Doors and Windows

Kris and I have been doing a LOT of talking tonight.  We have been talking almost non-stop since about 5:50pm.  We did stop long enough to spend some time with the kids before putting them in bed, but then it was back to talking.

You see, when something happens, I have to talk the life out of it, in order to cope/deal/move on.  Oh and of course, THEN I have to write about it-the final part of the grieving and/or healing process for me.

Three days ago I told you how my life was turned upside down.  I was out of work.  Then suddenly, someone finds my resume.  They send it to a call center.  One person in particular really wanted me to come in for an interview.  So I dropped any plans I may have had and interviewed there on Tuesday morning.  I didn't interview with the guy who pulled my resume.  Instead, I interviewed with a very nice woman, who seemed to really like me.  I thought the interview went extremely well.  I mean, they basically offered me the job right then and there.

So I immediately change all my plans for the week (which were to get everything ready for school to start on Monday), and started my training on Wednesday morning, two days behind.  By the end of the day Wednesday, I was completely caught up with all three days.  So, yesterday, we all were trained at the same place/level.  I was feeling good.  I was getting along with everyone in the office.  My fellow trainees, the trainers, and the people I sat with to listen in on their calls.

I felt like this job was a true blessing from God.  I mean, the way it all just worked out and fell into place, once I found out the Ritenour job was offered to someone else.  It seemed that the company was eager to have me on their team.  In fact, I really felt like part of the team already, just three days in.

So, imagine my shock when the temp agency called me about ten minutes after I left work and told me that the call center called and told them that it just wasn't going to work out.  I wasn't a good fit.

Wait...

What?

Back up a second...

What just happened?

Oh...I got fired.

For the very first time ever!

And I certainly hope it is the last, because that is NOT a pleasant experience.

I lost it.  I mean...mind racing, tears streaming, frantic phone call to my husband...

After all the energy and effort I put into making my schedule work so that I could join in their training class, catch up from being two days behind, and being told that I would fit right in there (by one of the trainers...); not to mention the sleep paralysis I had been dealing with most of the week and screwing up my same stupid knee again last night...I was taken aback.

At no point was there ever ANY indication that I was doing something wrong.  I did not get a feeling of discontentment there.  In fact, I was very eager because I knew that this was the type of work I could excel in.  Ask any client/vendor/boss that has ever worked with me and I can guarantee that 9 out of 10 of them will tell you that I am a valuable asset.  I don't say that to be arrogant.  I say it because of all the things I feel I fall short in, WORKING is not one of them.  In fact, one of the reasons I enjoy having a job outside of the home is because I know that I can excel.

And though I know you don't need proof, I just want to share with you the recommendations I received on LinkedIn, from two bosses (yeah Kris is one of them), three vendors I built relationships with, and one client from when I worked for ICS.  I take a lot of pride in doing a good job for whatever company I am with and these comments below are proof of that.

“I have known Ms. Bishop for over three years and during that time we have worked together on various property and casualty claims. Ms. Bishop has always conducted herself professionally in a business like but charming and friendly manner. If asked, I would hire her in a minute. Probably less. Sincerely, Lawrence M. Abrams, president Raleigh Farnswortth & Abrams, Inc. ProNet International, Inc. ProNet International Gifts & Scholarships, Inc."

Top qualities: Great Results, High Integrity, Creative

“Jamie embodies the whole premise of the company she works for as being a problem solver for us. Most often when I would call on Jamie, it was not routine and usually very problematic with lots of obstacles. I would drop this huge mess right in her lap and tell her to take care of it with full confidence I could step away and know that our customers were in good hands. It didn't matter what the clock said either. It is a relief to have her in our corner. Trust is somthing earned and she has ours.”

“Jamie is one of the few people I know who are dependable and very knowledgeable in her field. If I had a position in my company, I would have Jamie with me. I have 50 years experience so I do not say this lightly. Jamie will be a welcome addition to anyone fortunate enough to hire her."

“Jamie is an extremely efficient and dedicated worker who was relied on heavily to get things done. She worked hard to build relationship with our clients and was very conscientious of her responsiblities and duties. She was an asset to our organization.” 

“I worked with Jamie for well over 4 years and dealt with her in her position of Dispatch Manager at Innovative Claims Service, LLC. Jamie was always pleasant to deal with and was efficient in delivering information needed to solve an insurance claim whether it was simple or complex. She would be a valuable asset to any company she chooses to work with. Elaine Warsinger owner/operator, Frontier Adjusters of Trenton/Princeton NJ”

“Some may think that I am biased, as Jamie is my wife; but I can truly say as her former employer and not her husband that Jamie would be an amazing asset at any company that she finds herself at. She has the right kind of work ethic and strives to excel at whatever she does. She is bright and personable. This translates into her not being thwarted when she encounters a complex problem, making smart decisions, and being able to effectively communicate with customers and vendors in such a way that keeps everything on task and moving forward.”

So, you combine that with the fact that the call center ASKED the temp agency to hire me for a dollar more/hour, and we're all like "Um...huh?"

We could talk all day long about WHY.

We'll never get an answer.

And I'll never fully understand what happened.

The thing that I struggle with the most is NOT that I lost a job that our family desperately needed.

What I am struggling with is hurt.  I can't stand when people don't like me!!  And they obviously didn't like them.

When I pressed the temp agency to see if they expounded on WHY they didn't want me, without even letting me finish the training to see how I would manage on my own, they simply (according to her) told her that I didn't have the right personality.

Um...have you met me?  OK, I know.  Some of you haven't actually met me.

But almost every single person I interacted with there was very like myself in personality.

With one exception.

I'm a Christian.  I did talk to one of the other trainees briefly about JoyFM and we may or may not have mentioned the word "Jesus".  But it did not interfere with our work and it wasn't something we said loudly or anything like that.  But you know what?  If THAT is why they don't like me...well, that's not my problem.  That's theirs.

If it was because I have what is likely STILL a torn meniscus in the same knee I had surgery on two years ago, which I was asked about and responded about briefly, or the fact that I have degenerative disc disease, which I didn't really tell them about...or all the meds I take to keep from dying in sheer agony...which I also didn't flaunt...well...there's nothing I can say or do about that.  They are still missing out because those things don't affect my performance (when the pain is under control as it is now-and even when it wasn't for the most part).

I didn't have a chance to show them how good I would be at multitasking.  Was I concerned about the workload when I listened to some of the reps go from call to call to call without stopping or having time to note files?  Sure.  Did I think I would be unable to handle it?  Absolutely not!!  But, they didn't even give me enough time so that I could demonstrate my capabilities.

So, why is the title of this post "Doors and Windows", as you sit here reading 40 minutes later?  You are still reading, aren't you???

There's that famous saying "When God closes one door, He opens another."  I am not sure that believe in that statement 100%.  But before I explain what I believe, Kris and I were sitting outside discussing this statement.  He and I are processing this "loss" very differently, as men and women tend to do.  So we were talking about this thought and he was talking about trying to understand how God (seemingly) opened this door up wide, then slammed it in my face.

I told Kris that it was more like God opened a door, I walked into it and it slammed behind me, and then I got thrown OUT of the window by the company!  And of course, we laughed. Because I'm so funny.  Something else they are missing out on.

Here's what it boils down to.

The job and how it came about so suddenly was a blessing from God.  But, there is obviously some place else that I am supposed to be.  Maybe it was just an experience I needed to have.  Maybe something about the company is just "too good to be true" and in the end, I would wind up disappointed.  Maybe because my walk with Christ (with a REAL understanding of the Cross) is still in the baby stage, this place would have been a negative influence in my life that I didn't need.

Regardless of the reason, I am content.  Have I spent some time crying because they don't like me for one reason or another?

Sure.

Shortly after this all happened I read this status on Facebook and I thought it was just so fitting and so very true:

Cleaning out some stuff and found a paper that Great wrote. She is my grandma, who we called Great and lived to be 100 years old. She wrote, "We should be thankful for our tears: They prepare our eyes for a clearer vision of God."

Isn't that great?!?

Did I expect them to go from acting as if they were really excited to have me straight to "You're fired."? 

Yeah, not so much.

I'm just riding the waves.

It's rolling and I am just along for the ride.  God will provide for our needs.  Of that I am sure.

So, I'm relaxing this weekend (sort of at least...I hope) and then Monday I will begin the job hunt again.  I have learned some things not to say or do.  Like be myself.  Kris and I were talking about this.  How, in these temp to hire jobs, you have to essentially hide the real you to get the job you want.  I do not do that...

I don't know what God has in store for me but I know that He will provide.

What are your thoughts?

After I posted this, I heard a song that I just had to add to this post, because it describes exactly the way we should react in situations like this and my heart is at peace.  Hearing this song was a comfort and confirmation that I am where I need to be and trusting God is the right move.

What just happened?

Whirlwind.

That's the word that comes to mind.

It's the only word I can think of to describe my day.

My day started much like it did yesterday.

With nightmares.

At 4am.

It's called sleep paralysis.  I have now officially self-diagnosed.  I've had these nightmares, this sleep paralysis.  It's a real thing.  If you don't know what I am talking about, HOPE that you NEVER have this happen to you.  It is terrifying!!  For me, it is typically very dark.  I cannot move my head or hands or body at all.  Sometimes I can't even blink.

Most of the time my eyes are closed.  I will see (when eyes are open) or hear voices that aren't there - such as the other day, thinking my mother-in-law was coming down the steps.  Other times, there is a darkness.  Someone is there.  Standing over me.  Ready to rape or kill me.  I don't know how to make it stop.  They tell you to get more sleep, reduce stress, etc...yeah, well...maybe someday...

So, that happened yesterday and this morning.  At 4am.  I would try to go back to sleep and during the next several hours, it would continue happening.  So I wasn't getting any rest at all during this time.  Which is both annoying and exhausting.

Back to my day.

So I woke up to this sleep paralysis.

We chilled this morning, then we drove to my mother-in-law's house so that she could watch the kids while I went for a 1pm job interview.  This was one that the temp agency found me, and I decided that if I didn't get the Ritenour secretary job, I would settle and do something like call center work.  Work that I knew I was well qualified for.  Work that I knew I could excel in.  So, I went to this call center place and had to take a math test.

Yes.

Math.

If you've ever read anything I've written about math, you should know that I hate numbers.  I despise math.  And I especially hate word problems!!!  This test was 10 questions.  ALL word problems.  If you miss 2, they won't even interview you!!!  No pressure right???

There were 2 questions I was sure I got wrong, but I was pretty confident about the rest.  HOWEVER, I actually missed 3.  When I asked her about it, she said that it was OK.  She interview me anyway.

And then, she took me over to talk to the head of Human Resources.  She was just as pleasant as the manager and I got a really good feeling about the company as a whole.  It sounded as if they were willing to hire me right then & there.  But I was honest with them.  I told them that I was waiting to hear back from Ritenour.  And then we decided I would call Ritenour to see if they had nade a decision, so I didn't have to just keep waiting.  I'm already 2 days behind in the training class as it is.  If I was going to start this new job, it would have to start TOMORROW!!

I left the interview about 2 hours later.  I was there for a very long time.  But I had a really good feeling about it.  And honestly, my skills are more suited to customer service/call center work than anything else.  I will probably be happier and more confident in this role.

But, what about Ritenour?  I mean, $17/hour is really hard to pass up.  I was determined to make a decision today.  So I called and got no answer.  Then I decided that the easiest thing to do would be to DRIVE to the admin office and just ask the hiring person if I was even a candidate.  I was told that they offered the job to someone else yesterday, and that person accepted.

That made my decision easier.  I called the call center back and they told me they would get back with the temp agency right away.  And they did.  I had my phone ringing left and right.  It was a little chaotic!

So things were already crazy.  Then I went to pick up the kids and when I got there, the temp agency called and said I would have to drive to Alton (right then!) and fill out the tax forms.  So, the kids and I went to Alton.  I filled everything out and got direct deposit set up.  Tomorrow morning, before I go to work (training), I have to take a drug test.  People were harassing me about my horrible math skills by saying that I would do better taking a drug test than a math rest!

Well, there you have it.  I have a job.  In a call center.  Making just enough money to pay our bills!  I had looked forward to using the next 3 days to finish laundry and get the house in order so it would be good when school started.  But, it seems that won't be happening.  I am working 9-5am until training is over (around 2 weeks), and then my schedule will be 10:30am-7:00pm.  Not ideal...and it will interfere with several other events/plans but we'll work through it and figure it out.  Kris will come home in time to get the kids off the bus, deal with homework and dinner, and then wait patiently for his wonderful, hard-working wife to come home.  ;-)

Thank you for your prayers.  They are appreciated!  Please pray that I will rest tonight.  Sleep without the nightmares/paralysis.  I have heard that the Neurontin (Gabapentin) that I am on can cause vivid dreams/hallucinations.  So I am going to try to NOT take it before bed and see if that makes a difference.

So there is the job update.  Please excuse any grammar/spelling errors.  I am about to fall asleep and so it can't be helped...it's been a crazy day!