I went a week without blogging. Hmm....I don't like that. Although I guess nothing really profound has happened. I've got something wrong with my stomach/back or something, and am hoping that the doctor can figure it out this afternoon. Something isn't right and hopefully it isn't anything really serious.
Got an email yesterday from Dacia, reminding us to pray for Shawn and Alex. I guess Alex just had a birthday and this week would have been Josh's birthday too. And then Valentine's day....it's hard sometimes to understand how my life in so many ways is not nearly as difficult as others. Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't bring tragedy into my life...why he chooses other people. Not that I am longing for tragedy at all. I just don't understand sometimes why he shields me from it. Maybe I can't handle it and he knows it?? I don't know. What I do know is that should a time of tragedy or grief come, that He will have prepared me for it and be right there to catch and hold me.
I still think about Angi every day. A song will come on, or someone will say something that will remind me of her. And I keep going back to the day before she died, and the conversation we had on the phone. It saddens me that I can hardly remember what we talked about. I know we talked about Six Flags, which is kind of ironic in a very very sad way, and we talked about getting together. When I look at Livvy, I think of Angi. Shawn said something to us at the visitation--that they were just waiting to see the baby (this is while I was pregnant with Olivia). So I think about that and how Angi didn't get to see her. Angi loved my girls. Not that she didn't love Kaleb, but she wanted a little girl. She longed for that. She really bonded with Katherine right after she was born and it saddens me that she isn't around anymore and that I didn't make the most of the time we had when she was alive.
I'm not sure why I started talking about that. Guess it was just on my mind and I needed to say something about it. I guess also I've been thinking about the man who was driving the truck that hit them. I didnt' get to see the news Monday night but I know they were talking about filing criminal negligence charges against the man. Maybe people will be angry with me for saying it...but I really do feel bad for the man and pray for him. Some people go on and on about how he just wasn't paying attention. There were rumors that he was on his cell phone. Well...I just believe that any one of us could have done that...how many of us talk on our cell phones or are just plain distracted when we are driving? Yes, it is absolutely horrible what happened. Yes, if he had been paying attention they might still be alive. But he wasn't. The fact is...5 people died that day and it isn't just those of us grieving over those losses that have to deal with that. This man will forever have to live with the fact that 5 people died because of him. Try to imagine what your life would be like, if it had been you, and not him behind the wheel. His grief is probably nothing in comparison with what Shawn and Alex and the other close family members go through on a daily basis...but it isn't like he can just go on with his life like nothing happened. He will forever carry the scars and the guilt.
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