Satan's a Jerk!

You know...I'm angry. Indignation. That's what I am feeling right now. "Anger aroused by something unjust, unworthy, or mean." Satan in mean!

If you've been reading for a while, you'll know that I've talked a lot about consequences or collateral damage. I've shared with you part of my story-some of the mistakes I have made. The bad choices and the hurt I have inflicted on others. Today I experienced some collateral damage.

I had a wonderful morning at church, which I wrote about earlier today. I had a great day overall, really. I got to hang out with a friend, shop and talk; while my mother-in-law watched the kids and Kris went mountain biking. All in all, it was a good day.

But in the midst of it, the enemy tried to pounce. Well, he didn't just try. He DID pounce. He hit me with a memory. These memories, while not at the forefront of my mind these days, are still there. There was nothing to provoke the memory. No scent in the air. No song playing on the radio. No piece of clothing or sight of something or someone to connect the memory with. The memory just appeared in my mind.

For the old Jamie, this was a good memory. This was a memory that the old Jamie would have savored and cherished. Even though I died to my old self and live in Christ now, the old Jamie still walks around somewhere, carrying a sack full of memories.

For the new Jamie, this memory is collateral damage. It is something that has to be taken captive and surrendered to Christ. It can be harmful to me, if I allow myself to indulge in the memory. And that is exactly what Satan wanted me to do. He slammed this memory into my mind abruptly and savagely. And my first instinct was to smile and think back to the time when that memory was made. To dwell on it and savor it, and remember.

Immediately, my survival instincts kicked in and I recognized that Satan was shooting arrows at me. My flesh was drawn to this one specific memory. A memory that I hadn't thought about in six months. A memory that I had actually forgotten, until it was right there in my face. My shield went up and I tried to deflect Satan's arrows. And yet, the memory lingered. The desire to revisit it was strong. I was at war today, in my mind.

Because Kris and I have this alliance, I knew that I needed to tell him and I knew that I had to tell him specifically what the memory was. And I knew that it would hurt him. There was never a part of me that didn't want to tell him. I knew I was going to tell him. I knew that I HAD to tell him, if I was to steal the enemy's power. So I emailed him. Partly because it was the best means at the time, and also because I didn't think that I could look into his eyes and tell him, knowing that I would see hurt and pain. It saddened me to tell him, because I don't want him to have to think back to the pain that the old Jamie caused him. But I told him anyway, and as I was driving home tonight (he was on his way home too with the kids), I felt so sorrowful.

And then it happened.

Again.

A song.

At just the right time.

In that moment, as soon as the song began, I burst into tears. I felt God's presence and knew that He was getting into my mind before Satan could. This is the song that played, and I kid you not, it was on until the moment I pulled into my driveway.

And it was just what I needed.

A soothing balm for my hurting soul.

I am constantly reminded of how good God is.

And, apparently, constantly crying.



Does this song speak to you?

Hacked: the first draft

It was a night like any other dark and stormy night. The house was quiet. Eerily quiet. So quiet you could hear a mouse (OR SIX). In this house, there lived me an eccentric old woman, who suffered from depression, anxiety, OCD insomnia. Her only cure was to sit on the couch with her laptop blogging while watching shows like The Bachelorette and Make It or Break it write.

After a long week of battling six an army of mice and crossing battle lines, the mice launched their surprise attack. A hacker. They sent spies across enemy lines to destroy years of writing and memories. They must have had a mole on the inside. Kris perhaps? Maybe it wasn't intentional on his part. Perhaps he was just taken in by their cute little eyes and petite figures. Perhaps one night while I sat blogging, he felt lonely and just needed someone to confide in. And perhaps the deranged rodent mastermind, who has apparently been stalking Kris for weeks, decided to take matters into her own hands.

So she hired a hit man of sorts. A hacker. Someone who could destroy my entire life, my identity. Someone who could take from me what matters most. My blog! husband. This past week has been an absolute nightmare.

Did anyone out there notice that I have been rather quiet for a week? Like uncharacteristically quiet? Want to know why?

Someone hacked my Gmail account. And then sent out a link to some of my contacts. It got flagged and Google shut my ENTIRE account down, with no warning and no explanation. My email. My blog. My calendar. My Google Reader. My life essentially. The first few days were filled with anger, bitterness, frustration and utter despair (only slightly exaggerated). For days, I had nowhere to go. No way of knowing what had happened or why. I felt lost in a world of bloggers, flaunting their un-hacked accounts, writing away. OK...now I'm REALLY exaggerating, because in reality after a day without my blog I just started a new one. I couldn't just sit idly by and wait and HOPE that Google would figure it all out for me. I took matters into my own hands. And I'm pleased with the outcome.

So where does this leave us dear readers? Here is where I am going to make my plea. Little Bishop Chronicles has officially been re-established HERE. Please take just a moment to follow me there, as this will be my last blog post here. PLEASE! PRETTY PLEASE!! I'm obviously not afraid to beg. Because I love all of you stalkers! I truly do! I was devastated when I thought I had lost all of my posts (MY MEMORIES), not to mention this great group of followers that has been looking to me and me alone 50 other bloggers to bring joy and laughter to your otherwise boring days. Man I'm arrogant aren't I?

So if you are still reading this now, check out the new layout and give me a chance over there. I'd love you forever! I'm SO thankful that Google was able to give me everything back, but I am going to be moving my blog officially, so if you loved me here, please consider loving me there! See how easy I have made it for you?!? There are only 13 a couple of new posts there. Recipes included in some of those new posts-doesn't that entice some of you?

Now, with that out of the way, who wants to tell me how to import this blog into my new one?

And one more thing. I had almost 800 UNREAD items in my Google Reader, so please forgive me if I missed some of your posts. I just had to mark them all as read and will start afresh with your new posts! It was just too overwhelming but I sure am glad to have my reader back!!