When We Hurt

This day did not go the way I had planned. I am currently sitting in the emergency room with my eleven year old son.  I am watching him writhe in extreme pain.  It started this morning, when Kaleb told me his stomach hurt. He didn't seem too burdened by it, so I sent him to school.

Then, I had grand plans for how the day was going to go. I would check Facebook, catch up on The Voice, and spend several hours writing for all my screaming fans!

As human plans typically go, my day did anything but go according to plans!

First, at 8:48am, I remembered I had an 8:50am chiropractor appointment.  I quickly called and they very kindly got me rescheduled for 10:30.

So I watched an episode of The Colbert Report, then got ready and went to the chiropractor.  Adjustment complete, I remembered Kris needed deodorant. So off to the Walmart Supercenter I went. I spent at least an hour there, dropping money on essentials like milk, bread, deodorant (so glad I remembered that one!), and Strawberry Whoppers!

I went to the bank and then of course had to stop at QT for tea . I was nearly home, dreading unloading all the necessities from Walmart that I had obtained.

That's when my phone rang. By now, with nurse calls for Livvy or "your-kid-was-horrible-today-so-we-have-to-call-home" calls, I recognized the number.  I considered not answering and dealing with whatever it was after I had put all my goods away,  but decided to go ahead and answer it.

It was the school nurse, advising that Kaleb had been to see her several times.  It wasn't even noon. I decided to pick him up,  even though he had no fever and wasn't vomiting. When I got there, he looked pale and his eyes were sunken in, like they are when he hasn't had enough sleep.

Now, as a reference point, I do not do well with vomiting. Actually, it is the pre-vomiting that leaves me feeling extremely anxious. I cannot even describe how anxious this makes me.  I worry about things like cleaning vomit off the van upholstery or the carpet. I worry about being vomited on, or cleaning clothes that have been thrown up on.

Kaleb had that "I'm-about-to-throw-up-in-your-nice-clean-van-on-the-way-home" look on his face, and this immediately had me worried.  The nurse asked if we wanted a plastic bag,  after I begged (Seriously...out loud) for Kaleb to please not throw up in the van .

And do you know what happened?

Kaleb threw up.

In the van.

Two minutes after we left the school.

I am so glad the kids are old enough to aim now.  It should ease my anxiety some, but it doesn't.  Nevertheless,  I am thankful.   Kaleb made it into the bag and we made it home. I got him situated in the living room, quickly clearing all the clean laundry that was scattered (literally!) across the room. He laid down and I had just enough time to bring my purchases in, get him some ice water and think about sitting down before he threw up over and over again.  Of course, by now I was prepared and he had a bucket.  So at least there was that...

The next three hours were spent watching my son roll around on the floor, groaning, yelling, screaming out in pain, begging ME to make it stop.  He was crying.  I was crying.  My heart was breaking.  I couldn't do ANYTHING to make him feel better...physically.

Throughout all of this, God taught me something.  Something I had known, but didn't KNOW until today.

I thought about God as a parent.

I thought about how He looks at us when we are in pain.

He looks at us and He cries with us.  His heart breaks.  And He wants to do something to make us feel better.  I think that when the Bible says we are made in the image of God, this is one of those characteristics.  The ability to feel pain, to be empathetic.  To see a loved one hurting, and hurt with and for them.

My day did NOT go the way I had planned it...our lives do not go the way God planned (desires) them.

Kaleb was in excruciating pain and I would have done anything to make the pain stop....God gave EVERYTHING to make our pain stop.  He gave us Jesus.

If I could have taken his pain away, I would have...Jesus took the weight of sin and shame and the pain of the entire world and died an excruciatingly painful death, nailed to a cross.

These things God spoke to me as I sat on the couch, wrestling with self.  I wanted to just sit and rest.  I wanted to try to relax from what was a really stressful event for me.  I wanted to get on Facebook and zone out.  I wanted to write about all the little things that God did for Kris and I in the first few weeks I was home.

Instead, I got up off of the couch, I set me aside, and I laid down on the floor next to my son, who was experiencing the worst pain in his life.

And I held him.

I spoke words of comfort to him.

I was THERE.

Even though I couldn't help him physically (though I did attempt to rub his back and stomach at times), and even though I was physically in pain laying on the hard floor, I was there emotionally for my son.

And I just marveled at God's great love for me.  I was reminded that I have a Father who sees me in pain and wants to just hold me.  No matter how hard it is, He WILL be by my side.  He will hold me and speak words of love and comfort to me.

It is the only thing that got me through today.

Because I don't do vomiting.

And on the way home from the hospital (he just has the stomach flu and Zofran really helped him-praying I he sleeps through the night), he was talking about how we got to spend time together, just the two of us.  And I'm thinking "Cleaning up your vomit is NOT my idea of spending quality time together!"

But I could hear what he was really saying.

We connected.

We spent time together, however miserable it was.

And then, because I couldn't resist myself, I went ahead and told him that kids don't want their dad when they are sick.  They want their MOM!

And I think that is an aspect of God we so often forget.  God, as the tender and compassionate being. who we long for when we are sick and hurting.  And He never fails us!