So here is the latest scoop. I'm in a race to beat the please-help-me-fall-asleep meds, so I'll try to keep this brief. Ha ha ha...
I had another job interview on Monday.
They emailed back just over an hour later, asking me to come in (today) for a second interview.
Both interviews went well. I was confident and assertive. I *think* I made a good impression, but I can't be sure. I don't want to get my hopes up, but the truth is, they're up so high I can't even see them anymore. I really want this job. Partly because I'm just eager to be working again. Mostly because I like the company and every part of my past work experience fits in so well with this company. The job is just an entry level, data entry right now. I can see the potential for more down the road, but right now, I'd be content to just be entering information over and over again for 8 hours a day. I'm being serious. That is how extremely bored I am at home. The pay is exactly where I want to be right now, and more importantly, where our family needs it to be.
Last night was so awful. While I wasn't plagued with the awful sleep paralysis that seems to accompany me these days when my stress gets so high I don't even know it's really bothering me, my sleep still suffers. Just once I'd love to fall asleep like a normal person. Without a handful of medications, all designed to accomplish different purposes, none of which work extremely well. But they all combine to eventually let me fall asleep, and sometimes stay asleep for 3-4 hours on a normal night. On a good night, sometimes 5-6. Those are rare.
And then there are nights like last night.
Nights that are just horrible.
I went to sleep at 10:30/11pm. I woke up just after midnight. I fell back asleep and was tormented by several dreams, all containing three of my biggest fears. #1. A person I don't want to see. #2. A man breaking into my home. #3. Vomiting. So when I woke up at 1:30am, I was too scared to get up to go to the bathroom.
I lay in bed for at least 20 minutes, trying to pray it away (the fear). Trying to prevent Satan from getting into my mind and fueling my fear. I finally worked up the courage to get up and go to the bathroom. But be assured that I peeked around the doorway to make sure no one was standing there, and proceeded to check around corners until I made it to the bathroom. On my way back to bed, I made sure the doors were locked. This fear consumes me. It has such a strong hold in my life. I saw Tony (counselor) today and told him that I have got to deal with this fear. It's controlling certain aspects of my life and when the stress builds, it seems that it bears itself out in my dreams/sleep pattern.
I lay back down and tried to pray and fall back asleep. It kept pressing on me and I finally broke down and woke Kris up, knowing that I needed him to pray with me. It is moments like those, at 2am, when I am so grateful for this man that God put into my life. It's most moments really, but some are stronger than others. He pulled himself out of deep sleep and held me and prayed for me. He prayed against the enemy and for peace as I slept. We were both hopeful that this alone would have been enough for me to sleep until the clock went off. It wasn't to be the case, as I woke up every hour from that point on. I had two dreams about the interview I had coming up at 9am this morning. In one, I had the job, but then I was lifting soda canisters and fixing machines. It was weird. In the other one, I had the job and saw that the starting pay was $12.65. Very odd, specific and unrealistic things.
I was awake from about 5:45am for the day. Kris took Abbey and Livvy to "chore" (choir-they are finally pronouncing it correctly) for me, so that I could get ready. I saw Kat off to the bus and got ready while Kaleb waited for his bus to come. Then I let him go out to the bus stop while I left to drive out to Fenton. I wasn't sure what traffic would be like, since I haven't driven that route in about 2 years. I got there by 8:30, so of course I sought out the closest QT. I was going to get my tea, but last weekend I found this white chocolate caramel cappacino at a Pilot station and found that it is the first ever coffee-ish drink I have ever enjoyed. So, going in to QT this morning, I wondered if they had something similar. Much to my delight, they have a white chocolate macadamia nut cappacino. And I have to say that it was quite tasty. I may have a new obsession as the fall and winter months settle in. This could be bad...but oh so good...
I felt calm and confident during the second interview and several hours later, I received the link to fill out the DISC Personal Analysis Questionnaire. I completed it and returned it...or I am assuming that it got sent to the company. I have no idea what my personality is like based off of it.
They said I would hear something in the next couple of days. So it's a waiting game. But this is the first time I've been asked back for a second interview and I do have a really good feeling about this. But it could be high hopes speaking. I don't know. I'll let you know what happens. I still have that fear that if I get hired, they will just fire me three days later, just because...
It's in God's hands. I'll roll with whatever happens. Sure, I'll be disappointed if this isn't finally a place to land financially, but I'll just keep trusting God.
I had another job interview on Monday.
They emailed back just over an hour later, asking me to come in (today) for a second interview.
Both interviews went well. I was confident and assertive. I *think* I made a good impression, but I can't be sure. I don't want to get my hopes up, but the truth is, they're up so high I can't even see them anymore. I really want this job. Partly because I'm just eager to be working again. Mostly because I like the company and every part of my past work experience fits in so well with this company. The job is just an entry level, data entry right now. I can see the potential for more down the road, but right now, I'd be content to just be entering information over and over again for 8 hours a day. I'm being serious. That is how extremely bored I am at home. The pay is exactly where I want to be right now, and more importantly, where our family needs it to be.
Last night was so awful. While I wasn't plagued with the awful sleep paralysis that seems to accompany me these days when my stress gets so high I don't even know it's really bothering me, my sleep still suffers. Just once I'd love to fall asleep like a normal person. Without a handful of medications, all designed to accomplish different purposes, none of which work extremely well. But they all combine to eventually let me fall asleep, and sometimes stay asleep for 3-4 hours on a normal night. On a good night, sometimes 5-6. Those are rare.
And then there are nights like last night.
Nights that are just horrible.
I went to sleep at 10:30/11pm. I woke up just after midnight. I fell back asleep and was tormented by several dreams, all containing three of my biggest fears. #1. A person I don't want to see. #2. A man breaking into my home. #3. Vomiting. So when I woke up at 1:30am, I was too scared to get up to go to the bathroom.
I lay in bed for at least 20 minutes, trying to pray it away (the fear). Trying to prevent Satan from getting into my mind and fueling my fear. I finally worked up the courage to get up and go to the bathroom. But be assured that I peeked around the doorway to make sure no one was standing there, and proceeded to check around corners until I made it to the bathroom. On my way back to bed, I made sure the doors were locked. This fear consumes me. It has such a strong hold in my life. I saw Tony (counselor) today and told him that I have got to deal with this fear. It's controlling certain aspects of my life and when the stress builds, it seems that it bears itself out in my dreams/sleep pattern.
I lay back down and tried to pray and fall back asleep. It kept pressing on me and I finally broke down and woke Kris up, knowing that I needed him to pray with me. It is moments like those, at 2am, when I am so grateful for this man that God put into my life. It's most moments really, but some are stronger than others. He pulled himself out of deep sleep and held me and prayed for me. He prayed against the enemy and for peace as I slept. We were both hopeful that this alone would have been enough for me to sleep until the clock went off. It wasn't to be the case, as I woke up every hour from that point on. I had two dreams about the interview I had coming up at 9am this morning. In one, I had the job, but then I was lifting soda canisters and fixing machines. It was weird. In the other one, I had the job and saw that the starting pay was $12.65. Very odd, specific and unrealistic things.
I was awake from about 5:45am for the day. Kris took Abbey and Livvy to "chore" (choir-they are finally pronouncing it correctly) for me, so that I could get ready. I saw Kat off to the bus and got ready while Kaleb waited for his bus to come. Then I let him go out to the bus stop while I left to drive out to Fenton. I wasn't sure what traffic would be like, since I haven't driven that route in about 2 years. I got there by 8:30, so of course I sought out the closest QT. I was going to get my tea, but last weekend I found this white chocolate caramel cappacino at a Pilot station and found that it is the first ever coffee-ish drink I have ever enjoyed. So, going in to QT this morning, I wondered if they had something similar. Much to my delight, they have a white chocolate macadamia nut cappacino. And I have to say that it was quite tasty. I may have a new obsession as the fall and winter months settle in. This could be bad...but oh so good...
I felt calm and confident during the second interview and several hours later, I received the link to fill out the DISC Personal Analysis Questionnaire. I completed it and returned it...or I am assuming that it got sent to the company. I have no idea what my personality is like based off of it.
They said I would hear something in the next couple of days. So it's a waiting game. But this is the first time I've been asked back for a second interview and I do have a really good feeling about this. But it could be high hopes speaking. I don't know. I'll let you know what happens. I still have that fear that if I get hired, they will just fire me three days later, just because...
It's in God's hands. I'll roll with whatever happens. Sure, I'll be disappointed if this isn't finally a place to land financially, but I'll just keep trusting God.
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