Indignation

That is the only word that I can think of to even begin to describe what I am feeling right now.  And really, when you look at the definition, it fits perfectly.

"Anger or annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment."

Here is the truth.

I am angry.

I am annoyed.

And I most certainly was treated unfairly; it is not simply a perception in this instance.

But I think that indignation still applies here.

Reminder how I got a job, and then I lost a job all in the course of less than a week?

It gets worse.

I'm so frustrated right now I could pump my fists in the air and scream.  OK...well, maybe just the part where I scream.  But I am envisioning myself pumping my fists in the air, angrily screaming about the injustice of this entire job situation.

I asked Kris to watch to make sure the temp agency actually payed me.  You see, I don't trust them.  I didn't from the start.  Perhaps the run down condition of the building, the lack of a real "office" type setting, and the people that made me feel uneasy should have been enough to send me running the other direction.

But I needed a job.  And if this agency had something for me, I'd at least go interview.

Well, by now most of you reading this blog already know the outcome.

But what about my paycheck?

Here was my concern.

I signed something saying that if I didn't work at this job for 30 days that I would be responsible for the background check and the drug test.

Please do not misunderstand me.

I understand WHY I had to sign that.  I understand that if I hadn't signed it, I wouldn't have been able to work.

What I don't understand is why there is a $70 wage garnishment on my paycheck because the company that started to train me didn't think "my personality fit with theirs".  Which we all know was just an excuse.  Most of the people I have talked with do not think that this was just because they saw me as a potential health risk.

What the general consensus seems to be is this:

I was a threat.

Plain and simple.

I halfway believe that.

I asked a LOT of questions.  I wanted to make sure that I did the very best that I could and that I understood my role completely.

Well, guess what...

These people make commission.

So, if they see someone who could potentially take away from something they felt belonged to them, or they felt threatened that I may eventually take over their job (I'm told this is not uncommon), of course they would come up with some lame excuse about my personality.  If you know me, you know I have a terrific personality and would be great to work with.  If you've worked with me and don't think that, you're wrong.  ;-)

Anyway...my understanding, when I signed this document was that if I started working for this company and chose to quit because I didn't like it or got a better job offer in those first 30 days, I would be responsible for those costs that the temp agency incurred.  That makes sense.  They are protecting their interests.

HOWEVER...

How on earth is it fair to hold me responsible for a company not finding me to be "compatible" with them?  It really makes me wonder how often this type of nonsense happens with what I already felt was a shady temp agency to begin with.  How many companies are they buddy-buddy with, and how many other people desperate for jobs being punished when something like this happens?

If I had done something WRONG to provoke being "let go" by the call center, then I could understand it.  But I didn't do ANYTHING wrong.  They said they didn't like my personality.  Whatever.  They had their reasons.  But it isn't my fault.  I wasn't lazy.  I wasn't disrespectful.  I wasn't anything that would warrant their sudden, inexplicable dismissal.

In my opinion, the temp agency should try to place me somewhere else.  They should give me another opportunity to work with a company that values me and knows my worth, BEFORE they garnish my wages by $70.

And, to make matters more irritating to me, they didn't use the direct deposit they had me set up.  They mailed me a check.  Maybe it's because I got "fired".  I don't know.  But I was told that the money would be deposited into my account.  When I got off the phone with the lady from the temp agency last week, she said she would "keep looking for something" for me.

I felt this at the time.  And I feel it now.  That lady is NEVER going to call me back.

I'm not going to fight the $70.  I know that I signed a document stating that I could be held responsible for these things if I didn't work for 30 days.  But when it isn't my choice, when I am not ALLOWED to work for 30 days, I do not think that I should have to pay for it.  Especially if the company is planning to keep looking for a job for me (which I don't really think they are).

The whole thing just leaves me with this feeling of indignation.

It's not right.

What happened to me.

In a moral sense.

I have no faith in either the temp agency or respect for the call center after the way that they both treated me.  And you can believe that if I ever do work with a temp agency again:

#1.  It will not be with the creepy one.

and

#2.  I will be asking up front what happens and what charges I am responsible for before considering any job, on the off chance that whoever I work for doesn't like me.

Also, while I'm venting...

Since I paid for those things, shouldn't I get possession of both the background check AND the drug test results?  I bought them after all.

This all just leaves me frustrated all over again and just shaking my head at what happened.

And now that I have written about it, I can commence getting over it all over again.  At least I have the good sense not to defame them by mentioning their names at all.  I'm not that stupid, or that bitter.  It's not right of me to do that, but I do have a right to express my opinion on the matter.

And there you have it...

What are your thoughts on this?

Satan's a Jerk!

You know...I'm angry. Indignation. That's what I am feeling right now. "Anger aroused by something unjust, unworthy, or mean." Satan in mean!

If you've been reading for a while, you'll know that I've talked a lot about consequences or collateral damage. I've shared with you part of my story-some of the mistakes I have made. The bad choices and the hurt I have inflicted on others. Today I experienced some collateral damage.

I had a wonderful morning at church, which I wrote about earlier today. I had a great day overall, really. I got to hang out with a friend, shop and talk; while my mother-in-law watched the kids and Kris went mountain biking. All in all, it was a good day.

But in the midst of it, the enemy tried to pounce. Well, he didn't just try. He DID pounce. He hit me with a memory. These memories, while not at the forefront of my mind these days, are still there. There was nothing to provoke the memory. No scent in the air. No song playing on the radio. No piece of clothing or sight of something or someone to connect the memory with. The memory just appeared in my mind.

For the old Jamie, this was a good memory. This was a memory that the old Jamie would have savored and cherished. Even though I died to my old self and live in Christ now, the old Jamie still walks around somewhere, carrying a sack full of memories.

For the new Jamie, this memory is collateral damage. It is something that has to be taken captive and surrendered to Christ. It can be harmful to me, if I allow myself to indulge in the memory. And that is exactly what Satan wanted me to do. He slammed this memory into my mind abruptly and savagely. And my first instinct was to smile and think back to the time when that memory was made. To dwell on it and savor it, and remember.

Immediately, my survival instincts kicked in and I recognized that Satan was shooting arrows at me. My flesh was drawn to this one specific memory. A memory that I hadn't thought about in six months. A memory that I had actually forgotten, until it was right there in my face. My shield went up and I tried to deflect Satan's arrows. And yet, the memory lingered. The desire to revisit it was strong. I was at war today, in my mind.

Because Kris and I have this alliance, I knew that I needed to tell him and I knew that I had to tell him specifically what the memory was. And I knew that it would hurt him. There was never a part of me that didn't want to tell him. I knew I was going to tell him. I knew that I HAD to tell him, if I was to steal the enemy's power. So I emailed him. Partly because it was the best means at the time, and also because I didn't think that I could look into his eyes and tell him, knowing that I would see hurt and pain. It saddened me to tell him, because I don't want him to have to think back to the pain that the old Jamie caused him. But I told him anyway, and as I was driving home tonight (he was on his way home too with the kids), I felt so sorrowful.

And then it happened.

Again.

A song.

At just the right time.

In that moment, as soon as the song began, I burst into tears. I felt God's presence and knew that He was getting into my mind before Satan could. This is the song that played, and I kid you not, it was on until the moment I pulled into my driveway.

And it was just what I needed.

A soothing balm for my hurting soul.

I am constantly reminded of how good God is.

And, apparently, constantly crying.



Does this song speak to you?