Chocolate

I love chocolate.  It's no big secret.  :-)

Saturday my family will embark on a journey to the sweet, sweet town of Hershey, Pennsylvania. We'll 'caravan' with Cindy, Dean and Brandon, stopping halfway there for the night.  I just didn't think the kids were ready for a drive like that in ONE day, so we're breaking it up over two days.  Maybe it was more that I wasn't ready for a drive like that with the kids--but I really do believe they are just a bit too young to tolerate more than 6-7 hours a day.

I'm really looking forward to some time off work.  Of course I will find myself worrying about it while I am gone, but I need a break.  I'm really looking forward to getting some reading done.  I plan to finish Dekker's latest book "Kiss" and hopefully read the fourth book in the Anne of Green Gables series since I can't seem to find that one online anywhere to listen to (for free); that is, if Katherine will let me borrow the book!

I am sure I will have plenty of pictures to share!  Below are a couple of pictures from our weekend trip to Castlewood State Park.

It's me again

It's too late (early depending on how you look at it) and I am too tired for anything heavy or interesting.  But I am still alive!  I have just really busy.  Tomorrow is the first day I can remember where we have nothing planned.  No work for me, nowhere to go, nothing we have to do...Kris and I are both really looking forward to this.  Kris dad came out yesterday and layed (laid) large carpet squares down in our basement (no padding in case it floods again).  So we spent the evening getting that back to a liveable space.  It's so nice to have that space again! 

My medication is in full swing within my body.  It feels good to feel alive again.  It feels good to be able to get out of bed in the morning.  3 days this past week I got to work by 7:30am (one day by 7am).  This, my friends, is miraculous as before I was lucky to make it to work before 9am.  Fortunately for me my schedule is obviously somewhat flexible.  But because I got in earlier, even with leaving at 3pm most days so I can be home when the bus comes with my kids, I haven't had to work in the evenings and don't have to work Saturday to make up the hours.  I'm still getting the hang of managing my anxiety/panic attacks.  I have gone from taking the Xanax 3 times a day to primarily only taking it before bed to help me sleep.  The last two evenings I have taken it while the kids were still up, having been feeling more on edge than usual.  But it's nice that I am not dependent upon it!  And the Rozerem, now that my mind isn't constantly churning (because I take the Xanax before bed) is actually doing it's job and helping me fall asleep and STAY asleep.  This hasn't happened in a long time.  I tested the theory of whether or not the Xanax helped me sleep.  Sure enough-the two nights that I didn't take it in conjunction with the Rozerem-I could not fall asleep and kept waking up.  So for now, the Wellbutrin, the Xanax and the Rozerem are a great evening cocktail.  And because I am sleeping better and because the Wellbutrin is now fully in my system, I am less overwhelmed and anxious and therefore do not need the Xanax on a regular basis.  I am happy about this, as there is always the concern of becoming addicted to certain medications.

Kaleb and I have gone to the psychologist twice now.  We go back this coming Monday, and then 2 weeks from that day as well.  It is good.  It is necessary.  It is expensive.  But it is worth it.  I am calmer with Kaleb (and the others as well) with my medication but also with the new techniques/revelations from the therapy and Kaleb I think really likes that attention and he is actually really excited to go to his appointments.  I think that this is a good thing.

We are gearing up for a big trip over spring break, which begins on Friday.  Friday is not technically part of spring break, but it may as well be.  There are parent/teacher conferences Thursday (so the kids of course have yet another half day after being off a whole day today too) and then are off again on Friday.  I think it is odd that they are doing it this way...but it is kind of nice for travelling I suppose.  You kind of get an extra day and a half head start.  We don't, because I think Cindy may still have school that day and we didn't realize they had this day off until last week but that's beside the point.  So I am planning to take off Friday to be home with the kids, and then I can get everything packed and ready for our long journey to Hershey, Pennsylvania.  I am looking forward to it.  It will be nice to get away, though I will still need to do some work from there so that I can afford to take time off in June when Kris and I go to Miami.

This is what happens when I wait until 1:00am to start writing.  I babble on with useless information that no one but me really cares about.  But that's ok...because as I have said before...this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want!  :-)

Music and more

I was downstairs looking for some CDs today and came across a photo album I started on a few years ago...when I had the time and the energy to scrapbook. As I was reminiscing, I came to a page of Kaleb as a baby. I can remember each one of my girls in their newborn and toddler stage.

What I discovered tonight is that I do not remember Kaleb as a baby. I look at the pictures of him, and I don't recognize them. I don't remember them being taken. I don't remember him looking like that. What I remember is being despondent and seeing those pictures almost fills me with despair and regret. When I look at his baby pictures, I am incredibly sad that I can't remember anything but how hard it was to adjust, how he cried all the time, how I never wanted to hold him unless I had to feed him.

I don't remember ever being happy when he was a baby. I don't remember holding him and staring down at him and being overjoyed with this new life God had entrusted to me. I remember feeling cold and indifferent and so alone.

I remember that while I was pregnant with him, I spent a lot of time trying to smile and to hide the fact that I didn't want to be pregnant again so soon. I remember everyone giving us a hard time about me being pregnant again and how difficult it was to pretend to be happy about it when I was dying inside. I remember his birth. I remember just wanting to get it over with and didn't care who was there. I remember seeing him for the first time, holding him on my chest before they took him away to be cleaned and measured--and feeling nothing.

Where was the joy I had felt when Katherine was born? The same joy I would feel with the birth of Abbey and Livvy later? Where was that pride and that awe in the presence of something so profound and incredible as bringing a new life into the world? It wasn't there. What I remember about Kaleb's first year of life fills me with sorrow if I think about it too long. Not guilt...not anymore. Just intense sadness. I look at him and the struggles with him now and I wonder if it is all related. I believe that it is.

I didn't intend to start this and have it turn into such an intense glance back at my son's life. I can't dwell on it. I can't 'deal' with all the emotions that come to surface when I think back. I wish I could go back and undo it. I wish I could remember just one time in his first year of life where I felt something good. It's so sad that I can distinctly remember the first time I loved my son, and it was not until he was about 7 months old. It wasn't instant for me...like it typically is...or like we are told it is supposed to be.

A friend at work has recently introduced me to some new music. There is one song in particular that I can't get out of my head. It is by the band Decyfer Down called "Burn Back the Sun". Below is a link (and the lyrics) to this song. There is a video with the song that I don't really care for; it's the song that touches me...I love the idea of being loved with "passion's quiet rage".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKuDg8tM6PQ

"I take a walk in the bitter cold, I try to see your face, The way it used to be, The sky was never grey, There was a time when I let you in, You turned my night to day, But I turned you away

(Chorus:) Burn back the sun, Bring back the fire once Blazing inside this hollow cage Burn back the sun, You were the only one To love me with passion's quiet rage

I have tasted the apathy, It's bitter on my lips, I am not who I used to be, Betrayal with a kiss, Open arms for the prodigal, You kept the flame alive, You keep this flame alive

(Chorus) Rage, quiet rage"

7 year old Missouri boy charged with theft, forgery and fraud.

Wednesday February 4th, 2009 - St. Louis MO

Parents of Kaleb Bishop were shocked Wednesday to learn that their 7 year old son had stolen a check out of his mother's purse, filled it out and turned it in at school for a book order. The boy's mother received a phone call early Wednesday morning from Kaleb's teacher, concerned about the check he handed in, completely filled out in black marker, and filled out correctly for the most part. The book order was not processed and Kaleb's teacher sent the check back home with Kaleb, who was sentenced to losing his money and writing "I will not steal" 100 times. It is unknown at this time if there will be further punishment.

-----

Of course this was not actually published in any local papers, just on my blog for all the world to see. My son...gotta love him. I'd love to say I was surprised by the above story which is completely true. But I was not surprised. It was SO like him. He told the teacher I wrote the check. She told him that she had a sample of my handwriting and when she told him she could show him he immediately changed his story. Here is how the conversation then went:

Kaleb - My sister Abbey wrote it.

Teacher - Abbey's in Kindergarten right?

Kaleb - Yes.

Teacher - Kindergarteners don't know how to write checks.

Kaleb - Well she's really smart.

Ahh...nice Kaleb. We have finally taken steps towards trying to figure out how we can make our home more peaceful. Kaleb and I went to see a child psychologist Monday night and will go again tomorrow. He seems to enjoy going actually and he was given a little homework assignment, as was I. I am hoping though that I can find a good psychologist closer to our home because I am taking him out to Kirkwood right now and it's a bit much to drive home from the Kirkwood area just to drive back out there a couple of hours later.

I've been intending to get on here and write for some time now-I know I went a long time without doing it. A lot has happened. I've been back on medication since February 4th, and this time was prescribed Xanax (in addition to my Wellbutrin) to help with the anxiety/panic attacks I have been having. It has helped quite a bit. The doctor recommended using it to help me sleep too and it has helped some. Though it is not helping me stay asleep during the night. I have kept a log of when I have taken it, how many, how it affected me, etc...I will be printing that off and taking it back to the doctor when I go back in a week and a half. It was a good decision to get back on medication. I am feeling so much better and enjoying life.

Kris and I celebrated 11 years together (not married) yesterday. Our first date was on Valentine's Day 11 years ago. We had a great time together-the best day we've had together in a very long time. We got to see "He Just Not That into You" last night and I thought it was a great movie. Much better than "New in Town" which was ok, but I just can't stand Renee Zellweger. Today we are surprising the kids with a family date. The $1 theatre out here is showing "Tale of Despereaux" and when we get home (our friend Faith watched the kids overnight so we are at a hotel) we are going to tell the kids to shower and get all dressed up so we can go out. Then we are going to take them to see the movie. I think it will be fun.

I have more to say, pictures to post, etc...but Kris is wanting to go and get breakfast so I must join him.

It's 2am...

...and I can't sleep. The last few nights have been the same. An hour or two struggle, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. It's pretty sad that even despite sheer exhaustion I cannot fall asleep. I was so excited too because for the last couple of months, I haven't had as many problems falling asleep. And the same old annoyance is creeping its way back into my life. It's very frustrating.

On a lighter note...I don't believe in coincidences. I know I have shared that before, but it's time to reitertate that. There are no coincidences. Sometimes things happen, and if you are observant enough, if you have learned even just a little, you will realize that it is God's hand at work. I mentioned on Saturday I think it was, maybe Sunday, about wanting to send the kids back to private school. It hasn't been something that has pressed upon me this entire school year. It just suddenly hit me on Saturday. The desire was so overwhelming I was almost in tears over it. Granted, I was mainly in tears all day Saturday, so perhaps the emotion I felt wasn't totally directed here but still...

So, I went to a basketball game at Grace Christian Academy, where the kids used to attend and where my mother-in-law still teaches, and coaches third grade girl's basketball. It was during this game that I told Kris I just really wanted the kids to go back to Grace. Now, mind you, I have never cared one way or the other where they go. Don't get me wrong. I loved having them in KCA, and then Grace. But if they had to go to public school I was ok with that. In the back of my mind, if we had the means to send them to private school, well there is no reason not to. But overall, I was fine with whatever we decided. So it was a bit unusual for me to feel so strongly about this particular issue.

After the basketball game, I took Katherine and Kaleb with me to lunch. While there, we ran into a family that goes to Grace. I had chatted briefly with the parents before. So they invited me to sit at their table with them, while the kids (mine and theirs) sat at their own tables. And they asked me how everything was going and where the kids went to school. And I proceeded to pour my heart out about how I really wanted them to go back to private school, and how we just didn't see a way to do it with four kids. They asked whether or not Cindy got any kind of discount because she is a grandparent. I told them I wasn't sure-I thought she got a small amount of assistance last year but I wasn't sure, as she had been the one paying their tuition. I went on to explain that had she not paid for them to go to Grace last year, we would have put them in public school then.

This is where the 'coincidences' come in. On Sunday Cindy came over to the house and said something about me making a good impression with a board member. I had no clue what she was talking about. And rather than drag this story out even further, I will just say now that the father of this family I had lunch with on Saturday is on the board at Grace. So I sat there, being myself, sharing my heart with these people I barely knew, completely unaware that this man was on the board at Grace! He proceeded on Monday to talk to Cindy about where things stood as far as discounts, things like that. I don't know what (if anything) will happen. But I am not so ignorant that I do not see God's hand at work. If nothing else, it was a reminder to me to look for God in those 'small' things. And it was refreshing to have that reminder! I feel like God is doing more though than just reminding me. So it will be interesting to see how the next year unfolds.

A new day has dawned...

Kris and I joined a church this morning. I am not going to go into all of the hows and whys we have never joined a church in our married life. To me, it's a formality. I know there is more to it than that, but ultimately, it is a formality. However, we felt it was time-there was no reason NOT to, so we did. We've been going to Cross Keys Baptist Church for 4 months now and I had told Kris I was ready when he was. If he ever wants to get involved with teaching, which he does, we have to be members. That was not the driving force in our decision, but it was a factor.

February 4th cannot get here soon enough. I have a doctor's appointment and will hopefully get back on some much needed medication. I really think I am having panic attacks...at work now. I figure it is pretty bad when it's happening at work, which is usually my place of sanity! And that is addition to the usual 'issues' I have. I'm struggling more and more to be around the kids...let alone be alone with them. The thought terrifies me. They're just kids...I know they aren't behaving any differently and that it is me. So it will be good to be back on something to help manage that.

Kris and I want to send the kids back to private school. I don't know how we will do it. We were figuring everything up. It's expensive to send one kid, let alone FOUR! But we'd like to send them back to Grace, as long as Cindy is there. North County Christian School is close by and we need to check into pricing there. But the reality is we need to come up with an additional $800 each month in order to send them anywhere in the fall. My PC business just isn't worth the time and energy to generate that kind of $ while I am working full-time for ICS. I can't do both. Nor do I want to. Kris has the potential to bring in a decent amount of extra money but there is nothing consistent...just some odd jobs here and there. Nothing that we can count on. So, pray-ers out there, please pray that God will provide a way for us to do this.

Kris and I were going to go on a cruise this summer for our 10-year anniversary. We can get a great deal and keep the cost down, but it looks like we were too confident that we would get an income tax return. I know I said last year we were going to owe a ton of $ and we ended up getting a return, but it was because I had a social security # entered in wrong. This year...Kris made more than we thought from his contracting stuff...and where I thought I wasn't going to have to claim my PC income because it was so low, it ended up being $1500. I had about $800 in additional incentives and products I had earned. So...while we can handle having to pay a couple hundred dollars this year...we won't have the money to do anything 'big' for our 10-year anniversary. In addition, I don't really want to deal with all that is involved in getting passports and all the prep work that would be involved in a cruise. So we are going to try to save as much as we can and drive to Colorado.

My 30th birthday is fast approaching. Does anyone else have to make their own birthday cake? I don't HAVE to of course...but it seems wrong not to have a birthday cake on your birthday. So if I can find the recipe (or get it from my sister or mom) I am going to make myself a Coconut Pound Cake. YUM!

And here is the abrupt ending to this blog.

Random thoughts

I have started Weight Watchers again-for real this time. I know I said that the last time but I have a lot more accountability and I kinda feel like there are people watching me and supporting me and I really want to lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling the way I do, and looking the way that I do. I'm thankful that I have a husband who swears up and down he loves me just as I am, but I don't love me like this. That's another issue entirely! Which brings me to something I've been avoiding but finally decided today I should do. There is a Bible study starting at church next week. It's called "Do You Think I'm Beautiful." Boy do my beauty issues run deep! I'm actually pretty much deadset against the study because I don't want to face those demons...but Kris thinks I should do it-and I know that I should-so I quit fighting and signed up for it tonight.

I still love Wii Fit. I haven't done it as much as when I first got it, but have started it up again to go along with Weight Watchers. I'm exhausted tonight but still need to get up and do it for today. I haven't committed to doing it everyday-but have promised myself I would do it at least 3 times each week.

I still hate Charter-that hatred was revitalized tonight when they changed our bill from $34.99 to $59.99. Unacceptable!

Sprint, on the other hand, while I do not LIKE them may be moving off of my hate list. The last couple of run ins we have had with them have actually been pleasant and things have been resolved satisfactorily. So...that one is still up in the air, but I am contemplating downgrading them to just 'annoyed by'.

A company that has great customer service is Audible.com. Yes, Kris and I might be geeks, but we are 'hip' geeks. We don't have as much time to read as we would like and we both have long commutes to and from work so we listen to books. Through Audible we can download a book (for a monthly fee of course) and then put them on our phones and listen to them while we drive. I recently finished The Song of Albion Trilogy by Stephen Lawhead and loved it. I can't decide between Pillars of the Earth and Inkheart for my next selection. Anyway...that's beside the point...I am mentioning Audible.com because we recently had an experience with them that could have sent them straight to my hate list, but they have exceptional customer service and resolved my issue quickly and painlessly.

Update on the Bishops-for the most part we are all doing well. We've had some sickness here and there but overall we can't complain. Livvy's asthma has remained under control-she seems to do better in the winter, which is pretty common. Kris, the kids and I go to church on Wednesday nights now. The kids go to RA's, GA's and Mission Friends and Kris and I go to a prayer-type service. We are up to 8 children now-Abbey and Kaleb each bring a friend and Katherine has two friends that I take with us. It's stressful for me sometimes with that many but we drive separately (I take the older three girls-I got the better end of the deal but have the smaller vehicle!) so it's not bad. Kris just turned 30 and I will be 30 in just a couple of weeks. Kris and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage in June and Kris is hoping to take me on a cruise. I'm pretty excited about that!

I have a confession.

While you wait in eager anticipation for the secret I am about to reveal, let me preface this by saying that I LOVE music. It used to be that I liked mostly anything except heavy metal and country. In the last two years however, I have given in to country and enjoy it quite a bit. I still hate heavy metal. But typically if it has a good sound and the words are good, I'm easy to please! Perhaps it's one of the only areas I am easy to please!

I can't get enough of 3 or 4 part harmony! I LOVE hearing the voices blend and the beautiful sound it creates. I miss singing. Not that I don't sing at church or anything. But I miss singing in a group of people and singing alto. At church I love when this one lady helps lead because you can really hear her belting out that harmony and it makes it easy to join in singing harmony, even if it's a song I didn't know the harmony to before! That's not my big secret though.

My 'BIG' secret is that...are you ready...I LOVE Southern Gospel. I LOVE The Imperials, and Gold City and The Gaither Vocal Band, among others! I'm not ashamed to admit it! And I love the old hymns, which churches just don't sing enough of these days-though I suppose it depends on the church. With my new phone, I downloaded the Pandora application and it's great because I can type in my favorite artist and it will design a station based on that artist. So I have a few different stations now, including but not limited to, Johnny Cash, Nickelback, Switchfoot, Kenny Chesney and of course The Gaither Vocal Band. Make fun of me if you will...

Busy as usual

The last week has been filled with a whirlwind of activity. Sick kids, snow days, Kris' birthday party. Then the usual day job, and coming home at night too exhausted to do anything after the kids have gone to bed. There needs to be two of me...one to keep up with the house and one to go to work. Remember that movie Multiplicity?

We had a good amount of people at the house on Sunday for Kris' 30th birthday party. Yesterday on Kris' actual birthday his dad was here helping us get some things fixed up on the house. We have water pressure in our bathroom sink again, the drain in the shower is fixed as well as the leaky shower head. The closests in our bedroom are just about ready to become real closets with racks to hang our clothes and everything! :-) No more cramming all of our clothes into the small hall closet. What else...lots of electrical issues have been resolved. And Kris bought me a dishwasher yesterday that will be delivered in the morning. I'm finally going to be able to put my dishes in the dishwasher, turn it on and then later, open it up and find that my dishes are actually clean! I am not sure how I will cope with that. I'm so used to my dishes feeling grimy!

Kris decided it was time to upgrade his cell phone last Thursday. He went from the Treo 700w (which we both had) to the Treo 800w. He is quite pleased with it. He was sure to share with me all the cool features, like the built in GPS and threaded text messaging (I was jealous about this one!). Overall the phone is just really sophisticated. He can watch TV and listen to music on it. It's a pretty impressive phone. It was an impressive phone when I first heard it was coming out, researched it and told him all about it. I told him I wanted that phone. He shot me down of course. Something about not having enough money to upgrade our phones (note-OUR phones, not just MINE). He went on to explain to me that I couldn't have a better phone than him-he'd be jealous. So realizing that I didn't really NEED a new phone, I relented and life resumed. And then they started playing commericals for the Samsung Instinct. It looked like a pretty cool phone. A few months ago I told Kris that if I upgraded my phone, rather than getting a newer Treo I might like that phone. After all, it is cheaper than the Treo 800w.

Now I have shared all of that because when Kris came home last week with his new Treoo 800w and was flaunting it in my face...well, I became quite envious. How could he dare get the same phone that I told him about? How could he upgrade his phone...while I still had a lesser phone? So for 2 days I whined and complained...it wasn't fair. And I made sure he knew I felt that way!! I mean he kept making calls on his phone. He answered calls on his phone. He sent text messages. He synched his phone. He looked for games and apps for his phone. FLAUNTING!! Granted these are all things that he did with his other phone...but it sure did appear that there was more of it going on than normal-as if he was trying to say-"Look I got that phone YOU wanted, that YOU told me about, and YOU don't have one." I mean really...it was not nice!

So he told me that I could get a new phone for my birthday. And my birthday is a LONG LONG time away. 3 weeks almost...like I said...a LONG time! ;-) I did a ton of research for two days finally deciding that when I did trade my phone in it would be for the Samsung Instinct. And in the meantime, Kris continued to 'play' with his new toy right in my face. So finally, on Saturday, I wore him down. In a desperate attempt to shut me up, he called his mom and asked her to watch the kids. Of course, I then felt horribly guilty (nothing new there!) and told him to stop and that I would wait until my birthday. He refused to budge. He had made up his mind and was going to buy me a new phone whether I liked it or not. So off we went to drop the kids at his mom's house. And then, using his high tech GPS navigation in his new phone, we found the nearest Sprint store. Sadly though, the one we first went to did not have any Instincts in stock. At this point I again told Kris I would just wait...but the choice was made.

Finding the next nearest Sprint store on his phone, we finally arrived at our destination. We walked in and the friendly people at this particular store were more than eager to help us. They asked what we wanted-we told them a phone. They asked if we knew which one-barely containing my excitement I said "The Instinct". And then...they asked a question. It was the highlight of my day. That one question took a GREAT birthday present to an AWESOME birthday present. The two sales girls at the door said "Do you want the pink one?" At first I thought it was some sort of joke. Pink? What was she talking about? In all my research, I found nothing about a PINK phone. So thinking that she was just saying that because I had a pink hat on I replied "Are you serious?" SHE WAS SERIOUS!! Apparently on Friday they released the pink Instinct. I was giddy! I am not exaggerating at all.

If you knew me growing up...I HATED pink. Detested it. Even swore (before I had kids) that I would NEVER put my girls in pink! What a horrid color. And then, when I was pregnant, something happened. I began to soften to pink. I didn't wear it! No way...I wouldn't stoop that low...but my girls were GIRLS for crying out loud. It would be unhuman not to dress them in pink. And then I started my PC business and there was pink everywhere. And well, I somehow lost my resolve against hating the color pink. It overpowered me, and I caved in. All that to explain that I was really excited that they had this phone in pink. And then they showed me the phone. And then...the guy at the counter took it out of the box and placed it into my hands. It was wonderful! :-)

So anyway...my long dramatic story is coming to an end. I'll finish up with a few pictures I took of the phone. I had to take the pictures myself because I can't find any pictures online anywhere of this pink Instinct. Hey maybe mine will be the first ever! Either that or I am just really bad at 'googling'. This is what I THOUGHT my phone was going to look like (by the way mine has GPS too and a ton of other fun stuff!):

THIS is what my phone actually looks like!

Back to reality...

Today is my last day home. I spent the morning cleaning and rearranging, finishing up the kids' rooms. Abbey and Katherine are now together in the bigger bedroom and Kaleb is now where Abbey was. All the new Christmas toys are organized and put away and the old toys are bagged up ready to give away. It feels good to have all that done, but there is still so much I need to do today that probably won't get done. I need to wash a few dishes but don't really want to make my fingers numb washing with freezing cold water. I can't really run the dishwasher without the hot water. I can do laundry in cold water...but who wants to go downstairs to a torn apart basement? I didn't like going down there when it was nice and carpeted...

I need to get the Christmas tree down today and the living room back in order. I need to vacuum but vacuum cleaners worldwide are about to go on my HATE list with Charter, Sprint and Amtrak. I can't begin to tell you how many vacuum cleaners Kris and I have gone through in the last 10 years. We just bought a new one about 3-4 months ago. I can't get the stupid thing to work. Kris changed the belt for me and it still isn't really picking much up. So I tried to get my screwdriver out and take the bottom piece off so that I can try to unclog it. I hope it is just clogged-but anyway-I couldn't get to the screws. It was making me seriously angry. So the vacuuming will have to wait until Kris gets home, which in essence will make me feel like the house isn't really all the way clean. I wanted to just be done. I need to go to the grocery store today too, but don't know if I will do that with the kids or wait until Kris gets home. I managed to yell at Kaleb and send him running out of the room in tears. As much as I understand and appreciate technology, I hate computers. And I was frustrated with the dumb kids' computer and so I yelled at him because he wasn't listening...I have since apologized and he is better now.

I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Well...I suppose I KIND OF am. I am looking forward to getting my calendar caught up, as I know it is behind because I didn't have a chance to log in and work while we were in Indiana. Beyond that, I am not looking forward to driving to Fenton again, or dressing up, or doing the actual work. I'm sure I'll get back in the swing of things quickly...I'll have to so that I can keep up with everything. It sure has been nice though not working. Makes me wish there was a way to be a stay-at-home mom again. Livvy could stay home with me and we could keep up with the house. It's too bad I make more than just the money needed to keep Livvy in preschool!

Home Sweet Home...or close to it!

After 10 wonderful days at my parents' house in Indiana, we are home. The kids are all settled in bed and Kris and I are winding down before going to bed ourselves. We had a good drive back-it was extremely foggy most of the way but it was a fairly uneventful drive.

After we unpacked the U-haul we rented to get all the kids' Christmas presents home (just kidding)...we have a living room that is begging to be cleaned. There are piles of unopened art items Katherine got and toys that the others received. We will have a lot to unpack but tomorrow we are switching the bedrooms around so it didn't make sense to move everything into the bedrooms. Plus...we will be going through the current toys/art stuff and weeding out what we no longer need tomorrow to make room for the new 'treasures'. Hopefully we will get the Christmas tree down tomorrow too but I'm more interested in getting some groceries and getting all the bedrooms together.

While we were gone our basement managed to flood and we lost all the carpet down there. Katherine's room WAS down there but we are moving her upstairs now and putting her and Abbey together. It's just as well with the flooding forcing her upstairs because she didn't really like sleeping down there anyway. I can't blame her. I didn't even like to go down there, even when there was nice new carpet down there. We are still up in the air as far as the insurance coverage goes. MSD came out and cleaned out the sewer line so we are assuming it was THEIR problem that led to flooding...but we don't really know for sure what all will be covered.

I don't go back to work until Tuesday but I just know that the next two days will go by much quicker than I would like! Oh well...it's been really nice to have some time off and not worry about work. I am going to relish the next couple of days I have before I have to get back to reality.

Kris and I are determined to get back to doing Wii Fit on a daily basis. I did it once while I was in Indiana, on New Year's Eve. My back and arms STILL hurt! But Kris is doing it now and has informed me that I HAVE to do it tonight too. So when he finishes I will do it. Both of us want to lose some weight so we were discussing on the drive home how we can accomplish that. It's going to be hard...but I have lost a LOT of weight before and I know that I can do it again...We'll see how that goes.

A new video

So I don't think I have ever put a video on here and I am not sure if I will be able to make it work without having to resize or anything like that but I am going to try. Remember my blog about Livvy singing her Twinkle Twinkle Traffic Light song and the Wheels on the Bus? I finally got it on video and thought I would share it. If it doesn't work here, you can find it on my Facebook page.

I like routine

I'm realizing that it is difficult for me to take long periods of time away from the warm safety of my own home. I have really loved being back in my house...the kids having plenty of space...it's just nice to have a home. I am thankful for the blessings that I have. Not that I regret living with my mother-in-law. It was a great learning experience for all of us and it really made Kris and I appreciate our home. I am thankful for Cindy's willingness to put up with us for as long as she did.

I have been away from home for just 4 days and am already craving what feels to me like the safety of my home. I'm constantly on edge lately, probably worried that the kids will get hurt or break something, or annoy someone. I am thankful for my parents' generosity in letting us stay here all week. I truly am. I appreciate them putting up with us-there's a lot of us to put up with, as my brother and his wife and three kids are staying her too. But I realized this evening that I like my bubble. I've known that...but it is times like these that remind me how much I like my bubble. There is a reason they call it a 'comfort zone'. It's comfortable. I have become such a home-body. I like to be home. I like to be in MY space. I like the kids to be in THEIR space. I like knowing where everything is, and knowing that there is nothing that the kids will get into and break, or swallow. If they color on my walls and floors, well they are my walls and floors. It's not as big of a deal. And fortunately the kids haven't done anything like that. I am just starting to feel overwhelmed by anxiety with the 'what if' they do. And ultimately it isn't a big deal...my mind knows this. But it doesn't ease the anxiety I feel the longer I am away from home. "Do not be anxious about anything." This is a hard Scripture for me. I do the exact opposite on a regular basis. I am anxious about almost everything!

The kids are still up...it is after 10pm here...but they all 4 took naps today until about 5:30pm so as long as they are occupying themselves quietly we are letting them stay up. We are all upstairs in the two bedrooms that are up here, so at least we don't really have to worry about them waking anyone else up.

I kept hearing this soft rumbling noise and I asked Kris if he heard it. He said it sounded like a dog snoring or something. I told him I thought it was Olivia. Sure enough-she is wheezing a little bit. Time to start the albuterol. Hopefully we won't have to worry about her asthma out here. I am glad I remembered her inhalers though or we would have been in trouble.

Our basement flooded yesterday. I don't know much...Cindy was out at the house having to deal with it all while we are gone. We are not really sure how it happened or why or if it will be covered by our insurance but I know it will all work out.

Yes...yes I did...

Kris and I went to see Yes Man yesterday and we really enjoyed it. It was light, funny, entertaining. A good movie. I am not a huge Jim Carey fan but I really liked this movie. Kris and I had a great time spending the day together without the kids. After the movie we went over to our friend Brandi's house and saw her new baby Samantha. She was so little and cute. It made me want another baby. Not want another baby like I regret getting my tubes tied...want another baby like miss the little tiny baby feel and smell. While I miss having a baby that little, I am so thankful that my kids are all sleeping through the night. I don't miss getting up every two hours to feed the baby. But they are so precious at that age...3 weeks...so little...so innocent...so...quiet when they are sleeping!

Kris and I have started watching "How I Met Your Mother". It's funny. Most of our "shows" are on their holiday break so we had to find something new to watch. We chose this one. We just started Season 3. So far so good...

I finished making Christmas gifts for our largest client today. I started Friday and finally finished everything else today. I made my twist on Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies (basically I just added white chocolate chips and pecans), White Chocolate Macademia Nut cookies, Almost Candy Bars (YUM-thanks for the recipe Cindy!), Peppermint Bark, Cherry fudge, Almond Joy fudge, and Strawberry Amaretto fudge. And by the way, I have the BEST recipe for fudge. It tastes great and while the consistency is softer than what you might be used to, it is the EASIEST fudge you will ever taste. Ready for my secret recipe? One 12 oz package of chocolate chips (semi sweet or milk-your choice) and one can of sweetened condensed milk. Put them in a microwave safe container (of course I use the PC large micro-cooker). Cover the dish and microwave for 3 minutes. If you have a newer microwave it may only take 2 1/2 to 2 min and 45 seconds. Then you stir it together until it is smooth and creamy and add whatever flavoring you like. Pour it into an 8x8 pan and refrigerate until firm. Slice and serve! :-) Simple right?

Here are some variations I have tried:

Peppermint - You can either use chocolate chips and add peppermint flavoring or you can buy the mint chips and melt those with the sweetened condensed milk...it's better if you use the mint chips.

Cherry/Strawberry/Raspberry - 2 Tbsp of whatever flavoring you want.

Toffee - add the Heath toffee bits YUM!

Strawberry Amaretto - 1 Tbsp Strawberry flavoring and 2 Tbsp Almond Extract. Chopped almonds (optional).

Almond Joy - 2 Tbsp coconut flavoring and chopped Almonds. Top with coconut if desired.

I need to work....but...

...I have a funny little story to tell first before I forget. It is probably rather embarrassing to my poor little 'frightened-of-toilets' Abbey but I am telling it nonetheless. Half the time we have to make Abbey go back and flush the toilet at home. She probably never flushes at school or other places...but I can't be sure. She hates flushing. She is finally used to going on the potty and is VERY comfortable at home. She still has some general anxiety when out in public, especially if the toilet flushes on its own.

Last night while Kris and I were finishing dinner, Abbey had gone to the bathroom to go potty. Our toilet sometimes has 'issues' and doesn't like to flush so I heard Abbey yell "Daddy the toilet won't flush!" We both responded and then heard her say "Nevermind. I got it." But what happened next caused my heart to stop momentarily. It's one of those moments, one of those sounds that tells you something bad just happened. I heard a very loud THUD and then a horrendous scream coming from Abbey's throat. I was sure she was hurt...very hurt...

I was relieved to see her running (extremely quickly for a 6 year old) through the living room. She threw herself in my arms and was just sobbing and shaking. Through the commotion I learned that the toilet had started to rise, to overflow. It had terrified Abbey. You would not believe how scared she was. The thud I have come to believe was Abbey literally jumping off the ground when the toilet started to fill too high. Fortunately it did not actually overflow. But she stood there, sobbing in my arms, just clinging to me for dear life. Like any loving mother, I soothed her and tried hard (it was difficult!) not to laugh. Finally she calmed down enough to talk to me about it. She explained through big crocodile tears that "the water started coming up really fast and her poop was going to come out of the toilet."

She'll probably kill me one day for posting this...but hopefully this little 'incident' won't be a set back with the progress we've made on getting her to use and flush toilets!

Abbey decided to sing her prayer tonight-it was cute. She was sure to sing that she loves her daddy even when he spanks her. And she loves Livvy even when Livvy is selfish to her. It was amusing.

I made a Turtle Cheesecake for a church Christmas party we are going to tomorrow evening. I have made it once before-it was a recipe I found on bigoven.com. It has a graham cracker crust-actually it's a vanilla wafer crust but I used graham crackers. Then you melt caramels and evaporated milk and pour that in. Then you top it with toasted pecans and the cheesecake mixture which is just cream cheese, sugar, vanilla and eggs with melted chocolate added at the end. Then you bake and viola...Turtle Cheesecake. We can't WAIT to eat it! Kris wanted me to make another one tonight so he could eat it but I told him he has to wait for it to chill anyway so he is stuck waiting until tomorrow night.

Now I am going to watch last night's The Office.

Days like today...

...make me miss being medicated. I am trying to relax, to wind down...I have been so on edge today. Kris went to play basketball tonight and it was all I could do to keep from going insane at bedtime. I felt completely incapable of being a mom tonight. I really wanted Kris to be home to rescue me, as he so often does. But the house is FINALLY quiet now and I am just chilling out with some Saturday Night Live reruns. I still feel like my heart is going to explode inside my chest...ultimately I think it is because I have been working so much. I wish I knew how to just relax and not let little unimportant things bother me. Anyway, I just needed to get that out. I think with a good night's sleep, which I haven't had in a while, I will feel better.

I like weekends.

As a stay at home mom, I never really could tell a difference between the weekdays and the weekends. Now that I work full-time, I have a greater appreciation for the weekend. I really enjoy my weekends and am always sad to see them draw to a close. It's already Saturday evening and too soon it will be time to go back to work. I did manage to stay up late last night and get my work stuff caught up, so hopefully next week will not be so chaotic. Kris has told me that I can get out tomorrow after church so I am looking forward to having some time alone.

Oh Kaleb....

I love my son. I can't communicate enough how MUCH. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he tries my patience, and yet he fills my heart with so much joy. Despite the struggles we face on an almost daily basis, he is a good kid and I love him dearly. With that being said, let me tell you a little story. :-)

Katherine and Kaleb can read and they are really intelligent kids. So they are always finding those postcards in magazines that you can mail in for 'free' magazines or things. I have told them before those things aren't really free and that we will end up getting a bill. A couple of weeks ago I pulled a magazine subscription card out of the mailbox that Kaleb had filled out and put in the mail. I explained to him that they charge you monthly and we just weren't in a position to be able to do that right now. He seemed ok with this.

Yesterday, we had (from Highlights) this PuzzleMania magazine thing in the mail. I set it aside and continued going through the mail. Kaleb came over and said something like "Oh can I have that puzzle magazine?" I think he just might have said "my" magazine...but am not 100% sure. I asked him if he had sent off for it and he said no. He even reminded me that I had taken it out of the mail. I didn't really believe him, because I knew that I had not sent off for it and the magazine was in HIS name after all. I opened up the bill that was indeed attached and found that it was in his name, but then underneath that "Cindy Bishop" was listed also. When I expressed my confusion with this Kaleb's story began to change. He then told me that a LONG time ago he had filled something out at grandma's house. I told him it had to be recently since we now had received the magazines and a bill. He acted perplexed by this. I thought about it and wondered if maybe Grandma had subscribed to this, so I called her only to find she knew nothing about it.

I really don't think Kaleb understood that if he filled that card out we would get a bill or know anything about it. He did apologize and held fast to his story that he didn't mean to, or something like that. I called Highlights and the guy who answered asked how he could help me. I said "Um...my son is 7 and I did not subscribe to this magazine, so I think he must have." They said they would take care of, credit the account and we could keep the two magazines we had received. I kept trying to explain to Kaleb that just because something says "FREE" doesn't mean it is actually free. But he's a kid and free means free. Anyway, so he ended up with free magazines anyway after all of that, so I guess FREE really IS free!

Here's my question. I have seen my son's handwriting and I can't believe that Highlights would send the magazines off based on what I am sure had to be obviously from a child. Nothing about the situation upset me or anything-I was actually quite amused by the whole thing and I guess Kaleb didn't really learn his lessons because they let us keep the magazines. I have a feeling this is not the only situation like this we will find ourselves in.

Drama queen? No, not me...

Ok...well..maybe...perhaps...most definitely...I suppose I am a drama queen. There. I said it. Happy now? So now it is no secret anymore where my lovely Katherine gets it. Wait...I was probably the only one in denial about it wasn't I? Just thought I would take this moment to admit that to you while I wait for Kris to fix my work computer.

Adding a new Christmas tradition

We put our Christmas tree up yesterday, which you already know if you read the previous blog. We turned on the Christmas music and had a good time going through all of the ornaments and putting them on the tree. Over Thanksgiving my parents came out and my mom brought with her the cookie cutters we used to use to make sugar cookies. Thanks Mom! So I had been dying to make sugar cookies, primarily because I LOVE sugar cookies with icing and red hots on top of them. Call me crazy (DON'T) but it is just the perfect combination! Anyway, I decided I would undertake the stress that is allowing four small children (mind you that is 8 hands and 4 mouths jabbering incessantly!) to help me make the cookies. I let the children actually 'cut' out two cookies each and then I did the rest. After I had baked some, I made this really delicious icing I found the recipe for that had almond extract and corn syrup in it. I mixed some different colors up and even bought some pastry type paint brushes so we could 'paint' the cookies. Below are some pictures of our unprofessional-but-still-cute cookies!

Tradition....TRADITION!

So for those of you who don't know, every year we (my family) each buy a new ornament, and the only ornaments (one or two exceptions taken) on our tree are our yearly additions. We like our ornaments to represent who we are as individuals. Those all combined speak volumes about who our family 'is' and what our interests over the last year have been. Kris, late as usual, does not have his ornament; however, this year he has actually ordered it already and it will be joining the tree as soon as it arrives. So here are some pictures of our 2008 ornaments.

Here is Kaleb's choice-the picture is blurry and I apologize for that but I am not taking another one now. He wasn't really into Star Wars the movies so much, though he does enjoy playing the Wii game with Daddy. But this ornament has a button to push and makes noise, so I think he liked it primarily for that.

This one is Abbey's. She has really loved dancing and talked about ballet quite a bit all year. Oh how I'd love to be able to put her into a ballet class. It could be really good for her coordination...but I can just see it now...she's such a free spirit...everyone around her would be in synch and flawless...and she would be there on the side dancing however she wanted to her heart's content!

This one is the one Olivia chose. She keeps calling it her "Sleeping Beauty ornament". While she still likes Dora, she seems to be moving on towards Barbie and the Disney Princesses. She needs to STOP growing up!

Katherine has really taken a liking to Tinkerbell. Her room is Tinkerbell. Her birthday gifts centered around Tinkerbell. So it was fitting that she chose Tinkerbell for her 2008 ornament.

Some of you may remember that I became quite obsessed with the book "Wicked" and the music, and had I had the opportunity to see the musical, I would have been equally obsessed with that! So it only seemed right to choose a 'Wizard of Oz' ornament this year as mine.

And with the exception of Kris' ornament that we hope to add this week sometime, here is our tree. Each one of these ornaments tell a story and I think that this is my favorite tradition that we have.

Too long...

It's been too long since I wrote last. Same old excuse-I've been busy. Work just doesn't seem to slow down even though peak season was SUPPOSED to be over with 2 months ago! Oh well...business is good so I can't complain. More claims means more success for this budding little start up company I am a part of.

It is almost 1am on Thanksgiving morning. I am waiting for my cheesecake to cool so that I can put it in the fridge. (I had to go back in and edit this because in my sleepy state I actually had typed oven). It has now decided to crack on top-I read somewhere once how to prevent that from happening but if that is the worst thing that happens this Thanksgiving, I will be content. One year I forgot to take my turkey out of the freezer until the night before. It spent the next 8 hours in cold water and was still partly frozen. I believe we ended up having dinner quite a few hours later than I had anticipated that year!

This year my parents have joined us for Thanksgiving dinner. I am very happy about this and thankful that they were able to make it here. It means a lot to me to have them here with us. I am sad that my sister wasn't able to make it this year-it's been tradition for the last 4-5 years for her to come here for Thanksgiving. Katherine is trying to make me feel better by volunteering to get up at 4am on Friday to go shopping with me. I doubt we'll get up that early, but I think it will be fun to have her join me. Really I think she just wants a bagel from Bread Co.!

There really isn't anything 'new' or funny to report. I did start physical therapy for my rib that is out of place but it's nothing exciting to write about, though I do believe it is helping with the pain.
Here is a small list of things I am thankful for (there are many more but I will only list the first few that come to mind):

As always-Diet Dr. Pepper and Red Hots-not necessarily together!
My children...sometimes I am moved to tears by how deep my love for them goes. It's the most amazing thing in the world to love a child!
My husband-he is a great man and husband and a truly amazing father.
Our 'new' church and the friends we are making there.
My parents and the opportunity they gave me as I grew up to learn about God and discover the amazing gift He gave us in offering his only son to save even me.
Food-I love food. I shouldn't love it as much as I do!
Music.
The priviledge of having a home to go home to each day.
Technology (cell phones, computers, advances in medicine-we are truly blessed in this day and age)
Naps

Before I forget

There are so many cute things my kids say and do. Half of them are forgotten and lost in the busy-ness of life. So before I forget to write this down, I am taking a short break at work to record this funny memory.

Olivia LOVES to sing lately. She has always loved the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Recently she has started singing a new version she has learned at school. And she sings it almost everytime we drive somewhere. She knows all about traffic lights apparently and to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star she sings:

Twinkle twinkle traffic light
On the corner shining bright
Red means stop, green means go
Yellow means go very slow
Twinkle twinkle traffic light
On the corner shining bright

Now just in general maybe the song isn't impressive but when a three year old with an adorable little voice sings it, it just makes me smile!

Having said that, another song Livvy has been singing is The Wheels on the Bus. The last couple of days I have listened to her singing this, doing little motions as well. There was one verse however we just could not understand. For the daddies on the bus she would raise her hands in the air and say what sounded like "cheese and pepper" or "bread and pepper". But each time I asked if that is what she was saying she would say no and look at me like I was crazy. Last night however I finally figured it out. She was singing for me and when she got to the daddies on the bus she raised her little arms and belted out "breathe the pepper". I said "Are you saying BREATHE?" And she got excited because I finally understood. So then I said "BREATHE THE PEPPER?" And she said "yes" and was excited that I figured it out. Finally it made sense. So I said "Do you mean READ THE PAPER?" She said "NO." She proceeded to raise her little arms and again emphasize that the daddies on the bus "BREATHE THE PEPPER". It was SO funny. So apparently rather than reading the paper the daddies on the bus throw their hands in the air and "Breathe the pepper".

All too quickly this cute age is going to be gone...

Physical therapy? I don't have time for that.

Since I last wrote, Livvy got her stitches out. She is healing nicely and will have a lovely little scar underneath her chin.

I have gone back to the doctor for x-rays on my back-which came back normal. The doctor gave me different meds which didn't help with the pain at all and told me if I wasn't better by Monday (this past Monday) he would send me for physical therapy. So they called today and I will be getting the information and have to schedule physical therapy. Yeah I don't have time for that-if it helps great. And I will go for the therapy but I am anxious when I think about having to schedule it around work.

Things I don't like right now:

The nagging pain in my back.
My son constantly getting in trouble at school.
The public school has way too many half days or days off.
The mess that calls itself my home.

So that you don't think I am too negative, things I love right now:

Listening to The Silver Hand by Stephen Lawhead on my way to and from work.
Diet Dr. Pepper.
Listening to Olivia sing a song about traffic lights to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Abbey's bold fashion statements...tonight there were pink pants with purple shorts over them, a pink/purple striped shirt and then an Easter sun dress over all that and sparklly pink shoes.
Katherine reading a book "Cassie" that I read as a girl.
Kaleb-just Kaleb in general-he's a sweet boy who like his mother has trouble believing there is good in him.

OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

It was a crazy week. I started the week out with upper back pain. I decided to grin and bear it until Thursday when I could bear it no longer. I went to the doctor and found out that I had a rib out of place. The doctor adjusted my back and gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxer and ibuprofen. As I was driving out of the doctor's parking lot, my throat and ear started hurting. I hoped it would go away-it did not. Friday morning I went to my new friend-the Walgreens Take Care Clinic only to find out that while I did not have an ear infection like I suspected, I did have strep throat. And let me just say that for NOT having an ear infection, my ear sure does hurt even after three days on an antibiotic and round the clock ibuprofen. I did feel well enough today to attempt church. Halfway through I was regretting that I got out of bed-but overall I do feel better than I have been.

The reason for my subject line is what happened after church. I am not sure exactly what happened. Katherine said she tripped Livvy. Kaleb said Katherine ran into him, who then ran into Livvy. But what we do know is Livvy fell down and smacked her face into the pavement outside of church. I held her and saw that blood was pooling under her chin. I rushed her inside and blotted it with wet paper towel. It looked pretty deep and despite my body shaking with anxiety I handled it pretty well. I knew she was going to need stitches. So we spent our afternoon at the ER and Livvy now has 5 stitches in her little chin. Poor girl. Overall though it has been a pretty rough week medically. It's gotta get better right? That's what I keep telling myself.

Organized? No, not me...

...but I did come a little bit closer today. I cleaned out Livvy's drawers and packed away all her 18 month and 2T clothes. I mentioned previously the spice cabinet was organized as well. I have now also cleaned my room (this was a CHORE-it was collecting everything that we didn't have time to deal with whenever people came over). I even cleaned off the dresser and put my sewing machine and other supplies up there so it isn't scattered all over the living. It felt good to accomplish so much today. Seriously I need like a whole week off to accomplish things that I have been putting off because I have no time. I have done a lot of 'work' today but it has been on my time, when I wanted to do it and not because it had to be done. So I am feeling pretty good about my day off. It's drawing to a close though which makes me sad-who knows when I will get another! The next day off I take though I am determined to take one while the kids are in school-though really they haven't been too bad. They are playing with playdoh right now-which is a testament to how I am feeling because I hardly ever let them play with playdoh. It's been a really good day. Really it's been a good week. I have felt so good this week-emotionally/mentally. I can feel God at work in my heart and I know that is a big part of the 'boost' in my mood.

Safe and sound...

Well so far no one has broken into our house-so that is a good sign!

It's about time to sit down and write again. Today I am writing with time to write. I am not writing because I feel like I should because I haven't blogged in a week. I am writing because I took the day off work (granted the kids were out of school so someone had to stay home with them) and because I have time to write! It's been a lovely day so far.

The kids actually slept until 8am which was wonderful! I slept until about 6:30, but still laid in bed until 8. Kris didn't get up for work until then either. Last night I asked him what time he needed to get up-he said the kids would get him up. While he didn't get to work until almost 9 probably, I'll bet he appreciated the sleep! I have discovered that if I take the Rozerem at night it doesn't really help me sleep AND I have trouble getting out of bed. If I DON'T take it, I am falling asleep easier than I used to at least AND I am able to drag myself out of bed before 7am. So I am going to stop taking the Rozerem. I have been going so much lately that I am exhausted by the time 10pm rolls around anyway.

I had breakfast with the kids today. It was nice. We had pumpkin chocolate chip muffins that I made last night. They were delicious! Then I cleaned my kitchen up a little bit and sat down and did nothing. Then I played with Livvy while the other kids were off entertaining themselves. And then I sat down and did nothing. And then I organized my spice cabinet. And then I sat down and did nothing. See the theme? Then I took the sheets off my bed and started a load of laundry--yes people--that's right. I actually started a load of laundry! I MUST BE FEELING GOOD!!! I folded a load of laundry too and put that away and gave the kids a snack. Lunch is started and one again I am sitting down and kind of doing nothing! I am hoping to finish cleaning the living room and take the kids to the thrift store-Katherine and Livvy need winter coats that fit them. And when I get back I am hoping once again to sit down and do nothing! Is this what a day off feels like???

We have started going to a new church. We have been two weeks in a row and really like it. Beyond that, Kris and I have decided it's time to find a place and settle in. I wouldn't have guessed we would wind up at a Southern Baptist church because neither one of us raised up Southern Baptist but it doesn't really matter as long as the core beliefs/doctrine are sound. And they are. And to top it off, they have programs for the kids on Wednesday nights. RA's and GA's that Katherine and Kaleb can get involved in. It seems to me to be like a church sponsored Girl/Boy Scouts which is cool. Abbey will be in Mission Friends and Livvy is too young so she will be in the nursery. We are going to our first ever Wednesday night church. I think it will be a really great experience for the kids and I am looking forward to getting to know this body of Christ. I really feel like God is going to bless us with relationships in this church.

And here's another one...

I am a bit worked up tonight...anxious. An 'interesting' thing happened tonight. Let me preface this by saying I am a skeptic and Kris always thinks the best about everyone. Put us together and we can usually balance one another out. So this guys comes up to our door this evening. I don't know how old he was-I didn't see him. Kris thought he was about our age, maybe a little younger. And he says his house got broken into today and wanted to know if we saw anything. He said he lived behind us and whoever it was came through the backyards. I immediately did not trust this guy. Kris immediately felt sorry for him. Completely different thoughts and reactions.

I don't know if this guy's house really got broken into. If it had happened during the day, surely he would have called the police. If he had, I would HOPE that the police went around asking the neighbors if they had seen anything. Of course we wouldn't know about that because neither one of us were home before 3:30. But my next question is why is this guy coming to our house now, after the fact to ask if we saw anything. If he got broken into, surely the police would have already tried to track down some witnesses. Second, if he had just found out about it, then he should have called the police, been talking to them and let THEM ask us if we had seen anything.

I told you I am skeptical, not to mention just a little bit (UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!!!) paranoid. So I immediately think that this guy is checking things out so that later when we are not home, he can break into our house. I always tend to think the worst in this kind of situation. Kris at first thought me absurd. And he actually told this guy that neither one of us saw anything because we were at work. I don't blame him. He's a nice guy and wanted to do what he could to help. He couldn't know how my crazy mind was going to twist it-though after 10 years he could guess! Anyway...so now I am anxious that when we are not home someone is going to break into our house. And it isn't about possessions. I don't care about 'stuff'. It's just that I don't want to go through that feeling of violation and fear again. We have been robbed twice and it is not a pleasant experience. And maybe I am totally overthinking the whole thing and the guy's house really did get robbed. He mentioned to Kris he wasn't the first in the neighborhood-which if that were true then it seems all the more likely that the police would be 'canvassing' the neighborhood talking to people.

Anyway...I just needed to get that off my chest. Kris is emailing the police chief, mostly I think to make me feel better because he can hear all my anxious sighing over here and knows neither one of us will sleep if I can't calm down.

What's wrong with me???

I've gone a whole week without making a quilt-what is wrong with me?

Oh yeah...I have pretty much worked non-stop! The only day 'off' I had was Friday and I spent the entire day cooking and cleaning getting ready for Abbey's birthday party. On Saturday, I went to a wedding and worked for 4 1/2 hours. I went to church and then worked again for 4 1/2 hours on Sunday. And I feel like I haven't stopped since. Tonight I decided I wasn't going to work extra after I got home and that I would cut the pieces for Abbey's quilt (which is going to be really cute by the way). Well, I didn't work...but I didn't cut material either. Maybe tomorrow...

I haven't felt like blogging lately. I keep coming up with cute/funny stories from my children and think "I need to write that down" and then I just don't do it. It annoys me now that I can't remember any of it. I do have a funny picture though. When I got home today Katherine had decorated the house for Halloween. Outside the house, that is. We did have to scold her for coloring on the side of the house with chalk, though her pictures were cute. The second picture you will see was just really a strange and funny site. You have to understand, Katherine is constantly bugging me to buy Halloween decorations. She seems to really like that holiday in particular. Well, apparently we didn't have enough decorations so she created some of her own.

Another quilt, another blog...

I promised there wouldn't be another blog about Brandi's quilt. And to stay true to that promise, this is not about Brandi's quilt, but about Katherine's quilt. She turned 8 on Sunday and I bought her some material to make a quilt for her. She loves Tinkerbell, so of course that is the theme we chose to use. There are a TON of imperfections in this quilt. I am SO thrilled that I didn't run into the same problems on Brandi's quilt-really-it's about Katherine's quilt! I swear! I had a lot of trouble with this quilt-between my machine being tempermental and somehow ending up with extra material on the top of the quilt, which led to 'bubbling' as I call it. In addition, the top stitch I chose was very tricky to work with and I probably will not use it again without a significant amount of experience with it. And on top of all that, the batting was pinned down when I started but somehow along the way I lost a pin in one corner so the batting bunched up...anyway...I am thankful that I was making this for Katherine and not for someone outside of my immediate family because I fear they would be disappointed with the outcome. Forntunately for me you cannot really see the imperfections in the pictures so I am posting them. Kris and I are both pleased with the pattern we came up with and the colors really represent Katherine and what she likes. Overall and from a distance I really like the quilt. It is just up close that I am pretty disappointed with it and am not skilled enough to really know how to fix it and I am certainly not patient enough to take it apart and start again!!

What do you think?

Lucky for you...

...this is probably the last post about this Very Hungry Catepillar quilt. But since I just finished it, I wanted to show off the finished product. I can't wait to give it to Brandi!

Different views

Here are some other quilts people have made with the "Very Hungry Catepillar" material. Personally I am not a fan of any of them, though I can at least tolerate the first one. I like mine better.

It's not mine...

Kris had to remind me that the quilt is not mine. That's right Jamie. It is NOT yours! It is Brandi's. She bought the material. You cannot keep it. No matter how cute you think it is!

I am about 1/3 of the way done with the top stitching. It's getting really close now. My hip was starting to hurt though so I decided to stop for the evening. But here are some pictures of my progress. I am quite pleased with how it is turning out.

An almost finished quilt

I made really good progess the last two nights and have the top of Brandi's quilt done. I have quite a bit of work left still between putting the backing on and all of the top stitching but it feels great to have accomplished my goal and 'finished' the top of a quilt again. It's been over 3 years since I have been able to say that. What do you think?