Meet Jamie

Hi! For those of you who don't remember me, my name is Jamie and, as you can clearly see, I have neglected my blog. For almost an entire month. I am ashamed.

It's funny how people that know me can gauge where I'm at mentally or emotionally simply by the lag in my blog or the infrequent Facebook status updates. When I'm feeling pretty good (and not swamped with, well, life), I tend to be on Facebook a lot and write more. So, I guess you could say that this isn't one of those times in my life.

This is a very interesting time in my life. Pivotal really. More pivotal than the last pivotal time of pivoting. :) I'm 33 years old and I don't know who I am. I know several things about myself. I have a husband that loves me for reasons I am not sure I will ever fully understand. I have four amazing children, one of which who prayed the other night that God would show me that I'm a good mommy. And that's just the prayer I know about. I know the others are praying for me too. I have two parents who I know pray for me and my family daily, and I really appreciate this about them. I have a job teaching Spanish now at the kids' school, I have my Little Bishop Creations business that I am trying to put into motion to make up some of our lost income and I have my night job, which I have been neglecting lately. But even though I know those things, I don't really know who I am. Or what I am doing with my life.

There has been a battle going on in my head and in my heart for a very long time. And it seems to all be coming to a head and I'm at a point in my life where I have to answer some serious life questions. Not out loud or to anyone else. But to myself. For myself. I've been avoiding this blog. Not always intentionally, but I think that on some level I knew that if I sat down and started writing, this is what it would look like. And I guess I just didn't want to. To admit that I have made a lot of mistakes. To admit that I am not the wife and mother I SHOULD be, let alone the one I want to be.

I started this over an hour ago and am just exhausted. I know it's only half of a post, but it is what it is.