My funny funny girl...

All of my kids have this ability to make me laugh. Things they say, things they do...they are just funny. God designed them this way. Today's funny story is about Katherine. Last year when she lost a tooth and wrote a note to the tooth fairy I posted pictures on my other blog so everyone could enjoy her thought process regarding her lost tooth. The tooth was literally LOST. We could not find it. Here are her notes to the tooth fairy-one was taped to her bed and the other on the dresser. This story sets up the next one.

(In case you can't see it, it says "Dear Tooth Fairy. I Lost My Tooth. But When I Noticed I did I Could Not Find It So I just Wanted To Tell You. Love Kat."

With that in mind, let me just tell you what happened this weekend. Katherine lost another tooth. She actually lost the tooth on Saturday and we came home and put it in a ziploc bag for safe keeping. At bedtime she thought about putting it under her pillow, but decided she wanted to show it to people at church on Sunday. And then she decided she wanted to take it to school to show people. So finally, last night, she decides it is time to put it under her pillow. When she went downstairs the tooth was in a normal ziploc bag.

Before going to bed, the 'Tooth Fairy' went downstairs to exchange her tooth for the highly inflated fee of $1. She (the Tooth Fairy) grabbed the bag and put the $1 under Katherine's pillow. As I (I mean she) was coming back upstairs Kris said "You should've just put the $1 in the bag and left the bag" or something to that effect. I shrugged it off and then immediately something on the bag caught my eye. Apparently when she went downstairs for bed, Katherine decided it would be necessary to write the Tooth Fairy another note. Here is what she wrote on the bag with her tooth in it. There are so many things I could say, but I really feel it needs no explanation.

Let's talk about passion...

There is something to be said for passion, or for being passionate about something. Take me for instance. I am passionate about The Pampered Chef. I am passionate about food. I am extremely passionate about the dessert 'section' of food! I am passionate about my children. And yes, sometimes I am even passionate about my husband! ;-)

But one thing I am NOT passionate about, besides the obvious choice of laundry, is vacuum cleaners. They just don't 'do' anything for me. And if a vacuum cleaner demo takes 2 1/2 hours, what does that tell you about the vacuum cleaner? IT'S COMPLICATED. If I can't sweep it across my floor (or have my kids do it) in 5 minutes, it is SO not worth my time...and moreso...my money. And if you want to accuse me of being an irresponsible parent because I use a dry filtration system over a wet filtration system, well...go right ahead (well, please don't because I might just cry). You aren't going to hurt my feelings (yes you will). So, I am sorry Direct-Sell-Rainbow-Vacuum-Cleaner...you are just not the vacuum cleaner for me...and you really don't fit into my budget (perhaps a toothpick would fit). Don't get me wrong-I will support the Direct Selling industry whenever I am able and if you have a LOT of time and energy to spend assembling and disassembling, filling and emptying water, adding this and adding that...IN ADDITION to the actual time it will take to vacuum the floor, well then perhaps the Rainbow IS the vacuum for you.

What we need is a vacuum cleaner that is LIKE the Rainbow with all of it's features and attachments, COMBINED with the technology of the Roomba that will vacuum the floor for lazy people (like me and Kris)...you put those two together...and count me in!

I realize I haven't blogged for a while, and actually have more I wanted to share, but Kris is eager to watch House. We're almost finished with Season 3. We only have time for one episode tonight and with this infection I've been fighting for over 10 days I really SHOULD go to bed, but I just can't resist watching at least ONE tonight. Hopefully I will update beyond the scope of vacuums soon.

Three years ago tomorrow...

...I was in the hospital giving birth to my beautiful, curly-haired Olivia Morgan. My 'baby' will be three tomorrow. And true to form it is going to be a unique birthday. That girl, much like Abbey Rose marches to the beat of her own drum! It might seem strange to some, but in our family, the plans for tomorrow are perfectly normal and didn't surprise any of us, though we were very amused at the thought.

Ok, ever since she could EAT...Livvy has LOVED LOVED LOVED cereal. Any kind. She just loves cereal. She would eat it for every single meal if allowed. She would eat it for dessert. She just loves to eat cereal. It's really funny. It doesn't matter-no matter what-if you ask her what she would like to eat, 9 time out of 10 she will tell you cereal. The girl LOVES her cereal! All that being said, our fancy birthday dinner tomorrow night to celebrate our little one's 3rd birthday will consist of...

CEREAL
and...
CAKE.

I couldn't be more thrilled! Given that I struggle to cook most days anyway, I am loving that my baby wants cereal for her birthday dinner. She chose Rice Krispies as her cereal of choice. Isn't that funny? The cake is baking now--just a plain boxed yellow cake mix with chocolate frosting. Ahh...I love it!

Today was a good day. Aside from being completely cloudy from all the rain, the temperature was close to perfect!! I really wish I had GOOD windows in my house that I could open to let the air circulate. My windows either do not have screens, or just aren't where you need them to be to enjoy the beautiful, crisp, fall air. Some day...

Let's take a little trip down memory lane...

Not so sure about this whole school bus thing

I interacted with another human being tonight. It was nice.

I hardly ever get outside of my home anymore unless I am working. But one of the only neighbors I like was outside on her swing tonight so I decided to go chat with her for a few minutes. We had a nice conversation and then her daughter started talking about something my son did on the bus this morning.

I wasn't there, so I don't know the whole story, but I listened to the girl and later confirmed with Kaleb that it had happened. Apparently there were two older boys-5th grade possibly-who were telling Kaleb to touch this little girl in inappropriate places. And my son desperately longing to fit and being 'silly' went against what he knew was right and did what they told him to do.

This upsets me. On so many different levels. First of all, why are these other kids even thinking about that? Second, why are they trying to entice a FIRST GRADER to participate? Third, why is MY son listening to them? Fourth...I could go on and on...

I talked to Kaleb about it-told him up front he wasn't in trouble but I wanted him to tell me the truth. He told me they told him to hit this girl and I kept pressing him and he told me what I already heard from the little girl. We talked about it and I told him it worried me that he listened to those boys and that I know he wants to fit it and make friends but those are the kind of people I want him being influenced by. He listened and nodded and seemed to really take in what I was saying.

And then he made me very proud. He suggested (all on his own) that he should sit up in the front of the bus, even though that would mean he couldn't sit with Katherine and her friend Rebecca because they always sit in the back. I thought that was a great suggestion and the fact the he had that idea all on his own really made me proud. He was thinking ahead! He was trying to figure out how he could avoid the situation! What a good boy. I told him I would talk to Katherine about sitting up front, even if it meant that Rebecca didn't sit with her, though I would hope that Rebecca would still sit with Katherine. So Kris and I are going to talk to the kids to re-emphasize that what was happening was not right and Kris will stay down at the bus stop to make sure all three of our kids sit near the front of the bus.

Cops and Robbers. Fairies and Indians. Same difference.

Today was an absolutely CRAZY (there's my favorite word again...) day at work. I worked on the same problem claim for over 2 hours today (more mentally). It was really draining (I've decided to put lots of things in parentheses today apparently!).
And then I stepped outside. Oh the weather! Perhaps it was a little dreary. Perhaps it was wet and rainy. Perhaps most people would have rather been inside. But something about the weather today lifted my heart. I thought it was just the PERFECT temperature. I'm not sure it really got much above 70 degrees today and the fact that there was a nice breeze and the sun was nowhere in sight made me long for FALL! It was like a fall day today and I could feel the difference. I could feel the weight of the last several weeks lift from me. I felt so strange...so...good! It's a rare feeling.

I was eager to DO something today. This is a good thing. If you know nothing about depression, know that those caught in the claws of it find it extremely difficult to do normal everyday things. Getting out of bed is difficult. Taking a shower is difficult. Cooking is difficult. 'Dealing' with anything at all is difficult. Living life in general is just extremely difficult. Lately I've struggled to do anything I normally do. Grocery shopping for example. I hadn't gone to the grocery store in oh, maybe 5 weeks. I used to go every week to two weeks. We were down to ice and a couple of frozen corn dogs. It was pretty bad. We had been eating out a lot. The other day though Kris and I took all the kids and finally got groceries! I suggested to Kris that we get a lot of 'easy' meals because I didn't want to spend our money on hamburger and chicken and things like that that only I knew how to cook, on the off chance that I didn't 'feel' like cooking. So we bought a lot of frozen things, lunchables for the kids, pizzas. It's pathetic I know-but it's the reality of where I am at right now. Kris has had to shoulder quite a bit lately.

Where was I going with all that? Oh yeah...the beautiful (to me anyway) fall weather we had this afternoon. Because I actually felt like doing something, I decided to take advantage of that and when the older kids got home from school we loaded up and drove to Dollar Tree. This wasn't in the original plans-the original plan was to go get a Redbox movie (I had a free coupon) for family movie night, which we try to do on a weekly basis. Kaleb still had $10 birthday money and he wanted to take that with him, so I decided I felt up to taking my kids to Dollar Tree. Kaleb said everyone could spend $2. The boy is SO possessive of his 'stuff' including money, but he is SO generous at the same time.

Here's my theory with Dollar Tree. Well it's probably not technically a theory or anything but who cares. This is my blog and I'll call it whatever I want! ;-) Kris and I decided a couple of years ago it was pointless to waste our money on expensive toys that will just get broken, lost, or remain 'unplayed' with. We decided to start doing the majority of our Christmas and birthday shopping at Dollar Tree. The kids are young enough that they still really LOVE the toys from Dollar Tree and we will get away with it for as long as they will let us!
So the kids all found themselves some 'treasures' at Dollar Tree today and I have pictures below of my beautiful fairies and my little Indian. After Dollar Tree I took the kids to Sonic for a little snack and slushes, then we headed to get the movie from Redbox. When we got home we actually cleaned up the living room, which has also been extremely difficult for me lately. But I propped my front door open (don't ask-it needs replaced) so the breeze could come in and we set to work. It was the first 'real' work I've done around the house in WAY TOO LONG! Kris loaded the dishwasher for me when he got home and I even managed to bake some cookies. Baking is a cook sign in the change in my moods! I think Kris was pleased with the 'new' me (or perhaps it is truly the 'real' me), however short-lived it may be. I know the kids benefited and saw a difference! It felt good to enjoy them today. We watched "Nim's Island" for movie night, which turned out to be a fairly enjoyable movie. Then the kids went to bed and here I am. I primarily wanted to put the pictures of my adorable kids on here-but felt you needed an extremely long explanation for the pictures. Most things are cheap and break easily from Dollar Tree but if you need some GREAT fairy wings, I suggest $1 at Dollar Tree! Every little girl will LOVE them and they are actually quite impressive on the quality!

They won't stay young forever...

My kids are growing up. I realize this. Kaleb just turned 7. Katherine is STILL 7 for another month and a half. Nice, huh? Abbey is going on 6 in October and Livvy will be 3 next week. How fast the years fly by. My baby...isn't a baby anymore and hasn't been for quite some time, and yet that's how I still refer to her when talking to people. I have to pick up the baby, or the baby is sick, or the baby is at school. Ok...since when do actual babies go to school? That should be a good indicator that I need to break this habit I have of always calling her 'the baby'.

What prompted this was thinking about how excited my kids always seem to get when I walk in the door. It's the same with Kris-it's not like I'm just the coolest, nicest mom ever-FAR FROM IT!! If I come home from work, or if I have been gone for a few hours, the kids run to the door screaming 'Mommy! Mommy!' and it reminds me that I can't be doing a horrible job raising them. Abbey and Livvy I think capture my heart the most with this. They are still just so excited...beyond excited really. I LOVED picking the kids up from Grace last year because EVERY day, no matter what, Abbey would take off running the minute she saw me, screaming 'Mommy! Mommy!' and give me a hug.

This year, for the most part, Kris drops Livvy off and picks her up at preschool. But today I had the priviledge of picking her up. When I walked in, she was busy playing (unsupervised by the way which concerned me but I am choosing not to blog about tonight beyond this run on sentence). She kept on playing while all these others kids just stared at me...and I just watched her for a couple of minutes. Finally, I said "Olivia..."

And there it was. Her face lit up, her eyes grew wide and she took off running towards me screaming 'Mommy! Mommy!'. I swept her up into my arms and hugged her. It was a great 'mom moment' for me. I needed that after this crazy "kids-still-sick week". Of course the moment didn't last too long because as soon as I put her in the Explorer she said "Why is Daddy not in here?" Oh well...it was great while it lasted.

This whole thing makes me realize a day will come when my kids will cease being THAT excited to see me. They will inevitable become more independent, more distant, and less excited to see me. Hopefully it will just be your normal teenage phases and we will come away from those trying years close and connected. It's little moments like that though that remind me to slow down and enjoy these years now. I can already see Katherine and Kaleb becoming more independent and before long they will all four be entering those crazy pre-teen and teenage years. I have to savor these moments because they will not always be there.

Um....why?

I guess I have no right to complain. I mean, I am the one (with the assistance of my husband of course) who had four children. I SHOULD have known that 4 kids means 4 times the sickness and trials. But can we not catch a break? I mean, REALLY!

Ok, Livvy was released from the hospital two weeks ago yesterday. Last Monday night, Abbey was sick, throwing up during the night and kept home from school on Tuesday. Kaleb got sick Friday night into Saturday, which also happened to be his birthday. We had planned to go camping for his birthday. When everyone woke up Saturday morning and found out he had been sick and we weren't going camping, there was quite a bit of disappointment in our home. Kaleb even said sadly "So I'm not going to see Grandpa Ken on my birthday?" Well, wanting the kids to still get to enjoy what we had planned for Kaleb's birthday we made it through the morning and lunch without Kaleb getting sick again. So we decided it would be ok to go ahead and take the kids an hour and a half out to St. James where our friends were camping.

We had a nice time out there. Kris' dad (Grandpa Ken) brought a cake over and we celebrated Kaleb's 7th birthday and he got to play with his friends. He didn't eat much and seemed a little worn out from time to time but for the most part, he was fine. And then, around 11:30 pm...he threw up again. After almost 24 hours NOT throwing up...

We decided it would be best to get all the kids up and in the van and drove back home and got in around 2:30am Sunday morning. We hung out at the house all day and waited for the next kid to get sick. We didn't have to wait long-Katherine started throwing up Sunday night/Monday morning. More resting at the house yesterday and we went a whole night with no one throwing up.

When my phone rang at work this afternoon, though I didn't recognize the number, something (mother's intuition?) told me that it was either Armstrong Elementary or Livvy's school. It was Armstrong. Kaleb had an accident and his stomach was hurting him. And could I come and pick him up? Oh sure...I mean, it's not like no one has been sick for the last two weeks. Wait...it's exactly like that!

So Kaleb and I are sitting at home now watching a HORRIBLE claymation version of Hansel and Gretel. And to top it all off, Livvy hasn't even gotten this round yet...and Kaleb can't go back to school tomorrow. So Kris and I are really hoping that if Livvy is gonna get it she gets it today or during the night since he is planning to stay home tomorrow anyway! I am a little worried about Kaleb since he has basically been sick with some stomach bug since Friday night. The girls only had it for about 12 hours. He's going on 4 days now. If he isn't better tomorrow I suppose I should call the doctor.

*sigh*

Smoking: Should I Start?

So lately I have been wondering about the question that prompted today's subject line.


***PLEASE NOTE***

I am not seriously considering smoking.


I'm just thinking...if it would help with my anxiety, and if it would help me maintain my weight...well...what's the harm??


Oh yeah...cancer. Yellow teeth. For me, blood clots. So perhaps it isn't the best idea...


Anyway...


I like the song "Johnny and June". It makes me smile.


The other day we were getting Livvy ready for school and I had her in a jumper and white shirt. And she kept calling it a 'jump rope'. It was really cute.


I am perplexed. We took Livvy to the doctor today to talk about her blood test results from her hospital stay. The fact that the had us come into the office instead of discussing it over the phone led me to believe there was a lot to talk about.


Boy was I wrong. Her blood test came back negative. They tested her for trees, grass, mold, and nuts. Not allergic to any of them. Now the doctor did say that she was really too young to do that blood test but from what they could tell she wasn't allergic to anything. He didn't realize he hadn't tested her for cats and dogs, so that one is still up in the air. So her 'allergies' are not contributing to her asthma. So what does this mean?


We still can't give her peanut butter or nuts. The doctor wanted us to go see an allergist before giving clearance to give her those things. Specifically with peanut butter, Livvy breaks out in hives wherever it touches her. There are other food items that have the same result. Ranch dressing, sometimes. Dog saliva too I believe. I am not upset that she tested negative-just confused. She was very clearly choking the last time we consciously gave her peanut butter. I took it away and started giving her benadryl right away and she ended up being just fine. But in addition to choking that time, she had hives almost all over her body. So if she isn't allergic, why is she breaking into hives??? I don't get it. So strange...

A little bit of random thinking

The song "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen makes me laugh. Especially the line about his naughty nanny.

Certain 'Monster Ballads' from the 80's make me smile no matter how many times I have heard them.

Remember when we were kids (those of you close in age to me) and we had those toy phones? The rotary type ones? Sometimes you could pull it on a string. Remember how much fun as kids we used to have playing with phones or pretending to talk on them? Boy have times changed. Technology is an interesting thing. The other day in the van my children were playing with pretend phones, only their phones were, of course, cell phones. But beyond that, their phones had a variety of ringers and could vibrate. And...my favorite of all...Kaleb was pretending he was sending an email on his phone! Isn't that funny?? Makes me wonder what my grandchildren will be pretending to make calls on!

Abbey hasn't had any accidents at school since we discovered that the toilets at school flush automatically. She will only use ONE certain toilet and though I can't be sure, I think she is actually going potty at school now instead of holding it or having accidents.

Kaleb's meltdowns seem to be increasing. Today, because I voiced some concerns to his teacher, the school counselor sent home a brochure on a program Hazelwood has with Florissant PSYCH, so we can actually call and get 4 free visits with a psychologist. I will definitely be calling to make an appointment. Kaleb told me the other night that when he is mad or upset he has bad thoughts. I asked him what kind of bad thoughts and he said thoughts about getting hurt or killed. This concerned me, as I cannot place where he would have HEARD anything like that.

It's 5:22pm and I should go make dinner for the kids. Yet as usual, I am really tired and don't feel like it. Fortunately we are just having sandwiches so at least it is easy and won't take long.

Olivia likes her Alphabet Soup school. She is basically completely potty-trained now which is just GREAT! I can't beleive for the first time EVER I don't have any kids in diapers! My first three were so close together...for the last 7 years I've always had at least one (usually 2) in diapers!

Katherine...nothing new really. She's enjoying 2nd grade, though she told me today that she didn't miss anything on her spelling test because her words were SO easy. It amazes me how easy the spelling words are for both Kaleb and Katherine. Transferring to public school from private school there is a significant difference. I don't know that they are specifically testing Katherine's reading yet, but Kaleb is in first grade and has already passed the end of first grade and the end of second grade reading. They are now testing him at the third grade level. It's amazing...

Kris and I are hoping to play bridge again at the club tomorrow night. We were able to go last week thanks to our friend Faith. Anyone want to quite literally sit at my house for about 3 hours while my kids sleep??? Please? Pretty please...!

The ups and downs of parenting

Today is more about the 'downs' of parenting. My son...well...it's hard right now to really put it all into words. I've expressed my concerns before with his attitude and erratic behavior. This school year hasn't started off too well. Ok, well there were 2 days last week that Kaleb didn't really get into too much trouble, and one day this week. HOWEVER, the other days, today included, did not go as well. He earned himself an hour of detention today. In addition to being silly and not listening at school, his attitude at home (and HIS MOUTH) have just been horrible. He's disagreeable the majority of the time. And he is hateful and mean. He screams at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get his way. It just seems that he should have outgrown some of this. Last night he got spanked (by dad) for being rude and disrespectful over and over again. So rather than take his punishment and cry, he threw himself around and got himself into more trouble. So Kris spanked him and then Kaleb proceeded to throw himself onto the floor and thrash around. All the while screaming "I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!" We just walked out and shut the door. When I went back in there, he had put his jammies on and was laying in his bed. What is so infuriating is that when he is in the midst of that, there is NOTHING we can do to diffuse the situation. You can't leave the room because he can't be trusted. He has this thing for destroying objects so I don't really like to just walk away and leave him to tear things apart. If you stay in there and try to talk rationally to him he just screams over you. Spanking obviously isn't effective. I just really don't know how to help him express his emotions in a way that is healthy for everyone involved. I love my son. SO MUCH. And I hate to see him lose control of himself so quickly and so often, and sometimes with absolutely no provocation at all.

And then there's Abbey. She never has accidents, or I suppose I should say she very rarely has accidents. But yesterday she had an accident at school and they wrote a little note to tell me about it. She took 'extra' bathroom breaks in the afternoon, and THEN had an accident when she came back to the room. Well this afternoon the nurse called me because she had another accident and they were wanting to know if maybe she had a UTI or something. I was perplexed. I told them she was just fine and I just did not understand why she would be doing that. So her teacher calls me after school today to talk to me about it and I am just so confused as to why all of a sudden this is happening. All of a sudden, I got this thought as the teacher and I were talking through it all. So I asked the teacher "I don't really understand because the toilets don't flush on their own do they?" And the teacher told me that yes they do. Imagine my surprise. Well, it is more difficult for you to imagine if you don't understand that my Abbey has a fear of public toilets, ESPECIALLY those that flush on their own. In public she can now go potty by herself as long as they don't flush on their own. If they flush on their own, she will FINALLLY go, as long as someone else goes in with her and covers ('tricks' as she calls it) the sensor. She still jumps right up and backs away as soon it starts to flush. I believe what was happening is this: Abbey needed to go potty. She would ask to go to the bathroom, and then she would go to the bathroom, probably intent on going, then get in there and be terrified of the stupid automatic toilet. And then she would go back to class, not having gone potty and when she couldn't wait any longer, she would have an accident. So...the REASON she is having accidents is finally clear to me, and once I realized the toilets were automatic it made much more sense. However, now the question is how do we help her overcome her fear? I actually took her over to the school this afternoon and made her get up on the potty three times assuring her that when it flushed nothing bad happened. I think (I HOPE) I have her almost convinced that she can get up on the potty and go before it will flush. We will see what happens tomorrow. Poor girl.

It's been a long day.

She's home

I just realized I forgot to update on here that Olivia came home from the hospital yesterday around 11am. She is doing well. She started preschool today (was supposed to start yesterday). She had a good first day.

There's nothing more to say right now.

Update on Livvy

Well, it looks like my update will be FROM the hospital, instead of when we get home from the hospital, since we are not going home tonight.

While her asthma and oxygen levels are under control, Livvy has been throwing up all day. Her heart rate had been ranging between 170-190, and we were told that it is a sign of dehydration, which is no surprise since she has been throwing up everything she drinks. So they took her about 20 minutes ago and put an iv in her little hand. I think the 'weight' of this weekend is catching up with me and I couldn't bring myself to go in the room while they put the iv in. Of course if she had cried for me to be with her, I would have gone, but I couldn't take it. I was in tears here in the room hearing her scream from across the hall. But she did good and doesn't seem to be too bothered by the iv. They are filling her with fluids and her heart rate is already down around the 150's. She is doing well without oxygen and able to keep that above 95 on her own. She has become congested and if I didn't know better I would think she had or came down with a touch of the flu while we were here. They will continue the fluids through the iv tonight and in the morning we will try giving her liquids by mouth again and if she can keep that down, we will move on to solid foods. So, hopefully we will go home tomorrow but we have to take one thing at a time and go from there.

All of your prayers are appreciated. Thanks to those of you who have stopped by or called to ask about her. We appreciate all of our friends and family.

Rough morning

It's been a rough morning for Olivia today. Her breathing is under control and they took her off of oxygen around midnight last night, but she can't keep any food or drink down...so that has been...interesting. It could be a direct result of coughing and the phlegm that is broken up from all her breathing treatments. What do I know though? I'm not a doctor. The good news is that they said we can probably go home today. The doctor wants to see if she can keep her lunch down in a bit-we'll see how that goes. She is in better spirits today though, and finally used to being here. Isn't that the way it goes? Resistant to something new until it's almost over?

It's been a crazy weekend. It's going to be an awful week at work. I was already behind Friday and had planned to work over the weekend, but being here, even though there is wi-fi, I have been able to focus long enough on anything BUT Olivia. There's laundry to be done at home, and cleaning and all kinds of things that I need to catch up on but it doesn't look promising that I will get to any of it. Even if they say we can go this afternoon, it will most likely be this evening by the time all the paperwork and waiting around gets done.

At least now we have a plan to deal with her asthma and kind of keep it under control. I will have two epi-pens-one to leave at home (or take wherever we go) and one to leave at her preschool. She's get pulmicort morning and night everyday and then albuterol as needed to treat an attack. That's all for now. I will update when we are released from the hospital.

Hospitals with Wi-Fi...

...get two thumbs up.

Last night WAS NOT a good night. AFTER I got home with my brand new .68 master point! We went to bed around 1:30am. I woke up around 4am to hear Kris giving Livvy a breathing treatment and Livvy's shallow, fast breathing could be heard back in my room. Apparently her screaming woke Kris up-so odd that I didn't hear it.

He brought her into the bedroom around 4:15am and her breathing was still pretty bad after the treatment so we decided we should take her to the ER. So up I got, got dressed, brushed my teeth, grabbed my purse and out the door we were by 4:30am. We went to Depaul Hospital, which is only about 12-15 minutes from our house. They didn't even bother registering us. They almost immediately took us right back to a room and started an hour long breathing treatment. They want the oxygen level to be OVER 95 and Livvy's was staying down around 91. They did a second treatment a while later and around 8:30am told me they wanted to admit her to the hospital for 'in-house' treatment. For whatever reason, they said we had to go to a different hospital, so I chose St. Lukes Hospital, where all of the kids were born, despite it's distance from our house, which is still only about 20-25 minutes away.

And I guess hospital policy dictates that they have to transfer by ambulance, instead of me driving her. So I left my car at Depaul and we rode in the ambulance over to St. Lukes. It was interesting. They strapped a car seat onto the stretcher then put her into the car seat. They already had a room ready for us so we came straight up. Talk about GOOD treatment! Both hospitals impressed me.

While Livvy's breathing is better and more under control, her oxygen level is not stabilizing just yet. They said if they have to give her oxygen she may have to stay longer than one night. She was getting used to everything until they put the oxygen thing in her nose and she has been restless and cranky and trying to rip it off her face ever since. Poor thing...we are hoping to let her walk around for a bit-they said we could have her off the oxygen for maybe 10-15 minutes. Should be an interesting time...

**UPDATE-I wanted to add something. At one point, Livvy said extremely cute and pathetically "It's not mine!". I said 'What's not yours?' And she pointed to the oxygen tubes in her nose. It was really funny. She said it as if she expected me to remove them simply because they were not hers; therefore they did not belong in her nose! It was really funny.

I'm on the way up

I am KEYED up tonight. I don't know when I will be able to fall asleep. I've been home for about 15-20 minutes and I am EXCITED.

I learned to play bridge about 5-6 years ago. We played with our friends (who taught us to play) at their house or ours over the course of about a year or so. And then life changed, got busy and we kind of stopped playing. I would play from time to time online and sometimes Kris would play with me but we really kind of just stopped playing on a regular basis.

Then, last Wednesday, Mary asked if we wanted to help them practice for this tournament that was coming up. We said 'sure'. So we practiced with them last Thursday through this past Monday night, every day. Refreshing our memories and game play. We decided early on in our 'practice' last week that we would get a sitter if possible and play as often as we could in the tournament. May as well try it out-thought it would be fun.

Tuesday night was our first night at the tournament. Even then we did not come in last place, which felt pretty good considering we have never played bridge in public before. We had fun, we learned some things, we made some mistakes.

Wednesday night, a bit of the same. This time we didn't make as many mistakes and we still had fun. Thursday was much of the same, only I found myself more disappointed that we didn't do 'better' because I felt like we were 'on' our game last night.

Anyway, I was really drained today. We had been working all day, then playing bridge and not getting home until midnight every night. But I thought "I'm just going to have fun and not think about the competition aspect of it." We had a good night tonight. We played well together. We made a couple mistakes, we missed a couple bids. But overall, I had so much fun and we played well. Kris did great. He got a little more bold tonight and it paid off.

Now if you don't know much about bridge, you may not know that you can earn Master Points. I don't know that these points mean anything beyond giving you a 'status' within the bridge realm. But if you enjoy playing bridge and you are going to play in a club or in a tournament, you want Master Points. They have different levels: black, red, silver and gold. Each color is worth more than the one before it. When you play at a local club you can earn black points. In this tournament at the level we were at, you can earn red points.

Kris and I, being BRAND NEW to playing bridge in public, have held our own all week. We haven't looked like fools or been super easy opponents, at least I don't think so. We haven't been in last place either any night at all, so that to me was almost enough! It means that though we do not have nearly as much experience as pretty much everyone else there, we have played well.

And tonight I am happy, excited, proud, THRILLED to announce that Kris and I earned Master Points tonight! We each earned .68 RED points. I know it's not a whole point. HOWEVER, it can take years to earn points. So we have a great start to what I know will be a continued pursuit of Master Points! It was a very fun, exciting and thoroughly fulfilling night for us both.

We will play in the tournament tomorrow night as well. At this point though, I am beyond content! It has been an awesome experience and I have met a lot of great people. I am excited to play with my new friends again tomorrow night but will be sad to say goodbye to them. But perhaps I will see them again next year!

The transition is complete...

Today Katherine, Kaleb and Abbey started public school. All three of them rode the bus for the first time. I was more nervous than they were. Abbey was cute-she just kept hugging me and telling me she loves me (as only Abbey can!) and telling me that she was going to try really hard to be good. So I saw them off to school, then made it home in time for them to get off of the school bus (only had minutes to spare).

When they got home they were all so eager to tell me about their days. Kaleb told me about one of his friends and that he had a good day and liked his teacher. He had a 'good' day too as far as his behavior. In addition, he made it a point to tell me about this cute girl in his class. I didn't prompt it, though I THOUGHT about asking him if there were any cute girls. I gave him this look and he told me he didn't have a girlfriend. He didn't say 'yet' but I am sure he was thinking it like I was!! Then he went on to tell me that she was just really really cute! It was funny. Kaleb then proceeded to draw a picture of a lady. Around it he wrote "Your the best Your the best" and then underneath it said "Miss Chitwood". So, obviously he likes his teacher about as much as I do. I think it will be (I HOPE) a good year for Kaleb.

Katherine made a new friend who also happens to ride the school bus and apparently lives around the block, so she was pretty excited about that. Her name is Rebecca and Katherine already asked me if she can go to Rebecca's house on Saturday. I told Katherine I couldn't even think about that right now.

Abbey had a good day too. She likes her teacher quite a bit. There isn't much more to say about Abbey's day but she enjoyed herself.

I am looking forward to my new schedule of getting off work at 3. Because I don't want to get up earlier, I am working 8-3 in Fenton then I will come home and work for another hour while the kids read and do their homework til 5. Then I will get dinner ready and so on...maybe I will feel less 'busy' and stressed with that extra couple of hours at home. We'll see...

Livvy starts school at Alphabet Soup next week. She is VERY excited and doing very well with the potty training! I'm very proud of her of course. And now we will save $40/month with her potty trained, not to mention the money we will save in diapers/pullups. This is the first time we have not had anyone in diapers....SO BIZARRE!!! GOOD though!

Paranoia

I have a lot of fears and anxieties. This is not news to most people. I call myself paranoid. Kris always makes fun of me whenever I have a new 'worry'. For instance, if I have an unusual headache, I worry that there might be something else going on besides the fact that I didn't have my morning Diet Dr. Pepper. This is a bit of an exaggeration-I am just using that scenario to illustrate what I am trying to say. I've self-diagnosed myself with restless leg syndrome among other things.

What I realized tonight though is that I only do this when I don't truly beleive there is something wrong with me. For instance, I have this annoying pain in the back of my leg, behind my knee. It's been there all day-it feels almost like a pulled muscle or something similar. So what do I 'worry' that it might be? A blood clot. Now, mind you, fearing a blood clot is a very valid concern and one that I will not take lightly. I had my first blood clot 10 years ago, and based on this Factor V Leiden that I have, there is no way of predicting whether I will get another one. And I have done research on Factor V Leiden and blood clots, as it is a real concern for me. And I also know that pain in the back of your leg (behind your knee), especially when accompanied by swelling (which I DO NOT have) CAN be a sign of a clot. So, that is how I ended up writing about this, because the pain in my leg raised certain questions.

The reality is that I do not truly believe that I have a blood clot, though I am not stupid enough that I will not call my doctor if the pain does not subside. I was contemplating this, knowing that Kris thinks I am a bit of a hypochondriac, and I have to disagree with him. What I realized tonight is that I am more talk than anything. I speculate quite a bit-especially when I don't feel right-but it is only when I don't really believe anything to be wrong that I do this. When there is actually something wrong with me, I am very simply in denial that anything is wrong with me. I will insist that I am fine. Had Kris and his dad not pushed me 10 years ago to go to the doctor when my arm turned purpled and swelled up like a balloon for no apparent reason, I probably would not have gone-at least not right away.

So, what Kris and I decided tonight is that because I 'worry' that something is wrong with my leg, based on my history and paranoia when there is truly nothing serious wrong, that I must be just fine. Sounds logical, right?

New month, new blog

August 1. Just a little longer and then we will enjoy the sweet, cool, crispness of fall! I LOVE fall! I think I blog about this every year. I can't wait for fall!

I'm extremely tired tonight, so I will try to keep this short. It's been a crazy, busy week. Today we did some job switching at work, so it took some adjusting at work today, which wasn't easy with a two hour vendor lunch that kept me out of the office. I realized today how nice it is to work at the office in Fenton where I work. Kris works down in the city and I work off-site in Fenton, in one of our client's buildings. I have my own cubicle with a very large desk, two computer screens, lots of space and a nice cushy computer chair. Today I was in for a RUDE awakening working in the city. Because I am never there, I get all the mix and match furniture and things that no one wants or needs. I suppose it makes sense though since, as I said, I am never there. I think in the last 5 months I have worked 'on-site' two times! All that to say it was a difficult day as far as being productive. I mean, I was productive. I set up 22 claims today, and dispatched 13 of them. I kept up with my email and the adjuster alerts. I realize most people don't know what any of that means, but it doesn't really matter...I'm just talking... Right at the end of the day we ended up getting another 10-12 claims that will need to be set up and dispatched. I plan to put in a couple hours tomorrow trying to get everything caught up so that when I get to the office Monday I can feel that things are more manageable.

So I ended a crazy day with a much crazier night. It's all my mother-in-law's fault. Yeah...I know you're reading this-you know it's your fault! :-) It's tax-free weekend of course for school supplies and clothes, so she thought it would be a great idea to go shopping for school supplies. I did not want to. I'm tired...all the time...and tonight was no exception. And we went to Walmart of all places and if you have ever been in a St. Louis Walmart, well, it's just not pretty. It was over-crowded and over-crazy! I totally overuse the word crazy but it seems to fit in so many different aspects of my life. Anyway...$140 and 1 1/2 hours later we left Walmart, still needing ALL of Livvy's school supplies (because we didn't have her list) and a number of items for the olders kids as well. Cindy has offered to go back at 7am to get the remainder of the items on the older kids' lists, so I have decided to just accept her proposal and let her. It's the least she can do for dragging me out with the three girls into chaos, AFTER the kids' bedtime to do shopping I didn't want to do! Don't worry those of you who might think me a bit harsh...she's sitting right here with me and knows I am smiling as I write about this. I'm not really mad...in case anyone is wondering!

Speaking of crazy, I have a little story to share that pretty much proves I use that word too much. Katherine is a lot like me emotionally. Already at 7 years old she will randomly cry for reasons she cannot understand or explain. She's such a girl! The other day I knew she was tired and something set her off and she was just crying away. I was holding her and asked her what was wrong, or if she knew why she was crying. She told me no and then said "I just feel crazy." Hmm...I can't seem to figure out WHERE she would have ever heard something even close to that!

Pictures from Chicago

Cowardice?

I feel the need to address this. I am a simple woman (don't ask Kris-he will tell you differently!) I have my friends and family, but I am not a 'popular' person, nor am I well-read as far as my blog goes. In fact, I THOUGHT that only 3-5 people even read my meaningless ramblings to begin with. But apparently there are those out there who are ready to jump up and defend Amtrak at a moment's notice. I thought that perhaps I would type Amtrak about 25 times in this blog, in the hopes that the 'person' who left me the anonymous comment is once again searching simply to find out what people are saying about Amtrak and perhaps read this blog as well. For those of you who didn't catch the comment on my last blog it was as follows:

"Jamie - You need to get out more. Every company that sells reserved travel has some sort of fee associated with changing reservations. And you moved from an off-peak res to a peak res, so I'm sure the fee reflects the higher cost of a Friday return. If this is the worst thing a company has ever done to you, then count yourself lucky."

And if you know me, you know that I could not let this pass until I confront it. First of all, I realize that in leaving my blog open to comments from anyone (so that those I care about can leave their thoughts without having to sign in to anything), I am leaving myself open for judgement or criticism. And that is fine. HOWEVER, if you choose to leave a comment that is anything like the one above, have the courage to leave your name!

First of all Mr./Mrs. Anonymous, I would LOVE to get out more. I would LOVE to have the money to travel as often and in whichever way I wanted (and though it apparently offends you greatly it would NOT be via Amtrak now!). So, while you were probably trying to insult me with your hateful little suggestion, I would gladly take your advice if I were able to.

Second, though you may disagree, I am NO idiot. I am not so naive or stupid or blind to the world around me to expect that companies can just let people cancel reservations whenever they want or change their reservations, as I attempted to do. Of course there has to be some sort of fee for changing your reservation. You don't even understand the reason I wrote the blog. It was not simply because I was upset about the $64 (though it is horrible business practice to charge THREE TIMES the original price to change a reservation). If I was truly only upset about the fee, I would not have given them my credit card at Amtrak last night; I would have found another place to stay for the night and kept my reservation as it was, even though I was dying to get back to the rest of my family. So my anonymous 'friend', don't randomly leave comments when you don't even know the whole story.

My blog is not written to trash companies that irritate me, like Sprint, Charter and Amtrak (though this does happen from time to time). In all of my rantings against Sprint and Charter, no one has ever left me an anonymous comment trying to tear me down for voicing my feelings about what was a very frustrating experience I had to endure in the company of my seven-year-old daughter. And I am far from being an emotionally stable mother of four children under the age of seven, so forgive me for letting my emotions (oh and the horrible circumstances of my first Amtrak experience which went WAY beyond the extra money I had to pay) ruin my first impression of a company that I had hoped could provide an easier and cheaper form of travel for my family.

My 'do not use' list

If you know me, or have followed my blogs, you possibly know that I HATE Sprint and I HATE Charter. They have been a thorn in my side for many years, though for reasons I cannot really avoid, I continue to pay them money every month to continue my hatred for them. I have a new corporation to add to that list and it is Amtrak.

I very briefly described my first train trip with Amtrak in my last blog. The trip to Chicago itself was absolutely awful. And I was pretty sure then that I would NEVER take the train again, though traveling by train does have certain benefits over driving myself or flying. However, as complaining about that journey is not the purpose of this blog, I will move on to the actual reason for writing tonight.

When this trip was first planned, I thought that we would be coming back Friday night/Saturday morning (12:30am). The other day when I looked at my train confirmation, it said I was coming back Saturday night/Sunday morning. I thought this was odd, but figured I had read the initial email about the trip wrong. And today at lunch it was really bothering me, so I decided to ask the other ladies about it. Well...sure enough...THEY were all taking the train back tomorrow night, while my reservation was for Saturday night. So I immediately called Kris and asked him to call Amtrak for me and see if he could get Katherine and I on the same train back to St. Louis.

He called me back and said he got us switched over but that he was frustrated with Amtrak and they wanted me to pay another $64 to change my reservation. This did not make either one of us happy. One of the moms even called Amtrak herself to see if she could get them to lower their price but they would not budge. It is extremely frustrating because the mistake was not Amtrak's, and the mistake was not mine, as I am not the one who ordered my ticket. I do not fault, nor am I upset with, the mother who ordered the tickets. She was doing me a favor to get everything ordered and make all the arrangments, so I was grateful I didn't have to do any of it myself.

But here's the most frustrating part. When I ordered my tickets, I paid $76 for roundtrip tickets for Katherine and myself. And now, I am going to have to pay another $64 for ONE WAY back to St. Louis!!! It's almost as if I am buying another set of roundtrip tickets for no reason, and at a highly inflated price! Absolutely annoying, frustrating and ridiculous!!! Amtrak will be getting an email from me, documenting my horrible first experience with them and also the frustration of switching my ticket to a day earlier. But what was I supposed to do? Everyone is checking out of the hotel tomorrow morning. I don't have another hotel booked. I can't afford to pay for another night in a hotel in downtown Chicago. I don't want to fight the crowd and anxiety I will feel at the train station by myself with Kat. The station here is intimidating and overcrowded. I don't want to do that alone. The whole Amtrak experience has been one of frustration and now outright anger.

And that is why Amtrak is right up there (or down there) with Sprint and Charter. I HATE AMTRAK!

Much to my relief...

...it has been a slow, fairly quiet morning so far today. We haven't left the hotel room yet. Katherine slept until 8am, and so did I, which was nice. I haven't really moved much, which is also nice! Lazy, but nice.

We have an appointment over at The American Girl store at 3pm. From what I understand it is a LONG appointment. We are actually going to an event there, a Mommy and Me event. So there will be shopping at the store (oh boy!), and then a theatre production and then a dinner. And if this headache I have doesn't go away, it will be much less pleasant than I would like it to be.

I think that tomorrow we will venture over to Navy Pier. No other concrete plans besides that. I would like to just go with Katherine somewhere, just the two of us, but I don't think she will be too keen on leaving her friends. We'll see...

I need to find some Diet Dr. Pepper.

A long, long day

I am not even going to go into all the details that made up today. Let me just say it has seemed very, very long. What was supposed to be a 5 hour train ride ended up lasting for over 8! We had to stop and let other trains use the tracks and I kid you not, at one point we had to wait for almost an hour because there was construction on the track ahead and we had to let them finish or move or whatever they ended up doing. The train station in Chicago about drove me over the edge. There were SO many people and the kids were crazy from being on the train all day. I was just a nervous wreck! But we made it to our hotel, got settled then decided we would try to have dinner somewhere. I think it is mainly my fault because I thought that we should just go to the first American-type restaurant closest to us, which just happened to be PJ something or other. It took us almost 2 hours to get our food. I am not even exaggerating, as I am sometimes prone to do! The food itself was a little pricy for Applebees-type food but at least it tasted alright once it finally arrived. At the end there the waiter had the nerve to ask us if we wanted to look at a dessert menu. And of course for parties of SIX or more, they apply 18% gratuity, and this waiter didn't deserve 1%, let alone 18%!

Anyway, that basically wraps up my day. I hope that tomorrow will be better. I HATE shopping and I HATE standing, so the thought of walking around The American Girl store for over 2 hours makes me a little anxious already. But after the 'shopping' part, we will watch something in their little theatre and then have dinner there. I am actually going to see if I can switch my train ticket and come back on the earlier train on Saturday. Our train as it is now is supposed to arrive in St. Louis at 12:30am Sunday morning. Well, if today was any indication of how the trains run, I would not like to get home at 4am, then get up and get everyone ready for church and then go to church, which I don't really want to skip since Kris is preaching this week.

I'm tired, and so I am done for tonight.

Teletubbies...?

I seriously dislike Teletubbies. I always have. My children are watching it right now, much to my dismay. However, as I did not get on here to write about Teletubbies I will move on.

My children are VERY whiny today. It's incredibly annoying. We found out a few hours ago my parents were going to be here this evening. The plan was for them to come in originally but my aunt and uncle (in two separate states) ended up getting deathly ill but are both recovering now, so they told me this afternoon they were heading out. It is a real blessing because we needed someone to watch our kids until next Wednesday while we work while Cindy is on vacation. So it will be extremely helpful to have them here, especially while I am in Chicago with Katherine. The downside is that my house WAS clean all last week preparing for their visit. Then they didn't end up coming out and so we TRIED to keep the house clean, but were not as highly motivated. So we rushed around to get the house picked up this afternoon/evening. I still have some work to do in the kitchen and dining room, and I still need to pack Katherine and myself for Chicago. But now it is time for dinner and rather than continue to mess up the house, we are going out to eat.

Before I go, however, I feel like I have to mention this. I am not a fan of animals. Ever since I had kids, I decided we most definitely were NOT going to have a pet. I don't need anything or anyone else further to take care of than what I already have. I hate cats (sorry cat lovers) and dogs are 'ok'. But I have no desire to own one. Last year for Kaleb's birthday we did break down and we bought a Russian Tortoise, Fred, who is still alive, much to our surprise and sometimes dismay. (Anyone want a Russian tortoise? If you can give him a better home, we'd be more than willing to part with him.) Anyway...Kris and I were flipping through channels and we caught the very tail end of something that just made us laugh. Here is what we heard. "This may have been an accident but an animal still died so it is a crime." Now I have no clue what happened but in the true style of Stephen Colbert, I can only say that based on that, anytime an animal gets hurt, regardless of how it happens, it is a crime.

A horrible tragedy?

Let me preface this with saying that I can have no way to even imagine what it would be like to have a child born with a deformity or with some disease or illness. So I cannot possibly pretend that I know how I would react in certain situations. And perhaps I view children differently or perhaps my viewpoint would change if faced with a child born with...a difficulty...

And let me also say that I wouldn't normally 'blog' while I was at work, but I can't focus on work without getting this out first. One of the adjusters I work with approached me just a few minutes ago with a 'sad' look on her face. She said "I suppose you heard us talking?" I told her I had not, or more accurately that I heard them talking but did not hear what they were talking about. And she went on to tell me that one of the adjuster's here had a grandson born yesterday with Down's Syndrome. I do not fault the adjuster who grandson was born with Down's Syndrome, nor anyone who thinks this is an awful tragedy. I just find it difficult to understand I suppose the extent of the grief which seems to surround this. I realize there will be many trials to accompany this child and that life will not be easy for the child or the family. I realize that there are risks and concerns that I cannot even begin to comprehend. HOWEVER, a child was born! A family will get to enjoy a new life and share in the blessing that ALL children are. And perhaps I am alone in this, but I just LOVE children with Down's Syndrome. Anyone who has ever interacted with a child with Down's Syndrome (or children with disabilities or other challenges) can't help but smile can they? My brother-in-law is either severely autistic or mentally retarded...I am not sure which title the doctors have officially decided upon. And he is perhaps the happiest, sweetest guy I know. And I can't imagine what our lives would be like without Uncle Brandon. And I can't imagine him any differently. I don't wish that he was 'normal'. Perhaps my mother-in-law as Brandon was growing would have liked for life with him to be easier. Could she have done without the physical complications and sicknesses he had growing up? Sure. But is she more understanding and more patient and a stronger woman because of raising him? You bet!

Please don't think I am saying the same old cliches. "God knows what he is doing" or "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." I have no doubt that it is difficult for this family to take in and comprehend what it will mean to raise a child with Down's Syndrome. I do not envy them the hardships they will most definitely encounter. I guess I just find it interesting how it seems that no one here is rejoicing over the fact that this child was born! The child is still a blessing, and in some ways will probaby bless this family more than anyone can even know. There are families who cannot have their own children, or who have lost children, who can tell you that they would rather simply HAVE a child, disability or not, than go without the blessing of children.

We lost a baby about 4 years ago. I don't talk about it much, and to be honest never really dealt with the fact that I miscarried. We hadn't been expecting another child. We had three at the time and were content with those three. I was at the lowest point in my life that I have ever been and it was one more thing I pushed down and avoided facing and feeling. And as I am just recently processing the entire thing and grieving for a child I never knew, I would rather have been able to meet that child and touch that child and kiss that child rather than not know what it would have felt like to hold that child in my arms. So I suppose it saddens me and I long to have had a child born even with Down's Syndrome as opposed to not having had that child at all.

Things you can learn from a book

When I first began this blog, it was not my intention for it to become a spiritual journey of sorts. I did not intend to share with everyone my struggles in my relationship with God, but I suppose if it takes that shape, I am ok with that. That being said, as my subject indicates, there really is a lot that you can learn from a book, or rather, from the RIGHT book(s).


As I mentioned previously I am listening to "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" while I drive. There is a scene where this boy, Eustis, turns into a dragon. And eventually Aslan the Great Lion comes along and leads him to a pool. The idea is that if Eustis will enter this pool, he can cease being a dragon and become a boy again. So he approaches the pool and Aslan tells him that he has to remove his 'clothes' (skin) first. Once he understands, Eustis begins to scratch at his skin and all of his scales fall off. He approaches the pool again, only to realize that he is still a dragon. He repeats this process of removing his scales two more times to the same effect. Finally, Aslan says "You will have to let me do it." Eustis agrees and what he finds is that Aslan can remove his 'skin' except that it is painful. However, the end result is that Aslan removes it much deeper and thicker than Eustis had been able to the three times he tried on his own. It is only once his skin is removed that he can enter the pool. What he finds when he enters the pool is at first very painful but then almost immediately it is soothing and refreshing, and once he steps out of the pool he is a boy again. And he is no longer the cranky, mean little boy he had been before he became a dragon. He is a much nicer boy, who though he continues to lapse back to his old self, is trying to be good and is the better for his experience as a dragon.

Anyone who has ever had any kind of relationship with God can clearly see the connection here. For us, Aslan is God. WE are the dragon. We can finally decide we don't want to be a dragon (sin) anymore. So we try and try to remove our scales on our own. And everytime we fail. Finally, God tells us that HE will have to do it. So if we surrender ourselves to him and let him, he can remove the evil that encases us. But it will be a painful process as he strips away what we have become. But it is only God who can strip us deep enough to truly cleanse us and make us new again.


I am finding that though I am resistant to change, and am resistant to surrendering to God, his Spirit is still breaking through and I find that I am hearing him once again. And while I am in this place, I can only hope that I will continue to hear God speaking and feel him moving and that someday soon I will lay down and let him strip away the scales from this dragon I have become.

A good song

Kris and I were talking (very briefly) about my blog post from a couple of days ago and how neither one of us are where we would like to be in our relationships with God. The conversation abrupty ended, so that of course Kris could discipline the child who was choking the other one. I decided I would turn some music on and sometimes I find 'coincidences' interesting. They haven't happened much recently, and I really believe that it is more that I have been unable to see them. However, this afternoon, God spoke and I heard. I don't know how I will respond. He's asking an awful lot, but in comparison with what He gave, the life of His Son, I suppose He really isn't asking that much at all. Here are the lyrics to the first song that came on-thanks Bleach (and God)!

All To You

I can’t wait to get out of here
I can’t fake through this pain I feel
It’s been too long, that I’ve been gone
Now I’m coming back, I’m coming back
So long, it’s gone
This burden that I carry

I’ll give it all to You, to You

I wade out and the waves are bigger
I can’t sort through all this junk so I surrender
I’ve gone on, way too long
Now I’ve had enough, I’ll give it up to you
This storm is great, but You are so much greater

Chorus

I can’t wait to see you standing there so bright and special
And all the waves that crashed around my head
Fall silent at the whisper of your voice

Chorus

The Golden Compass

I have started reading "The Golden Compass". It is...interesting. It is the first book in a trilogy called "His Dark Materials"-I didn't realize this until I bought the book for Kris at Christmas time. Kris LOVED "The Golden Compass" and is already reading quickly through the second book. I am in chapter 5 and not sure yet what I think. I'm not really interested in the Atheist issues this book supposedly presents. Knowing me, I wouldn't 'see' them anyway. In a strictly literary aspect, the author is very good. I like the style of writing and the story is interesting, but I am not drawn in yet to where I can't put the book down. I can put the book down, but I still desire to pick it back up again, so I will continue reading it.


As far as audio books go, I am currently listening to "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" by C.S. Lewis. while I drive to and from work. It is the fourth book (chronologically in Narnia anyway) in The Chronicles of Narnia and it is by far my favorite in the series at this point. As a kid, I never read beyond "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" so these are new books to me. I suppose there is a very sharp contrast between the book I am reading and the book I am listening to, huh?!

Wow...

It's not quite 9pm yet and my house is quiet, except for the Veggie Tales video playing in the background. We have two extra people here for the night. Cindy and Dean have gone on vacation for 10 days so Kris' brother, Brandon, is staying with us. He will go to his adult daycare during the weekdays but then be here the rest of the time until they return. He's pretty easy to manage. He doesn't talk and he enjoys watching movies and playing video games and that is pretty much how he spends his time.

I was able to work it out so my friend Faith would watch my kids tomorrow night so that Kris and I can go out. I am watching her four-year-old Abbie tonight. I decided to just keep her all night so that when Kris gets home from playing basketball neither one of us will have to get out and take her home. She's out cold on the couch, which surprised me. Almost as soon as I put the video in for her to watch she fell asleep. It only seemed fair that we keep her all night since Faith only has one kid and will have to watch all four of mine tomorrow night.

I HATE LAUNDRY! I am going back to the same old complaint...laundry. It torments me. It's always there. It's unending. The absolute last thing I want to do on the weekend is my laundry, oh and the laundry of 5 other people! Perhaps it sounds horrible but I cannot WAIT until my kids are old enough to do the laundry. Of course...they would also have to be at an age where I trust them with it...so I guess I still have another 20 years or so...

I am sad that the weekend is so quickly drawing to a close. Only one more full day. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I never really noticed the weekends, except that Kris was home. The days all blurred together. I was home during the week, and I was home on the weekend. Now, I am gone more than I am home, and so I just LOVE being home. And to know that tomorrow is my last day to chill out at home is hard to accept. But only two days of work next week...

How the years have changed me

Four years ago I started blogging. I spent some time last night and this morning reading back over things I wrote 4 years ago. And I realized something through what I read. I have changed. And I don't think it is a good thing. And lately all I can think is how apathetic I have been and how that word has the word pathetic in it, which really describes the person I have become. Spiritually speaking, my efforts to grow my relationship with God have been pathetic, if existent. Every now and then I have some clarity and make the right choices. But mostly, I don't care. And that is so sad and so frightening. What is wrong with me? I can look back and see a couple of significant things that happened in my life four years ago, and I wonder if perhaps it was those experiences that changed me, and if rather than letting them draw me closer to God I just detached myself and have been living life in the shadows of a relationship with God that I USED to experience. And I find myself bolstering up and thinking "OK. Enough is enough. I'm ready to quit fooling around and I'm ready to give control back to God." And then I find that I don't have the courage or desire to do it. I hang on to my life and keep everything to myself. And I never talk about how I am struggling spiritually for fear that someone might want to help me get back on track. Or out of fear that my life as I know it will completely be uprooted, which ultimately probably wouldn't be a bad thing. But it is scary. It's terrifying actually. And this is where I am presently.

Ahh...Scrabble

I played Scrabble, the REAL Scrabble tonight, with a REAL board and REAL little wooden pieces with letters, with REAL people next to me, at a REAL table. And as if that weren't fun enough, I WON too!

I decided that I would start blogging through this site again, so that my family can easily access (and comment on) my blog without having to have a Myspace or Facebook account. I tried to log in to my old blogger account but couldn't remember my email address or password that I had used that long ago. So here I am, starting anew.

I am tired. I am always tired lately. Work is extremely busy right now-our largest client is in their busy season, therefore we are in our busy season! I will get a bit of a vacation next week though. Katherine and I are gearing up for a mother/daughter trip to Chicago. Some girls Katherine went to school with last year invited us and I gave up my PC conference (which is going on RIGHT NOW) to take her. We will be going to a "Mommy and Me" event at The American Girl store. I bought Katherine the Kit Kittredge Collector's book that has all of Kit's books in it and she has already read the first two books. I just gave it to her last Saturday! Let me just say that the movie Kit Kittredge that is out in theatres right now was GREAT! I am anxious about getting to know the three mothers going on the trip that I have barely spoken to and am hoping that it does not take me long to warm up to them and 'fit in'. So I am only working Monday and Tuesday of next week. I hope that my work doesn't fall TOO far behind while I am gone. This is how I think. I am already worried about how my absence will affect my work. So sad...

I REALLY want to see the movie "Mamma Mia". I am trying to work something out with my friend Faith this weekend where we watch her daughter and in return she watches my FOUR kids. It isn't really a fair 'trade' but it does get both of us some time without the kids. Since Kris has spent half of the summer working evenings I feel like we very rarely have any quality time alone together. I can't wait until the summer is over, the kids are back in school, and we are back to a semi-normal schedule.

Creating a space to put pictures so I can use them on myspace. :)

Here is the link to my new blog:

http://blog.myspace.com/bishopskitchen

You can also check out my space on 'myspace':

http://www.myspace.com/bishopskitchen

From here on out I will probably be blogging on myspace, so check it out there...you can still come here to read it...just click on the new link.

So now I am torn. I went ahead and joined 'myspace.com' and there is a blogging feature right there on your page. So I have started blogging there, but I will still try to get on here and blog unless all three people who actually read my blog prefer to go to myspace to read it! It's not like most days I don't have more than enough to say!

The kids have been crazy today!! Poor Kris. He has tried to take care of all of them (Livvy being sick with a fever and vomiting), take care of me, and somehow manage to take care of himself too! I asked him today "So, you see why I can't handle it by myself??" I felt bad for him. He was so frustrated, and I knew exactly what he was feeling, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I tried to help out some, but he doesn't want me doing too much, which is wise since he only has 4 days off of work for me to heal completely! He can't afford for me to have a set back in my healing!

I'm tired today. I feel ok as far as pain is concerned. I'm uncomfortable and the staples are starting to bother me more. But I'm more tired (probably from laying around) than anything. I've done a little more work on Pampered Chef stuff but have so much more that I want to do while I am 'off' this week. It will actually be a great opportunity for me to do a lot of paperwork and things that I need to just sit down and do.

I just now had Kris (after however many years it has been) look at the 'code' I guess it is called for the blog here, and he was able to make it look nicer, and now there is even a link to my Pampered Chef website! I don't understand it...but I'm glad he knows how to do it! Better him than me!

I had my gall bladder removed. The surgery was on Thursday morning, and I guess it went well. The nurse told me that there were some pretty big gall stones in there...I'm not really sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good! They did that whole laporoscopic thing, like they did when I got my tubes tied. Since it was a similar procedure, I figured that they would use that adhesive glue stuff to close the incisions. Well, I took the bandages off today, to find 12 staples in my stomach. There are 4 incisions-2 have 2 staples, one has 3 staples and another has 5 staples. It's weird. Not to mention it's uncomfortable.

I'm already tired of laying in bed, but too sore to really do anything. I'm only sore if I move though...so if I do absolutely NOTHING, I feel great! :)

The kids are home today. We had Olivia last night, but the others had high fevers so Cindy kept them until today. They seem to all be doing ok now though. Everyone except Olivia is asleep-well all the kids except her. Kris and I are still up.

I have to share my wonderful news! God has really been working and blessing my Pampered Chef business. My show on Sunday turned out to be a $1280 show! That's pretty good! I've never had a show higher than $600 something so it was just amazing! I got 7 bookings just from the show, so total I have 3 catalog shows for March, 4 cooking shows for March and already 2 cooking shows for April. I am still trying to fill a couple more March dates, so we'll see how that goes!

Advertising the business really does pay off. I took some catalogs and things to look over and work on while I waited for my surgery. They called me back to get me ready for surgery (two hours before the actual time to start surgery) and I was going back and Kris said, "take one of these with you" and handed me a catalog. Well, I was just going to take some reading material about Italian cooking shows but I took the catalog too! So I was laying in there with the catalog on the bed and in came a girl to tell me about the anesthesia. She said "Oh you sell Pampered Chef?" And I said yes...and she said she needed some beer bread mix and wrote down my web address (which is www.pamperedchef.biz/bishopskitchen if you want to know). Now I don't know if she will end up getting on there and ordering, but I thought "That was great!"

It didn't end there. Next came the pre-op nurse. She was doing the vital signs and things like that and saw the catalog. Well, she needed a new easy accent decorator. So, I gave her the catalog and made sure she knew that she could order online! Well, that was before the surgery.

After my surgery they took me to a room and there were two young girls in there, that were apparently nurses. They looked suspiciously young, but I'm sure they were ok. Anyway, one of them started telling me about the Pampered Chef products she had, so I gave her a catalog and told the other that when Kris got back (he had gone to eat or something) I would get her a catalog too. So I thought--wow...that's pretty cool. Even if nothing comes of any of them...four people now know that I am a Pampered Chef consultant and so maybe in the future, I will come to mind.

But then...my evening nurse came in and we chatted a bit and I gave her a catalog. She said that she loved Pampered Chef and that she would look through it and probably order something. She also said she would show the other nurses and see if they wanted anything. Well...in the morning, as she was getting off of her shift, my nurse Jean (thank you Jean!!) came in with the catalog and a check for her order! It was so cool! So it really does pay off. Any little bit helps! I was so excited and so grateful for all the ways that God is showing he is in control of this!

Well, I need to figure out something to do now, since I'm not quite tired enough for bed and my 'happy' pills haven't kicked in yet!

Oh yeah--funny story. So, we have this stupid, incredibly annoying gumball tree in our front yard. And those things mass produce themselves daily. I've needed to get out there (Kris hates yardwork and doesn't really have time) and rake the gumballs up, because in the last couple of weeks, it has become a mine field, trying to walk through the yard. Even the driveway was beginning to get covered with those stupid things. So on the way home from school yesterday, I told the kids that they could play outside because it was so nice out. And I said something about mommy getting out there and raking up some of the gumballs.

Katherine then says "I wonder why God put that tree in our yard." And I told her that the tree was probably there long before the house and that really she should be wondering why someone thought it was a good idea to put a house next to a gumball tree. (And don't give me that whole "it provides shade" thing--I'll take the heat over the chaos in my yard). So anyway...she said again that she wondered why God put the tree in our yard and I repeated myself and she said "Well, I wonder why God put trees in people's yards." So again I told her that most of the time the trees were there before the houses. So then she said "But what I want to know is why God put gumballs on the trees." I told her that I had absolutely no idea and that it was a good question and I wondered that myself sometimes.

Then Kaleb chimes in and says "It's just because Jesus can do whatever he wants." It was hilarious! Kaleb went on to say that maybe Evan's dad (Evan is a boy in his class--I may have the name wrong) built the house and that Evan's dad builds everything. So I had a good laugh over the whole conversation. They can be so cute!

I feel surprisingly calm considering everything that still needs to be done before the show tomorrow. I'm trying to get the basement picked up, since we are doing the show down there, crickets and all!

The same day that I wrote nothing was new with Kris we had to go to the emergency room...he had some sort of spider bite or something that looked infected. We took Kaleb too for a suspicious infected-looking bite on his arm too. Both were prescribed antibiotics. We need to 'bomb' the house. Kris wanted to do it Sunday evening...but with everything involved in covering stuff and putting things away....well, that's just too much for me to handle right now. So it will have to wait a couple more weeks.

The surgeon said that I have gall stones and the gall bladder is inflamed. So it will be removed. This next Thursday actually--March 2. I wanted to do it sooner than later, so that I am recovered to do shows during the last half of the month.

I'm still excited about the show tomorrow. 8 people have said they were coming--hopefully no one will get sick or have to 'back out' last minute. If they do, oh well...God is in control. His hand will be in this and if it is meant to be successful then it will be. I am confident that the entire thing will go well though. I am now up to $300 in outside orders, so whoever ends up getting the free product value from the show should be quite pleased with the final amount that they will get to spend. So far, the free product value total is $25. It can only go up from there!

A friend of mine told me recently that this gall bladder surgery would be guaranteed weight loss. Yippee! I needed a jumpstart to lose those last 10-20 pounds I want to lose. It is so incredibly strange going to the store and trying on clothes now. I am amazed every single time I put on something that is a size 10 and it fits with a little room to spare! God has been so good to me in this area! It has done wonders for my confidence and view of myself. Granted, I should have been content and sought God to tell me that I am beautiful to him...but when you are 50 lbs overweight, it is a very difficult thing to try to love yourself. Don't get me wrong...I have not done a complete turn around. I still have my moments...but God has done a good work in me in that regard. My whole attitude about myself is defintely more positive. Partly I think it is because Kris is much more vocal now, in complimenting me. That is a HUGE help!

Well...I feel distracted...I really should get back to work. If I just get busy I can get the house in order within a couple of hours and then spend the rest of the day focusing on preparing for the show. I've got the main thing layed out and know what I am wanting to say...now I just need to really focus and make sure that I can 'show and tell' at the same time. By they way...I didn't mention that I have an entire day, in my house, with absolutely nobody here. Kris took the kids to his mom's. I asked when he would be back and he said 'late'. So I really shouldn't have trouble getting things done. I'll get to it and get over this momentary lack of motivation--I hope!

Well...now it's been even longer than a week. I need more time in my days.

News from the Bishop household:

1. Olivia is rolling over and across the floor now
2. Abbey still is not talking clearly or wanting to 'potty train'.
3. Katherine is becoming quite the little reader...today she read words like "trip" and "pain" to me.
4. Kaleb loves playing playstation and most of the time threatening to take that away from him helps him behave at school.
5. Kris--well...not much new there.
6. I have gall stones. Yippee! I go tomorrow to talk to a surgeon. More details about whether or not surgery will be required will follow.

So I am getting excited about moving forward with Pampered Chef. I'm excited about my show this Sunday. Only 4 people have officially RSVP'd but hopefully more than that will be able to make it. I have one order already, from someone I've never met before. I left a catalog at Depaul Hospital last week when I went to get the ultrasound on my abdomen and the next day someone called and placed an order. It was cool. I have two shows already booked in my calendar for March, and three others that I need to set dates for from people that said they would "probably" do a show. Hopefully if I do have to have surgery on my gall bladder it will not distract me too much from getting started with Pampered Chef again.

I went a week without blogging. Hmm....I don't like that. Although I guess nothing really profound has happened. I've got something wrong with my stomach/back or something, and am hoping that the doctor can figure it out this afternoon. Something isn't right and hopefully it isn't anything really serious.

Got an email yesterday from Dacia, reminding us to pray for Shawn and Alex. I guess Alex just had a birthday and this week would have been Josh's birthday too. And then Valentine's day....it's hard sometimes to understand how my life in so many ways is not nearly as difficult as others. Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't bring tragedy into my life...why he chooses other people. Not that I am longing for tragedy at all. I just don't understand sometimes why he shields me from it. Maybe I can't handle it and he knows it?? I don't know. What I do know is that should a time of tragedy or grief come, that He will have prepared me for it and be right there to catch and hold me.

I still think about Angi every day. A song will come on, or someone will say something that will remind me of her. And I keep going back to the day before she died, and the conversation we had on the phone. It saddens me that I can hardly remember what we talked about. I know we talked about Six Flags, which is kind of ironic in a very very sad way, and we talked about getting together. When I look at Livvy, I think of Angi. Shawn said something to us at the visitation--that they were just waiting to see the baby (this is while I was pregnant with Olivia). So I think about that and how Angi didn't get to see her. Angi loved my girls. Not that she didn't love Kaleb, but she wanted a little girl. She longed for that. She really bonded with Katherine right after she was born and it saddens me that she isn't around anymore and that I didn't make the most of the time we had when she was alive.

I'm not sure why I started talking about that. Guess it was just on my mind and I needed to say something about it. I guess also I've been thinking about the man who was driving the truck that hit them. I didnt' get to see the news Monday night but I know they were talking about filing criminal negligence charges against the man. Maybe people will be angry with me for saying it...but I really do feel bad for the man and pray for him. Some people go on and on about how he just wasn't paying attention. There were rumors that he was on his cell phone. Well...I just believe that any one of us could have done that...how many of us talk on our cell phones or are just plain distracted when we are driving? Yes, it is absolutely horrible what happened. Yes, if he had been paying attention they might still be alive. But he wasn't. The fact is...5 people died that day and it isn't just those of us grieving over those losses that have to deal with that. This man will forever have to live with the fact that 5 people died because of him. Try to imagine what your life would be like, if it had been you, and not him behind the wheel. His grief is probably nothing in comparison with what Shawn and Alex and the other close family members go through on a daily basis...but it isn't like he can just go on with his life like nothing happened. He will forever carry the scars and the guilt.

I have to brag on Katherine for a minute. She has a brilliant mind, which is obvious to anyone who has an actual conversation with her. But what we have been seeing in the last 2 years is an artistic and creative side, that just keeps getting better. Everytime I looked at something she has created I am just amazed and so proud of her. Here is a card she made me for my birthday yesterday:

This is a perfect picture of how loving and tender and gentle Kaleb is with Olivia. This is probably one of Kaleb's favorite things to do. He absolutely loves to hold her. And Olivia seems to really enjoy being with him!

I put Olivia's hair in little pony tails for church on Sunday. It was funny--when I took them out, her hair didn't move. I had put them in while her hair was wet and so they stayed 'up' once I took the pony tails out. Two people said (at church) that she looked like a litte demon child or something...it wasn't until I got her home and her hair was sticking up without the help of the pony tails that I could kind of see it for myself.