I want to talk to you about "majesty". Before I do though, I want to just say that I LOVE my church family. I love Sunday mornings. I leave church feeling refreshed and uplifted. It's the greatest thing and I can't believe I missed out on that for so many years! I feel like I am making up for lost time. And I'm OK with that.
I've told you before that I cry a lot now. I weep. I FEEL everything. Pain, joy, relief; but mostly, gratitude. I sit in church and we sing and a song will come on. And my kids will just stare at me, wondering what is wrong with Mommy. Kris usually tells them that he thinks I'm happy. He's right. I'm so overcome with joy and gratitude in these moments, that it spills over from my heart and I just weep.
Today was no exception. This time, the song was Majesty. Some synonyms for majesty are grandeur, splendor, greatness, mightiness. It conveys the message that this is something HUGE. Something we can't fathom with our human minds. We see glimpses of it as we glance at the mountains, or the ocean lapping the seashore. We catch it when a rainbow appears or we see lightning flash across the sky. But the magnitude is such that we can't fully understand how majestic our God really is.
I felt the familiar bubbling in my heart during the preceding song. I can't even remember what song that was, but I could feel myself approaching that state where the tears well up and spill down my cheeks. It took seconds once we started singing Majesty for the well to completely overflow. The first two lines of the song were enough to reach into my heart and move me to tears.
Here's the thing I want. I want to ALWAYS be moved to tears. I have said that before and I mean it. I want to always be overwhelmed by the magnitude of the Cross. By Jesus getting on that Cross, WILLINGLY and having nails driven into his hand and feet. Taking my sin. My punishment. Dying so that I could be free. And sit here today, writing about how filled with joy and gratitude that I am. God is so good. I can't say that enough, or express how deeply I feel that, in my bones and my heart.
We had a different preacher this morning. A guy that goes to our church. His sermon was very open, honest and real. He spoke from his heart and his struggles and really, that's the best kind of sermon, isn't it? I want someone to be real with me. To speak from their own life and struggles and God's grace in spite of them. That's one of the reasons I love my church so much. I know...it's not MY church...but you know what I mean!
Anyway, I wanted to share a few things that spoke to me during the sermon.
The first thing he shared that caused me to reflect was an Eastern philosophy that says "We can be so seduced by our pain that it relieves us of our responsibility."
I'm still trying to puzzle this one out, and how it applies to me. I mean, I could compare it to physical pain. There are a lot of days that my physical pain does keep me from my responsibilities as a wife and mother. It seems to get worse with each passing month, and it is easier then to make excuses and not do ANYTHING. I have to be careful that I am not just being lazy. Most of the time, I really do need to rest and prevent further injury to my back. But there are some days that I probably COULD do more than I do, but I think "Well, my back hurts so I'm just going to take it easy..."
Then there is the issue of emotional pain. Really, it is not different than the physical pain. For years, I did let my hurt and anger towards Kris prevent me from my responsibilities as his wife and God's child.
I think this philosophy/thought is something we should all think about and reflect on.
The other thing that I really liked was his declaration that the enemy uses fear. He said that there are really only two emotions: love and fear. I'm not sure yet if I agree with that wholeheartedly, but it's something to think about. What is behind pride? What is behind anger? What is behind jealously? FEAR. You know what? I think he might be right. What can we do about the fear that the enemy lays on our hearts and in our minds? Fight it with our Sword! Sword up! (HIMYM anyone?? Suit up!)
Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you 'Do not fear; I will help you.'"
Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
2 Timothy 1:7
"For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline."
**On this one, I'd just like to note that if that is true-if God gave us NOT a spirit of fearfulness-and we still feel fear, then that fear must come from the enemy.
So, tell me what you think this means; I'd be interested to hear your interpretation:
"We can be so seduced by our pain that it relieves us of our responsibility."
I know that when I was in my deepest of depression I ended up becoming attached to it. I became so self involved in my depression, I didn't want to do the work it would take to regain control. I didn't want to force myself to get up, get dressed, and move through the day. I think that sometimes that even though pain is a terrible thing a small part of us can enjoy the attention we get from it and we can also enjoy the lack of accountability people hold us to when we are in physical or emotional pain. Even in our pain we are to be self-controlled and are to do all things to glorify God.
ReplyDeleteWhat a heart-felt post. I cry a lot too, at church and not. I liked your reflections on the sermon as well. Two Sunday's ago my priest said, in his sermon, that the opposite of belief is not 'disbelief' but fear. Fear holds you back from your belief.
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