Yeast-Free, day 4

I'm almost halfway through my fourth day back on a yeast-free diet.  It hasn't been too bad.  It has, however, required quite a bit of cooking and planning on my part.  Yesterday we had Quinoa pasta shells with spaghetti sauce on top and I have some set aside to take to work today too so I'm not tempted to go to Arby's or McDonald's.  I made scrambled eggs today and Cinnamon Bun Muffins and everyone enjoyed them.  Everyone but Kaleb said they'd eat the muffins again.  Livvy has gone back for seconds on the muffins which is awesome since of course there is no soy bean oil in them, thus they are completely safe for her too.  It's hard to believe the muffins are sugar-free and gluten-free.  I know I've said it before but I'll say it again: I LOVE ELANA'S PANTRY!  If you are looking for GOOD gluten-free recipes, or just want to eat healthier, I highly recommend you make good use of the recipes she has available.  It is possible to be successful on a yeast-free diet; it's just hard.  While my anxiety and general feelings of depression haven't decreased, I feel better mentally, just knowing that I am doing what is right for my body and mind.

I went to the new chiropractor yesterday.  For those of you in the St. Louis area, it's called Complete Wellness Center and it is located in Kirkwood.  I had acupuncture for the first time yesterday too.  It wasn't bad.  The needles she stuck in my ears hurt when my hair moved against them but the ones she put in the neck were painless.  And my neck felt better immediately after.  She also did this cold laser thing too.  I'm not sure which one eased the pain: maybe both.  But today my neck feels even better.  Still hurts, like it has for almost 2 years, but it is better than it was.  Something the chiropractor told me that didn't make me too happy was that in addition to continuing the yeast-free diet, I should also cut out CORN.  When I first started eating yeast-free, I was thankful that one of the only grains I could still have was corn.  With that out, that leaves amaranth and brown rice.  The one time I had brown rice pasta at pasta house, I thought it was disgusting.  So this makes me said, since the Quinoa pasta that I love so much also has corn in it.  When I called Kris and told him about cutting out corn he said "Well you may as well eat NOTHING."  It was amusing but I know what he's saying.  Man I wish I liked vegetables!  I think this would be easier.  Apparently canola oil has a corn base as well and I was told I should use olive oil instead.  Thanks to the recipes on Elana's Pantry I have discovered grapeseed oil too though so maybe I will try to alternate between olive oil and grapeseed oil.

A few people were asking about my recipe for yeast-free no bake cookies.  I tried them again this week, using agave nectar instead of Swerve, since the Swerve made the cookies taste so COLD in your mouth.  The feeling was just too bizarre for me.  The downside to making them with agave nectar is the consistency.  When I first put them on the parchment, they looked like this:

If I hadn't run out of oatmeal, I would have added more than the recipe called for to try to help them harden up a bit more, but I was out and didn't want to overdue it on the coconut.  Next time I try this recipe, I will add extra oats and coconut and see if it makes a difference.  But overall, the taste was great!  Soon here I will also calculate the calories, fats, Weight Watcher values.  Because I didn't have the consistency right, here is the end result of the "cookies", if you can still call them that.  Who cares how it looks as long as it tastes great!

Rather than direct you back to the recipe on a previous link, I'll just put it here again.  This is the recipe WITHOUT adding additional coconut or oats so if you are going to make these, I would add probably 1/2 cup oats and maybe 1/4 cup coconut.  Once I have the recipe down right, I'll let you know the exact measurements.

Gluten-free No Bake Cookies

1 1/2 cups agave nectar*

8 tablespoons butter

1/2 cup milk

1/4 cup gluten-free unsweetened cocoa

1/2 cup cashew butter

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 pinch salt

1/2 cup pecans

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut

3 cups gluten-free quick oats

In large saucepan, combine agave nectar, butter, milk and cocoa. Heat, stirring frequently until boiling. Boil 1-2 minutes; remove from heat and cool 1 minute. Stir in cashew butter, vanilla & salt and mix well. Add oatmeal (and nuts/coconut if desired). Drop by spoonfuls onto parchment paper and let cool until it hardens. *If you can have sugar, increase amount to 2 cups.

Are YOURS fake?

Charter is about to drive me to take a hammer to the entire collection of computers and other miscellaneous items in the technology category that reside in my home.  I'm writing this in notepad right now, because #1. I don't have Word on my computer and #2. Charter is down...AGAIN...and has been all morning...so I can't access blogger to type this.  I'll copy and paste it later when I am able to actually post this.  I hate Charter.  How many posts have I written about my frustrations with Charter?  I don't know either, but I can tell you this:  TOO MANY!  We had them re-provision our modem (whatever that means) last night and I haven't been able to get on the internet all day, except for once, and as soon as I got to blogger it went down again.  I have unplugged, replugged, reset, restarted...yes IT Crowd I DID turn it off and back on again!

I want to have a serious heart to heart today about something I have issues with.

FAKE EYELASHES.

Why?  Seriously...if you use them...WHY?  Maybe you can pull them off...I don't know because I have never even seen the  majority of you reading this right now.  Lately I have seen a LOT of people trying, quite unsuccessfully, to pull off fake eyelashes.  And if it wasn't enough to wear them, they try to further scream "I'm wearing fake eyelashes" by caking them up with mascara.  I just don't get it.  Someone please help me understand.  Are there people born without eyelashes?  If so, then I think it is perfectly acceptable to wear them.  I'm really not trying to offend anyone here.  I'm just really confused by fake eyelashes.  Are they supposed to be sexy?  Should I be trying to reel my man in by getting him so distracted by those things stuck to my eyes, instead of just using my God given charm and cleavage?  What is it about fake eyelashes that people like?  If it isn't to make yourself more appealing to men, WHAT IS IT???  Everytime I see a woman sporting fake eyelashes, instead of being able to see her for who she is and think "Wow, she's really pretty." or "She has great hair!" all I can think is "Why on earth would you stick those guady things to your face???" God made you beautiful with or without eyelashes!

Way Back Wednesday

I'm linking up with Way Back Wednesday again this week.  Primarily because I actually have pictures of me as a kid in my Halloween costumes!  You ready to do this?  Check out this fun little meme for yourself:





OK, first up we have a picture of me as I guess an Indian princess.  My sister, a nun...obviously.  That lovely lady in the background is my Mammaw Boggs, who has already gone to be with the Lord.  Sidenote: SHE WILL FOREVER BE MY FAVORITE SCRABBLE OPPONENT EVER!

Here my sister and I are as, duh, Cabbage Patch Kids.  And that's my brother Jon in the background.  Why was there always someone in the background?

I think maybe I was a Geisha here?

OK, so my biggest reason for posting these is to lead up to this next one.  I have to admit that this picture COMPLETELY CREEPS ME OUT.  I have NO idea what this was.  A gypsy or fortune teller maybe?  Anyway...let me know if you agree that this is indeed really creepy!  Maybe I was just trying to match the face on the bag.

Acupuncture anyone?

Did I tell you I had to stop going to the good chiropractor I found?  After about 7 visits and a $1500 bill, they informed me that they were OUT-OF-NETWORK!!!  I was finally starting to feel some relief.  My neck pain is still daily, constant, but had finally gone from about a 7 on a regular basis to a 3-4.  Friday morning I woke up around 3am barely able to turn my head without sending pain through my head, neck and shoulders.  Forget rolling over.  That was next to impossible.  I was in tears most of the day.  I was fortunate enough to get a massage scheduled for Saturday and felt a *little* relief...like from a 9 on the pain scale to a 7.  It's stayed right around a 6-7 from that point on.  I found another chiropractor that is actually IN-NETWORK and have an appointment scheduled for Wednesday.  This office focuses on the health/wellness side of things and also does acupuncture, which is something that I was looking for.  Unfortunately, it isn't near work or home but it is a sacrifice I'm going to have to make.  I cannot keep living like this.  It impacts everything I do.  When you live with chronic pain, it is debilitating.  It impacts how you interact with your kids, your spouse, your friends, your coworkers.  When I am in pain, I am cranky and mean.  When the pain is at a high...well...it's not pretty.

Combine that with the fact that I have been consuming large quantities of sugar and gluten and things haven't been pleasant in my home.  I know how bad they are for me, and how they impact my mood...and how likely I am to wind up with Candida again, and yet I can't force myself to get back to eating yeast-free.  Because it's hard.  And I don't like hard.  Hard is not easy.  Hard is not fun.  Hard is just plain hard.

But today, I did it.  I ate yeast-free, all day.  Maybe one day doesn't seem like much, but since I've spent the last 4 1/2 months crashing (i.e. NOT DOING IT!) on this healthy living thing, one day is a LOT, for me.  I have to do something.  I'm starting to gain weight back and that's just not OK with me.  I'm supposed to be losing it, not finding it again.  I know that I will be able to deal with my anxiety if I cut out the yeast.  That is how I managed to go off of Xanax to begin with at the beginning of the year, by getting the yeast out of my system.  I did it today, and I am going to try to do it again tomorrow.  One meal at a time...

1st Annual Blog Bash

I'm tag teaming here so as not to overwhelm you with three posts this morning.  Two will do just fine.  Marlessa over at Southern Reflections does a Meet and Greet Monday and my favorite teenager is hosting the 1st Annual Blog Bash this week, over at Not Your Average Teen.  Check out their blogs and feel free to join in!

Here is my intro post for the Blog Bash.

1.  Why do you blog?

It is a necessity in my life.  Preferring writing to talking, this is my way to get through the day.  My way to vent, to express myself, to share with my friends and family what is going on in my life and the life of my four kids.  It's an outlet, and a hobby.

2.  What do you blog about?

Whatever comes to mind.  I am not one to sit around thinking up things to write about.  If it comes to my mind, I write about it.  It could be anything from boring ramblings about the inconsequential days in my life to funny stories about my kids or things that happen in my life.  If there is nothing going on or nothing on my mind, I don't write.

3.  What do you find to be the biggest reward you get from blogging?

I didn't really discover the blogging community until February of this year.  Prior to that, the biggest reward was being able to put my thoughts and feelings down on paper.  After I discovered what this blogging community was all about, hands down the new friendships have been the biggest reward.  It's kind of addicting, you know?

4.  How long have you been blogging?

My first blog post ever was back in March of 2004, so just over 6 years now!  It was sporadic and hit and miss until this year.  Sometimes I would go months between posts.  Now it has become such a part of my life, and helps to balance my out-of-whack emotions, that I tend to write maybe more often than I should!

5.  Let's hear the story behind your blog title!

Well, there isn't much creative about that.  We fondly call our children (and have for years) the Little Bishops. I am not sure when or why we started, we just did and it stuck.  This blog chronicles our lives together.  These are my Little Bishops (these pictures are actually almost 3 years old--I can't seem to find my 2009 family pictures and we haven't done 2010 yet!):

Katherine, age 9 (crazy Abbey in the background)

Kaleb, age 8

Abbey, age 7

Olivia, age 4

The Little Bishops

Lazy cooking

I don't know about you but there are some days that I just don't feel like cooking.  And there's also that little thing called a budget that REQUIRES me to cook on a regular basis.  It's hard to force myself to make an actual meal...something more than frozen pizza or corn dogs.  Both of which have soy bean oil, which means the littlest can't even eat with us without large doses of Benadryl and Orapred.  So, it's really best for ALL of us if I cook.  But sometimes cooking meals like spaghetti or tacos seems so intimidating.  Which is really stupid because they are really fairly quick and simple.  I think what gets me with spaghetti is browning the meat, then adding the store bought sauce (because who am I kidding-there's no way I'd take the time to make my own sauce though I love the IDEA of it), warming it, making the noodles and then making any other sides, though in my house we rarely have sides.  It's usually just noodles and sauce here.  And yet, as simple as that IS, I make it complicated in my mind.  I think of all the different steps and somehow manage to convince myself it is actually difficult or time consuming.

But what do you do when you have hamburger that has been thawing in the fridge for four days that just HAS to be cooked?  Kris nixed the easy and delicious Velveeta/Salsa dip and I nixed tacos because I just didn't want them.  So he convinced me to just make the sauce (so we didn't have to throw out the meat) and we'd have spaghetti later in the week.  So I sat there trying to muster up the strength to get in there and just do it, knowing once I got going I'd be fine and it would be over soon.  When I suddenly remembered the EASY way to cook the sauce.  OK, the EASIER way.

It's no secret that I love all things Pampered Chef.  My entire kitchen is outfitted in PC gear, including the cookware.  BEST.COOKWARE.EVER!  My dishes are even PC, because when I obsess about something, boy do I OBSESS!  A few years ago, a friend of mine who also loves PC taught me a simple trick to browning hamburger.  It requires two tools (that SHOULD but don't have to be PC).  The large micro cooker and the food chopper.  Put one lb. of hamburger in the large micro cooker (or large microwave safe dish with a lid).  I prefer the micro cooker because the lid has holes in it so once the meat is cooked, you can just drain it right there without moving the meat to a strainer/colander.  The fewer dirty dishes I have, the better.  Oh yeah, I also season my meat with Italian Seasoning and some fresh garlic before I cook it.

Cook the hamburger in the microwave for 5 minutes (for more than 1 lb. increase the time-mine was about 1 1/2 lbs. so it took 8 minutes).  Remove from microwave and drain off the excess grease.  Now it's time to use THIS.  I love this food chopper!  For so many things.  While it probably isn't the best thing to use in the micro cooker, and may just void the one year warranty (mine is years past the warranty anyway!), it is possible to chop up the hamburger right in the micro cooker; your cooked hamburger will then look like THIS: 

Simply add your sauce and mix well.  Cover and store in the refrigerator until you are ready to use it.

A recap...

Today was a good day.  Even knowing I have to go back to work tomorrow and start all over again, it was a good day.  I have to learn to really cherish my good days!  Kris and I looked at the calendar yesterday and really boiled down how much of this crazy nonsense is left.  This week I'm working noon-8pm.  Next week his mom is going to be able to help us out some, so we should have a fairly "normal" schedule.  The following week I'll be back to noon-8pm.  And THEN...the kids are going to be spending a week with my parents, which will be awesome for EVERYONE!  The kids LOVE spending time with Mammaw and Pappaw in the summer (any time really).  And then, there will only be ONE more week of me working noon-8pm.  So, in total, just 3 more "weird" weeks.  It feels good to break it down like that and look at it that way.  My mother-in-law was talking to me this evening about how this is her last week of summer school, so she'll be able to help us for a couple weeks before school starts.  I said "It's only one week."  And she said no, it was two because she could help the week before they go to my parents.  I questioned this, because I thought for sure she was taking a vacation that week and WE were watching Brandon all week.  She had to think about this before finally agreeing that she wasn't going to watch them during her vacation!  Love you and all Cindy, but it doesn't make much sense for you to take a vacation that last week of July and have us watch Brandon if you are going to watch our kids that week!  How about you just take a REAL vacation, without ANY kids!  Silly woman...

I realized today (not for the first time) how very blessed I am.  We could have been entrusted to care for a severely autistic child, instead of one who is "only" developmentally delayed.  We could have been given a child whose disruptive behavior was dangerous to others and beyond a handful on a day to day basis, instead of one who has OCD tendancies and some temper issues.  We haven't had to deal with serious health issues beyond asthma in our house.  The worst "disease" the kids' have had is eczema and Livvy's soy bean allergy.  Granted, I have NO idea what is in store for us over the years, but there is nothing I can do about possible injuries or illnesses.  So...I am blessed.  And I am so thankful that God hasn't asked me to endure anything worse than we've already been through with our kids.  My heart breaks for those who have had to go through MUCH worse.  I can only hope that should God send us something more serious, that I am able to bear it with strength and grace and dignity, as so many other people do every day.

Say what?

I think I have found the cure for depression!  I don't know why doctors are not prescribing this to patients everywhere!  I discovered it sitting alone in my living room, surfing through Hulu looking for something to watch and I found something that I need to share with you.  It's called True Beauty.  Have you seen this show?

It is one of the WORST reality shows I have ever seen, and I have seen quite a few!  I actually really like reality shows, but Kris will RARELY watch them with me.  So I have to watch them when he isn't home.  And I'll tell you what.  Sitting there watching that show was really cathartic!  I'm going to share something else right now.  I just Googled the word cathartic!  I was pretty sure I had used it in the right context, but I just had to confirm it.  These people on this show...WOW.  Don't even get me started on the judges and the host...I don't like any of them.  And I don't even like the characters on this show.  I think maybe that is why I felt such release watching it.  I was sitting there all alone, just laughing at the stupidity.  And I've gotta put myself in the loser's position too.  Let's set aside the fact that I would never EVER be on a show like that, let alone be CHOSEN for a show like that.  That aside, to watch my behavior on camera and be confronted with it would just be more than I could handle.  I've only watched two episodes, but now when I am feeling utterly despondent a little blue, I know that I can get a little comic relief with this show.  Laughter is just as therapeutic as crying, and more enjoyable!  Not that I couldn't use a good cry--I'm sure I could!  Maybe True Beauty should be a little Friday night tradition for me, since I know that Fridays are my rough days...I'll keep you posted!

This is why...

...I love the blogging community. I don't have very many friends. Note, I did not say ANY. Just not very many. Let me explain. I don't have many CLOSE friends. Like the kind of friend that you could tell all your secrets to. I've had them. They've come and gone over the years. Presently though, I've got my husband and a friend from church, and a friend from work. But I'm still guarded. I can't just sit and say "You know, I'm really struggling right now and here's why." I've never been good with verbal or face-to-face communication. But I can write. So I bear my soul, instead of just to one or two people, here on the internet for all the world to see. Is it weird that I am more comfortable doing that? It's less personal, in some ways. Deeply personal in others. But what I love about the blogging community is those of you that pounced on my last post with promises of prayers and words of encouragement. THANK YOU! You don't know how appreciated you are.

For those of you who asked, I'm unmedicated because I thought I'd be able to manage this time around without them. There's no excuse for it or reason. I was not instructed by a doctor to go off of them. I was feeling really good, at a high point in life, and wanted so badly to make it work without being on an anti-depressant. And I did OK for a while. And then the same old feelings crept back in and little by little they began to take over.

So here I am. And Fridays seem to be worse. It's like the culmination of work and kids and summer and everything build and build and it just hits me. The weekend hits and I just sort of crash. Come Saturday morning, I begin feeling better and live in a little bubble until Monday comes again and it starts all over again. Does that make sense?

Rest easy my friends! I'm now armed with Diet Dr. Pepper and I indulged in a chicken taquito from QuikTrip and just being home has lifted my spirits. I'm in a better place just having left work and now I'm ready to see what other blogs are out there waiting for me...

Thank you for listening and praying and being my friends!

Darkness

Something about my mood tells me not to write. At least, not to write all that I am thinking and feeling. I'm not even sure that I could begin to pen with any coherence what I am feeling anyway. I'm in a dark mood today. I'm currently sitting at work, waiting for Kris to fix our database so that I can work for another 3 hours before going home to an empty house. It isn't going home to an empty house that puts me in such a dark mood. Quite the opposite. I am looking forward to the solitude. Kris is playing in a charity 3-on-3 basketball tournament tonight and possibly tomorrow if his team doesn't lose both of their games tonight. Cindy is keeping the kids overnight and that leaves me alone to catch up on The Bachelorette and all the blogs from the Friday hops. This should fill me with joy and yet I find myself feeling...desolate. I feel like I am suffocating. There is no real explanation, besides my broken mental state. I hate feeling like this. It's been mounting...and I feel like there is a dam that is right on the verge of bursting. I keep telling myself I just need to get through the summer. When in reality, I just need to get back on some medication and THEN get through the summer!

Hopefully the quiet tonight will be comforting and bring some peace.

Friday Funnies

It's time for the new and improved FRIDAY FUNNIES! (Only new and improved because it's in a new place!)  If you're visiting from any of the hops, welcome!  I think my kids are funny and so should you!  ;-)  I'm too excited to wait, and know that I will be too tired tonight when I get home to get this post ready, so I hope you don't mind that it is just a tad bit early!

My son was cold one night and wanted to wear a cardigan that was in the clean laundry.  Granted, it was my cardigan, but does it really matter if he is only wearing it around the house and no one is going to see it?  It's not like I'm giving him a pair of high heels (which I don't even own!) to prance around in!  I'm not putting make up on him.  That was so 5 years ago!  Well, "Daddy" was really NOT comfortable with Kaleb wearing my sweater.  At all!  So he wanted Kaleb to take the sweater off.  And Kaleb, not understanding the world in all of its confusing intricacies shouts out "Who cares?!?  I'm only 8."  Yeah Kris!  He's only 8!!

If you know anything about my precious Abbey, you know she constantly talks about being a Godly singer when she grows up.  It is summertime, which means that our bedtime routine changes.  And I'm not referring to the TIME.  I'm talking about hugs and kisses.  We always give the kids hugs and kisses each night, and the number is determined by their age.  Since they all have birthdays between August-October, in the summer we go ahead and give them the extra hug and kiss, preparing for their new age.  It's goofy, but we like it.

Livvy has been asking when her birthday is pretty much since September 16th 2009.  Her birthday is September 15th!  She told me that she wanted Spiderman plates and decorations.  I asked her why.  She said it was because Kaleb likes Spiderman.  If there is anyone Olivia loves more in this house, it is her big brother.  She did inform me that her other birthday stuff needed to be princesses.

Anyway, back to Abbey.  Hearing Livvy's conversation, Abbey just HAS to tell me all about what SHE wants.  It is of course bedtime, which means it's a perfect time to have a 20 minute conversation about something that is 2 1/2 months away still.  So I indulge her, because I think she's adorable and it's really hard to look at her face and not smile.  She tells me how she wants her cake to say "Happy Birthday Godly Princess!"  Then she said she wanted Godly decorations.  She went back in the hallway telling Livvy "For my birthday, it's gonna be Godly!"

I'm sure my kids are not unique but they will argue about anything and everything.  Most recently overheard conversation:

Kaleb:  You probably have more germs than anyone else in the whole world.

Abbey:  Nuh uh!  Satan has more germs than anyone!

I love that in any argument, Abbey or Livvy will always bring it back to Satan being the ugliest, the meanest, the stupidest, and now the "germiest" person in the world!

And, lastly, here's a little something I thought I would NEVER hear myself say!

I heard myself say to my 8 and 9 year olds: "That is a $1200 machine. You cannot be IN the washing machine!" --said after Kaleb came up to tattle on Katherine for being IN the washing machine, while they were switching the laundry. When I went down there, Katherine was standing beside the machine crying, yelling at Kaleb for tattling when he apparently ALWAYS gets in the washing machine to switch the laundry.

Now it's your turn!  What have your kids said or done this week?  Write it and link up below!

AHHH!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, if one more of my kids asks me if they can play on the Wii, I am going to move the 10am time to 2pm, a time when the kids are home with Kris.  It's 17 minutes away.  Can they NOT find SOMETHING else to do???  Katherine is sitting on the couch reading a book and the only one that isn't irritating me right now.  I HATE this summer schedule.  For me, it is better than what we were doing before (me working from home 3 days/week and Kris the other two), as far as being productive.  I meet Kris at the office at noon with all the kids and work from noon-8pm.  He takes the kids home (after working 7am-noon) and then tries to put in another 3 hours sometime during the afternoon.  The schedule isn't great for him at all and I can see the stress and tension in him every day.  We have tried to figure out an alternative, but there really isn't one.  It is imperative that I be in the office for 8 hours each day, both for my own mental health and for the sake of our company.  We're swamped and if I miss a day, it'll take me four just to catch up.  But it isn't working for him to only put in 5 hours in the morning either.  A month and a half doesn't SEEM like a long time, but when you are trying to juggle this, a day seems like a year.  Just getting to noon each day is a struggle for me.  I am SO glad that I am not having to try to work now in the mornings while the kids are home.  I'm having a hard enough time as it is, without having to be productive for my job too.  I cannot wait for school to start.  39 more days.  Just 39 more days...

On a different note, I got a necklace in the mail yesterday, from a giveaway I won over at The Life of a Sippy Cup Mom.

Here is what my caption said when I posted it on Facebook:

"I won this! The designer of the necklace packaged all of these other cute little items with it. I'm not really into jewelry and pretty, neat little packaging (I'm kind of a tomboy)...but I have to admit that I was impressed with the entire thing and would definitely recommend that you check out http://emilinaballerina.etsy.com! And while I wasn't sure how I would like it, now that I see it, I actually LOVE it and will wear it proudly...when I remember to put it on!"  Petit oiseau is apparently French for "little bird".  Now if only the necklace had a fourth egg in the nest, then it would truly show ALL of my little birds!  :-)  The necklace looks even better in person and it was like opening a present when I got it.  I opened up the shipping box to find a smaller box, tied with a ribbon, like a gift.  Check out Emilina Ballerina if you are in the market for some new jewelry!  You won't be disappointed!!

The Help

I finished The Help today by Kathryn Stockett.  To describe the book as excellent is understated.  That word just doesn't quite capture it.  Not even a little bit.  The book left me longing.  Not in the "something else needs to happen because this book sucked" kind of way.  But in the "this book CANNOT end yet, it just CANNOT" kind of way!  I was in tears at the end and my heart was so heavy for the characters in this book.  And not just the characters.  For anyone who had to live through the ignorance of slavery and integration and all that ensued.  And for anyone who still has to put up with the ignorance that is still out there.  I found myself getting so angry at so many points in this book, over the treatment of African Americans and the Jim Crow laws.  I started reading through the Jim Crow laws tonight and I just kept getting angrier as I read more.  Yet I forced myself on, because after all, I didn't have to endure that; it surely isn't going to hurt me to READ about what went on.  I cannot even begin to imagine what life was like, and is still like in some places.  Because I know that there are still idiots out there who think that the Jim Crow laws should be reinstated.  And I'm not even worried about offending anyone here. I don't care.  There is no excuse for that kind of stupidity and ignorance.  I have so much respect for what African Americans have had to endure throughout history, and the dignity with which they have endured it.  This book was eye-opening for me, and broke my heart because while the story itself may be fiction, I know that much worse happened in reality and none of it was right!  There was NO excuse and I am so thankful for everyone who stood up and fought back so we could all be where we are today.  It's just so sad that our history is tainted as it is.  And of course racism wasn't something new...I mean, have you ever read anything about the Samaritans back in Bible times?  Anyway...I didn't intend to write all of that.  This is just what happens sometimes.  :-)  All of that to say I highly recommend this book!

My first post ever!

Let me start by apologizing.  Apparently when you import a blog, it publishes a long list of those "old" blog posts so if you have 50 items (or more!) in your reader just from me, I'm sorry.  You don't HAVE to go back and read through them all, since I wrote one post that summarizes what you missed.  I do plan to go back through the blog I wrote on Myspace between 2005 and 2006 and bring it over, but I'll do it slowly, one or two at a time, and just publish a few here and there so it isn't overwhelming.  But now that I know how to back up my blog and get it all in one place, I'd like to have all 6 years in one spot, you know?  So again, my apologies...I didn't really just write all of those posts, and I will not be doing that every day!  Please be patient with me while I adjust...

While I was importing my old blog and backing stuff up, my awesome husband helped me track down my very first blog ever on Blogger.  It's interesting to browse back through that, seeing as how it was from March 11, 2004!!  Here is what I wrote back then:

"I am just getting started at this, so I do not know what form it will take. I guess we'll just get started and go from there.  I had a hectic day--seemed like the kids were intentionally TRYING to be bad. I know they weren't but sometimes I wonder! I think it is just me. My emotions seem to be out of control, but fortunately, I may have found the source, which I may or may not address later. So, I am looking into that and hoping that my plan of action will alleviate some of that chaos in my mind and heart!

My night at work was ok. No real problem calls. I enjoy my job. Don't get me wrong--I love to be at home with my kids, but I also love to get away and do something that establishes me as a woman, and not just a wife and mother. While I acknowledge that there is a lot to be said for being "just" a wife and mother--I do not feel accomplished in those areas. And I think to some degree that is to be expected. The marriage and kids are both young, and they are not finished. Though I also realize that I just have some issues there--when it comes to not feeling accomplished or valued in those areas. Anyway, so basically--I like working!

It is getting late and I really should be trying to sleep since the kids will be up in less than 7 or 8 hours. That is the downside to working. Three nights a week I work until 11pm, which means the earliest I get home is around 11:25pm. But I can't seem to sleep as soon as I get home. So this whole blogging thing will be a good outlet for me.

I have some research to do, so I'll sign off of here and see what tomorrow will bring.

Psalm 81:10-Open your mouth wide and I will fill it with good things."

When I think back to March of 2004, I had been married for just under 5 years.  My kids were 4, 3, and 2 and I was unwell, to say the least.  Can you imagine???  My depression hadn't been diagnosed at that point in time, but it's no wonder I was depressed and crazy back then (gee not much has changed has it!?!)

In love again

I LOVE Blogger!  I LOVE Google!  I LOVE that I have my Gmail back.  I LOVE that I have my calendar back.  I LOVE that I have my Google Reader back.  I LOVE that I have my blog back.  And I LOVE how incredibly simple it was to import ALL of my old posts and ALL of my comments from my previous blog!  I am SO excited!  I was even able to email Katie to let her know what had happened and that I was going to get her lotion in the mail now! 

For details on getting the blog back, I wrote a short little story here.

Oh and you know what else I love? I LOVE the new blogger template designer and the editing improvements. It makes it SO easy and actually fun. You can now preview your post on your actual blog to see how everything will look. Maybe this wasn't news to anyone else, but it was to me and I LOVE the new improvements!!

OH AND OFF TOPIC BUT WHILE I AM NAMING OFF THINGS I LOVE, I LOVE GLEE!!!!

OK...so if you are new to ME and all things Little Bishops, here is some of what you have missed:

"There's a mouse in my house" posts

Smarter than a mouse

More on the mouse

The Standoff

My nemesis

And to finish THAT off, I'll just say that we are up to six mice captured and disposed of...unsure if there are more.

"My Dirty Hair Days" posts

To Wash or Not to Wash
Update #1
Update #2
Update #3
Update #4

How to spot a cheater
Your husband might be cheating if...

Jamie the Drama Queen
Drama, drama, drama
Hiking is for...

My favorite Friday Funnies post (with a HORRIBLE button)

Ice Mountain Water Bottles

My thoughts on depression

Rambling thoughts

A new plan

OK, OK that's enough for now.  If you want to read more, you can go back through the archives yourselves, but those are some of my favorites!

Hacked: the first draft

It was a night like any other dark and stormy night. The house was quiet. Eerily quiet. So quiet you could hear a mouse (OR SIX). In this house, there lived me an eccentric old woman, who suffered from depression, anxiety, OCD insomnia. Her only cure was to sit on the couch with her laptop blogging while watching shows like The Bachelorette and Make It or Break it write.

After a long week of battling six an army of mice and crossing battle lines, the mice launched their surprise attack. A hacker. They sent spies across enemy lines to destroy years of writing and memories. They must have had a mole on the inside. Kris perhaps? Maybe it wasn't intentional on his part. Perhaps he was just taken in by their cute little eyes and petite figures. Perhaps one night while I sat blogging, he felt lonely and just needed someone to confide in. And perhaps the deranged rodent mastermind, who has apparently been stalking Kris for weeks, decided to take matters into her own hands.

So she hired a hit man of sorts. A hacker. Someone who could destroy my entire life, my identity. Someone who could take from me what matters most. My blog! husband. This past week has been an absolute nightmare.

Did anyone out there notice that I have been rather quiet for a week? Like uncharacteristically quiet? Want to know why?

Someone hacked my Gmail account. And then sent out a link to some of my contacts. It got flagged and Google shut my ENTIRE account down, with no warning and no explanation. My email. My blog. My calendar. My Google Reader. My life essentially. The first few days were filled with anger, bitterness, frustration and utter despair (only slightly exaggerated). For days, I had nowhere to go. No way of knowing what had happened or why. I felt lost in a world of bloggers, flaunting their un-hacked accounts, writing away. OK...now I'm REALLY exaggerating, because in reality after a day without my blog I just started a new one. I couldn't just sit idly by and wait and HOPE that Google would figure it all out for me. I took matters into my own hands. And I'm pleased with the outcome.

So where does this leave us dear readers? Here is where I am going to make my plea. Little Bishop Chronicles has officially been re-established HERE. Please take just a moment to follow me there, as this will be my last blog post here. PLEASE! PRETTY PLEASE!! I'm obviously not afraid to beg. Because I love all of you stalkers! I truly do! I was devastated when I thought I had lost all of my posts (MY MEMORIES), not to mention this great group of followers that has been looking to me and me alone 50 other bloggers to bring joy and laughter to your otherwise boring days. Man I'm arrogant aren't I?

So if you are still reading this now, check out the new layout and give me a chance over there. I'd love you forever! I'm SO thankful that Google was able to give me everything back, but I am going to be moving my blog officially, so if you loved me here, please consider loving me there! See how easy I have made it for you?!? There are only 13 a couple of new posts there. Recipes included in some of those new posts-doesn't that entice some of you?

Now, with that out of the way, who wants to tell me how to import this blog into my new one?

And one more thing. I had almost 800 UNREAD items in my Google Reader, so please forgive me if I missed some of your posts. I just had to mark them all as read and will start afresh with your new posts! It was just too overwhelming but I sure am glad to have my reader back!!

Settling some business

A fresh start in a new place means that you have a chance to get in on the first Friday Funnies EVER on this blog.  All week I keep track of the unusual, odd and usually hilarious things my kids say and do.  On Friday, I combine it all into one post and put it up for everyone to enjoy.  So far, it's not catching on.  I'm OK with that.  Really I am.  BUT...I wouldn't feel right NOT offering YOU the opportunity to join in, so I'm telling you about it up front, so you can get ready and be prepared to link up if you so desire!  Also, if anyone wants to host it with me, let me know.  It's pretty simple really. 

I know that my kids aren't the only funny ones out there!  So if you think about it, and plan to write about it anyway, why not link up and share with everyone else how funny your kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, etc...are.  The link goes up 12:01am every Friday and will stay up all day.

Chatting with a 9 year old

My kids all have their own email addresses.  They rarely use them, but they have them, and have had them for years.  I think Olivia was under 2 when we set them all up.  Kris logged Katherine into hers today though and I saw she was available to chat on Gmail so I popped her up.  As I sat there chatting with my almost-ten-year-old I thought, feeling rather nostalgic, "This is really strange."  She's growing up right before my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it.  The older she gets, the more like me she becomes.  Witty and sarcastic to the core!  Our chat today made me laugh and I decided to give you a little window into the types of conversations that Katherine and I have, on a fairly regular basis. 

me: what are you up to?

katherine: I'm playing Pet Ville

me: fun

i'm working

not fun

:-)

katherine: lol :)

me: ha ha

who taught you lol?

did daddy ever teach you his "stupid" one CSTM? he thought it'd be funny instead of using LOL...it means chuckling silently to myself....you should totally send him a chat that just says CSTM

katherine: 1st:I learned it from you always typing it on Facebook.2nd:No and I won't send him a chat that just says CSTM but I WILL say it to him in person.

me: ha ha

I don't type that on FB EVER....

everyone else does

but i refuse

i hate LOL

because I don't always "laugh out loud" and so I won't type it...plus I think it sounds stupid

I need one that says RME (rolling my eyes)...now THAT I could type all the time

katherine: Oh...well I see it on fb all the time anyway...

katherine: I wanna RME at Daddy all the time! ; )

 

me: that's awesome!

Fascination with fireworks

I was never into fireworks much as a kid.  Once I had kids of my own, I thought it would be great to see them experience them.  And yet, I cannot remember a night like last night with the kids and fireworks.  Here is what I can remember.  I can remember Kaleb screaming one year because he was just a baby, incredibly HOT and it had me so stressed out.  Abbey has never really liked fireworks.  She doesn't like the noise.  Tonight was no exception.  Halfway through the display this year she tried to move her chair far away because she said it was giving her a headache.  Then she moved back closer to me because she said it wasn't quieter after all.  Katherine took it all and enjoyed it as any almost 10 year old would.  Kaleb was great.  He really wanted to be near me, for some reason, and I let him.  He was so sweet!  Halfway through, he began massaging my neck and I found out that he was pretty good at it!  How old does someone have to be to start training to be a masseuse? ;-)

Now let's talk about my 4 year old.  That Olivia is something else.  Three years ago we went to a friend's house and they just set off their own little fireworks.  Two years ago we went out to St. James where Kris' dad lives and watched them set off fireworks.  Last year, if I remember correctly, the kids were so horribly behaved and Kris and I were so terribly ready for bedtime that we didn't go ANYWHERE.  I'm pretty sure we just put the kids right into bed around 8pm.  This year we were fortunate enough to get invited to a party where our friends live on a cul de sac that backs right up to the Florissant Civic Center and they have a great fireworks display.  While all of my kids (Abbey excluded) enjoyed the show, it was Olivia that was just enamored.  She was fascinated and it was a moment of pure joy for me to see such excitement and pleasure on her face.  It was amazing and I just couldn't stop staring at her and smiling!  It was the highlight of my night.

The camera on my cell phone was too dark.  Kris has a flash on his camera but he still couldn't get any good pictures.  Fortunately a friend of ours had a 'real' camera and was able to get some awesome shots of Olivia in her sheer delight over the fireworks!

Feeling grateful, so here are some recipes!

I'll admit.  I was pretty discouraged last week, losing my blog, calendar, email, analytics, Google checkout, etc...

I'll also admit that I am still pretty freaked out to be in my house and upset that I can't share my mouse posts from my other blog (they were quite entertaining) with those of you who weren't following the saga.  Last night when we got home from our 4th of July party, we found #6 in a trap.  I'm still pessimistic about getting rid of them without involving a professional, but my pessimism isn't anything new.  We'll just have to wait...

But what has me feeling grateful is that in just a few short days I am already building my reader base back up. I have some old friends and some new.  It's still frustrating whenever I think about it, but I am trying to be patient and just remind myself that I don't write my blog just so people will read it anyway.  I LIKE that people read it.  I'm not going to lie!  In fact, it delights me that people read and comment on my blog and seem to like what they read.  But it isn't why I write and so I need to quit worrying about getting all 171 followers back anyway.  OK...that matter has now been settled in my mind!  So, I guess I am just incredibly thankful just to have a little place to call home again in this blog-sphere (is that what you "professionals" call it?).

We had some friends over today and I got to cook for them.  That's one of my favorite things to do!  I chose recipes I haven't made in quite some time (that's why I chose them!) and was pleased with the outcome.  I thought maybe I would share them with you.  I can't find the charger for my 'real' camera and the lighting isn't the best in my house, so bear with my less-than-great quality pictures.  And I forgot to take a picture of the roast after it was done so sadly I can't show you the results.  It looked great though!

Fruit Pecan Pork Roast

1 rolled, boneless pork loin roast (3 1/2 lbs)

1/2 cup chopped green onions

4 Tbsp butter, divided

1/4 cup orange juice

1 bay leaf

1 can (16 oz) whole berry cranberry sauce

1/2 cup chicken broth

1/2 cup chopped pecans

1 Tbsp cider/red wine vinegar

1/4 tsp salt

1/8 tsp pepper

1/8 tsp sugar

1/4 cup apricot preserves

Bake roast uncovered at 350 degrees for 1 hour.  In skillet, sauté onions and 1 Tbsp butter for 1 minute.  Add orange juice and bay leaf.  Cook and stir over medium heat until thickened.  Add cranberry sauce, broth, pecans and vinegar.  Cook and stir until slightly thickened (about 5 minutes).  Reduce heat; stir in salt, pepper, sugar, and remaining butter until butter is melted.  

Discard bay leaf.  Remove 1/4 cup sauce and mix in apricot preserves to it; pour over roast.  Bake 45 minutes or until it is 160-170 degrees.  Set aside remaining sauce to serve with the roast.

Now, let's talk about dessert!  Who doesn't love dessert?  Oh that's right...freaks...!

Tonight I dipped into a delicious Pampered Chef favorite, Strawberry Amaretto Pasteries.  These things are to die for!  Almost literally!!  Of course, I didn't get a picture of these either, so I took a picture on the cover of the Season's Best cookbook I got the recipe from so you could see what it looks like.  Tonight for the first time I actually used the orange zest and it was SO worth it!  I can't even describe how incredibly awesome these taste.  You'll just have to make them and see for yourself!  I found the recipe on someone else's blog and it has the little copyright symbol so I am going to direct you to that blog because I am not sure what the copyright laws are for recipes.  You can find this amazing recipe here.