Under Attack

"There's a battle between good and evil, and it's raging inside of me.  There's struggle: it's God and the devil.  It's Love against the enemy."

I mentioned in a previous post that Kris and I were asked to share our story at a workshop this coming weekend.  We've talked briefly about what we would say.  What we would add that we didn't have time to say when we gave our testimony at church.  What we could do, the format, etc...bits and pieces here and there.


Last night, though, we finally really sat down to try to flesh out what we really wanted to say/do on Saturday.  Share our story, of course.  But how?  And what else should we add?  We want to share more of what God has done in our lives in the last six months, and not just the struggles that led up to it.

But tonight, Satan didn't want that.  The entire time, there was tension.  There were walls going up between Kris and I.  I was edgy and sarcastic (and not in the usual funny way).  Kris was at a loss for words, which of course just added to my annoyance.  Poor Kris.  We both felt the tension.

Satan seems to work this way.

In the midst of trying to do something good, something that will give God glory, he interferes.  It was a long time before Kris and I talked about how the enemy was trying to distract us and keep us from focusing on what God wanted to say through us this weekend.  I think we were both thinking it to ourselves, but neither of us voiced it for quite some time.  It just shows you some of the power that the devil holds.

We literally had to STOP trying to prepare for this weekend.

To take a step back.

To pray.

To calm down.

To just wait for God.

We will revisit it tomorrow night and/or Friday.  God will speak through us.  Of that we are sure.  The preparation is more for my benefit than anything...I am a very time-oriented person, and to put it bluntly, Kris is not.  We have one hour to work with.  60 minutes to tell our story, including time for a Q&A afterwards.  So I wanted to make sure that we weren't going to go over.  And thus began petty little arguments over NOTHING.  Simply a distraction from the enemy.  A tool he used to keep us from really accomplishing anything.

Well, to say we accomplished nothing would be a lie.  We prayed through it.  We talked about it.  We listened to a song (no surprise there!).  While he was praying, the second time (the first was to make the enemy flee; the second was to calm my anxiety), the song "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant came to my mind.  So after he finished praying, I nestled into the crook of his arm and we listened to the song together.

"Every fear has no place
At the sound of Your great name
The enemy, he has to leave
At the sound of Your great name"

And just like that, God did His thing.  He kicked Satan out of our house.  Out of my mind.  My breathing steadied and my anxiety dissipated.  Sometimes when Kris will pray that my anxiety will go away, it isn't always answered in the affirmative.  But on a few occasions, it is.

The relief I feel in these moment is better than any Xanax.  I experienced this powerful calmness in the midst of a panic attack at Stories the other night, while my friend Sheri prayed for me.

If I could just feel that calm HALF of the time...oh the difference it would make!!

Please pray for me and Kris as we prepare to share our story this coming weekend.  Pray for the couples that will be there.  Pray that God will use the pain from our mistakes, and the healing of our marriage to touch hearts, breathe new life into hurting marriages, and heal broken hearts.  To show people that there is ALWAYS hope, even when you can't see it.  This is why we share our story.  We believe that God wants to do these things through us.  It's not about us.  It's not about what we've done.  It's about sharing our story, so that others can see the miraculous work that God (and God alone!) has done in our hearts, our lives, and our marriage.  To God be the glory!