Poetry Is ALWAYS About Death

I have a long-standing belief that all poetry is about death.  If you were in my college literature class, which you likely weren't since there were only four people in it, you know my adamant belief that all poetry is about death.  Give me a poem and I can show you how it is about death.  Katherine wanted to put this to the test.  The first two poems I Googled contained at least one form of the word "die" in them.

Thinking she would be clever, Katherine decided to write a poem for me, so that I could show her how it is about death.  Now keep in mind that poetry, like art, is open to interpretation.  And so perhaps you may think my interpretation is a stretch to get to the topic of death, but I don't really care.  I hold strongly to my belief.

Writing

The funny and cool thing about writing a novel is that the story can change without warning.  Your characters can do something you didn't expect, or your story can change entirely.  Remember that sample I gave you the other day?  Well, it's not even in this novel!  My current word count is 14,700, so I am definitely on track to hit 50,000 words before the end of the month.  I find this whole process to be quite enjoyable.  That is an understatement if I've ever written one!!  I think about my book while I'm working (though I'm still giving 100% at my job-which I love by the way-physical pain aside).  I wrote over 3000 words today, in about an hour and a half.  That's been the pace I've been at since I started six days ago.  I never even knew I had this story inside of me.  And the sample I gave you in my last post is irrelevant.  And I think I'm going to have to change my title too, but I am not sure to what...it's going to have to go in a different book.

NaNoWriMo

I recently participated in a blogging half-marathon on my other blog.  Since I completed that, I decided that I would go ahead and take a leap.  Starting today, I will be participating in the NaNoWriMo.  If you aren't familiar with this, it stands for National Novel Writing Month.  It is much as it sounds.  A month of individuals writing novels, across the nation.  The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel by November 30th.  Maybe that sounds crazy, but if you break it down by the day, it takes just 1,667 words each day.

So, I am up for the challenge.  Busy with the new job, writing my blogs, juggling schedules, and all.  I will write on my lunch break.  I've needed something to do anyway for an hour, and now I have NO excuses.  I can write some mornings before I go to work.  I can write on the weekend.  I can write whenever and wherever I choose, really.

Bullies

My son is being bullied.

I'm not just talking about being called names like stupid or gay (which he has been called).

Juggling time

So, I mentioned briefly in the last post that I got a job.

There are some reasons I haven't written too much about it.

The superficial, untrusting-of-God part of me is nervous that I'll get fired after three days for no apparent reason.

The other part of me is wanting to be professional and make sure that I am presenting this new company I am working for in the best light.  By not mentioning their name and details, etc...

I can say this:

Say what???

We have dinner with my mother-in-law on Monday nights.  Generally, because I take the kids to Cindy's, Kris takes them home, since we have to drive two separate vehicles.  Tonight, they were listening to the Bible on the way home, apparently.

Kris came in this evening and told me, very quietly, "We were listening to Exodus.  There is some bad stuff in there."

I was like "What?"

Are you grateful?

"All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship"

I DO have a reason to sing.

I DO have a reason to worship.

I have a reason to be grateful.

To count my blessings.

The public school outcome

Yes.

My kids are in public.

No.

It was not a spur of the moment decision.

It was not an 'easy way out'.

It was not something that we took lightly.

Up until about a month and a half ago, I had planned to home school.  I kept pestering Kris. "When can I buy the curriculum?"  and "Can I buy it now?"  For one reason or another, he kept putting it off.  I don't say this to cast him in a negative light.  I honestly believe that God was holding him back.  After all, we didn't have the money for the curriculum.  New OR used.

When Kris approached me with our ever-increasing debt and need to increase our income to make sure all the bills continue to be paid, he was trying to figure out a way to make it work.  His company is still struggling.  There are good things on the horizon, but things aren't moving fast enough (for us humans anyway...)  The company isn't growing at the rate we would have liked.  Kris puts in a lot of hours, even when he isn't in the office.  He is constantly thinking of ways to increase business.  He brings work home with him.  The last three weekends in a row it seems that he has had an urgent business matter to at least discuss, if not spend several hours resolving.  I know that it is necessary and ultimately it may be for the best of the company.  But it does happen from time to time.  He is putting in ten hour days now IN THE OFFICE, which we don't necessarily agree upon, but if he thinks it is necessary, I will trust him.

So, I hope that no one is sitting there thinking "Why doesn't he just get a second job?"  He's working 50+ hours with his day job, and he has a client he works for on the side as well.  And, he has us.  He has never been willing to compromise time with us.  I have always loved that about him.

When we began talking about what we could do, I am the one that said "Kris, I can get a job."  I suggested that we put the kids in public school.  I hate to see him worry about money and if I can do something about it, I will.  And the most practical thing for me to do is to get a job.  Not the easiest, as I am finding out, but the best thing for us financially right now.

I feel this need to defend my decision.  And really, I shouldn't have to.  What I choose to do for my kids and their education is my business.  It's just that I have been hearing a lot of "What happened to home school?" and "I thought you were going to home school."  And I'm not irritated or frustrated.  Not like I was a couple of years ago when told that it was NOT God's will for ME to put MY kids in public school.  God chose to provide then, and He is providing now.  It is just not in the form of private school or me teaching the kids at home.  And I am OK with that. So, I shouldn't have to even write this post, and yet I feel like I do.

Look at it as an update.

No, I am not home schooling my kids after all.

Yes, they are in the public school system.

No, I am not worried about them or the quality of their education.

Do you seriously think that after everything God has brought us through, we can't trust Him with our kids too???

And I am thrilled to report that this first week has gone smoothly.  The kids (especially Kaleb, which is HUGE!) are adjusting well and making new friends.  Kaleb and Abbey for sure have already had several conversations with their friends about God and Christianity.  I LOVE IT!  My kids are on a mission field.  And God will take care of them.

So, if any of you are worried about my kids, STOP.

God is good.

God is faithful.

He will continue to pour out His love and mercy and blessings.

And yes...He can still do this with our kids in public school.

God, Kris and I are good with this - so if you are not, you'll just have to take that up with God.

We now return to our regularly scheduled blogging...

Organized...who me? Warning *Mom blog*

I'm not the most organized person.

OK.

I'm not organized.

At all.

Unless I am at work.

But I don't have a job right now.

So it was shocking even to me when I took out the dry erase board Kris had downstairs and starting marking on it.  With dry erase markers.  Want to see what I did???

Now, before I show it to you and you make fun of me and my crooked lines, keep in mind that I am LEFT-handed and I had to work from right to left.  By the way, thanks to my friend Jaime, I now am privileged to know that today is Left Handers Day.  Raise a glass to left-handed people everywhere.  I am currently accepting QT gift cards and/or job offers making $11/hour or more.

With that being said, keep in mind that a feat like this is next to impossible for a left-handed person.  But, because we are left-handed, WE can do anything we set our minds to.  Perhaps that is also why I am so determined.  W. C. Fields said "If the left side of the brain controls the right side of your body, and the right side of your brain controls the left side of your body, then left-handed people must be the only ones in their right minds."

Ta da!

So...the idea behind this is that the kids will start earning their computer time.  Last year, we had a rule.  No computer on school days.  But since then, Katherine has really started emailing her friends and well, we thought we would take a different approach.  It was mainly Kaleb's idea and I figured out the details.

At the beginning of the week, they will start with 30 minutes.  If they do not get in ANY trouble at school, they will earn 15 minutes for the day.  They can only use their earned minutes in 15 minute increments.  Then after 15 minutes are up, they have to ask if they can use more-and we can decide depending on what we have going on whether or not they can use more.

They can LOSE minutes too.  Abbey lost 10 minutes today because of different "attitude" problems we were having.  The check marks at the bottom will start over each day.  They can earn 'bonus' minutes-either from school or from me and Kris.  And if they make POOR choices at school, they will also lose minutes.  At the end of the week (Sunday night), if they have minutes left, they will get a penny for each minute unused.

That's the plan anyway.

Do you and your family do anything similar?

Resumes are HARD

I completed my resume. I *might* have had help from Bethanie. She may have provided all the correct wording that would appeal to those hiring for administrative assistant positions. I have at least 3 jobs at Washington University that I am going to apply to. I know there are more that were just posted. One was an editing gig, that I think I would really enjoy! I know that God will put me in the right place. But I'll tell you this. I spent 6 hours yesterday tracking down employee information, dates, etc...and created a resume. I gave it to my friend to check out and she wrote all over it in red ink!!!

Can you believe that?

So she spent some time working on it this afternoon and again tonight, and we have finally finished it! And I LOVE the way it looks! Now...to apply for jobs. Please pray for us in the job transition. I think it will wind up being a really good thing for us, and it will give me a chance to interact with people again, which I need. I am SO ready for summer to be over with!!

 With VBS this week and way too many late nights, my children have NOT been good. They've been downright horrid. That's the word I used with Kris earlier. They were all so horrible at different times today. Really, this whole week. And it's not that they are horrible kids. They just haven't been getting enough sleep and it is wearing us all down. And their behavior is out of control.

While I feel sorry for my mother-in-law for having to keep them this weekend, I am actually really looking forward to a marriage weekend that Kris and I were going to. Last fall, we went to a marriage conference. I was NOT in a good place. Kris was still bound by the chains of addiction, and I was living a second life no one knew about. The conference was OK. But for me, it didn't mean much. I tried, while I was there. But when it came time to repeat our vows to one another, I just stood there crying. I couldn't do it. And while I do not think this weekend will be anything like what we went to in the fall (as far as the style), I do believe that this is going to be an extremely refreshing time for us.

Satan has been attacking Kris and I like crazy. I don't know what he is trying to prevent from happening, as Kris and I aren't teaching at VBS or anything. But he keeps attacking, right before VBS. Kris and I have so little time right now, and the time we do have we spend fighting. And it is usually over stupid, trivial issues. We'll fight about the fact that we're fighting. I realized what was happening tonight on the way to VBS. I spent the first ten minutes there trying to hold back tears. Then Sheri came over (I love her!!!!) and asked how I was doing. I'm not really good at faking it. So I just shared briefly how I felt like Satan was attacking me and Kris. She hugged me, from the side and told me she'd be praying for me.  And I cried.  Then enemy is out there. We have to fight back! We HAVE to.

Have I mentioned that I love my church?

So much!

Tonight was crazy hair night at VBS. I thought I'd post a few pictures of my kids, since I don't have permission to post other people's kids! We tried a weird Koolaid version to dye their hair but it didn't work out, so we used my friend's blue hair coloring for the kids. Just little spots here and there.

You can't really see the blue tips but I also put her hair in pony tails all over and then linked them all together in various places.

We had pony tails in his hair in the spot where the blue is, but he took them out.

She used Mama Kat's YouTube tutorial on how to make bangs so she went for that look, then we dyed that one strip of her hair.

Such a free spirit!  I love this shot of Abbey.

30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 3

So in order to put a different spin on this, I decided to tell you how my kids would describe this.

Or, at least the way I imagine what they would say, in my head!

Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents

Katherine:

My relationship with my parents is awesome. My mom is my best friend. I know that I can tell her anything. And I just know that even as I become a teenager, my mom will still be my best friend.  What makes my mom so great is how incredibly funny she is. She is always making me and my friends laugh.  My dad? Not so much. He's only funny when he doesn't try. But my mom? No one is as funny as her!  Plus, she loves bacon almost as much as I do!  We also love movies where people die.  We love to bond, crying together during the sad parts.

Kaleb:

My mom and dad are great!  I love hanging out with my dad, just the two of us.  We love to play video games together and talk about guy stuff.  My mom is a lot of fun.  She's so funny and I love to give her kisses on her cheek.  Sometimes they really frustrate me.  But overall, I am so glad that I have them in my life.  They teach me how to make the right choices and help me to understand the Bible  and how to apply it to my life.

Abigail:

My parents are the BEST. PARENTS. EVER!  My mom is the BEST cook.  My dad is the BEST dad.  I love my parents SO much.  I love animals and babies too.  They are my favorite.  I love them more than my parents.  But I love God more.

Olivia:

I love trees and grass and flowers.  And I love cats (even though I'm allergic) and dogs.  But I'm not allergic to dogs.  Just cats and horses, even though I love them.  And peanuts and walnuts, and...what was that other?  Oh yeah, sesame.  I love my brother and sisters even though they are mean to me sometimes.  I still love them.  And I love God and Jesus.  And I love my parents, even when I get in trouble.  I still love them.  I love God 100.  I only love Satan 1.

What would your kids say about you (in your head)?  ;-)

Pill Box

I need one of these.  On a night like tonight--what I would consider a "good" night--I take 8-9 pills in order to go to sleep/make it through the night.  Let me think...I take at least 4 pills in the morning.  So the days/nights when I am in pain...I won't even give you the # on that!

Anyway...

So, apparently I've been causing quite a stir.  It was not intentional.  I do not intend to continue blogging about controversial issues.  In fact, I actually try to AVOID them, because I do not like to debate things.  You want to debate something?  Talk to my husband.  He'll debate for fun.  He'll even play devil's advocate, just for the sake of arguing.  Not me.  I don't like confrontation.  I know that I opened myself up to it by daring to have an opinion on a book series that I do not think is wholesome for me (or my young Christian friends) to read.

The cool thing is that I have some really great friends.  Instead of me having to jump in and defend my position, I have friends that do it for me.  Friends that actually enjoy debating or the controversy.  I just sit back and click "publish" as the comments come in and let my friends go at it.

I've got some really great friends.  A friend and I were talking today about my whole home school "drama" from a year ago, and how someone decided that they knew God's will for my family better than Kris and I did and they should let me know.  That person said ONE thing to me in response to a Facebook status and about 15 people jumped in, defending me within minutes.

It's good to know who your friends are.

When you know that, the other stuff doesn't matter much.

It is a billion 85 really degrees in my house.  I don't know if it is just the record 105 degree weather we've been having (across the country, I know!), or the fact that my A/C doesn't work well in general, or the A/C fairies aren't doing their job to clean and lovingly care for the unit, or the fact that Kris turned the oven on to cook the chicken legs I couldn't seem to cook fully on the grill (though I told him to use the microwave and then he accidentally left it on for an hour!) or the fact that we don't have working A/C in our bedroom (an addition to the house)...but it is HOT.  Kris and I have spent the last 2 nights sleeping in the living room on couches because we just cannot survive in our room-it's at least 95 degrees back in there.  What I wouldn't give to have a window unit in there that worked!  We have all four kids sleeping downstairs because it's too hot   We've got the door shut to try to help keep the heat out but ultimately I am not sure it is helping.

But then, whenever I think about that, I think about the homeless on the streets, or the elderly, or the soldiers fighting so I have the freedom to write whatever I want and have people disagree with and yell at me without being put in prison.

And then it doesn't feel so hot.

But honestly, I'm a pretty selfish person, so the focus tends to quickly shift back to me.  I'm pathetic.  And impatient.  And I'm hot.

Oh, and I almost hit two women with my van tonight.  That was exciting...

I immediately blamed them, calling them idiots (in my head).  They were wearing dark clothing, at 10pm.  They decided to cross the road last minute AS I WAS TURNING.  And they just looked at me. I seriously almost hit them.  I had to swerve and slam on my brakes.  Only then did they decide to notice my big van with headlights beaming at them.  Scared me to death.  And made me mad.  I know that if I had hit them, #1.  It would have been horrific and #2.  It would have been my fault.  Even though it was THEIR fault.  I swear to you...people in my neighborhood and the surrounding ones just walk as slowly as possible...STARING at you while you wait for them to move.  They taunt you with their eyes and smirks and you just think "Maybe I can hit them...just a little..."  Because you know they are saying back "I dare you..."

It's the heat. It's making me crazy.

Funny story...

We had some friends over tonight.  And Abbey was playing with my friend's daughters.  I saw Abbey run through the room and go downstairs.  Within moments, the older daughter came into the dining room and said "Abbey put a curse on me and told me that the only way to break the curse was to watch the baby for an hour.  Then she just left!"  Yup.  That's my Abbey...

Speaking of being proud...

Katherine was given a scholarship at Christmas to attend bridge camp this summer.  I JUST picked her up this morning.  She spent a week out at Lake Williamson Christian Center in Carlinville, IL-she really enjoyed it, which came as no surprise to me.  She already had a very basic concept of the game, but I wasn't even prepared to hear how well she did.

Don't misconstrue that.  I KNEW that she would excel.  She excels at anything she does, specifically academics.  However, I was not prepared to hear that she has earned possibly almost FOUR silver Master Points in the American Contract Bridge League.  I know that doesn't mean much to most of you, but it's a really big deal, especially with as young as she is..  They had tournaments 3 of the 5 nights.  In one tournament, she was paired with a guy who won Nationals (a BIG bridge tourney) and they got first place!  In another yesterday, they played what was called Swiss Teams and she and  her team came in 2nd!  And she earned REAL Master Points.  Not just "I-went-to-camp-these-are-pretend-points".  So so proud!

Additionally, her cabin counselor (also the beginner's teacher) told me that when she gets back to St. Louis in August that she really wants to play with Katherine at the local club.  She said that Katherine could play for free whenever she or this other guy are there.  She told me about this Wednesday afternoon game that she actually runs and she would love to play as Katherine's partner for this weekly game.

Yes, I know I'm geeking out a bit.  But I'm a very proud mother.  She was given high praise and she deserved it.  We played bridge with her and my friend tonight and it was so fun to watch her face as she played.  You could see her thinking and making decisions, putting into practice things she has learned.  Before she left, she was a tentative player with a lot of questions.  One week away with real teachers and she is a polished, 11 year old bridge player, with almost as many Master Points as her parents (we have just over 5, in over 8 years of playing!)

OK...enough of that.  I just had to share it.  If for nothing else than to hear my friends make fun of the fact that we play a "dying game" that only old people play.  I always tell them that I have the spine of a 75 year old, so I may as well play the game of a 75 year old.  Jennifer told me that people who play bridge have sharper minds as they age, so I don't care what Shane anyone says.  You'll be drooling on yourself and I'll still be playing bridge.  I'm not sure I want to let Kat go back to camp next year - she'll wind up having more points than us (at 12 years old!), and you know I may not be able to handle that.

And now that I've bored you and myself to sleep, I'll sign off now.