Sobriety - Six months

Six entire months.

We made it.

All because of God.

For the first time in 13 years, Kris and I are living in a freedom that we have never known before.

And it is absolutely amazing!!

Six months ago today I chose to go home and fight for my marriage.

And I can stand (sit) here now and proclaim that it was the best decision I have EVER made.  I am more in love with my husband now that I ever thought possible.  I love that pornography no longer has any power in his life.  I love that I am no longer dependent upon anyone but God to satisfy my needs, physical and emotional.

No one but God, THE God, can perform the miracle that has taken place in our marriage.

We were as broken as broken gets.

We were lost, hurting, broken people.

Our marriage was more like a bloodied battlefield after a war, the stench of death everywhere.

It was then, in the midst of that deep, dark place that God rescued us.

I wake up every day incredibly grateful and filled with this inexplicable joy that can only come from God.

THIS is living.

This is true life.

This is drinking from the living water that only God can offer.

I'm ALIVE!

And it is so much better than I could have ever imagined.

There are, of course, two songs that have been really significant in this past week leading up for this six month anniversary of sexual sobriety.  The first one was played at church this morning (our request), after Kris and I stood up in front of our church family and gave just a brief testimony of everything that we have been through and what God has done.  I imagine that given an opportuntiy, Kris and I could fill at least an hour or two sharing the hurts, the healing and the power of God, as He redeemed us from captivity.  If you are interested in hearing the testimony we gave this morning, I believe it was recorded-so I am told.  Once I find out if it is online, I'll let you know (if you've told me you want to hear it), so that you can hear Kris and I talk about what God has done in our lives and our marriage.

But anyway, here is my favorite song right now, that speaks about this redemption from sin and shame and guilt.  It couldn't be more perfect for where we were, where we are right now, and where God is leading us.  It is called "Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave.  Please listen to this song. God doesn't want to just redeem Kris and me.  If you are unsure of your relationship with God, or you are afraid His love can't extend to you, believe me when I tell you that it can.  It does.  God loves you more than you will ever be able to fully grasp and I just want to stand on a mountaintop and proclaim that for all the world to hear.  But, since I hate hiking, I'll just "shout" from this blog.

The second song is also a newer one, to me anyway.  I have no idea when it came out but I absolutely love it.  It is my prayer.  It is how I feel each day.  It encompasses what God has done in my heart.  It is also a very powerful song.

There is something else I wanted to share with you tonight before I sign off.

I took my wedding rings off the night I left home, just over six months ago.  Because I had NOT removed them at all while involved in a life of sin over the last seven years, I cannot wear them.  When I see them, I am disgusted.  I can't look at my engagement ring and wedding band without feeling sick to my stomach.

Instead of a pleasant reminder of my wedding day, they haunt me.

They became a part of my old life.

The old Jamie.

They have no place in this new life I am living.

Because of that, I was not wearing any ring on my finger for a while.  Kris finally gave me his because it didn't fit him anyway and he wanted me to have something on my 'ring finger'.  So I wore his and we would (presumably) wait patiently for the day that he could buy me a new 'engagement' ring and we could exchange new wedding bands when we renew our vows (likely in 2014-hopefully!!)

However, it bothered me that Kris didn't have a ring to wear anymore.  For the last couple of months I've been trying to think of a way to save money to buy him an inexpensive band that can take the place of the band I will eventually buy for him.  Since I'm horrible at saving money, especially when there isn't a lot to spare, I thought I'd just have to wait.

Until yesterday, that is.

I took my jewelry and headbands that I make (Little Bishop Creations) to Jesus Fest in Granite City, IL yesterday.  While there, I was next to another vendor who sold specialty jewelry.  Dog tags.  Guitar picks on a chain, to wear as a necklace, etc...  I suddenly had a thought (about 5 hours into the day!) "Wait.  What if I can find a ring for him over there?"

And of course, you guessed it...I did.  And for $20, I couldn't pass it up.  I was SO excited about this ring!  I can't wait to show it to you.  It was really perfect for him.  For us.  And wouldn't you know it...I would find one for me (also just $20) that matches his.  So now, we both have replacement rings and I am wearing his wedding ring on my right hand now.  You may not fully understand the significance behind these new rings, but Kris and I do, so that is all that matters.

Faith, Hope, and Love.  Those are the words written on my ring. And I just love that HOPE is the word in the center. Because that is what I had lost for so long.  And I am so full of hope now!

Isn't this cool?  It has the Hebrew on the outside (you read Hebrew right to left in case you wanted a little tidbit of knowledge there...) and then the inside says "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."  Since Kris has such a great love for Biblical languages, the fact that this ring was even there, and that furthermore it had THAT verse on it...well...if you know us and our story, you can see why it was the perfect ring!