Already There

I have started 10 different blog posts, some dating back to Christmas; but it's now February 8th, and I'm not even going to get to any of them tonight.  There is something more pressing on my heart right now.  So everything else will have to wait.

Something happened today that took me back to a place of overwhelming fear.  I've written several posts about fear and how our counselor and church was involved in a "D.I.A." (Do It Again) surrounding my fear.  Since that night, God has broken the spirit of fear that had surrounded my life for thirty years!!

Today, however, was a true test in trusting God for me, when fear overwhelmed me.

I was on the phone with Kris this afternoon, when he asked me to hold on.  He had a text from Katherine (who was already home from school).  This text let Kris know that she heard on the bus that the elementary school that Abbey, Livvy, and Kaleb go to was on lock down.

Wait.

What?!?

LOCK DOWN?

A new month

I cannot believe that it is August already!

My kids start school in 12 days (not that I'm counting) yes I am!

The job search continues.  No word from the interview I had yesterday.  No other bites on the 50 applications I have filled out.  This is so exhausting!!!  I feel so bad for anyone who is in this position.  It's not easy.  I spend hours at a time at my computer, applying for jobs.  It's ridiculous!

I was reading the Bible today.  Sadly, it isn't something I am in the habit of doing every single day. I should do what a friend of mine recommends and put Scripture in all of my blog posts, and write every day, so that I am constantly in the Word in SOME way.

I love how I can usually just open up the Bible and find something that makes me stop in my tracks and think.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  I love having my eyes wide open!

The first thing I read was in Psalm 115.  Verse 11.

"You who fear him, trust in the Lord--he is their help and shield." (NIV)
"All you who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord!  He is your helper and your shield." (NLT--and my favorite version!)
"You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord; He is their help and their shield." (NASB)
"You who fear God, trust in God! - trust your Helper! trust your Ruler!" (The Message)

The word shield is what really struck me when I read it.  Well, really helper did too.  And this idea of trusting the Lord.  OK.  So the entire thing spoke to me.

This means that we are to cry out to God.  He helps us, by being our shield.  By protecting us.  That's what shields do.  I was a little surprised to read the translation from The Message, because I expected the word shield instead of ruler.  But I was disappointed on that end.  However, I loved how emphatic it was.  "Trust your Helper!  Trust your Ruler!"

Trust.

That's a tricky word.

Especially when life is hard.

When we don't understand why things happen the way they do.

When we are grieving.

When we are hurting.

Trust.

There are two definitions of trust in the dictionary that I like.  "Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence." and "Confidant expectation of something; hope."

I love that.

Hope.

We could all use a little hope, couldn't we?

So trust isn't just this big complicated thing.

We just have to HOPE.

We have to confidently expect something.

A job.

A future.

Joy.

Freedom.

HOPE.

Confidently expect hope.

Because when you do, you are trusting God.

And when you TRUST God, He will help you.

He will be your shield.

He will be your HOPE!