Ok...don't panic. My perspective is much better this morning than it was yesterday. I feel equipped to tackle another day as 'mommy'--although when they say it, it is more like "MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!" and someone is hurt or mad!

We went to see the Titanic exhibit last night at the science center. I think the kids were bored, but they did really good considering that we walked around this thing for about an hour. It was really interesting. They had replicas of different things...like the third class room, the luxury first class room, the great staircase, things like that. They also had artifacts that had been found and preserved from the wreckage. I think the coolest part (for the kids anyway) was this large block of ice shaped like an iceberg. You could touch it and there was a sign that said that the temperature in the water the night the ship sank was colder than the ice that was there. It's unfathomable, how the people in the water endured their bodies being submerged in the icy water. And, obviously, most were unable to endure long enough since the majority lost their lives by being frozen in the water. Could you imagine coming across that sight? It seems to me that the scene in the movie Titanic probably did not even come close to what it really looked like that night.

I asked Katherine when we were done if she liked it at all. And she said 'no'. Then she said "Except for maybe the dishes." They had recovered a number of dishes and a couple of large pans from the kitchen...so this is what she was referring to. When I told Kris about it later, Katherine was still beside me and she was explaining why she liked the dishes. She told us "It's because I want to cook a lot when I grow up."

I think the most interesting part is that they gave us a card when we first went in. It had a name of a passenger on their, what class they were in, how they got their tickets, where they were from, who they were with and where they were headed. And when we got it, I thought it was neat that they were doing that, so that we could be a part of the story in a 'real' way. But then, at the end, they had a list on the wall (divided by class) of all the people who lived and died, so you could look on the list and find your 'name' and see if you had lived or died. It was really interesting. Abbey's person died, and so did Kris. Katherine and one of her sons and 2 friends survived...but one of her sons died. It was a really creative idea.

They had 'quotes' up on the walls randomly...things people said before leaving on the Titanic and things that were said in the midst of the accident. There were two that really stood out to me. A woman in first class was told to get in a lifeboat, but her husband wasn't there and she said "We have lived together all these years and we will die the same way. Together." And then, on the other extreme was the captain saying "Every man for himself." Kris tried to tell me that this could have been like a normal sea concept, like if the ship was going down and you knew there was nothing that could be done....but I didn't buy it. The extremes on both of those comments is astounding to me.

Anyway, you're probably as bored as the kids were actually having to experience it...but I liked it. What I thought was interesting, and Kris had made a comment about it too...when you were all the way through at the very end there was a store...full of titanic stuff...yet another way to make money off of tragedy!

I'm kind of 'vegging' right now. Kaleb and Katherine are playing Star Wars against one another in the living room, on the playstation. Who knows what Abbey is doing. They are now yelling that the controllers aren't working. Olivia is screaming from either a stomach ache or being tired. I don't know which one and I need a breather, a chance to regroup before I tackle the mother job again.

Deep breaths. Right? Whoever said that that would work must not have been a stay at home mom. I'm just not sure that is an effective calming method. I'm ready for Katherine and Kaleb to go back to school. Have I said that on here yet? Oh good. I just heard "I'm telling!" That's really what I want to hear right now. You know what I'd really like to hear? I'd like to hear....
NOTHING! Silence. That's what I'd like. Now, whoever said "You can't always get what you want"-now they were really on to something. Ain't that the truth!

Ok...time to face reality again. Here I go. More later when things have calmed down. And by calmed down I mean that everyone is asleep and I can think!

Well, Christmas is over and there is just one more holiday left this year. And THEN maybe I can start tracking points again. It's been so difficult, with all the good FATTENING food! Who wants to just eat 94% fat free popcorn for a meal when there is turkey and ham and all the other goodies to be had. And that's not even considering the fudge and cookies and pecan pie.

We had a good trip to IN...made record time- 3 hours and 45 minutes. Not too bad with 4 kids and one of them being an infant. Of course, some might have a fit--but I fed the baby while we drove. We survived. We are not more likely to have an accident just because the baby is out of her carseat for 10 minutes than we would be if she were in her carseat. I don't do this all the time...but when you have a 4 hour drive ahead of you and 4 small children...well...unless you've tried it yourself...don't judge me! :)

Our van is packed full of the kids' new toys. I'll have to clean the play room to make room for all of them. My mom bought me a bread machine. I'm excited to make some bread with it. I've never made bread before, so it should be interesting. I'm kind of an idiot sometimes though. My mom had bought me some bread mixes, and I was reading the instructions on the back of the box. I thought, "Man this is pretty complex for a bread machine." It seemed to me that there were just too many directions--mixing the stuff, kneading the bread, baking it....I thought it seemed pointless to have a bread maker when you still had to do all that. I could have sworn that a bread machine was supposed to do all that for you. Ok--so I missed the heading that said "Conventional Oven Directions". So there's a little piece of my stupidity for your enjoyment! Boy was I glad to see that the bread machine did in fact do everything that I thought it was supposed to do.

Something funny just happened. I had taken one of Kaleb's toys away this morning because he and Abbey were fighting over it. And Abbey just ran in here and asked if Kaleb could have it back. I said yes, and then expected her to give it back to him. Did she?? No. She said 'ok' and then ran in to the kitchen and started playing with it. Well...it's funny to me anyway!

While I was feeding Olivia this morning I found myself looking at Katherine and Kaleb (who are now on Christmas break until January) and thinking "I have FOUR kids. FOUR." That's a lot of kids, isn't it? Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the reality of it all...but most of the time I just move on through life, doing what needs to be done to take care of them. I don't know what I would do without Kris there to help me. I know it is kind of morbid...but I think sometimes about what I would do if something happened to Kris and it was just me and the kids...especially at this young age they at now. I don't know what I would do. I wonder sometimes if I would still be able to function enough to take care of FOUR kids. I'm sure that God would give me the strength...Ok....different subject now.

I'm looking forward to a semi-quiet evening at home...will never be quiet with three toddlers running around and a baby! But it seems like we've been so busy--I really look forward to the nights when Kris and I are home with no where to go and nothing to do.

I'm really excited about Christmas, primarily because I will get to see family on my dad's side, including my grandma. I think I miss her the most, being out here in Missouri. It seems strange, and maybe it isn't, but as I was growing up I never felt close to her--I mean, I loved her and she was my grandma, but I'm not really sure I had any kind of relationship with her. And then after I got married I felt like I was starting to build a relationship with her and my grandpa. And after he died five years ago, each year I feel closer and closer to her. I have no idea what made me go into that...guess because I get to see her this weekend. Anyway, if you're reading this Mamaw--I love you and can't wait to see you!

We had fun Tuesday night opening presents with the kids. Katherine and Abbey were excited, of course...but it was Kaleb that just....I don't know. I can't really describe it. Any mother probably knows what I am talking about (fathers too perhaps)...that really joyous feeling you get when one of your children is the happiest you've seen them. Kaleb was just SO excited. At one point, he pulled some Spiderman toothpaste out of his stocking (Santa wants them to keep their teeth clean--doesn't everyone get toothpaste and toothbrushes??) and started excitedly yelling "Deoderant!!! I got deoderant!!!" Made me wish I had actually bought him some deoderant!!!! And we saved their 'biggest' present for last. When Kaleb opened up the doodle monster he had asked Santa for, he got really excited once again, this time saying excitedly "A doodle monster! I always wanted that!" It was good to see him so happy.

I forgot to put a picture on here last night. If you know Katherine at all, you know that she is a total drama queen. Everything is SO exagerrated and you can just tell sometimes when you look at her that it's all drama! Kris was able to capture this on the camera Sunday at church. She was upset with him about something...and this picture just completely shows KATHERINE!

Here is Kaleb with his 'girlfriend' Mia. I think he is in love! Everytime I have been at a school function, he says "Take a picture of Mia! Take a picture of Mia!" She's cute isn't she? This was at their Christmas program for KCA. This picture of all four kids Kris and I were pretty pleased with...it would have been even cuter if Olivia had been looking at the camera and smiling too!






I can't seem to sleep. It's 1:00am, but I'm still up. I just spent the last hour working on some document uploads for Xsbid because I couldn't sleep. At least I got another hour of work in. I spent about 4 1/2 hours at the office this evening.

I have a cold, which is now getting worse, turning into some sort of coughing annoyance. I should go and take some medicine so I can sleep. I should have taken it an hour ago...so I could have let it 'kick in' but of course I didn't.

We are going to do "Christmas" tomorrow night with the kids. We have plans on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, and then we are leaving Friday to go to IN as soon as Kris gets home...so we decided to open up our Christmas presents tomorrow night. We could wait until Monday morning after we have gotten back from IN, but some of the gifts would make the trip to IN a LOT better, because the kids have some new books for the LeapPads that I am sure will occupy them on our trip. So we will let them open those up as well as the other gifts we got them and Kris and I will exchange gifts with one another too. It's funny that we have never once, since we got married, opened up gifts from each other on Christmas day. Our first Christmas together we were so excited that we opened everything up on Christmas Eve...and ever since then...the two of us just can't wait. Last year the kids opened up gifts on Christmas day I think...but Kris and I exchanged the night before, saying that it would be more fun to just focus on the kids with their gifts. But we will be in Indiana on Christmas day and probably won't get in early enough Sunday night to open gifts then. So tomorrow night it is. I have some presents hidden under my bed--from Santa, of course, that we will wrap up and take to Indiana with us, so the kids don't think that Santa forgot them or can't deliver presents to them if they aren't at home. I never really liked the idea of 'lying' to the kids about Santa...but they get so excited and they really believe he is real, even if you tell them he is not--at least at this age.

Kris told me that Katherine asked him today if Santa was real. He asked her if she wanted the truth and she said yes apparently. Then he told her that "No, he is not real" and she didn't believe him. He asked her if she wanted to believe that Santa was real and she said yes...and we're ok with that. It's fun for them, and what kid out there ever grew up resenting the fact that his/her parents lied to him/her about it? Well...I'm sure there are some people out there....but for the most part, we all loved that aspect of Christmas when we were little and so we will carry on that tradition.

I meant to put some pictures on here earlier...but just didn't get a chance so I will put them on here now and then try to go to sleep.

My feet are cold. It's really chilly in my bedroom. There isn't any heat in here...which could explain it! We do have a space heater that kind of warms it up but you'd think after two winters here I would learn to just put some socks on and quit complaining, right?

We had a Christmas party/variety show at church yesterday. We had signed Katherine up to sing at it--because she likes to sing, NOT because we are those parents who are trying to push her towards stardom!--and of course she got really shy once she got up there. She wanted me to sing the Greek alphabet and 1,2,3 Jesus Loves ME with her but I declined. So I told her that Kaleb would come up and sing with her and this seemed to work. Kaleb was not the least bit shy. His only concern was getting Katherine off the microphone so he could have his mouth over the whole thing. They were cute though and they did a good job. But of course, Abbey didn't want to be left out, so after they got done we let her sing. She informed us she was going to sing her ABC's. It was a rather short version of the real song...her version being "ABC EIEIO." Makes a mother proud! It was adorable. I was able to record it on our new digital camera...the quality isn't the greatest but once I can figure out how to put video on my blog (if they allow it) then I will put that up here.

I've really got to get busy and get some work done for Xsbid this week. Last week with the surgery and recovery I only put in 6 hours. I had intended to work last night, but Jeff and Abbey were in town and we got to spend the evening with them, which was MUCH better than working all evening. I'm going to go in the next 3 nights and try to get completely caught up before the holiday.

Olivia is now awake. I had planned to put some pictures on here, but I guess that will have to wait until later....she does need to eat I suppose!

My surgery is now over and done with. I think (at least I hope) the worst of the pain is over now. Yesterday was worse than Monday and today has been better than both days. I'm still taking my ibuprofen and other pain pills, but hopefully by tomorrow I won't need those. I think the worst pain is the bruise around my belly button...whenever anything rubs against it, it hurts. But I am glad it is over with, and I am also glad that I had it done.

Here's something kind of funny. After they gave me the anesthesia, they told me they wanted me awake enough to move to the table in the operating room. That's the last thing I remember anyone saying to me before the surgery. It's the last thing I remember at all before waking up. But apparently, my doctor was talking to me and joking around with me before the procedure began. He called me Monday night to see how I was feeling and proceeded to tell me about the conversation that I had with him. This is the part I thought was funny. Apparently he asked me if I was sure I wanted to have the tubal ligation and my immediate response was an emphatic "Yes!" Since I don't remember ever having that conversation I told him "See....I told you I wanted to have it done! I was serious!" Ok, so maybe it is just funny to me.

I really like this Angel Food Ministries thing. I was just looking at January's menu. It's really great because for about half of my grocery money for the next two weeks, I can get more food than I could with the entire amount of grocery money at a regular store. And Kris loves that I can get steaks with it. We never buy steaks because they are so expensive, but the last two months we've bought them. We get our second month food on Saturday. I think it comes with 6 steaks of some sort--thick cut ribeyes maybe. I still have 4 steaks in the freezer from the last pick up. Maybe if I am feeling better this week I will cook the steaks that I have in the freezer still.

I really need to get some work done. With my surgery I am really behind. I am hoping to go in tonight (if the pain is better) or tomorrow night to try to knock out some of the alerts that I need to deal with. I emailed the owner (part-owner I guess) today and discussed them hiring me on as a part-time employee. That would take care of the tax issues (so I don't have to figure it out myself) and also ensure that I am working at least 18 hrs a week, which is the bare minimum we will need to make our bills--with the kids' tuition. Our first payment out of our pocket (the rest had been coming from savings--which is now depleted) will be on January 30, so I've got to get the money together before then. And we still have bills from Christmas that will have to be paid. But I am sure it will all work out. What is the most frustrating is the $800 we had to put on the credit card to cover the van repairs and a couple of other expenses. But it will get paid off and we will not go crazy and spend all kinds of money foolishly because we are down about having to use a credit card--which has been our action in the past.

Kris and I took a picture of ourselves the other day. I never would let anyone take pictures (or at least I tried to avoid it) of me, but I am getting more comfortable with it, now that I am losing some of the weight that I was so embarrased about. When I went in for surgery Monday and they weighed me, I was down 7lbs from the previous week. But now, they filled me with that carbon dioxide or whatever it was so that they could work inside me....so I'm sure that is adding some pounds back on! Oh well...hopefully it will all be out of my system by the time I go to my next Weight Watchers meeting on Monday.

I have a few more pictures. I got some early Christmas presents....it was kind of funny. I have a cheap toaster that we got when we got married, and it is falling apart--I think you can get them now at Wal-mart for about $6-10 so I asked Kris if I could go get a toaster and he told me no. I didn't push it--figuring that he probably had bought me a toaster oven for Christmas. I've wanted one ever since we got married but don't really have room for one. And now that my toaster is broken, I thought, "Well, I'll just get another cheap one." But anyway, we were talking about it and he decided he would go ahead and give me the toaster oven since I basically had figured it out anyway. But then...we still had no place to put it, so he bought me a new microwave cart and another 'cabinet' thing...so it really gave me SO much more room. I'm really excited about it. Kris and I spent most of the day organizing and cleaning up the kitchen, so humor me and enjoy the pictures of the new Bishop kitchen! :) It really opened up the kitchen--and I don't have to have my kitchen aid mixer on top of the counter anymore--it is on the other microwave cart, out of the way, so I can use the mixer over beside the fridge, and prepare things on the counter top! It's awesome--well, I don't really know--because I haven't cooked anything yet, but I think it should be cool. I guess the pictures don't really show how 'open' the kitchen is, and I'm probably the only one that really cares about the kitchen, but hey--It's MY blog, so I don't care!

Tomorrow morning I am having my surgery. My doctor called me tonight. We talked for about 10 minutes--it was interesting. It's strange to admit that you actually like your ob/gyn but I do like him. He's very nice and loves kids. He helped to ease my mind about the procedure and made me laugh, so I don't feel too nervous about the whole thing. I'll be back on here in a day or two depending on how I feel as I recover.

Well...I'm kind of disappointed. My surgery got cancelled and now I have to reschedule it. I have to get it done before the new year because we've already met our deductible this year so the procedure will be covered @ 100%. But in some ways I am looking forward to having the weekend and actually being able to move around and get out of the house. So Kris had taken off work today and tomorrow, but since Dean had already taken off to watch the younger girls, we both came in to work. I'll work for the morning and hopefully get caught up by then. Then Kris is going to take me back to his mom's.

Our van is in the shop today. I really hope that it doesn't cost a lot to fix the heat in our van, though I am skeptical. But the back hatch thing on our van has been broken for about a year...so seriously--if you let go of it with your head under there it would kill you with as heavy and as fast as it comes down--SO....I'm going to get that fixed too while I am shelling out money that I don't have.

I can't believe Christmas is only 2 weeks away. That's crazy to me.

I have to write this down before I forget. I keep thinking of it and keep forgetting to come in here and write it down. So, yesterday I bought these little Christmas cookies. They were always my favorite kind...the small ones covered in white fudge with litte red and green sprinkles...and Sam's had a big box of them, so I picked them up and gave the kids some. Last night while they were eating them, just out of the blue Katherine holds up a little star cookie and says "This star is so special because it reminds me of Jesus." And she had this big grin on her face. It was so cool!

Kris and I are watching Mr. Deeds while I work. We watched it when it first came out in the theatres and remember liking it...but watching it now just reminds me of how funny this movie is! But I have to get busy--I'm supposed to be working while I am watching--the BEAUTY of working from home--though that is about to change. Starting this week I am going to begin working Tuesday and Thursday evenings until 11pm and during the day on Wednesdays.

I forgot to comment on the GOOD Weight Watchers week I had over Thanksgiving. I had points left over most days and still had some of my weekly points left over....so I actually lost weight over the holiday! Granted....it was one 1/2 lb. but considering I had gained the week before, I was excited! This week has been good so far too. Had points left over every day and have not used any of my flex points yet. I'm working my way towards a size 10 and the sooner I get there the sooner I can move towards a size 8!! Single digits--now that would be cool! :)

Abbey had a little fit the other day at my weight watchers meeting. She was not behaving well at all the entire morning and was beyond the point of listening to me by the time my meeting started. At the end, she had brought a couple of toys and something happened and her bird fell on the floor. She looked up at me with this glare in her eyes and said "You dropped my bird mommy. Now I mad!" It was funny. I'm not saying it didn't make me mad, because it did, but it was still amusing--the look on her face. She is just like me. She doesn't keep anything in...if she is upset about something...she'll let you know. And if she is still mad, she'll let you know that too! She came upstairs yesterday and said Kaleb took something or did something and then told me that it made her mad. I was impressed, right? So rather than hitting Kaleb or reacting...she came up to express her anger to me. And I said that I was proud of her for coming to me instead of retaliating, and then I told her to stay away from Kaleb if he was being mean to her. So she proceeds to go to the top of the stairs and yells down "You're mean Kaleb!" I in turn yelled her name and she started running....I told her to 'come here' and she went towards the stairs and said "I go tell Kaleb I sorry." So at least she knows right from wrong! She's still a riot to hang out with--but her behavior is starting to wear me down. She's been aggressive and mean and absoultely does not listen. But the last couple of days I have been trying to give her some one on one attention and hopefully that will help. She likes the baby, but I wonder if she doesn't miss the time just she and I had before Olivia was born.

Olivia went to the doctor for her two month check up--got four shots. :( But she is sleeping now and seems ok. She is 11 1/2 lbs now at almost 3 months and still growing.

I have surgery scheduled next week to get my tubes tied. Thursday, December 8th at 8am. In one sense I am excited. Not about the surgery or the recovery, but the prosepct of not having to worry about getting pregnant again because I am NOT ready and don't know if I ever will be again. People keep asking why I am doing it and not Kris. Hmm....well....first of all, it is tough enough taking care of 4 kids by myself with no help (which I am not used to because Kris is so helpful). But the thought of taking care of 5, all alone??? NO WAY! I'm not a good 'nurse'. I could never be one--I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world (when someone directly related to me is sick)--something I hate about myself. So I asked Kris, because on top of that reason, I was feeling uneasy about him doing it--which he would have hated but done for me anyway--I said "Do you want to do it? Honestly?" And he said "no". So I said, "Ok, I'll do it." I don't feel uneasy or have any doubts about the decision that I have made. It's funny now though because every is so used to us having kids and asking if we are having more--now that they know I am getting a tubal ligation, the questions SERIOUSLY have already changed to..."So do you think you'll adopt more?" Kind of makes me laugh.

Anyway...we are having dinner at Cindy's tonight and hopefully I will get a chance to take Olivia up to Metlife to see Patty (my supervisor while I worked there and a good friend). She hasn't seen her yet and it will be good to see some of my 'old' friends.