Using Your Story

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 6:8

While watching The Hunger Games for the first time, I was really moved by Katniss volunteering as tribute, when her little sister's name was called.  I can remember sitting in the theater, crying.  I made the connection that I am sure many other have made.  It was a connection that I failed to see when I read the books themselves.

The Hunger Games revolves around a tribute being required, a sacrifice essentially, to remind the people of their past.  Of their history, where District 13 rebelled against the Capitol.  Upon doing so, District 13 was completely destroyed.  Rarely would any child want to be chosen to compete in The Hunger Games.

The Shack

I can't believe that I have never blogged about The Shack.  There must be a mistake somewhere.  Because I am pretty sure I made it known that I was the ONLY person in the world that did NOT enjoy reading that book (KEEP READING)!

So, why am I bringing this up?  It's all Tony's fault!  Yeah, that's right.  I'm naming names.  Because I'm mad (not really).  Because #1.  I don't want to re-read the book (even though I think I should) and #2.  I don't want to draw a picture of my shack (it's scary and ugly and scary)!  And it's just not healthy to be mad at God about this whole healing process, so I'll blame Tony.  And my other friends at church who think "Yeah, Jamie should draw her shack!!!"  Thanks a lot...

At Stories last Friday night, we talked about this idea of shadows, or our past, following us.  Tony used several different movie clips to illustrate this, making me want to watch all of the movies again, except for Saving Private Ryan.  While the story was decent, the movie was 3 hours too long to begin with.

Someone posted this on Facebook this past week and I thought it was very fitting for what I am writing.

I love this picture above.  It is so profound, in light of this concept of our past following us.

Tony said something at Stories that I liked so much I had to copy down.  Not just to share it with all of you, but for myself, as well.  As a reminder.  Tony is a very wise man.  He should be after all that he has gone through and overcome.  God has done an amazing work in this man's life.

This is what he told us:

"You must give God direct access to the most wounded places of your past, to be healed in the present, so you can have a healthier future." -Tony Ingrassia, Author of Stories.  

Don't you just love that?

Tony also has an amazing Power of Purity ministry that is incredible, and has really been a source of freedom and healing in my own marriage.  Check it out.  NOW.  ;-)

Our pasts are right behind us.  They follow us, just like a shadow.  And what we talked about at Stories last week was how Satan uses our past.  He wants us to be so caught up in our pasts, whatever they may be, that we can't focus on God.  Satan uses our past against us.  He holds us, tightly, with the guilt and shame in our past.  He keeps us so focused on the past that it affects us in the present.  It affects every choice we make.  Every step we take.  (That sounds familiar...POLICE anyone?)  

And if we don't go back and revisit our past, and as Tony said during our last counseling session "Bring Jesus to the past", we can't experience healing and a healthy future.  We must confront our past.  We must take Jesus to it.  We must HEAL.  If we just live in the past, and let the past control our minds, emotions and actions, we will never truly be free of the hurts and pain of our past.

You cannot do this if your past is still following you.

Haunting you.

I love the idea of bringing Jesus to my past.

I do not, however, like the idea of revisiting my past.  Of confronting my personal "shack".  Of acknowledging where some of my deep-rooted fears (getting murdered) lie.  I don't want to do it.  But I know that I must.  It has to be done.  I have to be healed.  So that I can be healthier tomorrow.  And I know that, with Jesus, it is safe.  I am protected from the hurts and fears that await me.

"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."  - Maya Angelou

Is your past chasing you?

Or, have you taken Jesus to your past?

Friday Letters

Dear Kristopher,

Thank you is not enough to express how grateful I am for you.  For your heart.  For you love.  Thank you for starting over with me.  Thank you for loving me unconditionally, even though I hurt you.  Thank you for walking this journey with me.  I wouldn't want to experience this journey we're on with anyone but you.  For a thousand years.

Dear Katherine,

Stop growing up.  It's not allowed.  Your father and I may have to put a stop to it.  We are not ready for you to turn 12, and I'm pretty sure we are nowhere near ready for the teen years!

Dear Kaleb,

Thank you for being so sweet these days.  So loving and kind.  And for all the hugs.  You don't know how much they mean to me.

Dear Abbey,

You are such a joy.  You light up the room.  When you aren't being moody.  Let's tame down the moodiness and up the joy, OK?  Never stop making me laugh!

Dear Olivia,

My baby.  You're almost 7.  It seems unreal.  I have loved our conversations about the "dirty hotel" and you telling me that when you grow up and get married you are going to check the Bible to see if I'm lying to you about how hotels are cleaned.  I love that your first place to turn is the Bible.  Smart girl.

Dear Anxiety,

I am so done with you.  You are not controlling my life anymore.  I'd appreciate if you would leave me forever.  Maybe someday.  But for now, I'm in control.  NOT YOU.

Dear Degenerating Neck & Back,

I hate you.  You are a source of constant pain and I'm so tired of it.  I'm too young to be hindered this much in my daily life.  I'd really appreciate it if you would just heal and let me be for another 20 years.  Work on that.  Otherwise, I'll be looking for a replacement.

Dear Satan,

You are a jerk.  We both know it.  You have wreaked havoc in so many lives and you just sit there laughing while we all screw up.  Well, I'm done with you too.  I'm not going to let you keep me in fear and sin.  Consumed by guilt and shame.  So quit trying to distract me.  You have been defeated.  Stop screwing around with my family!  You are not welcome in our home any longer.  We should have never let you in to begin with.  My God is bigger than you and one day, you'll get what's coming to you.

Dear Jesus,

I can't thank you enough for taking my punishment.  For showing me that it was OK to let go of my guilt and shame and let you carry it for me.  Let you nail it to the Cross.  What a HUGE relief it is to be free of that for the first time in my life!  Thank you for opening my eyes and pouring your love in and over and around me.  Thank you for making me new.  For taking my stony, stubborn heart and giving me a tender, responsive heart.  You've loved me through all the ugly and dark times in my life and have proven yourself faithful again and again.  When I am weak, remind me that you can carry me to the Cross if I can't walk there on my own.  Thank you for giving me beauty in place of ashes.  Thank you that I can wear forgiveness like a crown.