A burden for women

I was that lost cause

I was the outcast

You died for sinners just like me

A grateful leper at Your feet

You are good

You are good

And Your love endures forever

You are good

You are good

And Your love endures forever

I love the lyrics to "Jesus Friend of Sinners," but I have to say that the last part is my favorite.  Hands down my favorite; lyrics I can relate to.

I've told you before that I have a heart for broken marriages.  Even more so, I am realizing that I have a very heavy heart for wounded, broken women.  Women, who like me, are afraid to let God in.  Who are afraid to let their walls down.  God keeps putting people in my path.  He's been doing it since February, since before I even discovered the truth and the beauty of the Cross.  For some reason, I knew it was important to tell my story.  To tell other women what I had done.  God kept putting me in situations where I would be one on one with another woman, and I would tell her what I had done.

At the time, I was still afraid of letting God in.  I would tell these broken, hurting women my story and tell them that I just wasn't sure how to let God in.  Wasn't sure if there was any hope left for me, where God was concerned.  But I was still sharing my story, opening up, sometimes to people I had never met before or barely knew.  It's like there was something in me that knew it was important to share my story.  And I couldn't believe how many women were placed right in front of me.

And now, AFTER Good Friday, it's even more apparent to me that there are a LOT of broken, hurting women that aren't sure that God can truly love them (OR FORGIVE THEM!).  That believe in God.  That go to church and sing the songs, read the main verses.  But they don't really understand the Cross.  Like the old me.  They are carrying around this heavy burden of guilt and shame.  And God wants to use my story to help them.  I wish just sharing my story was enough.  I wish that women could read what I am writing and magically just know.  Magically just understand.  I do believe that God can work through this writing and that the majority of the time, His hand is in this.  But there isn't always an easy fix.  The answer isn't always just in these words on the internet.

So my heart is heavy.  For a few women in my life who so desperately need to understand how big God's love is for them.  And for all the other women out there, that I haven't met yet. That need to hear my story, and stories like mine.  Stories of extreme brokenness, and healing, and redemption.

I was talking with a friend tonight about anxiety and how sometimes she might feel anxious before sharing her story with others.  I was marveling at the difference.  I have no anxiety before sharing my story with other women one on one, because I don't think about who I am going to tell my story to.  It seems that God just keeps putting me in these positions where the story just comes out.  It isn't premeditated.  It just happens.  And I am grateful for these opportunities.  I really am.  But I just sit back, after the fact, and marvel at conversations I have had.  And I'm like "God, what the heck?"  Or "Where did THAT come from?"  But I just smile and thank God for using me.  And I pray.  I pray for these women.  I pray that they will understand the Cross.  Really understand.  Let their walls down and meet Jesus at the foot of the Cross.  Allow themselves to be vulnerable and honest with themselves.  To stop giving into Satan's lies.  To stop believing them.

Here's the truth.  Satan is lying to some of you.  He's whispering lies.  Like "You're not good enough."  Or "God could never love you.  Not after everything you've done."  Or "You have to keep punishing yourself for what you've done if no one else will."

But that's not what God is saying.

God is saying this:

"I love you."

"You're good enough."

"I took your punishment when I died on that Cross.  I did that for yes, even YOU."

"You are worthy."

"You are my beloved."

"You are not alone."