Looks can be deceiving. Strong people can actually be ready to fall apart inside, and you just don't see it. I just want to put that out there. Just because someone seems strong doesn't mean they are. Some people have to be strong to get through the rough times. But when no one is looking, they're just like the rest of us. They are sad. They are weak. They are tired. They are human and they need just as much compassion and support as the next person. Don't be deceived by that person you see as "strong". Sometimes they are just as scared and alone as you are.
I'm tired. Thanksgiving wasn't as calm and relaxing as I pictured it in my head. I'm not going to go into the details. I was so happy to be in Indiana with my family and there were many blessings and "you were in the right place at the right time" moments. It just was...draining. Prayer warriors out there, please pray for my family. God knows what the exact issues are and what they need.
I've really gotten lazy at posting all the hilarious things my kids say. They haven't stopped being funny. I've just not felt like writing. I've been kind of in a low place for the last couple of months and it seems to gradually get worse. My anxiety is back in full force and is currently not being treated. Probably not a good idea but it's where I'm at right now.
Kris and I have now completed 3 weeks on Weight Watchers. The weight loss is slow going but I think we will have done OK over the holiday-i.e. I think/hope we didn't gain more than a pound or two!! We definitely had some "relaxed" days last week! But all in all I think we did well (we'll "weigh in" in the morning). It's always easier to stick to your weight/eating goals when you are home and not travelling!
My Christmas tree is now up! We only have this year's ornaments on it so far. I'm hoping to snap some pictures after my camera charges. For those of you who are new to this blog, every year our biggest family tradition is purchasing a new ornament for our tree. Each of us. We pick out our own, one that symbolizes who we are, as in individual. It usually depicts something that we enjoy doing, or a movie we loved that year. Sadly they do not have any Elf (the movie) ornaments or I would have been all over those! :-) And this is how we fill our tree. We now have a large collection of ornaments, seeing as there are 6 of us. Kris and I each have 12, Katherine 11, Kaleb 10, Abbey 9, and Olivia 6. They LOVE looking at THEIR ornaments that they chose. Livvy walked by the tree tonight, looked at her ornament and smiled. I wouldn't trade that smile for anything because I know that she LOVES her ornament and will have awesome memories of this family tradition!
I know I was a bit random tonight. Part of it is just that I haven't written for a while, but a large part is due to the fact that I'm just in this mood. Not depressed. But not not-depressed. Does that make sense? Some days I feel so gloomy. Earlier this evening I was having a real issue with being touched. The kids were sitting next to me and brushing against my arm. Kris put his hand on my arm. There are some days I can take it but then there are other days like today where I just want to scream and go off by myself for a while. *sigh*
I can relate Jamie, you sound like a mom on overload - that's where I live all the time. I've been on a certain antidepressant for 10 years. Because my liver was messed up and I was jaundiced due to Mono, the docs don't want me on any medicine except for my thyroid med. Yesterday I was exploding at my 16 yr old for no particular reason except that she is the youngest and has to take it because she has no where else to go. She said, "Will they let you take your antidepressant yet?" That threw me into a meltdown about how much I do for everyone and how no one does anything for me. I think that feeling comes with being a single 59 yr old mother who is supporting 6 people. I too, am afraid I will miss seeing the joys and blessings of my children because I am tired, overworked and cranky. Believe me, a woman my age shouldn't be living with 23 month old twins! We all do the best we can. I think you do a magnificient job as a mother and as a person. Your writing and blogs brighten my day.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rhonda! You're right...we do the best we can. It's all we can do...that and rely on God to do the rest!
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