  I pray that they will understand the Cross.  Really understand.  Let their walls down and meet Jesus at the foot of the Cross.  Allow themselves to be vulnerable and honest with themselves.  To stop giving into Satan's lies.  To stop believing them.

Here's the truth.  Satan is lying to some of you.  He's whispering lies.  Like "You're not good enough."  Or "God could never love you.  Not after everything you've done."  Or "You have to keep punishing yourself for what you've done if no one else will."

But that's not what God is saying.

God is saying this:

"I love you."

"You're good enough."

"I took your punishment when I died on that Cross.  I did that for yes, even YOU."

"You are worthy."

"You are my beloved."

"You are not alone."

Music That Moves Me - Week 11

My van has become this place of safety for me.  Joy FM is always on in my van, and it just doesn't feel right reaching to change the station.  I find my van so full of peace and joy, through the music that I hear there.  It is a place of tears and grieving also.

Just tonight I had a complete meltdown.  Shocking...I know...

I keep hearing this one song in particular.  It seems that it comes on every time I am in the van.  Granted, many of the songs repeat, but it seems that I always hear this song.  Every.  Single.  Time.  And the more I hear it, the sadder it makes me.  I am trying hard to determine what I am feeling and where it is coming from.

Is it from Satan?  Is this sadness something from the enemy, to bring me down?  So far, I haven't really felt like it is a temptation to fall back into that old pattern of guilt and shame.  But I question that every time I hear it.

Is it from God?  Does he want me to grieve and cry?  I still don't know the answer.

I just heard it again tonight and I wept.  It was pretty intense.  I was a mess.  You see, when you hurt someone and you can't do anything to fix it, to make them feel better, you're at a loss.  You can't undo the hurt caused.  I can't take it back or help them heal.  Because whether it seemed like it or not, I cared deeply for this person.  My actions spoke otherwise.  I seemingly spit in her face with my actions.  I trampled on her heart and her spirit, while all the while pretending to be her friend.  It wasn't pretend to me.  At the time.  Looking back, I can see how it could be seen that way.  I was selfish and mean, really.  And this song is a constant reminder of that.  It reminds me of all the hurt and pain I caused her.  And it breaks my heart.  Because I'm not that girl anymore.  And my heart is not stony and stubborn any longer.

I don't know what I'm saying or what to do with what I feel when I hear this song.  I just know that I hear it.  All.  The.  Time.  And I'm not sure where to go with it or how to feel.  I just know tonight that I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and despair.  Not in a tragic, guilt-ridden way.  But in a...I can't even explain it really.  I just felt grief and sadness.  I feel it every time I hear this song and every time I wrestle with it.  I think about the person I hurt and the line "Father won't you forgive them.  They don't know what they've been doin'" makes my heart ache.  I knew what I was doing, when I hurt this person.  But I didn't really understand the deep damage I was doing all around me.  I didn't see.  I see now.  And this song constantly reminds me.  I love Tenth Avenue North and I love the meaning behind this song.  But it is a very bizarre thing to be on the other side of it.  The one who needs to be forgiven.

I prayed, as the song was ending.  That God would comfort me somehow.  I was a crazy-looking fool, tears streaming down my face, blubbering as I drove down the road.  I thought that surely a very meaningful song won't come on EVERY time after I hear this song.  Surely I am just looking too hard for these messages from God in the music.  Or, I thought, maybe the people who are in charge of choosing the songs plan it so that it works out this way. Or maybe, just maybe, God guides them.  And He knows every single time what I need.  Today, it wasn't "Remind Me Who I Am."  Because that wasn't the message I needed to hear.  Today, I needed to hear a different message.  Regardless of how it is orchestrated, or Who does it, it is always what I need.  Always.

This is the message God gave me tonight, in order to heal the broken pieces in my heart.  The things that I can't heal on my own.  The hurt and pain, that I caused, that I can't undo.  This is what God told me.

See those lyrics on the image above?  "And though my innocence was taken, not everything is lost. Not everything is lost."  God spoke to my heart through those.  And through the rest of the song.  He wrapped his arms around me, once again and loved me.

And then, as I was close to my mother-in-law's house, God gave me one more pick-me-up.  I am home.  With my Savior.  With my King.  And I am loved.  And I am forgiven.  So I will get back up and move forward.

There's always scars.  Always.  Use them.  Let them tell your story.  Wear them with honor, not guilt and shame.

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 5

What are 5 things that make you happy right now?

#1.  Bacon (always at the top of the list!).

#2.  Writing to entertain all of you.

#3.  Making people laugh.

#4.  Correcting people's poor grammar.

#5.  The prospect of it not being 275 degrees outside.

My first VLOG

Thanks to a friend of mine...I'm doing something I am so NOT comfortable doing.  I've been thinking about doing this for over a year now.  I'm not sure there will ever be another!  I know it seems like the video cut off at the end.  That's because I had to edit out what I said after, because it quit videoing (I thought) and I said immediately "You stupid thing!".  So I cut that part out!  :-)  Enjoy.

Body By Visalus - is it for real?

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"The proof is in the pudding."

These are common expressions, and usually expressions I tend to live by.  Except for God.  We're told to walk by faith, not by sight so I'll go with God on that one!

But in other areas, it's hard to know for sure if something will "work".  Specifically speaking, how do you know if the next weight loss product is a fad, or something tangible?  Something that will REALLY help you eat healthy and lose weight?

Let's be real.  I'm not thin.  I'm hovering between a size 16 and 18 and I am not happy about it.  I'd love to be a size 10, the size I was before I had kids.  But my body has changed, and if I can only get down to a size 14 (or 12!!!), then I think I'll be a lot happier and feel a lot better.  Not just mentally, but physically as well.  

A week ago on Monday I decided it was time.  So I started Weight Watchers.  Not the actual part where I have to pay-thank God for amazing apps that do the work for me for free!  I'm in the right frame of mind, I'm in a really good place spiritually and in my marriage; and it's time to focus on some of these physical "issues".  Will my back hurt less when I drop some weight?  I don't know.  I hope so.  I hope that between losing weight and strength training, I can feel better physically.  And you know, we each have to get to that place on our own, when we're ready.

So, a lot of my friends have been jumping onto the Body By Vi train.  If you aren't familiar with them, I'll try to explain it simply.  I don't want to show you videos about the product and how it has worked for other people.  I want to tell you what *I* know about it.

The most popular "product" (in my opinion) is their shake mix.  You use 1-2 scoops of the shake mix and combine that with fruit, flavorings, and whatever else you can think up to make a shake.  You drink 2 shakes a day and those shakes are going to give you all the vitamins and nutrients your body typically needs on a daily basis.  This type of nutrition is really great for people like me and Kris who do NOT like vegetables. We typically do not eat them.  The kids eat (and like) more vegetables than we do.  I like a few things raw (broccoli, carrots, cucumbers).  I like one thing cooked - green beans.  It's very limited and usually with the raw veggies, I need something to dip them in.  And I can only eat green beans so many times...

All of that to say that these shakes are used as a meal replacement, and provide you with the vitamins and nutrients that your body needs.  If you're like me and you don't eat right, or you want to lose some weight, this is a good alternative.  I'm not pushy.  I'm not charismatic.  Don't expect me to be begging you to join in on this with me (though you are more than welcome to).  I'll let the "proof be in the pudding".  You can "see it and then believe it".

I haven't seen results on the scale (because I just started the shakes).  But I am willing to give this a try.  There is a 90 day Body By Vi challenge that a lot of people are trying.  You drink the shakes for 90 days and track your weight loss.  I guess there are prizes and things you can win along the way.  I don't know.  All I know is that right now, in this moment, I am really ready to lose the weight and I think that this will help me.

So, I jumped onto the bandwagon.  Is this a fad?  I don't know.  I honestly don't believe that it is.  I believe that this is a good thing and can help a lot of people achieve their weight loss and fitness goals.  Today was my first day experiencing the shakes.  No, that's not true.  I went to a tasting Tuesday night and found that they were indeed not disgusting!  In fact, they tasted good.  I tried strawberry-banana and chocolate covered strawberry.  There was no gross "dirt" taste, that I tend to associate with protein powders or bars.  The mix even SMELLS sweet!

I don't know if Visalus recommends certain types of snacks or whatever, but it isn't like you can't eat in between shakes, if you are feeling hungry.  Just make wise choices.  Fruits, string cheese, yogurt, raw veggies or low-fat popcorn...whatever you want.  It is a meal replacement.  I don't know about you, but I still tend to snack between meals and I don't think I'll be giving that up, unless I find the shakes SO FILLING that I don't need to snack in between.

After talking it over with Kris, we agreed that I could give it a try.

Why not?

It works really well with Weight Watchers.  I think the most "expensive" (point-wise) is the Butterfinger shake.  That's what I made today.  It came out to 7 points and let me just tell you, it was worth EVERY point!!  I used 2 scoops of the Body By Vi mix, 2 Tbsp sugar-free, fat-free butterscotch pudding mix, 1 Tbsp peanut butter, 1 tsp cocoa, 8 oz of skim milk and 5 ice cubes.  I used my food processor to 'blend' it, since I don't have a blender.  It worked just fine.  And it was SO good.  Beyond good, really.  It was the best dessert-for-breakfast I have ever had!  I had it around 10:30/11am and didn't start getting hungry again until around 3pm.

So, what did I do at 3pm?

Nothing.

But at 3:30, I made myself a banana split shake. I looked at the 'recipe' my friend Jill gave me and decided to alter it a little.  The more fresh fruit I use, the fewer points the shake will cost me (since fruit is 'free' with Weight Watchers)!  I was about to pour out the pineapple juice from my canned pineapple chunks, when I thought "Hey!  This could go in my shake!"  So, I drained off 4 oz and set it aside.

Here is what I used:  2 scoops of the Body By Vi shake mix, 4 oz of pineapple juice, 4 oz skim milk (next time I think I'll leave out the milk so that it is thicker), a packet of strawberry flavoring (since I didn't have any frozen strawberries), half of a frozen banana (note to self: peel first next time before you freeze it, idiot!), 1 Tbsp cocoa power and 5 ice cubes.  My three girls liked it, as did Kat's friend that is over today.  I just barely finished that shake and feel full.  I haven't had anything to snack on today, as I just didn't feel a need to eat anything.  I didn't even have the normal cravings I usually have.

I was skeptical to begin with about this Body By Vi stuff.  I thought it would be a lot of work.  When you read it above, it does seem like a lot of ingredients, but it literally takes less than 5 minutes to make.  And I happened to have everything I needed on hand (except for fresh strawberries).  These shakes are supposed to cost you less than $2/meal when all is said and done.  I don't know about you, but I spend more than that on meals for myself each day.

When I was eating yeast-free, it would take me upwards of an hour to prepare a meal!!  This is SO much easier (and so far I haven't had ANY issues with my stomach, which is saying a lot)!  Did I mention they are gluten-free?  This is a big one for me, since I'm not supposed to have gluten anyway.

I'm really looking forward to the 90 day challenge I have started (for myself), and helping other people realize their goals.  If you would like more information about being a part of the 90 day challenge, you can check it out on my Body By Vi webpage.  If you would like to go ahead and get started on the challenge with me, you can do so here.  If you have three friends join the challenge with you, you will get a month of "shakes" for FREE!  And I know firsthand that it is a lot easier to lose weight when you have others doing it with you!

What about you?  Have you heard of Body By Vi?  Have you used it and had success?  Do you know anyone that has?  Do you have any negative reviews about it?  Let your voice be heard!

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 4

List 5 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could.

#1.  First of all, telling you anything would be impossible.  We haven't quite learned time travel yet, so being 33 years old, and without the capabilities to tell you anything at 16, that is what I'd tell you.

#2.  Stay skinny.  Figure out a way to keep your metabolism the same as it is at 16.  Maybe time travel will help with this?  You'll thank me later for this one.

#3.  Don't have four kids.  Wait...no, scratch that.  Don't have those four kids so quickly.  Those first three back to back are gonna wear your body down quicker than you'll realize.  You wind up 29 years old with arthritis taking over your entire spine.  Have them slower.  Maybe one every 5 years.  But if you don't listen, don't worry.  You'll make it through the early years of three screaming babies, depression, anxiety, horrible life choices before and after your fourth, and you'll come out on the other side of it.

#4.  Travel while you can.  Because once you start popping all those kids out, you're going to wish you'd gone on at least one cruise or taken at least one all inclusive trip to some exotic beach resort somewhere.  Though, if you've learned time travelling, I suppose you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.

#5.  Win the lottery.  That would make life right now a whole lot easier (financially anyway)!  Rig it somehow if you have to.  Figure out how to time travel and go into the future to find out what the winning numbers are, come back, and buy the ticket.

Bottom line, learn how to travel through space and time.

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 3

So in order to put a different spin on this, I decided to tell you how my kids would describe this.

Or, at least the way I imagine what they would say, in my head!

Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents

Katherine:

My relationship with my parents is awesome. My mom is my best friend. I know that I can tell her anything. And I just know that even as I become a teenager, my mom will still be my best friend.  What makes my mom so great is how incredibly funny she is. She is always making me and my friends laugh.  My dad? Not so much. He's only funny when he doesn't try. But my mom? No one is as funny as her!  Plus, she loves bacon almost as much as I do!  We also love movies where people die.  We love to bond, crying together during the sad parts.

Kaleb:

My mom and dad are great!  I love hanging out with my dad, just the two of us.  We love to play video games together and talk about guy stuff.  My mom is a lot of fun.  She's so funny and I love to give her kisses on her cheek.  Sometimes they really frustrate me.  But overall, I am so glad that I have them in my life.  They teach me how to make the right choices and help me to understand the Bible  and how to apply it to my life.

Abigail:

My parents are the BEST. PARENTS. EVER!  My mom is the BEST cook.  My dad is the BEST dad.  I love my parents SO much.  I love animals and babies too.  They are my favorite.  I love them more than my parents.  But I love God more.

Olivia:

I love trees and grass and flowers.  And I love cats (even though I'm allergic) and dogs.  But I'm not allergic to dogs.  Just cats and horses, even though I love them.  And peanuts and walnuts, and...what was that other?  Oh yeah, sesame.  I love my brother and sisters even though they are mean to me sometimes.  I still love them.  And I love God and Jesus.  And I love my parents, even when I get in trouble.  I still love them.  I love God 100.  I only love Satan 1.

What would your kids say about you (in your head)?  ;-)

you belong

The two words above caught my eye as I was leaving the gym tonight. Oh yeah, I joined a gym tonight. We can't afford the Y. We can't afford this gym either. So, I am using my own spending money, as little as it is, to pay for it. Don't worry. I'll still have enough for my tea. Just not every day. Unless people throw QT gift cards at me.

Back to the gym.

A friend told me about this place and I decided to try it out. Oh yeah, also, Kris and I started Weight Watchers (unofficially) last Monday. He lost 4.4 lbs and I lost sadly-not-quite-two-pounds. I know, I know. Men lose weight faster than women. Screw that. I joined Planet Fitness! So, maybe the closest location is 26 minutes from my house, and maybe I'll have to give up some tea. But I loved it from the moment I read "unlimited tanning, unlimited guest passes (i.e. Kris could actually go with me whenever...), unlimited red light therapy ("supposedly" gets rid of stretch marks and cellulite we'll see), unlimited use of massage chairs (that's right!), and unlimited fitness training."

When I went in, I was not disappointed. I immediately felt a sense of warmth and acceptance. I can't really express it in words. It just felt right. Perhaps part of it is just knowing that I am doing something I know I should be doing. Working out. Eating right. Finally losing this weight.

you belong

While I was driving home, my mind kept flipping back and forth between two topics. Memories and this concept of belonging. My mind was once again flooded with unwanted memories. I had to fight against the devil, who tried his hardest to make me remember those times fondly, when I knew that God meant for me to see them for what they were: lies. And I'll tell you this. Recovery is not easy. Like Kris' addiction, in a sense, I too am recovering from an addiction. And there are still pulls. These memories of "good times" still plague my mind. I have to fight against them like an alcoholic has to fight against a craving for just a sip. I cannot give in to just one memory. That will give Satan a foothold that he so desperately wants. And I am not a child of His anymore. I belong to Christ. I have been made new.

I hadn't gotten very far in my wrestling with the devil when "coincidentally" the song I posted Sunday came on. I smiled and thanked God for reminding me who I am. When I needed it the most. Immediately following that, Matt Maher's Christ is Risen came on. I once again found myself in tears, so extremely grateful that Christ took my sins and freed me from the bondage that had held me captive for so long.

you belong

I continued pondering this concept of belonging.

I belong.

To Planet Fitness.

And to God.

You belong.

I was sorting through how I could write about this topic. I was feeling very emotional and so full of joy at the same time. We serve a great and mighty God, full of grace and forgiveness. God continually gives me reminders of His grace and forgiveness. "Oh death, where is your sting? Oh hell, where is your victory?" Those memories will not keep me down. My past will no longer leave me filled with guilt and shame. Hey Satan...where is your victory? "Christ has risen from the dead, trampling over death by death!"

Because of what Christ did on the Cross, because the Father is always waiting with open arms (like the woman at the end of the upcoming video),

you belong

And as if God hadn't already shown me enough love and kindness through music, He gave me a NEW song too. Not a coincidence! As the song came on, I looked at the title and heard the first few words; and then I had this thought: "Wouldn't that be cool if this song said something about belonging?" Surprise, surprise...it did! There is a line in this song (I kid you not!) that says "Have you been looking for a place where you belong?" It continued playing as I pulled into my driveway. I cannot even begin to count the number of times since April 6th that I have sat in my driveway sobbing, as a song played on JoyFM.

Guess what?!?!

you belong



Do you ever feel like you don't belong? Let me assure you, one more time.

you belong

30 Day Blog Challege - Day 2

A friend reminded me I was supposed to give you the "lie" from yesterday's post!!


#7. Of all the mission trips I've been on, my mission trip to Haiti was my favorite.  


That one is the one that isn't true.  I've never been to Haiti!  


I've been to Mexico, New Mexico, Arizona (twice), Russia, and Panama.


No one guessed correctly.  Granted, only 2 people guessed, but still...


On to today's challenge:

Describe 3 legitimate fears and explain why you fear them.

#1. Animals.

All of them.

Except giraffes.

Giraffes are the only animal I will allow myself to love.

I've just had too many bad experiences with different animals. The mice took over my home. I wrote about it. We've had crickets and ants worshiping their unknown gods in our home.  And then, there were the squirrels.  Oh the squirrels.  I wanted to kill them.  I swear a small child was living up there with them.  Either that or they were ROUS's!

#2. Not obtaining my Android tablet.

The only hold up on this is money.  We don't have any.  We spend money as if we have it when we are at our weakest financially.  And yet, I can't talk Kris into going ahead and buying me this.  He keeps saying those dreaded seven words:  We'll have to save up for it.

NOOOO!!!!!!

I want it NOW.  Why can't I have it NOW?  I thought we had a money tree growing in our back yard.  We don't?  I feel so...so...deceived...

We'll never be able to save $250 to splurge on me!  If anyone would like to contribute to the 'Buy Jamie A Tablet So She'll Shut Up' fund, we are now currently accepting donations.

#3. Being murdered.

In my sleep, on the street, in my house, with a mouse, in my car, in a bar, on a train, in a plane.

I would not like it in my sleep or on the street or in my house or with a MOUSE or in my car or in a bar or on a train or in a plane.

I would not like it here or there.

I would not like it anywhere!!

Seriously...it is a paranoia I have.  I always check the back of my van before I get into it at night.  I am constantly checking my rear view mirror, if I hear a sound and I'm alone in the van.  Just to make sure no one is back there waiting to kill me.

What are your fears?

America's Got Talent - My picks

I won't keep you long tonight. I just wanted to share my four picks from tonight's America's Got Talent. I agreed 100% with Howard Stern. These are the four I want to see move forward:

David and His CMYK's
No clue what that stands for but the pictures are always cool and tonight's was really impressive!

Edon
I love this kid!

Shanice and Maurice
I was NOT a fan of these two, until tonight.  I think they did a great job!  it was the first time I liked them and I want to see them go forward.

The Scott Brothers
I didn't care for them until tonight either.  They did this weird, creepy, yet cool thing with their arms at the beginning that drew me in and I just had to keep watching.

Who did you vote for?