Little Bishop Chronicles

Empty ketchup bottle

2012-01-27T18:38:00.000-06:00

My kids have spent the last 10 minutes trying to squeeze ketchup out of the bottle. It's extremely annoying. I'm having a rough time tonight. I had a busy week trying to make headbands for my new business Little Bishop Creations. Then, I had my first Spanish Enrichment class, which went pretty well. 7 students, plus my own in there. But I am switching the day to Tuesdays, since I am already at school that day teaching middle schoolers. The teaching is going well. A friend asked me the other day how it was that I was tolerating teaching. But the thing is, I really love it. I don't know if it's the subject, the students, getting out of the house. I'm not sure what it is but I really love teaching Spanish. Even with my dislike of people and kids in general, I am really having a good time.

It's now the weekend and all I hear is "Can I play the computer?" That is probably one of my LEAST favorite questions! It makes me want to tell them "NO. You can never play on the computer again!" Yes, dramtic, I know. But I'm feeling very drama queen-ish tonight.

We have two basketball games tomorrow and then we are going to a movie night (Courageous) at the church we used to attend. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie. Or at least...I feel like I SHOULD be looking forward to it. Right now, I don't really care about anything.

Hoping a good night's sleep will help that. Sigh...I need to shake this off...

Empty bottle=no ruining the couch

2012-01-24T22:28:00.000-06:00

Let's see if I can manage to stay awake during this post. My carbonated beverage is empty, so no worries about spilling it all over the couch.

I'm now up to 3 Spanish classes. Middle school on Tues/Thurs and then enrichment for K-2nd grade on Mondays, though there is a 4 year old in there that I should have put my foot down on (not literally down on the child) and said no. The class is just too above her age level. But I'll deal with it. Katherine is going to be her helper and take her under her wing for me.

Tomorrow is a free day, for the most part. In the last 2 days, I have made almost 30 headbands. Please please go to my Little Bishop Creations page and check it out and "like" it! Pretty please? 100 "likes" and I'll give away a free headband. I've been really busy filling orders and having a lot of fun with these. It's so fun for me and rewarding to see the girls at school wearing them! I just need to expand my customer base. Anyone willing to direct your family and friends to Little Bishop Creations? I'd really REALLY appreciate it!

Spanish is going so great! I am loving just about every minute of it! I can't imagine anything else I'd rather be doing. A few people have mentioned subbing to me, and I am giving that some thought as well. I have an Associates Degree so I should have enough college hours for it. Anything I can do to bring in extra income right now would be extremely helpful.

The biggest change perhaps is that next Monday, after 5+ years, Abbey will finally "graduate" from Speech Therapy! This is kind of a big deal! It's awesome for her because she has excelled and is doing so well. It's also selfishly great for me, because it's no more 5:30-6pm therapy sessions on Monday and Wednesday!! SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT!

My medicine has already kicked in for the night so I feel I should go before I start typing gibberish! Tomorrow is Wednesday and aside from making headbands, I have nothing else planned. Looking forward to it!

We're all grown up

2012-01-19T09:38:00.000-06:00

Kris and I bought a new couch. It's the first couch we have paid for with our own money (technically the insurance company paid for it). I'm really liking it so far. And Kris thought we should maybe forbid the children to sit on it. You know, to protect it. Little did he know, it wasn't the kids that the couch should be saved from. Apparently it's me! I know...shocking, right?

So, here it is. BEFORE I inducted it into the mess that is our life.

So, I've had this cold/sinus infection for the last few days. Night before last, I advised my dear husband that I was taking Nyquil, along with my normal meds. I also gave myself a treat, a sweet Pineapple treat. Kris was WELL aware of this. I made it clear that he would need to watch me, implying that he should make sure I got to bed OK.

So, I set about to blogging about my newest business venture assuming that he would take care of me. He asked me if I was coming to bed. I told him I just wanted to finish the blog post. He was playing a game on his phone.

HERE IS WHAT I REMEMBER.

I had my Pineapple goodness in my hand, in bottle form. I remember dozing off and the bottle tipping onto the arm of the couch. But I wasn't coherent enough to get up and put myself in bed, until the SECOND time I tipped the bottle, this time onto my arm, down my side and onto the seat of the couch. At that point, I was able to pry my medicated eyes open and look at the clock. 11PM. I assessed the situation, in some kind of a stupor, and managed to put my still 1/4 of the way full bottle of Pineapple water down safely. I remember having taken only a few sips of it before I dozed off. I remember feeling the couching and hoping it was just a dream. I remember changing my clothes, since the entire sleeve of the jacket I was wearing was drenched. I remember crawling into bed and having some sort of conversation with Kris, though it is muddled in my head. And then I was out. When I woke up, I hoped it was all a dream.

In the morning, I asked Kris if he thought it had really happened and he told me he heard something spilling. Then he smelled the couch. Sure enough... tell tell signs of pineapple essence. It was NOT a dream. Sadly. The couch needs protection from me. And I blame Kris for not coming to get me and take me to bed. He said he heard me snoring and thought I just wanted to sleep out there. I countered with my telling him I was coming to bed and turning my mattress pad on so I could get into a warm bed. So you see, it's all his fault.

Anyway, I can't be trusted. Nyquil mixed with my normal meds and what, three small drinks of my smirnoff and I am a mess. And I make a mess. And I can't be trusted. I'm sure it would have been amusing. What Kris should have done was got out of bed and video'd it, then sent it to America's Funniest Home videos. Maybe we can get some money out of my crazy!

Say what?

2012-01-18T20:55:00.000-06:00

This once a week or less of sitting down to write is lame. Today I have pictures for you. And I know it probably crosses a line somewhere between inappropriate and WAY inappropriate, but I just couldn't NOT show you.

I was at the grocery store the other day. I don't usually buy ice cream, but for whatever reason, I do always gaze longingly and look at the different flavors of ice cream. Unless it's Edy's Peppermint, I usually don't even eat ice cream. And yet I still peruse the selection at the store. OCD quirk maybe? So I am walking down the aisle, scanning the shelves as usual and my eyes land on this.

Am I the only one who didn't immediately think of something else that you can also find at the grocery store, with the same name??? Probably...

Is it just me? Seriously. You can be honest...

New Year's Resolution

2012-01-11T21:30:00.000-06:00

I am SO glad that I did NOT make a new year's resolution to blog more. I would have totally failed. Though some of you may be rejoicing!

A lot has happened.

I'm now a Spanish teacher. It was quite sudden. I've had two classes so far and have my third tomorrow. I am VERY excited about this and it's been so fun to get back into the language again. Makes me remember how much I loved it! The kids seem to be taking well to me; at least, that is my perception. I could be totally off base and they could think I'm a raving lunatic! But I'll continue to live in the world I've built in my head. It's quite lovely there. When it isn't crazy or scary. I teach middle school kids on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Starting next week, I'll add enrichment classes on Monday (K-2nd) and Thursday (3rd-5th). It feels SO good to be doing something productive again! Outside of the house. I think it'll be the boost I need to bring in some money in some other areas of my life. The best thing is that I am teaching at my kids' school and they will be able to take the classes too. They have been wanting me to teach them Spanish for YEARS and while I am nowhere NEAR fluent, I know enough to teach those who have little to no knowledge of the language. I'm hoping that next semester I can add a third day in for enrichment, for those who took the intro class the first 6 weeks, should they want to continue and learn more.

Little Bishop Creations is still going strong! I've completed my first two orders, and will complete the next two tomorrow. You have two more days to take advantage of my buy 2, get 1 free sale, combined with the discounted price of $6/kid and $8/adult. Starting January 21, they will still be discounted, but not buy 2 get 1 free. On February 1, the prices will go up to their original starting price, which is $8/kid and $10/adult. I do know that if you are interested in Valentine's Day headbands, those will be on sale between January 21 and February 10. I cannot wait to find a salon or shop to put these in and hopefully get some more exposure! Please go like my page on Facebook so that I can get to 100 and give away a free headband!

A new endeavor-Little Bishop Creations

2011-12-31T17:26:00.001-06:00

Just in time for a new year, I have officially launched Little Bishop Creations. It's on both Etsy and Facebook, and will be a way for me to hopefully bring in some extra income while I am currently unemployed. The bills are piling, the debt is climbing and I feel like I need to do something to help. Hopefully this can be something that can expand into something really great for our family, and anyone who supports it. Please go to Facebook and like Little Bishop Creations. I'll post new items, new patterns, sales, etc...there. I am still trying to learn my way around Etsy, so bear with me on that! The headbands are my focus right now, but I am not limited to headbands. I do tag blankets that work great for teething babies and general carrying around (they're smaller and easier to transport with the little one). I also do make quilts, but I will tell you that these are time consuming, and due to my ~~anal~~ meticulous nature, I try to make them PERFECT, so those are not cheap but if it is something you are interested in, let me know.

NO SLIP Headbands will sell for $8 (kids) or $10 (adults) starting February 1. For now, to start out the new year right, all headbands will be $6 or $8 (respectively) and if you buy 2, you will get 1 for FREE. I'll run different specials each month. Towards the end of the month, I'll have headbands that will be perfect for Valentine's Day, so check back in on Facebook for those!

If you live out of state, shipping will range between $1-2. Orders of 10 headbands or more (think sports teams) will be discounted to $5/each.

Once I get to 100 likes on Facebook, I'll give away a headband to the 100th like! If you are interested in working with me to promote a giveaway on your blog, please contact me directly. A blog specifically for Little Bishop Creations will be up and running in a couple of days.

On another note, can you believe this is my last post for 2011? Hopefully I'll start the year out right with a new post tomorrow.

Don't hold your breath!!

I'm gonna be ugly!

2011-12-22T11:12:00.002-06:00

My brother has an aging booth app on his iPhone and I let him take a picture to see what I might look like on 20-30 years. Kris obliged too. Here are the results.

Back to The Cutting Edge

2011-12-21T11:07:00.002-06:00

It was past time to have my hair done again. I still love The Cutting Edge Salon and think that what they do is pure art. Here is what they did for me. No cut this time, just color.
I love it!!

Huh?

2011-12-21T07:56:00.001-06:00

I posted this on Facebook last week. This picture disturbed me. Obviously it was intended for those who love to hunt? I think? I don't know. It just didn't logically make sense to me though. Why have a decal of a deer's head and then the body of a woman? What does it mean?

Who is Santa anyway?

2011-12-19T14:11:00.000-06:00

Each year for the last several years, either my dad or one of my uncles would dress up as Santa for our extended family Christmas get together. This year, (after celebrating with my dad's side of the family which included at least 40+ people with kids) we went back to my parents' house with just my brothers, sister, and all the cousins (our 9 kids). Kris read from Luke 2, as is tradition in our family and kept the kids occupied, while my dad dressed up as Santa.

As soon as he came in, Abbey and Kaleb, amidst the adults saying "Look, Santa's here!" began shouting "Hi Pappaw!!" Kris and I immediately silenced them, as Olivia and my niece Sophia still believe in Santa. We explained to them that even though they knew it was Pappaw (my dad), they needed to go along with the magic of Santa for the little ones. They understood and Santa handed out presents to all 9 grandkids. As Santa was leaving, Sophia (three) wanted to tell Santa goodbye. She ran up to him and he picked her up and hugged her, and held her for a few minutes. Then my mom, wanting to get a picture, said "Turn this way Pappaw." We all just kind of looked at each other and started laughing and I was like "Why did I just yell at my kids for outing Santa when my mom just gave the secret away?"

Yesterday I had the privilege of having lunch with an old friend, one that is very special to me. His name is Chad. We've been through a lot over the last two+ decades and have had long intervals of not communicating, primarily due to just life in general. But yesterday, it just so happened that we were in the same place at the same time, and it worked out that we were able to have lunch. It was really great. We got to talk and laugh and he got to meet ~~the crazies~~ my kids. I was a little sad when the visit had to end and we had to drive back home but was very grateful we had the time and opportunity to meet up after all these years.

While we were having lunch, we were talking to Olivia about Santa. I asked her if she believed in Santa Claus. She said she did. She also said that she knew that Pappaw was Santa. I said "Who told you that?" She pointed at Abbey or Kaleb. And so I asked her if Pappaw was going to bring her presents this year on Christmas and she said yes. I asked how he was going to get there and she said he would drive his car. I said "Is he going to fly with his reindeer?" She looked at me (like "seriously mom?") and said "NO! There's no such thing as reindeer." We continued questioning her, because the conversation was slowly unfolding into something that we all found very amusing. We asked her "Well, what about your friends? Who is going to bring them presents?" She replied "Pappaw." Wait..."Olivia, Pappaw is THE Santa Claus?" She nodded her head. I asked her if she was going to tell her friends that my dad was Santa Claus and she said "No. It's a family secret!"

So...in case you didn't know, my dad is Santa Claus. Livvy said so.

Christmas in Indiana

2011-12-19T11:25:00.002-06:00

We spent the weekend in Indiana, celebrating Christmas with my family. We had a good time. It was a short trip but was a lot of fun. The kids got to see their cousins, which is always great!
While waiting for my parents to get home from church, we let the kids play outside. Livvy, as some of you know, is highly allergic to cats. And my mom has a cat that was coming near her, so she took off running. Next thing I know, I see her defensively coming back towards the cat like this! It was hilarious! *knife is plastic PETA*

No slip headbands

2011-12-06T11:56:00.001-06:00

I stumbled across these at a vendor event over the weekend and determined to learn how to make them. Kat wanted them for her whole basketball team. I've made a total of 13 since yesterday.

If I were selling these...

My next goal is to figure exact measurements for babies and toddlers. I have measurements for young girls and adults.

Of the many features...they don't move (velvet ribbon is used to keep them in place)! No headaches or pain behind/on/around the ears. And as Abbey says "They don't hurt when I have my glasses on!" It's true. I tested it. That's one thing I always hated about headbands when I had my glasses on.

What's not to love? So quick and easy to make, and a lot cheaper! I'll never buy another headband again.

The 5 Senses

2011-11-30T17:21:00.001-06:00

We have five main sense. In case you didn't know. It's been so long since I learned about them, I had to clarify what they were Tuesday night at community group. They are, in case you can't remember: Taste, Smell, Touch, Sight, Hearing. We always have an ice breaker question each week and this week the question was "If you had to lose one of your senses, which would it be?"

Initially it seemed like an easy question to answer. But as we delved in, suddenly, it turned into a 20 minute conversation about why each sense was necessary and what you would miss out on if you were deprived of one.

Here is how it broke down for me (and about half of the rest of the group):

Sight - NO WAY. I think that it would be incredibly difficult to be blind. So many things you couldn't do. Like drive. Or watch Psych. Or Big Bang Theory. Or New Girl. Or Raising Hope. As well as other important things, like seeing the looks on people's faces, the glimpse of a newborn baby, a baptism, a sunset or sunrise, etc...

Hearing - Music is way too much a part of my life for me to give up my hearing without a fight. While there are some days I wish I couldn't hear my kids fight, there are other things that I NEED to hear. Like Christmas music. Or my favorite songs in general. Or the laughter of a child. It would exclude me from having to talk on the phone, which would be excellent, but there are too many other down sides.

Touch - At first, I thought this would be my choice. I started thinking about all the times I am annoyed by my kids rubbing against my arm or tugging on my hand or just in general touching me and annoying me. Or other people sitting next to me, too close. Or hugging. In that regard, it would be awesome to lose my sense of touch. HOWEVER...I would miss the touch of a baby's skin. I'd miss the feeling of my children's little arms wrapped tightly around my neck, or their kisses on my cheek. I'd become a danger to myself and likely cut my fingers off while I was cooking, or bump into everything and fall down steps or have trouble driving because I can't feel my foot to push down on the accelerator, or worse, the brakes! And while we'll keep this family friendly still, I'll say too that I would miss the "other" kind of touching. The kind I DO like. The kind that makes babies. Adults, are you with me here? I don't think that I could give that up. Maybe in another 20 years...maybe. But not right now.

Now it comes down to taste or smell. These were the hardest to decide between. On the one hand, if you can't smell the food but can still taste it, you can still enjoy all the foods you love. On the other hand, I can't imagine never smelling bacon again. In some ways, I think that might be worse than not TASTING bacon again. Additionally, if you lose your sense of taste, but can still smell, wouldn't it stand to reason that your cravings for foods would lessen? Your tongue wouldn't salivate like it does when you think of your favorite foods. Ultimately, it would be the perfect weight loss program. You can keep your sense of smell, enjoy the scents, but not be tempted to eat those things that are so bad for you, because you can't taste them anyway.

So ultimately, once we talked it all through, for me, I'd have to choose my sense of taste. #1. I need to lose weight. #2. I'd rather smell the foods that I love so much than eat them, because without being able to taste them, I wouldn't be as drawn to them as I am. Things like bacon, chocolate chip cookies, anything sweet, biscuits and gravy, steak, pork chops, etc...

And not related to food, I would totally miss smelling my Autumn Walk and Holiday Wreath candles. I might die if I couldn't smell them again! I'm the kind of person that will open up a candle, or garlic-infused canola oil or spices/seasonings, just to smell them. It does eventually all come back to food for me, doesn't it?

So what about you? What sense would you choose to give up if you were forced to?

16 lbs is not less than 10 lbs

2011-11-22T21:55:00.000-06:00

You know, it's really hard to think about how much something weighs. Specifically when you have a restriction put on you, regarding how much you can lift. For the next 3 weeks, I can't lift anything over 10 lbs. I found out why yesterday. I went to the grocery store for the first time since the big "H" surgery. I had no problem when I was getting groceries. It was when I went out to the van to load them that it didn't occur to me that lifting two gallons of milk (one in each hand) was a BAD idea. If one gallon of milk weighs 8 lbs, that means that I actually lifted 16 lbs. And let me just tell you, I felt it immediately. You know how people who have lost a limb have phantom pain? I'm pretty sure I experienced pain in my missing uterus. No joke. Lesson learned. But it's really hard to determine how much something weighs...now I'm measuring everything based off of how a full gallon of milk feels. I'll be glad when that part is over. Also, laughing causes these phantom pains as well. Beyond that, I'm feeling pretty good.

How many of you get out of making Thanksgiving dinner this year? I've been making Thanksgiving dinner every year for quite a while now. My mother-in-law, her husband, and my brother-in-law will be joining us, as they do every year. Sadly my sister, who usually joins us, is unable to make it in, so I'll be left all alone on Black Friday and will most likely spend my time AWAY from the crowds, shopping online. Or sleeping. Or both. We usually go to the casino together too, so maybe I'll have to take my $ and what she would have taken and go alone there too. ;-)

I'm staying pretty low key with the food this year. Originally (as of two days ago) I was going to make three new recipes, in addition to the usual. As I was at the grocery store, I immediately chucked all three recipes from my list and picked up boxed mashed potatoes (the horror!) and went back to desserts I was familiar with (pecan pie, Paula Dean's Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake, and Kraft's Double Layer Pumpkin Pie). So, beyond that...green bean casserole, my favorite homemade mac 'n cheese EVER (recipe below), turkey (duh!), boxed stuffing, boxed mashed potatoes, and of course, corn for Abbey. See below-I can't NOT make it.

That girls loves corn!

Oh and homemade bread from my bread machine.

So, if you want to wow the family this year, if you're doing the cooking, do everyone a favor and make this version of mac 'n cheese:

1 cup macaroni (cooked and drained)
1 cup sour cream
1 cup cottage cheese
1 cup Velveeta (cut into pieces)
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
2 eggs

If you are not doubling this recipe, use a square baker. If you are doubling, like I ALWAYS do, use a 13x9 pan.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter your pan (or spray with cooking spray). In the pan, "whisk" the eggs together. Basically, just mix up the yolk and the whites just enough so it's all...well, mixed up. Add the sour cream, cottage cheese, cheeses and cooked macaroni and mix until combined. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, or until cheese is slightly browned and bubbly.

Best. Ever.

They took my uterus!

2011-11-20T21:13:00.000-06:00

So many things have happened in the last couple of weeks. Let's see, after the needle through the finger debacle, I had out patient surgery to remove a sebaceous cyst from my chest. It was basically a large mass of oil build up that had become infected. Nothing cancerous or anything. I will say that it HURT after for almost a week and it was in a most inconvenient place. My friends on Facebook didn't really like that I chose to post a picture of it, so I won't torture you with it now. Fortunately for them, I spared them the picture of my uterus, which was my next surgery.

Last Tuesday, I had a hysterectomy. Just the uterus and cervix were removed...so I still have my ovaries (which I swear hurt)...so NO, I am not on hormone replacement therapy. I'll still go through the horrors that are PMS each month, until my body naturally decides to go through menopause, at which point I am praying they have some faux estrogen filled medication I can take that doesn't cause blood clots, Because otherwise, I may have to seclude myself during the entire menopausal phase of my life. For the protection of everyone around me.

So, I'm taking it easy. Can't lift anything over 10 lbs for four weeks. Kris isn't too happy I moved my empty bread machine the other day. He seems to think that it weighs more than 10 lbs, but it didn't FEEL too heavy to me when I moved it. My ob/gyn told me that a gallon of milk weighs 8 lbs. Can you believe that? One of his patients told him that, and he didn't believe them, so he went home and weighed a gallon of milk. Sure enough, 8 lbs. I made 4 qts of koolaid today and moved that to the fridge. When I told Kris it seemed heavier than a gallon of milk, he frowned at me and seems to think that it weighed OVER ten lbs. I'm having him weigh it now...

And the answer is...

10.4 lbs.

Well...it seems that it wasn't TOO much over. Though Kris still contends that .4 lbs is still TOO much over 10 lbs. Whatever...

Just a few more weeks and my stitches should be all healed up and I can start lifting whatever I want without thought. I will say, I catch myself starting to pick something up and then think "Wait...there's no way that's less than 10 lbs." Laundry baskets, for instance. Thank goodness I don't do laundry anyway! It's great to have kids old and strong enough to switch loads! And fold and hang their own clothes. That is pretty awesome! One of the benefits of them growing up.

I can drive whenever I want, which is nice...so long as I am not on any narcotics. Fortunately, the pain isn't bad enough for me to need the prescribed narcotics so those are being saved for special occasions. Like Thanksgiving day after I've done all the cooking and my back is killing me.

Don't touch my cup!

2011-11-20T19:55:00.000-06:00

We went to a Thanksgiving dinner at our old church tonight, and at the end, I was fully engaged in conversation with my friend Tara. I mean...we're talking, completely absorbed. She's actually quite delightful and we were discussing the wonderful joys of being perfect mothers, with perfect children, which we both have and are. It was very intense.

So as we are talking, out of the blue, Tara inexplicably reaches for my 52 oz refill cup from QuikTrip. And you could say that I "kind of" FREAKED OUT.

You know that expression "A picture is worth a thousand words?" I can guarantee that if Tara could have taken my picture in that moment when I THOUGHT she was stealing my cup as she gathered up TRASH to throw away, it would have been quite the sight. She could likely make good money off of that picture! From my point of view, she was trying to pick up last remnants of trash from the table to throw it away. Never mind that the other object she picked up was a game one of my kids had left at the table.

All I knew is that she was trying to take my cup. No one takes my refill cup. That's mine. For refills.

The reality is that someone was trying to remove the tablecloth and Tara was merely trying to PICK UP my items and then was planning to put them back down once the tablecloth was removed (or so she would have me believe).

She described the look on my face as a "look of horror" as she reached for my QT cup. Honestly...I WAS freaking out a bit. Why on earth was she taking my QT cup to the trash??? It only took moments for all of this to occur and once we both realized what had transpired...it became extremely hilarious. I'll admit...my response was a *little* extreme. I take my tea very seriously. Or rather, my refill cups. Nobody touches my refill cups. Apparently. I had no idea I was as attached to that empty cup as I was. I think I might have a problem...

Tara, feel free to explain the scenario from your point of view!

Jobless and still not writing

2011-11-04T15:52:00.000-05:00

I really thought that once I wasn't working, I'd blog every day. I mean...I am SO interesting. Who wouldn't want to read this EVERY day??

Almost 3 months later, and I seem to be blogging LESS. The only thing I have consistently done is cook dinner. Sure, we've had a couple cereal or Eggo waffle nights, but I've done some serious cooking and baking over the last 2 1/2 months...and because I'm also not eating out all the time, I've been losing weight too, a little at a time.

So much is going on...little things and big things. Doctor appointments about. Now, I have to find an orthopedic surgeon to take Abbey to because, for the second time in her life, she has a broken collarbone. Same side, same place.

Poor girl! I wish I could find the picture of her in her Snoopy sling from when she was just a toddler with a broken collarbone. It was pathetic and cute at the same time.

Halloween has come and gone. Kaleb has found his new passion - film making. A friend of ours has been helping him, and after our participation in the National Film Challenge a couple of weeks ago, Kaleb has really taken an interest. I still don't know if I can give out the link for you to see the film we were a part of, but as soon as I have permission, I'll put a link on here for "Dinner Time". I'm in it, along with Katherine and Kaleb. Now Kaleb is almost done "filming" scenes to begin editing for his own first movie, called "Halloween Wishes", which I also had to be in. At least the roles I get cast for are true to who I am...a mean, sarcastic mother.

Kris and I will be attending the "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference in STL this weekend. I'm sure it will be good for us. Things like this make me nervous though. Conference, retreat...those words evoke panic in me...because I envision large crowds of people I don't know, sitting way too close to me.

ADHD

2011-10-27T22:39:00.000-05:00

Over the last 6 months, my son's behavior has been getting more and more out of control. After a very informative parent/teacher conference last week, I finally broke down and called a psychiatrist. Not to medicate my son, but to get somewhere. It's more than I can take, on an almost daily basis. We went to see the Dr. on Tuesday. Fortunately, my worries were unfounded and they did not immediately just decide to medicate my son. It is something I want to avoid if possible. I filled out about a million forms and answered many questions, some on my own and some with Kaleb's help. I had to fill out a bipolar assessment as well and then the Dr. referred us to a therapist to talk more and try to see what is going on. So I set that appointment up. The Dr. mentioned two things. Bipolar disorder and ADHD. Then he sent me on my way, with a pamphlet on ADHD.

So...to humor him, I am reading through the pamphlet, even though I have no doubts that my son DOES NOT have ADHD. As I read through it, I am more and more convinced. Here are some of the indicators that stood out to me...primarily because they do not describe my son in ANY way.

There are three groups of behavior symptoms in children with ADHD: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Let's start with inattention.

Often has a hard time paying attention, daydreams. - Um...not Kaleb.

Is easily distracted from work or play. - Again, no.

Often does not seem to care about details, make careless mistakes. - No.

Is disorganized. - Ha ha ha ha - he's the most organized kid I know and our house would fall apart without his OCD tendencies. His room is ALWAYS clean and his desk at school always organized.

Frequently loses a lot of important things. - No, that's Abbey.

Frequently avoids doing things that require ongoing mental effort - Absolutely not. Video games anyone?

Next, there is hyperactivity.

Is in constant motion, as if "driven by a motor". - I don't think so.

Cannot stay seated. - Not a problem.

Frequently squirms or fidgets. - No, that's his father.

Talks too much. - Only when he's had too much caffeine.

Often runs, jumps, and climbs when this is not permitted. #1. He's a boy. #2. It's not "often".

Cannot play quietly. - Incorrect.

And lastly, impulsivity. This is the only one that he has SOME inclinations to.

Frequently acts and speaks without speaking. - Again, Abbey comes to mind.

May run into the street without looking for traffic first. - NO.

Frequently has trouble taking turns. - Not unless he's just in a bad mood and just trying to aggravate his sisters.

Cannot wait for things. - He CAN. He doesn't LIKE to, but he can.

Often calls out answers before the question is complete. Nope, I don't think so.

Frequently interrupts others. - I'll give him this one.

So, how can I tell if my child has ADHD? Intuition. :-)

It is interesting that kids can have JUST the inattentive part (ADD), or a combination of hyperactive/impulsive, or a combination of all three. But it doesn't seem that they can be classified as ADHD just based off of impulsivity.

Anyway...we have an appointment to go back to see the psychiatrist in two weeks, and also an appointment to see a child therapist in 3 weeks. The psychiatrist gave me a form for Kaleb's teacher and other specials teachers (art, music, P.E.) to fill out so I'll take those back in two weeks also. But I go back to my intuition, combined with the fact that he fits so few of the symptoms. I do not believe that Kaleb has ADHD.

Sewing project gone awry...part 2

2011-10-19T17:53:00.000-05:00

Now that I've shown you the quilt I completed (finally) for Abbey's 9th birthday, let's talk about how I ruined her 9th birthday by spending the evening in the emergency room.

Before I do that, let me introduce you to...Ken. His full name is Kenmore Elite 9600 Ergo 3 Quilting and Embroidery Machine. Thus...we shall call him Ken for short.

In the ten years since I bought this machine, I have yet to have a sewing injury of any kind. Until last night. Last night was a unique experience, to say the least. I had finished Abbey's quilt, which you saw in my previous post. I had finished a cape to go with her "superhero/princess" costume for Halloween and was in the process of stitching together a letter "A" to go on the back of the cape.

I had intentionally put the needle down to secure the fabric, but also allow the fabric to turn, so I could continue stitching. So I am focusing on positioning the material exactly where I want it, nowhere near ready to begin stitching again. My foot had other plans that I was completely unaware of. In case you are not familiar with sewing or sewing machines, there is usually a machine and then a pedal that controls the needle (i.e. making it go up and down). You press down on the pedal, and hold it down and the stitching will continue. My pedal looks like this, and happened to be under the table while I was lining up where I wanted the material to go.

This next picture shows you where the quilting needle goes on the machine. Just so you get an idea of you're looking at, as I explain what happened next.

There is currently no needle in the machine. You see, the needle that WAS in the machine is now in 3 pieces. If you haven't already heard the story, perhaps you are getting a sense of where I am headed with this.

I had my fingers down under the "foot" that guides the fabric and not completely realizing what I was doing, I instinctively pressed my ACTUAL foot down on the pedal and the needle began moving up and down. WHILE MY FINGER WAS POSITIONED DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH IT. The needle entered through my fingernail, hit the bone in my finger and broke into three pieces. One piece remained in the machine, I found another 1 inch long piece on the table and looked down to realize that the other 1/4 to 1/2 of an inch of the needle was embedded into my fingernail. Prepare to cringe.

I warned you.

I was home by myself with the kids. It was around 5:30pm. Kris hadn't arrived from work yet and somehow, despite how I would have reacted if this had happened to one of the kids, I remained calm. The kids obviously knew something was wrong - I was in pain after all. But I wasn't crying or anything. I think I was in shock. The first thing I tried to do was pull my finger away from the machine. The thread was still attached so, with shaking hands, I cut the thread to free myself from the machine. The second thing I did was turn my finger over to see if the needle had gone all the way through my finger. It hadn't. I realized later that had the needle gone all the way through my finger, my finger would actually have just been stuck in the machine and I would have been completely helpless. So, it could have been worse. The kids were all concerned and I remained calm, telling them that I was fine and that I just had part of the needle stuck in my finger.

I walked outside to call Kris, because I didn't want to scare the kids. I said "Where are you?" He indicated he was at 70 and 170 (which is about 12 minutes from our house). I said "OK. I think I need to go to the ER. I have part of a needle stuck in my finger." He indicated he would be home as soon as possible. I went back in the house to make sure I was presentable. One has to at least look decent and put a bra on to go to the ER. What? I hadn't planned to get back out that night! Katherine tried to put my hair in a pony tail for me, but I wound up managing to do it myself and it at least looked halfway decent. All the kids were waiting in the van when Kris got home. I had collected all the pieces of the needle that weren't in my finger and put them in a bag to take to the ER, in case they needed to gauge how much of the needle was still in my finger.

Abbey had started crying at some point during all of the hustle and bustle of getting ready to go. I told her that I was sorry I was ruining her birthday. She explained that she wasn't crying because of that. She said "I'm just scared they won't be able to get it out of your finger." I calmly explained that they would definitely get it out and that is why we were going to the hospital, because they could get it out easier than I could. She decided she wanted to stay with me the whole time, so when Kris got me to the ER, she went in with me while Kris and the kids parked and walked in.

Immediately, I became the star patient. Not that I got super fast treatment, though overall the ER visit was surprisingly fast. Apparently, while I am sure they see crazy things every day, it isn't every day that someone walks in with a quilting needle solidly embedded in their fingernail. Three different intake/triage people took a look at my finger. The lady who did the registration took a good long look, I think just to see it, as all she was there to do was to take down my name and info.

Cindy arrived shortly after and took the kids with her. Abbey went from wanting to stay with me to wanting to get Chinese with Grandma, so Kris and I were alone when they took me back to a room. Immediately two of the nurses came in, just to look at my finger. I heard them say "Rick (not his actual name cause I can't remember it) called this one. He loves this kind of stuff!" So, before I even got back there, someone had already "claimed" my case. Said Dr. Rick came in and explained that they would numb my finger, remove the needle and then xray the finger to make sure that the bone wasn't fractured.

When all was said and done, THIS is what they removed from my fingernail.

Yes, the thread was still in the needle. The eye of the needle was actually embedded below my nail. You couldn't see the eye of the needle, though you could actually pull on the thread and move it back and forth.

When all was said and done, it didn't look so bad, though. They told me to expect bruising and swelling, and sent me home with pain meds, but honestly, it feels just fine. A little pain from time to time but overall, I barely feel it. I was very fortunate. My arm hurts worse from the tetanus shot I had to have!

So...there it is. The whole story on HOW I drove a needle through my finger. It was quite the exciting day. You can laugh if you want. Now that it doesn't feel like someone is constantly pounding a hammer down on my finger, it is pretty amusing. So there's the story on the lengths I go to in order to ruin my childrens' birthdays.

Sewing project gone awry...part 1

2011-10-18T18:06:00.000-05:00

First of all...wow...it's been a long time since I wrote. Now I'm typing with a maimed finger, which I will tell you about shortly.

It all started just over three years ago...

Don't worry-I'll try to keep the three years brief! ;-)

Abbey's birthday is October 17th. I began a quilt for her just before she turned 6. After finishing the top, and not in time for her birthday, in late October I began experiencing the first neck pain...what would end up being over 3 years of daily neck/back/shoulder pain. So, I never got around to finishing her quilt. Every now and then on a good day, I would make a little progress. But I could never sew for more than an hour or so, and then I had to pay the price with an increase in pain.

But I am happy to report that on Friday, October 14, 2011, I FINALLY finished her quilt! Just in time for her 9th birthday!

She loves it, of course. It was only 3 years in the making! Little did I know what would happen, just a few short days later...part 2 coming soon.

It could only be from Abbey

2011-10-05T23:03:00.000-05:00

Dear, God I feel like none people love me. Pelse help me feel loved and it's like when I get hurt I get in trouble. I need your help God. Thank you for everything and everyone. Pelse forgive me for my sins.

I love you and I know you love me too. you the greatest and goodest. Thank you for letting your one and onely son die for our sins. Thank you for pinky and all the things I got at the garge sale and things you made. In Jesus's name.

---

I love her. It breaks my heart that she feels like no one loves her sometimes, and yet I understand at the same time. But then she changes tones in the letter. And she focuses on thanking God and she is just such an amazing little girl. I love her so much.

Just let me get to Switchfoot already!

2011-10-01T09:48:00.001-05:00

Road trip! A short way of saying "Jamie's gonna blog!"

And the fun begins...

We went to the gas station to fill up and noticed that the on ramp to 170 was closed. So...we decided to turn around and take 270. Guess what?!? 270 was closed too!

Not to be deterred, we drive down to Lindberg, along with everyone else in the area apparently. Because it was backed up, we figured our best bet was to go down to Howdershell and take that around to 270.

I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but before we got all the way down to Howdershell, the road was blocked. For a parade!! Are you kidding me? And it wasn't just part of the parade. It was the BEGINNING of the parade!!

Never a full moment. This should be an interesting 4 hour drive. And we haven't even dropped the kids off yet!!

Vice Verses

2011-09-29T10:31:00.000-05:00

My all time, hands down favorite band is Switchfoot. They are everything I could want in a band and more. Their lyrics never fail to speak to my heart. Their new album just came out. It's called Vice Verses. Kris and I made plans a couple months ago to see them live with Anberlin in Illinois on October 1. With our tickets we got the new album, a t-shirt, some lithograph something that I won't pretend to know what it is, as well as early entry into the venue. We got the CDs yesterday and I have been listening to this album over and over again. So many songs on this particular album seem to speak to me, where I am. Right now. Presently. In my life, spiritually. One in particular, called Thrive, has been on repeat more than the others. I just wanted to share the lyrics and the song with you today.

Here is a live version that was posted on YouTube. The lyrics will follow.

Been fighting things that I can't see in
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?

I've been awake for an hour or so
Checking for a pulse but I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a ghost?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive

No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feels like I travel but I never arrive
I want to thrive not just survive

I come alive when I hear you singing
But lately I haven't been hearing a thing and
I get the feeling that I'm in between
A machine and a man who only looks like me

I try and hide it and not let it show
But deep down inside me I just don't know
Am I am a man when I feel like a hoax?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No I'm not alright

I'm always close but I'm never enough
I'm always in line but I'm never in love
I get so down but I won't give up
I get slowed down but I won't give up

I want to thrive not just survive
Thrive

Lazy Sunday

2011-09-25T10:17:00.001-05:00

It's Sunday morning. We have an hour before we need to be at church, so I'm just enjoying some time being lazy while the kids watch some lame kids' show on Netflix. I took away all electronics (again) except TV. They drive me crazy always wanting to play the Wii, or Playstation, or computer. I'm about to get on another kick where they are deprived for an entire week, because I am so tired of hearing someone ask every other second if they can play on the computer or other device.

I made this really simple and delicious recipe in the crock pot yesterday. All you have to do is take one can of cream of mushroom soup, cream of celery, and cream of chicken and combine it with 1-2 cups instant rice. Then you put 4-6 chicken breasts on top and cook it for 3-4 hours on high. It was great! Though the rice/soup mixture reminded me more of stuffing. But I didn't mind that. I thought it was really good. I sprinkled some lemon pepper on the chicken just to add a little extra flavor and next time, will probably sprinkle some salt on too...but it would've been good without that too. It sure was a lot easier than stuffed chicken, and tasted VERY similar. So if you're looking for a quick and simple (and GOOD) crock pot meal...there you go. You're welcome.

Kris and I played in a Bridge 199er tournament yesterday. That simply means that everyone we played against had under 199 Master Points. Kris and I, until yesterday, had 2 WHOLE Master Points. But, we played REALLY well yesterday, and scored in first place in all three flights, in our section. We wound up earning 1.14 Master Points. That's a pretty large amount to earn at one time. I am sure it doesn't seem like much to you...but we were thrilled! I still don't understand why people are so intimidated by the game. Jennifer, I'm talking to you. We're just alike. You would LIKE the game, perhaps even LOVE the game, if you would let me teach you how to play!!!

I wanted to thank everyone who has called/emailed the city of Eureka to try to help put the crosses back. If you don't know what I am talking about, you can check it out here and help out.

Something a little lighter

2011-09-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

I realize that my last few posts have been pretty...heavy. It's been a LONG, draining week! So I thought that today, just for fun, I would rant again...but this time on a much more light-hearted topic.

Max and Ruby.

Let's talk about that show. I already have issues with Caillou. Who wouldn't? I came across an old blog post, back from when I was a stay at home mom, when Livvy was just an infant. During that time, Abbey and I watched a LOT of Max and Ruby. That show always disturbed me.

For those of you who do not know, Max and Ruby is a cartoon that comes on Nick Jr. Abbey used to love this show. I have always wondered why she doesn't listen and why she does exactly what I tell her not to do. I am beginning to wonder if this little kids' cartoon might not have something to do with it.

Ok. Ruby is the older rabbit. She is sister to Max, the younger (obviously) brother. They live together in a house, alone. I'm not sure what happened to their parents, but their grandmother does live just down the road and checks in on them from time to time--I've only heard of or seen her in maybe 2 episodes.

Let me give you an example of what this is teaching today's children.

One episode in particular made me just sort of shake my head. Max was trying to get into the refrigerator to get a snack but Ruby came up to him and said "It's time for a bath Max." So they go up and Ruby helps get Max in the tub. While she goes out of the room to go and get towels, Max goes downstairs and gets some sherbet out of the fridge. He takes it back up and into the bath and dumps it into the water. Ruby comes back in and says "Oh Max"--that is her typical phrase, used many times in each episode. She lets the water out and puts clean water back in. She tells Max to stay in and she leaves again to go and do something. Max, of course gets back up and goes back and gets a different color of sherbet this time, but before he can get in the bathtub with it, Ruby stops him and sets it down on a stool near the tub. Then, (doesn't she seem a little stupid by now??) she leaves the room AGAIN! Max, of course, gets the sherbet and starts playing with it in the tub. It spills and the water instantly changes color. So this continues...maybe 2 or three more times....why Ruby doesn't just stay in the bathroom the entire time and just bathe Max I don't know! But that was it. There was no lesson at the end, or if there was I missed it. Max just kept doing what he was not supposed to and Ruby kept saying "Oh Max." Max also always has some key word that he uses all the time and that's all he says. I don't remember what the word was in this one...probably "snack" or "food" or something like that. This show teaches NOTHING to our children, and let's face it. It's more annoying than entertaining.

Are you kidding me?

2011-09-23T16:48:00.001-05:00

If you are familiar with my blog, or the Huckaba family, you know that they are dear to my heart. If you have no clue what I am talking about, 6 years ago on July 28th, five people died in a horrific car accident on Interstate 44, in Eureka, MO near Six Flags. Angi Huckaba, two of her sons (Jacob and Josh), as well as Angi's sister and brother, in a van on their way to Six Flags were rear-ended and killed. I've written about it before. Angi was a friend of mine and both Katherine and I had the blessing of talking to her on the phone the day before she died. I think back to that day Kris told me what had happened and still remember the shock and the disbelief. I think often about Shawn (Angi's husband) and Alex, their oldest son, both of whom survived and have managed to somehow press on through these last six years. I can't drive past the funeral home in St. Charles without a heart full of sadness and I can't drive past that section of I-44 in Eureka without looking at the 5 crosses in front of Steak 'n Shake that mark the spot where they lost their lives. Several times I have stopped and just stood there, in front of the crosses, remembering Angi and her boys. Touched the crosses, as if I can somehow find a trace of their lives still lingering there.

Yesterday, Shawn discovered that the crosses were missing. No one seemed to know why. Until today. Until Shawn got a letter from the city of Eureka. I did get his permission to share this letter here and after you are done reading it, I am asking you, pleading with you, if you know this family or live in the area, PLEASE take some sort of action to contact the city of Eureka. It is outrageous, what they are saying in the letter, and why they removed the crosses. It was heartless and in my opinion, just plain WRONG. This is the letter he received:

Mr. Huckaba:

The City has received a number of complaints regarding the crosses (mostly verbal, with a few in writing). The issues raised varied, including questioning the appropriateness of them being there and that they are distracting drivers. While there are likely many opinions regarding their appropriateness, having been placed on notice by numerous parties that the crosses are potentially causing drivers to be distracted while viewing them, the Board of Aldermen directed that they be removed. It would certainly be both tragic and ironic for there to be a traffic accident as a result of that which was erected following a traffic accident. The section of I-44 that was dedicated in honor of your family will of course remain as a memorial. We have retained the crosses, and will keep them for 30 days if you are interested in retrieving them. They are in a small wooden fenced area at the southwest corner of our building. You are welcome to retrieve them whenever you wish, including after business hours.

Regards,
Craig
__________________________________________________________

Craig E. Sabo
City Administrator
City of Eureka
100 City Hall Drive
P.O. Box 125
Eureka, MO 63025-0125
636-938-5233
636-938-4080 (FAX)
cesabo@eureka.mo.us

Are you kidding me???? First of all...it's absurd. The crosses, a distraction? Maybe. But not a BAD one. A distraction that screams for people to SLOW DOWN AND PAY ATTENTION BEHIND THE WHEEL! An entire family was lost that day and to remove the crosses because there have been some complaints is stupid at best, in comparison with what happened that day.

BEYOND THAT...I can't get over the wording in that letter. The part that said "It would certainly be both tragic and ironic for there to be a traffic accident as a result of that which was erected following a traffic accident." What happened that day was MORE than just a "traffic accident". And the inclusion of that statement is any number of things. Insensitive. Ignorant. Ridiculous. I'm infuriated! How many traffic accidents were there on that section of the highway BEFORE 7/28/05? I am uncertain of the number, but I remember reading the articles about all the accidents on that section of I-44 before that day. Enough that they lowered the speed limit through that area. Enough to draw the attention of the news and changes to be made. I have not heard of an accident happening in that area in the last six years. That is not to say that there haven't been any, but that raises a question in my mind. HAVE there been any traffic "accidents" in that area in the last six years, and furthermore, have they resulted in the loss of FIVE YOUNG LIVES??

Shawn indicated that the dedication of that section of the highway was also done by MODOT, and NOT the City of Eureka. So they (the city and/or its representatives) have no right to act as if they had something to do with it. As if they were responsible for that act, and that it should be sufficient enough to smooth things over and make it acceptable for the crosses to be removed. Do they think that six years is enough time for family and friends to grieve over the losses? There is no time limit on grief. A part of me will always mourn the loss of their lives. And I'm not even a close relative, and it's no secret that I had gone months without talking to Angi before she called me the day before she died. So imagine what those even closer to the situation must be thinking, feeling, and grieving.

Those crosses need to be put back. It is a reminder to me personally of how short life can be. Of how in the blink of an eye, you could lose everything. We are not guaranteed another moment on this earth. We are not promised another breath. And those crosses are a somber reminder of not only the lives lost that day, but also that life is too short. Too short to hold grudges. Too short to treat people as if they don't matter. Too short to think that you'll have that chance, someday, to say goodbye or make amends.

I intend to do whatever I can to help ensure that those crosses are replaced. I am begging any of you who read this, or know and care about the Huckabas, or who want to help to PLEASE write or call the City of Eureka demanding that the crosses be put back where they rightfully belong!

I am not one to get up on a soap box (most of the time) but this is way too close to my heart and I refuse to sit by and watch it happen. It might be easy for someone who didn't know how amazing this family was, and how incredible the remaining family members ARE to think that the crosses may be inappropriate. They didn't have to live through the hell of the last six years that Angi's husband, son, parents, and other family and friends have experienced. But if anything, those crosses, beyond being a way to honor and remember the lives lost that day, have likely saved other lives in the last 6 years because of their presence and that is what I intend to tell the City of Eureka.

Refreshed

2011-09-23T11:02:00.000-05:00

Writing is cathartic. I know that for some people, writing is something foreign, or scary, or unimaginable. I don't think I could have survived these last 8 years without writing. I first began blogging in March of 2004. Kris and I had been married five years and it became my outlet. My way of dealing with what was a very crazy, chaotic and sometimes downright horrible time in my life. I had been married for almost five years. My children were 3, 2, and 1. Have you ever had children that were 3, 2, and 1? I wouldn't recommend it. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. With this desperation that is beyond my understanding. HOWEVER...having that many children, that close together, almost guarantees a mental and emotional meltdown. Or mistakes. At the time that I started writing, I was very in tune with God and his leading in my life and was actively reading the Bible and writing about what I read.

Over that year, my blog began to change, along with my own change. Little did I know that four months into blogging my life itself would change in a dramatic way and I would push God to the back burner and make choices that have forever changed my life and shaped me into the woman that I am today. There are things that I have done, choices I made that threatened my heart, my marriage, my relationship with God, my family. On July 23, 2004 I wrote the following:

"Life has just been passing me by. I get through day to day, not really sure how. But I make it through. To say I've been unhappy lately would be an understatement. I've always heard that years 5-7 really can take a toll on marriages...guess we are finding that out."

As I am looking back through my old posts, one thing in particular stands out to me. MAN I WAS BORING! And then I stumbled upon this post, to close out the year of 2004 (which was also the same year that Kaleb began to manifest some disturbing behaviors for a 3 year old):

"I'm so glad Christmas is over and that this year is almost over. It sure has been chaotic, to say the least. Last week was filled with enough drama and trouble than we've had in a long time. In one week, we had a miscarriage, I got laryngitis and Abbey broke her collarbone (this was Christmas eve too). It has to get better, right? I feel like I am just floating through waiting for the storms to pass. Will they? I'm not so sure I want to start a new year. New years come with new problems and I've had enough to last me for quite some time."

I was a mess back then, to say the least. As you can see above, I had a miscarriage that Christmas, and then by the end of February, I was pregnant again (pregnancy #5 - our dear Olivia), my stomach bearing the bruises that come along with having a little unknown blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden, which requires 2 shots each day in the stomach, to prevent blood clots while pregnant.

I'm looking back over this and not really sure why I am sharing all of this. Perhaps it's because I have a lot of "new" readers and some of you don't know much of what I am sharing here. Also, I tend to just write what I am thinking, so apparently this is what I am thinking about at the moment.

I think I started writing all of that to come back to this verse that came into my head this morning, as I thought through yesterday and the emails and how heavy my heart was last night. Psalm 30:5 (NLT) "For his anger lasts only a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." I definitely found that to be true this morning!

Living with regret

2011-09-22T23:33:00.000-05:00

I'm really struggling tonight. And let me just preface this with saying that I don't need a diagnosis. I am not looking for a "you're good enough" or "it's OK" or anything like that. I just need to "talk" tonight. I need to get this off my heart.

When you have done something wrong, and you never have a chance to make amends, you carry that with you. At least, crazy people like me do. I'm the queen of guilt. I STILL feel guilty about decisions I made when I was 15 years old, even though the two relationships that were fractured at that time have been rekindled and are very much a part of my life now. I will always wish that I could have done it differently. Said something differently. But am grateful that God gave me another chance with both of those relationships, when I deserved nothing better than for them to write me off completely. But like most people, all three of us grew up and matured and realized that life was too precious and too short to harbor resentment and hurt for years. I am truly blessed that Joey and Amanda are both back in my life and my heart swells with gratitude when I think about them, and it is just enough to keep me from bringing the guilt back in. Guilt that doesn't belong because I was young and stupid, and knew absolutely NOTHING really about God and the Bible and what it really means to have a relationship with Jesus. Back then it was "this is what the Bible says and that is how it is and if you don't follow the Bible then you're wrong". Man did I grow up quickly through that time in my life!

And yet, I'm still an idiot. And we all know how I feel about idiots.

The older I get, the more I realize how stupid people are when they are young.

You know, when you become a mother, it is only then that you realize more about your own mother and childhood and finally begin to understand what your own mother went through. I know this has been true for my life and how I viewed my childhood then, vs. the truth that I see from it now. It's only in retrospect that you can understand.

And oftentimes when you make a mistake that causes pain to someone else, it isn't as if you can just wave a wand and make the hurt disappear. Sometimes you don't even realize the amount of pain you have caused another person. And I have done my share of causing pain. And I carry guilt with me like a heavy burden. Yes, I know what the Bible says about that. I know that I don't HAVE to carry that guilt. But I do it anyway. I fee like I deserve to feel that guilt and I allow myself to feel it, because I am messed up and think that I NEED to feel that in order to somehow pay penance for my mistakes.

Back in college, I knew absolutely nothing. About life. About what real Christianity was about, for myself...about a real relationship with God. About friendships. About men. I grew up believing that I would never been pretty enough, never be smart enough, never be good enough for any man to ever love me. I'm now 32 years old and STILL battle those same beliefs, even though Kris has been by my side when other men would have left years ago. I can recognize now that those come from the enemy and myself, but it doesn't change the fact that I believe them. I didn't date in high school. I had a casual boyfriend here or there (maybe 4 or 5 all told). But never really went on a "real" date, except once. Before a school dance.

Boys scared me. Not for any reason beyond the fact that I was so insecure about myself and how to interact with them. Kissing a boy terrified me! I kid you not. I used to pray that God would show me who the right guy was for me...by bringing a guy into my life that I wasn't scared to kiss. I am sure it sounds ridiculous, and perhaps it was. But I was an insecure, teenage girl who didn't believe anyone could ever want to kiss me to begin with!

And I carried that with me to college. And for the first time in my life, during my freshman year of college, boys seemed to notice me. Not many. But a handful. And it was overwhelming, to say the least. I couldn't comprehend why in the world someone would be interested in ME. Remember...I had the thought that I would never be wanted, so this was very new to me.

For my birthday, in 1998, three friends took me out to dinner. One of them paid for my dinner, bought me long stem roses, accompanied by a poem, then took me to see a movie, which he also paid for. I got my first real taste of what a REAL date was, and understood that someone was interested in me. Here was the problem. I didn't want to date anyone at that time. I was getting over being hurt by another guy, and certainly not ready to invest more emotional energy into a relationship. And here was this man, treating me like every woman should be treated. And it wasn't that I wasn't grateful. What he did for me I actually carried with me and never really thanked him for.

In fact, I made matters worse by writing him a letter, telling him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone, instead of having a face to face conversation, which was, at the very LEAST, what he deserved. He deserved a lot better than that. But I was 18, and an idiot. And nothing I say or do can change that. I was still learning about a relationship with God and what he was "calling" me to. So two weeks later when Kris came along, wanting to date me, and I suddenly found myself wanting the same thing and feeling like this was God's leading, I moved on. Because I was young and naive, it didn't even occur to me that I had really hurt this other guy. That I had never thanked him for treating me with such kindness and generosity. I felt bad that I told him I didn't want a relationship, then suddenly two weeks later I changed my mind. I know how it looked to him. I knew it then. I knew it looked like I was just brushing him off. Saying that is not true doesn't change how it appeared.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because my heart hurts. Because I spent most of the night sobbing (when I wasn't working), feeling horrible about how I treated him. In retrospect, I know what I should have done. I know that he deserved better. I know that he is happily married now, as am I. And that it shouldn't still weigh on me like it does. But the truth is, it does. Not the fact that I didn't pursue a relationship with him. The fact that he deserved better than how I treated him. It's been 14 years. How am I still feeling so much pain over this? If you didn't know before now that I'm messed up, here's your introduction to the real me.

I don't like when I've done something that has hurt someone else, especially when they are so angry that I can't do anything to make it better. Nothing I say or do will change anything. And I guess that I am just hoping that by getting it out I can figure out a way to move on and stop carrying that guilt with me. Because I have finally been given an opportunity to apologize, and what he chooses to do with that is beyond my control. I am going to have to accept that he may think I am just full of hot air and may always see me as I know I see myself for how I treated him.

This isn't a good place for me to be...these types of scenarios are triggers for me, and the last thing I need right now is a trigger to that downward spiral. I have got to find a way to move past this and accept that I may never be forgiven by him and that it is OK. I can't allow myself to be consumed by it and allow it to control my emotions and my mental state of mind, which let's face it...isn't too great right now considering where we are at financially, with our jobs, the kids, etc...

I just needed to get that out.

People will be people

2011-09-21T23:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just don't understand people. Especially people that don't think the same way that I do. Which is most people. Because most people aren't as jaded and cynical as I am. Most people aren't pessimistic about almost every aspect of life! There are people I DO understand though. Jennifer Y. My identical twin. We can literally think on the same wave length, MOST of the time. We have been able to support one another through some tough times and celebrate joys together. And we haven't known each other for years and years, and I look forward to growing old with her-in a totally heterosexual way, of course! She's my bosom friend. As I have said before, we are Anne and Dianna. And I think we always will be. And I love everything about Jennifer and our friendship.

My other forever friend is Natalia, who keeps reminding me that I promised to put her in my blog!!! Natalia, this portion is for you! I love you! I love your carefree spirit. Your kind heart. Your love for your family. I love how you make me laugh and you bring out the "crazy" in me. Or at least, make me think about letting the crazy out and you make me go OUT when I just want to take my muscle relaxer and go to sleep. That night we went out was one of my favorite nights, so thank you! I'm SO glad I met you this summer, at that conference we went to for our night jobs, which are NOT as prostitutes, I'd like to keep emphasizing. I love having your support in my business and life and I think you're pretty awesome! Happy now? And all of that was straight from my heart!! Truly...I'm so glad we met.

And then...there are other people. I'm not going to get into the home school/public school debate again. But most of you remember all of that drama...

This time...it's about what makes you a good mother. What makes you BETTER than other mothers. There is an easy answer. NOTHING! Nothing makes one mother better than another. Sure...there are the crazies...the Susan Smiths who can't cope with their lives any longer, and their children suffer and die at their hands.

However...when we're talking about parenting in general, I think that it is completely unfair to look at yourself or your life situation and think that you have it harder than anyone else in the world. Simply based off of your spouse's job.

Let me back up. I reconnected recently with a friend on Facebook. It's what we do these days. I simply wanted to wish this person well, congratulate him on his beautiful wife and daughters. I gave him a brief update of Kris and the kids and made a general statement that marriage and raising children was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but has been very rewarding.

And suddenly, I'm staring down the barrel of a military wife's rifle. At first, I tried to keep my wits about me. I tried not to get indignant and to not take it personally. Because my dear friend Jennifer is a military wife, and would tell me if I was just overreacting without hesitation, I shared the dialogue with her and she agreed with me that the reaction I got was a little...unwarranted. Now, keep in mind that all I wanted to do was tell her husband hi and congratulations!

This is what I said:

"Marriage and raising kids is about the hardest thing(s) I've ever done...but I wouldn't trade it for anything, especially the kids! I'm glad you are doing well and thrilled to hear about your wife and your family! And you're in the military? Did I read that correctly?"

This is her response:

"The hardest thing I have ever done is giving up my husband for the country he loves. I sit home alone and raise two kids alone so he can save lives. Being a normal wife and mother is EASY I think. My kids go with out there dad a lot for holidays and birthdays and school plays. I think people who bitch about there life being hard should come walk a mile in my shoes u will see hard. This life is not an easy life or a life style for everyone."

It took me some time to formulate a response that was kind and not defensive. I responded with this:

" I know that I am NOT a woman who could be strong enough (or selfless enough, cause I'm extremely selfish) to be a military wife/mom. I admire those that can. Though I am not sure anyone is a "normal" wife/mom and we all face hardships that can seem devastating to us even if they don't appear to be to those who give their husbands up to serve this country."

And I was going to leave it there. I wasn't sure if she would respond or not, but I wanted to let her know that I completely respected what she has to endure and that there is no way I would be able to be a military wife - that's the one area where Jennifer and I differ. She's awesome at it. I would HATE it. I really am very selfish and I would struggle to raise our four children on my own, as several hours alone with the Little Bishops can terrify me sometimes! I know that when you are in a position where you are the only one, you do what you have to do, and so I would get through it. But I can tell you this...if I were a military wife, I certainly would NEVER, EVER imply to any other mother that I was BETTER than her or that my life was HARDER because I raised my kids alone and could at any moment lose my husband as he was off at war. Any of us could lose our husband and while dying for your country is an extremely honorable way to die, it is no less devastating to lose a spouse in another way.

So many thoughts spinning through my head - I'm trying to decide which one to express first. I think that the men (and women) who serve our country are amazing and words cannot express my gratitude to those who put their lives on the line to secure my freedom, and freedom for my family. Please understand that I have the utmost respect for those who serve in the military.

That being said, I also have a high respect for single moms, or single dads. Whether their spouses have chosen to leave them alone, or whether death has pulled them away from their families. The way that they have to juggle life and finances...in addition to dealing with that kind of loss...I cannot fathom it.

And then there are those parents who have lost a child. No parent should have to lose a child. EVER. Whether via miscarriage, never having the chance to meet their unborn child (like Kris and I experienced almost 7 years ago) or after the child has been born, due to cancer or other diseases/accidents. Shawn Huckaba, losing his wife and two youngest sons in a horrific car accident 6 years ago...HE has had a hard life. If you ask me, HIS life has been harder than a military mom any day...but you didn't ask me, so I'm just going to keep my opinion to myself!

Does the military wife and mother still "WIN" after those scenarios? Is her life still harder? I never once thought my life was harder than hers, or implied that it was. But Kris and I have had hardships in our life and our marriage and I know how very blessed I am that Livvy's health problems are so incredibly minor compared to what other parents have to endure. I JUST WANTED TO TELL AN OLD FRIEND HELLO!!

So, all that being said...

There were two other comments that were made AFTER my non-confrontational response. One from the wife and one from a friend of hers, also a military wife. They are as follows:

"Nothing is more Devastating then the unknown well being of your spouse at war. I don't wanna hear oh well blah blah about your "normal" shit i am telling u as some one who has been a "normal" mom/wife nothing is harder then being a military spouse. sure u have may have hardship but nothing like mine."

and...the friend...

"I totaly agree with you (*name has been removed out of respect*)! The toughest job is being a military wife and mother. WE are the ones who deal with EVERYTHING from the kids to the car. We can't always depend on our spouse like most people. When (*name change again*) was deployed, everything and anything went wrong...I had to deal with it! I couldn't call Iraq and say, "could you send my hubby home or can you put him on the phone?" WE ARE THE STRONGEST WOMEN/MOTHERS! I would like to see any normal spouse walk a mile in our shoes!"

I showed all of this to Kris and told him that looking back on the last 12 years of our marriage and some of the things we have gone through personally, as a couple and with our four children and losing a fifth baby, that I WOULD like to trade one of them places, if they want to see how easy my life is. You guys don't know the details of my marriage and the ins and outs of things that we have gone through and dealt with. I share some here...more to do with the kids...and some would say I share more than I should. But like with every relationship...it's that whole "If you only knew..."

I don't know. It made me want to cry. Being judged like that. Being told that I was "bitching" (sorry, her words, not mine) about how hard my life was and how much harder her life is because she is married to a man in the military. Why do people do that? Why are people like that? I just don't understand it. I keep talking to Kris about it (who very often is my filter, because let's face it-I need it sometimes!) and he just said "You didn't say anything that was out of line." And I said "I KNOW!" And if Kris thinks I was not inappropriate, you can pretty much know that I was not.

I really hope that I have not offended ANYONE who is in the military or married to someone in the military (or anyone else). I respect you. I truly do. But it is wrong for anyone to tell me that what I go through on a day to day basis is EASY compared to what they go through. No one knows exactly what my life is like. No one knows what people go through minute by minute. I just cannot imagine taking that attitude or having that mindset towards ANYONE. I don't think that my life is harder than those who live a military lifestyle. And I don't think it's easier either, because we all face our own demons and battles and struggles. Like my dear friend Jennifer (military wife and mother) said, "Their job of being a wife and mother is not more difficult than anyone else's, just different." She had some other comforting words too that I love her dearly for but will keep us both out of trouble by not sharing!

*sigh* - that's it...I just needed to get it out...

A story from Katherine

2011-09-13T18:59:00.000-05:00

Katherine is SO much like me. Sometimes it is scary. Other times, it's pretty awesome. She's witty and sarcastic, and most of the time, I love this about her. She also loves to laugh about the funny things that Abbey or Olivia say and do. As soon as she got in the van today after school, she said "I need to write down what Olivia did today before I forget." I said "Write it down now and then tell me about it, so you don't forget."

When we got home, after finishing her "story" on paper, Katherine handed a paper to me, detailing an encounter she had at school today with Olivia. The following is Katherine's story.

Today, the kindergartners were running and my class had to help them and make sure they didn't cut through the middle of the soccer field. I was running with Olivia. The first lap when we were just walking, we only ran about a quarter of the field when Olivia asked "Why can't we just go that way?" and pointed to the middle of the field where she would've cut through. Then when we got a little bit further she picked up a feather. I told her it could have rabies and make her sick. When she refused, I snatched it out of her hand and threw it on the ground. Then she ran back and picked it up. I told her again that it could have diseases and snatched it away from her again. She gave up and said, "Aww...it reminded me of a blue butterfly" when it was a grey and white feather. We walked a little more and she said her legs hurt. Then she saw some boys coming and said "Ahh! Boys! Run!" and started running.

---

Things I find amusing:

Olivia wanted to cut through the very soccer field the fifth graders were trying to prevent them from cutting through.
The feather that reminded Olivia of a blue butterfly was really just a grey and white feather.
Olivia said her legs hurt - she ALWAYS says this whenever we go more than, oh, 10 feet.
That Katherine remembered and wrote down this story for me, because she knew how much I would love it.

Moving On

2011-09-12T19:11:00.001-05:00

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I'd like to say Happy Birthday to my mom. I think she is 39 today. Or was it 37? I can never remember. Love you mom!

I finished Something Borrowed two days ago. Essentially, I read it in 2.5 days. Suffice it to say, I liked it. It was well-written, funny, heartwarming, romantic but not mushy. It was a great book. It was a bit of a surprise to me to find that there is another book, called Something Blue, that includes some of the same characters from Something Borrowed, so I will be eager to find and read that as well.

I began Water For Elephants yesterday and am 1/4th of the way through it. It also is well-written and the story is interesting, or I'd have trouble continuing to read it. My friend Michelle, our local Macaroni Kid publisher, loaned me Heaven Is For Real. While I haven't read it yet, my soon-to-be 11 year old, Katherine picked it up that day and finished it the next night! Apparently she saw it on her teacher's desk and asked her teacher what it was about. When she saw I had it, she said "Oh I was wanting to read that!" I love that ALL of the kids have a passion for reading. Kaleb is secretive about his, and if he found out that I told you this, he would adamantly refuse to read for the next year! So don't tell him that I said he loves to read! ;-)

Going back to the title of this post, have you ever found yourself at a crossroads? A point in your life where you know that you have to make a choice? I'm not talking about a decision on whether you should or should not have bacon for dinner for the fifth night in a row, though that does rank pretty high for me. I'm talking about the real heavy stuff. Life changing decisions. Depending on the path you choose, you won't always know for sure if you have made the right decision or not until you've chosen the direction.

For Christians, you would think that this would make the decision-making process easier. I can assure you it does not. Especially when the decision you have to make comes to topics like change, surrender, trust. What if the decision is to stop holding back and surrender whatever it is that you are holding onto so tightly? What if it is something that will physically cause you pain to let go of? What if the consequences of making a change or choosing to trust God with ALL of you is hard? I don't know about you, but I HATE hard. I hate making choices that will cause pain (primarily to myself, as I am admittedly very selfish) or will leave me in emotional turmoil. Even if you know that the end result will be worth it, it doesn't make surrendering any easier. And when you are unsure of whether it will be worth it, it makes it even harder.

I don't know that I have ever really trusted God with ALL of me. I'm talking about those things that shape who I am, or at least, who I THINK that I am. I'm very insecure. I need praise. I am extremely self-conscious and not very confident in many areas of my life. And I have never learned how to "go to God" for security in those things. I have never really surrendered the things I hate about myself to God. Some of what I am thinking about has to do with physical attributes. Some is emotional. I know that I have a flawed view of myself. That I don't see myself the way that God sees me, and that I most certainly do not see myself the way that Kris may see me. You see, even now, I can't say with certainty that I really know how Kris sees me. He's a good, good man. But he has trouble expressing himself. You combine that with my need to HEAR how he feels about me, and my 32 year inability to surrender that to God and we have a problem.

This has been weighing on me a lot lately. I'm going to a women's retreat this weekend, which is so NOT my "cup of tea". I've been dreading it actually, ever since Kris suggested that I go; then he had the nerve to go ahead and PAY for me to go, so I had no choice. I have a few friends that are going, which so far is my only solace. The fact that Beth Moore is somehow involved leaves me leery. I have issues with Beth Moore. Not her theology. Not her books per se. I just clash with her (i.e. she annoys me) and so I'm not fond of her studies and the like. But I'm sucking it up and going anyway, primarily at the urging of Kris (and the fact that he paid for it) and my relentless friend Kim, who shall remain nameless. Oops.

I don't know what the weekend will hold for me. But I feel like I am at this crossroads where I have to choose NOW, before the retreat, whether or not I am going to surrender that part of my life that I cling to so dearly. It may sound absurd, but something is stirring within me...and I know with certainty that a choice has to be made. And it terrifies me. It could change everything. And I don't like change. I feel like ending this here just leaves everything hanging in the balance. But that's how I am feeling and so I think it is only appropriate.

BOOKS

2011-09-09T09:17:00.001-05:00

Now that I am home and find myself with a little more time on my hands, I realized that I could read actual books again, along with listening to them. Right now, while I am waiting for the last book in The Wheel of Time Series to be completed, I have started the Pendragon Cycle with Kris, by Stephen Lawhead. These books are in the "fantasy" category - but are semi-hisotrical, and based on the legend of Arthur.

There are five books in the series:

Taliesin
Merlin
Arthur
Pendragon
Grail

*Avalon (not a true member of the cycle-more like a sequel to the series)

I finished Taliesin, and have moved on to Merlin, and am 1/3 of the way through it. Since starting Merlin on Tuesday and realizing how much I could "listen" to, it prompted a trip to the library.

So far, I have started "Something Borrowed" (because I loved the movie and it is due back in one week, vs. two, since it's "new"). I also have Jodi Picoult's "Sing You Home" and Sara Gruen's "Water For Elephants". We'll see if I make it through all three in the next 2 weeks. Along with finishing Merlin. I figure I will keep listening to Merlin while I am driving places or cleaning and read the others when I am home.

What are you currently reading? What is your favorite book (or three) of all time?

The house that wouldn't clean

2011-09-02T09:53:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting here...willing my house to clean itself. No amount of kinetic energy or strong desire is working. I fear that it may be up to me to take charge and do it myself. I'm very disappointed in you, house. I thought you were like a child. When left unsupervised, as you have been for four years, I expected you to get distracted. But now, as I am watching you, urging you to straighten up and put things away, you are refusing to cooperate. Don't you understand that I want to go into the weekend with a clean house? Why are you being so stubborn? Must I do all the work?

Ok seriously stay/work-at-home moms...how do you find the motivation? I was able to force myself last night to clean the kitchen, but not to the extent of organizing the refrigerator or the cabinets which needs to be done. And still I sit here, staring, NAY...glaring at the living room floor completely covered with anything and everything, including baskets of perfectly clean yet very wrinkled laundry, and I'm overwhelmed. I don't know where to begin.

I know if I just light my autumn walk candle and turn the music up loud and just get started, it'll get done...but alas...I just can't seem to make myself do it. Does anyone else experience this or am I just lazy?

Why can't I be anal about this, like I was with my job?

Massage

2011-09-01T13:30:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here at my friend Faith's house, in a massage chair her dad apparently bought. A really good massage chair. I do not want to move. I may have to come over here after dropping my kids off every day now.
And now that I have a better phone I'm also seeing if I can get the Blogger app to actually work. Let's test it now, shall we?

Apparently it actually does work a lot better! This may open up a whole new world of possibilities for instantly capturing all those funny things my kids say!

WHY?

2011-08-30T19:55:00.000-05:00

You would think that in the last week since I lost my job that I would have written every day. Right?

I'll tell you what. This is a crazy time in my life to be sure. A week later and I can still barely wrap my head around it. In no way have I even come close to getting into a routine. I have barely been home! How will the cleaning and laundry get done while I am out running errands? Same way they got done before. THEY DIDN'T. I think I can come to terms with that.

Last year we started watching America's Got Talent. This year there have been several groups utilizing poles. As in...pole dancing. And my 5, almost 6 year old, apparently has a love for pole dancers. Every time we watch it, she always winds up in the other room but last week before she went off to play she said "Tell me when the pole dancer comes on!" Um...should I be concerned?

So...suffice it to say, Olivia aspires to be a pole dancer and I have a LOT of adjusting to do in order to deal with "losing" my job. I have been so stressed out over the last week, trying to adjust to the changes, that I have lost 5 lbs. I'm thrilled with the weight loss, but then again, I could have lost 5 lbs in just the hair that was cut off last week!

Shocked

2011-08-24T18:10:00.001-05:00

The last 48 hours have been...what's the word...oh that's right...

LIFE CHANGING.

Three major things happened to me in the last 48 hours. I'll go in the order of life changing-ness. :-)

The first thing that happened was that the Sprint store on Olive Blvd. in Creve Couer, MO made my night Monday by giving me an upgrade 8 months early. So, in the best interest of my night job, I upgraded to this:

There is a lot that I could say about this phone, but I know a lot of you are waiting to hear about my day job update so I will move on, after saying that I LOVE my new phone! Props to that particular location for finally FIXING my phone, then after listening to me complain about all my problems with it, upgrading it early! Oh, that is the Motorola Photon 4G. It's (as my 10 year old would say) EPIC!

Then, last night, I got a makeover. At least, that's how it felt.

Last week I took the kids to get their hair cut before school started. I was looking for a Kiddie Cut Ups. The GPS took me to where it was SUPPOSED to be. Surprise, surprise...it wasn't there. We'd already been to a way-too-crowded Fantastic Sams. At this point, I just wanted to get their hair cut! So I drove past this place called The Cutting Edge ("like" them on Facebook by clicking that link!), saw scissors and assumed that this place "would do".

The Cutting Edge Studio far exceeded my expectations! Sondra Koenig did an AWESOME job on the kids' hair. I was so pleased with how ALL four haircuts turned out. I got home that night and called to see when I could get in to get MY hair done. The grays were well past peeking through again, and it was OVERDUE.

The time that Sondra and her crew (which mostly consisted of her family, and added a very down-to-earth feel to the entire place) spent perfecting my hair and the attention to detail were impressive, to say the least. It was very clear, just after watching Sondra cut the kids' hair, that I could trust her completely with my hair. Which I did. I told her to do whatever she thought would look best on me. Both for the cut and the color. With all said and done, I have to say that was the BEST salon experience I have ever had. And Jesse Koenig's mad hair washing skill was *almost* as relaxing as two Xanax. If you don't know how relaxing that it, just trust me. It was awesome! I'd compare it to something else...but well, let's just keep this family-friendly, shall we? What? I was talking about a foot massage. What were YOU thinking???

After hearing Jesse and Sondra converse about hair and color and clearly seeing their passion for what they do, I would feel 100% comfortable trusting Jesse completely with my hair as well. Words can't do justice to the talent bursting at the seams from The Cutting Edge Studio! If you are in the St. Louis/Florissant area, go see Sondra or Jesse!! Here is a before and after, just to prove to you what an awesome job they did.

I tried to find one of the most recent pictures of me so the comparison would be "real time" - so this is from vacation at the beginning of the month.

Oddly enough, I happened to be wearing the same shirt last night! And necklace! Check out the difference:

Now, are you ready for the most life-altering change?

I got fired yesterday.

From my day job.

No, I got laid off.

Wait. Let me back up.

Over a month or so ago, Kris and I discussed me quitting (for the sake of saving the company money) and trying to supplement my income with my night job. I'd really have to step it up about 10 notches, but I was confident that I could, since my goal has been to quit working at ICS to begin with. Then a coworker was put on bed rest, and Kris told me that I was needed and would likely be working until at least January. So while I was disappointed that I'd still be working 28-40 hours (depending on how our business grew) through the end of the year, I mentally prepared myself to stay at ICS.

So I've been working at ICS. And working my night job, which has been really slow this month. I resigned myself to this and all was well.

Until about 10:30am yesterday. Kris and I had to discuss a title. I asked him if he had the time and he said yes. Then he told me we were going to meet in the conference room, because there was something else he wanted to talk to me about. I didn't think anything of it, because we go to the conference room all the time to discuss titles or other aspects of the company.

We sit down. We talk about what needs to be done with the title, mentioned above. And then he says "And the second thing is, do you think you can find a part-time job?"

My immediate response was "I HAVE a part-time job!"

He was in his very professional "work mode" and told me that he had decided that it was time for the company to let me go. He didn't give many details. I knew why. With the state of our company, from a business standpoint, it was a smart move. I asked him when this was taking place. September? No. Apparently it was effective immediately. IMMEDIATELY as in as soon as you finish all your work. I would never have left them with unfinished titles or a buried desk anyway, because it's not who I am...but usually when you get laid off, you aren't asked to continue working, are you?

Kris went on to tell me how much money my part-time job would need to net. It will essentially require me working 12-15 nights per month, which I would actually LOVE, or getting a job at a retail shop or fast food joint, which I would HATE.

And because Kris was so stressed out in general and really busy at work yesterday, he had absolutely NO CLUE how this had impacted me. I was physically sick! You see, I don't handle change well. I didn't have time to process this. Not to mention the fact that I had forgotten my Xanax in the morning!

Unlike our conversation over a month ago, this came completely from left field. In Kris' mind, we just talked about this and he knew I would be happy if I could quit working at ICS. In my mind, I heard "you're fired and you also now need to bring in $1500 a month to feed our family". He was back and forth between work and family life, but kept this professional tone the whole time. It was a very bizarre scenario to be in.

And I was gone all night having my ultimate sexy hair makeover so we didn't really have a chance to talk. I asked him today if he had ANY idea how that conversation came across to me. In retrospect, he could see how it came across and we spent the lunch hour talking through it and trying to plan for the next few months and how we would work things out financially, while I work on getting more consistent business for my night job. So overall, I feel a LOT better now than I did yesterday. Not sure how it will all come together, but I know it will!

Oh and when Kris and I were discussing things over lunch, this is what he said, when I was joking around about being "fired". I asked him if I could quote him on my blog and he agreed.

"You didn't get fired. You didn't get laid off. We just reduced your hours to zero." - KB

So...I am "officially" a work-at-home mom!

Two quick things.

2011-08-19T06:49:00.000-05:00

#1. The kids are back in school and have adorable haircuts to prove it. It's unreal to think that I now have a 5th grader, a 4th grader, a 3rd grader. and a kid in Kindergarten!

#2. I HATE being up before 7am. No one should have to do it.

Frustration

2011-08-15T15:16:00.000-05:00

Technology is great, isn't it?

It can also be incredibly frustrating.

I keep taking my phone back to the Sprint store because it keeps having problems. And they keep doing a hard reset, even though I myself was doing a factory reset every week or so and still having problems. Saturday I took my phone back in. Because the phone decided to go crazy and just randomly change all my ring tones. So if I got a text message, it pulled some random song from my SD card, and played the entire song, until I picked up my phone and acknowledged the notification! And it changed my call ring tone to another random song. I reset them and then next day, they were changed again. This happened three times and I finally gave up and took the phone back in.

The guy up front that asked what I needed was a jerk. In my opinion. Anyone who treats me like I'm an idiot is a jerk in my book. I explained to him all the problems I was having. He went into one of my apps, then said "Show me how you get to the home screen." Now, take a look at this picture and tell me how YOU would get "home".

Would you NOT push the HOUSE? To go home, push the house? NO? So I pushed that button and he immediately said "Well, that's your problem right there." He proceeded to explain that if I didn't use the back button to exit every single program I used that it would slow my phone down because the programs were staying open. I actually knew this. But I had advanced task killer on there to shut down the programs quickly. He told me they recommend people take that program off of their phones because it allows other programs to open. OK...whatever. In the last month and a half, whether I've had that program on my phone or not, it's still been messed up. After two different factory resets that I did myself, I added NOTHING back to my phone. And was still having issues with it.

Well, the jerk who also said "I'm just trying to educate you." (like I'm an idiot) sent me with a ticket to the lady who takes down the exact same info before handing my phone over to another person behind that service window. I explain everything to her and she has my phone and is looking through it. She asked "Has anyone ever shown you how to check your memory?" I told her "no" and she told me that it was down to 24mb and they don't recommend you let it get below 70mb. Do you think she showed me HOW to check my memory? NO. She did not. Which is fine because I figured it out anyone. And when you have at least 140 memory, why can you only use half of it? What is the point of having that much? I know that the phone has to have some memory just to run...but half of it???

Anyway...she went on to tell me that they would have to do another hard reset and would look at the phone, but basically if I add apps to my phone, or have any email on my phone, or link my contacts to Facebook and don't delete my call log and text messages regularly (which I already do) that I will continue to have problems.

I waited over an hour, then got my phone back. Within 2 hours I got a "force close" message because of some error. It's happened two other times since Saturday. I have not linked my phone to Facebook. I haven't installed any apps. I delete my text messages and call log right away. And I am still having problems. I know I have to just keep taking it back until they replace it but the whole process is frustrating. I still can't upgrade to the Evo and I haven't won one yet...so I'm kind of stuck. I just want them to replace my non-working phone with a working one. That I can do the things I bought it for...oh like send text messages, make calls, check Facebook, add apps, etc...

Discontent

2011-08-09T23:18:00.000-05:00

It gets harder and harder to be at work. I don't hate my job. I just don't want to be there. I love my coworkers. I'm good at what I do. But I so wish we had never put ourselves in a position where we were dependent upon my income to make the bills. But it is what it is and there is nothing to do except stick it out until I can quit. Because ultimately, I want to be doing something different with my life.

I got on here thinking I would blog about vacation and post some pictures. But I'm in a "mood" tonight. Based on the title, it's discontentment.

I'm not very patient. I don't like to be patient. I don't like patient people. :) Just kidding on that last one. Patience is a virtue. One I do not possess.

So sitting here waiting to be able to quit my job finds me very restless.

On a different note, I LOVE The Colbert Report. This show always makes me feel better. This clip made me laugh, since we have highways and interstates shutting down ALL the time!

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Carmageddon

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

Video Archive

Fearless

2011-08-06T10:24:00.000-05:00

Olivia has earned the title of "fearless" this week. A few years ago, while in Wisconsin Dells, while she had always loved the water, from birth, she decided to be terrified of it. I think it's because Kris put her in a whirlpool bath with the jets on and it terrified her. We could not get her to go into water for ANYTHING that week. Not even to stick her feet in the shallow end. She would just scream and cry. And while she has enjoyed swimming at the YMCA, she can't wear floaties and so she really hasn't had any experience swimming, because she's either been held by us or had to stay in the shallowest parts.

This year, however, she was ALL IN. I don't know what got into her, but she just decided that with or without floaties, she was going to swim NO MATTER WHAT. Most of the time she had her floaties on. But a few different times, without her floaties, she would just jump in. Without warning any adults. Without thinking "Hey I might drown if no one knows I just jumped in without floaties on!"

In fact, Kris had just been telling me about this type of thing and we were chatting, our backs turned to her and suddenly realized she wasn't standing on the side of the pool anymore. We turned around and there she was, flailing in the water, no floaties. We got her and she was fine, but even then, she didn't appear scared. She was determined to just be in the water at any chance. And once she realized she was tall enough for the water slide, you better be sure that you are at the bottom to catch her, since she can't wear floaties, because she would just disappear and you'd see her at the top of the slide, ready to come down. Her face just cracks me up.

I don't know if it is just because she is adorable. Or if it is because she's our last and so we are really getting to enjoy and experience these milestones with her. I don't know what it is. But it was probably my favorite part of our time in Florida, watching her swim. These following three videos will hopefully show you a little bit of the joy we got to experience with her on vacation.

Break up

2011-07-31T19:18:00.000-05:00

I love conversations with children. Especially my children. Olivia and I were having a conversation over lunch today. Kris and Kaleb had gone to the bathroom and I can't quite remember how we got to talking about it but I told her "Because I don't like kids." Of course her response was "You don't like me?" I explained that I loved MY kids, just not other people's kids. She then began to scold me saying that I'm supposed to love everyone. I told her I DID love everyone. I just didn't LIKE some people sometimes. I then proceeded to explain to her what I meant, because she was adamant that I was supposed to LIKE everyone too.

I said "Well, I love Daddy but sometimes I don't like him when I'm mad at him." I thought we would continue to argue, but she apparently thought it would be appropriate at this point to switch gears. She said "Then break up with him." I said "You want me to break up with Daddy?" She said "Yeah" really nonchalantly, as if she didn't really care one way or the other. So I asked her how I would take care of all four kids without him. Her plan? "You can find a new man." We continued to discuss this.

I asked her when she would see Daddy. She said they would go visit him. I asked where he would live. She said "He can live in one of the neighbor's houses." I asked her if the new man I found would be friends with Daddy. She didn't really have an answer. She just kept saying I could find someone new. My last question was "What if Daddy doesn't want me to leave him?" As if he knew we were talking about him, Kris and Kaleb came back just as I was beginning to laugh hysterically at Livvy. Kris looked at us, confused. I told him we were talking about him and Livvy said "JUST TELL HIM ALREADY." I think she was telling me to tell him, as in break up with him. It was hilarious!! This isn't the first time she and Abbey have suggested that I just break up with Daddy. What is their problem? It's the same way, when they are playing together, that they are children and their parents are dead. Those girls!!

A rocky start

2011-07-30T11:19:00.000-05:00

What Bishop vacation wouldn't start off with drama? NONE.

Oh there's drama. There's all kinds of drama!

First of all, let me thank my awesome friend Jennifer for staying the night last night and being available to take me on an emergency run to QT to purchase a one gallon gas tank. Yeah, that's right. The van wouldn't start. I knew the gas was low, but there should have been enough to start it and get to the gas station this morning. Alas, at 6:20 when we were trying to leave, the van would not start.

So because she's pretty much the best person in the world in my eyes, she got OUT OF BED and drove me to QT. Our green van was "conveniently" parked under the carport, so we couldn't get it out to run to the gas station. But Jennifer is a trooper. And off she and I went to QT.

Then things started to get really interesting.

I was SO thankful they had a little tank I could fill to begin with. The guy at the counter was really helpful and showed me what to do and added $3.25 to my card so I could fill the tank. He made sure to let me know I had to push the nozzle down into the gas can. It was Jennifer who saw me starting to just hold the can and put the nozzle in who told me to put the gas can on the ground. Great idea! Two hours of sleep does not often lead one to think clearly though.

Thanks Jennifer for not letting me expose one of my "girls" to the camera!

So, I'm standing there, pumping the handle and nothing is happening. Then I hear the guy inside say "You have to select what kind you want." It seems that the fact that I pre-paid combined with the fact that I was not filling up my van led me to be an idiot and not realize that THAT was why the gas wasn't coming out. Cheap unleaded selected, I proceeded to pump gas into this tiny little tank. Then Jennifer took me back home. FYI-I am pretty sure she thought the whole situation was hilarious!

To make it worse, or better, some older creepy guy in this beat up car saw me walking with the gas can to the pump and said "Are you out of gas?" And I'm thinking #1 - Duh. #2 - No, I'm going to mow my lawn at 6:30am in khaki capris and a nice shirt. He asked me if I had walked, as if he was going to offer to "help" me. Yeah...I'll bet he was going to help me. Not sure if I would have ever gotten back home though. Fortunately, Jennifer walked over and I politely thanked him and told him my friend had brought me. And back we went to my house. *Disclaimer* - He could have been a very nice man, just wanting to help, but no thanks!

So after we get back home, I am standing there outside, trying to figure out how to get something seemingly self-explanatory to make sense to my tired brain. Kris comes out and says that the Internet told him it was most likely the battery, not the gas. How the battery would have died I had no clue, but I was hopefully that the van was just out of gas. Kris took over at this point and poured the tiny bit of gas into the van. Did the van start? As you can guess, it did not. Why would it? We're just trying to go on vacation after all...

Once again, I was thankful for Jennifer who had jumper cables. I have wanted to keep jumper cables in my van for quite some time, but we just don't have them. I will not expound further on that at this time. Because we were unsure of what to actually DO with the jumper cables, we asked the Internet to help us once more. At one point, when Kris was trying to connect the cables to the vans, and seemed unsure of himself, he said "This is what happens when you marry a computer geek." I assume he was talking about the fact that he had to ask Google how to appropriately jump the van! Red to dead. Red to undead. Black to undead. Black to dead. Start undead car. Wait several minutes - Kris waited I think about 54 seconds, but it started right up and we let it run for about 15 minutes before we told Jennifer goodbye and headed to the gas station to fill up and FINALLY get on the road, an hour and a half LATER than we anticipated leaving.

Oh and I'd like to include a couple of quotes from the article we read that told us how to jump start the van.

First:

"The first thing you want to remember when jump-starting a car is that a slight possibility of explosion does exist."

WOW. That's comforting. No wonder Kris was nervous!!

Second:

"Step One

Park the booster vehicle close to the one that needs to be jumped, but not so close that the vehicles are touching in any way."

I know I was tired, and that some people are just plain stupid, but at what point would anyone think the vehicles had to TOUCH in order for this process to work and also, that's just an insurance claim waiting to happen!

Here are some pictures Jennifer had us pose for.

Kris successfully connected the cables without anything exploding!! It was a proud moment, for sure.

FINALLY. The van is running again! We can head to Florida, by way of an overnight stop near Macon, GA.

Packed up and ready to say goodbye to St. Louis for a week! By the way, I packed the van up, because as you may or may not recall, I am known for telling Kris "You're horrible at putting things places." I'm quite proud of my organized van.

And we can't forget the most important thing of all. 52 oz peach white tea for the road...and just over 100 extra ounces to sustain me for me a couple of days into vacation. Truth be told, it'll be gone today or tomorrow.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings!

Shh...I'm supposed to be working...

2011-07-29T11:02:00.001-05:00

Dear FedEx guy:

I am very sorry that I screamed at you today.

I am sure that you do not encounter daily crazy, jumpy women such as myself.

Next time, hopefully you will know to make your presence known if my back is turned to you.

PLEASE make your presence known next time. My heart is still beating fast and I feel a great need take several deep calming breaths and a couple of Xanax to calm down. I do not enjoy being frightened, so do us both a favor, and next time knock or yell or say "Hey crazy girl that about had a heart attack last week, I'm here. Now sign this."

And lastly, I hope you had a good laugh at my expense and go home and tell your wife about the girl who basically jumped out of her chair when you approached today.

--

That was my morning. How was yours? I'm am SO ready for vacation!!! Sadly, this type of thing happens to me ALL the time. People at work "warn" me that they are approaching, as they have all at one point or another, terrified me to the point of me yelling in alarm!

Happy Friday!

Boring post approaching...

2011-07-19T14:24:00.002-05:00

I seriously HATE not having time to write. However, over the weekend, I had a great deal of time to relax and some really great time spend with my dear friend Jennifer. So while I didn't write over the weekend, the "busy"-ness was because I was spending some quality time with a great friend!

Let's see...what has happened since I last wrote?

The kids were taken away.

I shipped them off to my parents' house in Indiana. They've been gone since Thursday. I spent that entire day driving them out and then back home. It was a little sad. I don't usually get sad when faced with the reality of no kid responsibility - but this time it made me sad to leave them (likely because I barely saw them after being gone in Chicago for 4 days). I watched them as I left, playing with my mom and having a blast and felt like crying. They didn't care about me. Brats. :-) I miss them. It will be good to see them again Friday night. Kris and I have been so busy we've barely had any time to just hang out - but we did manage dinner and some bridge with friend Sunday, and will again tonight. Then it's non-stop busy until we leave Friday after work.

Our Florida vacation is rapidly approaching. We are leaving July 31st and I've been too busy to realize that it is right around the corner. This month has been INSANE with my side job and while I am panicking that August doesn't look as great as July did, I can't think about one more thing!!!

So that's about where things stand. Chaotic. That's our life. I cannot wait to be in a position to quit my day job. Have I mentioned that yet? CANNOT WAIT!

What a weekend!

2011-07-10T23:51:00.001-05:00

As you know from my previous post, I left for Chicago on Wednesday. I got back around 10:30pm last night. It was the best weekend I have had in a long time! We had an event for my night job, the job that I love so much. It was AWESOME! As you also know, the travelling started out a little rocky. Unfortunately, the clumsiness did NOT get any better as the weekend went on. Before going to a reception on Friday night, I spilled white whipped cream on my BLACK shirt. And then, on the most important day (yesterday) with regards to not spilling anything on myself, I dropped my brush in the toilet.

See?? Fortunately, that was the extent of the clumsiness that day and I didn't fall flat on my face like I feared I would.

I made some great new friends over the extended weekend too! And due to the great tea debacle on the Megabus, and the fact that my husband couldn't get the spare laptop we had reformatted, I got a new laptop. With a webcam. This will further enhance my "night job". KIDDING! Still not a prostitute. I did get to talk to one of my new friends tonight on Skype though, which made me happy! Charter, on the other hand, still sucks. Unless you work for Charter. If that is the case, I love it. Best. Service. Ever. Thanks Charter!

leave it to me

2011-07-06T21:10:00.000-05:00

Leave it to me to start off my trip to Chicago with a blog worthy post! Which I am doing via my phone, since I managed to ruin my laptop right after we left St. Louis! Seriously...like less than 5 minutes in.

There is a great debate among scholars ~~me and Shane~~ about which is better: Styrofoam cups or plastic?

While I love that Styrofoam keeps my drink colder longer, they do not yet have a 52oz Styrofoam cup at QT. So, the majority of the time I get plastic. This morning, though, in preparation for my 5.5 hour bus ride, I chose Styrofoam. This would later come back to haunt me.

I should have known how the trip would go, before I even got on the bus. Besides the fact that Jennifer was insistent that they transport prisoners to and from Vandalia on the Megabus, I had what I thought was a tightly closed liter of water in my laptop case. When I bent down to hug the kids goodbye, someone pointed out that I was spilling water, everywhere, which I quickly felt all over my foot. I looked down to see the lid to my water bottle on the ground and my water bottle half empty. So I had that going against me.

As recommended by a friend who had taken the Megabus before, I got one of the only seats that had a table. I thought, "This will be perfect. I can blog or "Facebook" because that is a verb now, or whatever because they have free WiFi." So, I get all set up and situated. My Styrofoam cup filled with tea was in a very convenient cup holder, with my laptop next to it. Everything was perfect. Just the way I wanted it. There was even an outlet to plug my laptop in so that my 5 minute battery wouldn't render me without anything to do the whole time.

But then I couldn't connect to their free WiFi. Well, the computer SAID I was connected but was giving some stupid DNS something or other computer geek related term. One that I did NOT know how to fix! So I was a little upset, but thought "Well, at least I can tether through my phone!" Which I proceed to do. At first, I started to get irritated because I couldn't make IT work either! Until I realized that I was just an idiot and forgot to turn Easy Tether on, on my phone. So I remedied that quickly, only to find that my computer wouldn't recognize my USB cable. Rather...it recognized the cable, because it was charging my phone, but my phone was not recognized. So I'm getting very frustrated at this point. And I'm trying every single USB port just to make sure.

Here is where I made my mistake. Here is where I began to loathe Styrofoam and all of it's evil ways. As I plugged my USB cable into the port on the left side of the computer, part of the cable PUNCTURED my cup of tea. And at first I just sat there, unsure what was happening, as my beloved tea kept pouring out all over my laptop, USB cable, phone, the people across from me, the person beside me, and my own feet.

I'd say about 25 of the 32 ounces wound up on my computer or somewhere in the vicinity. The lady across from me was very helpful, while the lady that sat too close to begin with promptly moved to the seat behind me. Fine by me. She was annoying me wish her brushing up against my arm anyway. A kind man got toilet paper from the bathroom and we got it all cleaned up. Except that now my laptop doesn't work. Well...no. It works. Sort of. It turns on. But the letters are all stuck together or something and so without even putting my hands on the keyboard, ghost letters begin appearing and don't stop. I took it apart and I am hoping to test it soon to see if it will work, but I am doubtful. Which I find really frustrating because I wanted to upload pictures while I was in Chicago, as I went, not wait until I got home and try to sort through them all.

Oh and to add a little icing to the cake, when I was exiting the Megabus, I bumped into a bag of trash. Someone had put a half full cup of soda in said bag of trash, which of course, spilled all over my foot.

This is the current state of my laptop

Fortunately, one of my roommates is letting me use her computer, and it has a webcam in it, so I can video chat with the kids! After I went through all the trouble to borrow one!!

I couldn't have said it better...

2011-07-05T08:33:00.002-05:00

You know, sometimes marriage is hard. Like...most of the time. It seems like the things our spouses need the most are the things that are the hardest for us to give them. We all express love differently, and usually the way that we express love is not the way that our spouse NEEDS us to express love. For instance, Kris expresses love through touch. Get your minds out of the gutter. He likes to hug me, or hold my hand, or put his arm around me. Physical touch. It comes naturally to him and it is how he shows love.

But, seeing as how I don't like to be touched, especially hugged, this is not an effective way for him to show me that he loves me. And it is very difficult for me to just hug him or show him that I love him in the way that he will really see and know it.

For me, it's words. Mostly. I like presents too, but that's secondary! ;-) I want and need to be TOLD. Not just that he loves me. But WHY. What is it about me that he finds appealing? Why does he stick around with all my crazy? I need to hear these things ON A REGULAR BASIS. Every day. Or to know that he is thinking about me throughout the day. And yet, this is the most difficult thing for him to do.

Does anyone else experience this kind of conflict?

I keep hearing a song lately...I can't help but love the lyrics. It's called "All We'd Ever Need" by Lady Antebellum. Here's the link to the song if you want to listen while you read.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFWUKIi85Jk

Boy it's been all this time,
and I can't get you off my mind,
and nobody knows it but me.
I stare at your photograph,
still sleep in the shirt you left,
and nobody knows it but me.
Everyday I wipe my tears away,
so many nights I've prayed for you to say.

(Chorus)
I should have been chasing you,
I should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
I could have made you believe,
that what we had was all we'd ever need.

My friends think I'm moving on,
but the truth is I'm not that strong and nobody knows it but me.
I've kept all the words you said,
in a box underneath my bed,
and nobody knows it but me.

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow,
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
but the truth is that I've been screaming out.

(Repeat Chorus)

It was all we'd ever need.

Oh, I thought it was all we'd ever need.

I should have been chasing you,
You should have been trying to prove,
that you were all that mattered to me,
Oh, you should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
You could have made me believe,
that what we had girl,
Oh, that what we had
What we had

It was all we'd ever need

Staying up too late

2011-07-04T01:27:00.001-05:00

I'm up late. Or early. I suppose it depends on how you look at it. The laundry pile is about 4 feet up the wall in the living room. Kris has been consistently washing, dryer and dumping...I have not kept up my end of folding, sorting, getting rid of, putting away. So instead of dealing with it, I'm sitting here, writing, glaring silently at it. Sometimes I wish we could just pick 5 uniforms for each kid, 3-4 regular outfits for each season, and get rid of the rest. I suppose we could. It would force us to keep up with the laundry. Instead, we have so many clothes that it is just ridiculous. Last weekend, I went through about 8 loads of laundry and we got rid of three or four bags full of clothes. I'm dreading the long and tedious process of dealing with all these clothes. I think we have about 4 loads left to wash. I shouldn't let it get this out of control. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that yes...we need to get rid of anything that doesn't fit and wean down the amount of actual outfits. Otherwise, I think I may go crazy just on the laundry alone. It has always been my nemesis. Along with cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, or anything else related to making my home feel "live-able". Why couldn't I have married someone that hated clutter and that demanded that I keep our house clean at all times? Likely because I would have killed said man and wound up in jail with only ONE outfit. But hey...that brings us full circle...I'd only have ONE outfit!

And while I'm talking about things I SHOULD be doing, let's just add sleep to that list. Kris too. We should both be sleeping. But instead, we are acting as if we are still 20 years old. He's playing video games and I'm writing, pretending that we'll be on vacation forever. This is seriously the first REAL break we've taken from "life" in a VERY long time. I think neither one of us are eager for it to end. I purposely waited to take my muscle relaxer because I thought for sure, at some point, I'd actually get started on the laundry. That was about 5 hours ago. Now I'm just hoping the muscle relaxer kicks in before I decide to do something about the monstrous pile of clothes staring me down.

See what happens when I try to distract myself from things that need to be done? You get terrific blog posts like this!!

Tattoos

2011-07-03T18:21:00.000-05:00

Earlier today I was thinking about tattoos. Last night, while celebrating a friend's birthday, some of us put on temporary tattoos. It got me thinking about a tattoo...and getting one. Kris isn't a fan of tattoos. I'm not really either...but I like giraffes, a lot, and so I thought, if I were to ever get a tattoo...it might be of a giraffe. I was talking to Kris about getting one on my ankle. He figured since it was so close to the bone, and not a lot of flesh, it would hurt more. So I told him I could get it...um...above my breast. You know what he said? "Anything that looks at me is creepy!" I guess I could see his point...

Then my dearly loved, honest friend Jennifer promised to buy me a giraffe necklace if I didn't get a giraffe tattoo on my body...so I think I'm going to take her up on that offer and hold her to her promise.

So, there are no tattoos in my future. I am, however, hoping to see my sister soon and have her use her mad creative Henna skills on my feet! It's been like two years since she's done that...and I would like to have my feet temporarily "inked" again...this is what she did a couple of years ago.

Pretty cool, huh?

Great news!

2011-07-03T08:53:00.005-05:00

Some of you may recall all the drama surrounding the home school vs. public school vs. private school debate that took place on my Facebook page several weeks ago. And it was a difficult decision for Kris and I to remove the kids from private school and put them into public school, in addition to taking a $1000 pay cut at work. We made the decision and felt complete peace about it. We listened to the wisdom of our parents and those who have raised their children, in addition to God's leading, and we had come to accept that our children would go to public school for the upcoming school year.

However, people were still praying that God would provide a way for the kids to go back to Grace next year. Including several of the teachers at Grace, and Katherine for sure. And we acknowledged that if God provided a way financially, that of course we would send them back. We knew that it wasn't going to come by way of anything but a miracle or some huge financial blessing, and if God chose to provide that, we would graciously accept it and give Him the glory. But in the meantime, we were preparing to register the kids for public school.

Last week, however, Kris got an email that changed everything. We did get that miracle. That huge financial blessing. We don't know the details, but we do know that someone somewhere stepped forward and made it possible for ALL four of our children to return to Grace next year. We feel very blessed and are thrilled that we have been given this opportunity! The kids, of course, are beyond excited. Katherine wrote no fewer than three letters to her friends to let them know. She even paid me for the stamps! It was pretty cute!!

So, our prayer over the next year is that our business at ICS will turn around and/or that my business will grow exponentially so that we can continue to give them a quality, Christian education. My dream is that my business will continue growing at the rate it has been so that when I am asked to come back to ICS full-time I can politely say "No thank you." Shh...don't tell Kris. He doesn't like when I say that...I think he thinks I'm too valuable to lose...

My kids are cuter than yours

2011-07-02T12:43:00.018-05:00

Well...you may think yours are cuter than mine. You can think that. I know better. :-)

I love my friend Jennifer. I've talked about her before. Last weekend we had the luxury of going out near Warrensberg, MO to spend a couple of days with her and her family. It was a GREAT weekend. The kids got along great and we had to do very little parenting. It was actually quite nice!

At the last minute, we decided to exchange children. I took her two older kids with me, to hang out with Kat and Kaleb and she took my two younger, who spent time with her youngest. However...this is where the story gets sad. And extremely funny. Sad because my girls didn't want to come home. Funny because, well Abbey is involved. And you know it's going to get funny any time that girl has something to say! So while I was gone, my dear friend Jennifer kept me updated via Facebook with all the funny things my girls said/did. Below you will see the great updates Jennifer (and one from her husband) gave me while my little girls stayed with her for a couple of days.

"Apparently you have lost two daughters. They're mine now. I love them and they are great for my ego. Apparently I'm not bossy and I clean up fast- you know, all the great qualities a mother should have ;)"

"Abbey: Your wife told me to tell you to get me some ice water. Me: How much money do you have? Abbey: I have two quarters but I am saving that for college and the orphanage I am going to build when I get older so I can teach them about God and give them fun jobs."

"Me: Anyone want more macaroni? Gracie: I do! Livvy: No. Me: Abbey? Do you want more macaroni? Abbey: No. I'm saving room for the party in my tummy for cheese puffs."

"We made "ice cream" this morning. The girls chose vanilla. Liovvy: Can we make chocolate tomorrow? Me: We'll have to see. I'm not sure what time we are leaving. Abbey: Leaving??!? Me: Yeah, to go to your house. Abbey: TOMORROW IS TUESDAY ALREADY?!?! Me: Yes, tomrrow is Tuesday. Abbey: That's not fair! We only got one night, one day and maybe a half a morning tomorrow. Can you ask if we can stay another week or at least 3 more days? Me: Well, I'm going to your mommy's party tomorrow night and then Addison, Alex, Gracie and I will stay the night at your house. Abbey: Gracie sleeps in my bed! Livvy: No, Gracie sleeps in my bed! Abbey: (moan) You think because you have the bigger bed, she should stay in yours. Fine! We can all sleep in there together, but Gracie gets the middle. Livvy: Yeah, Gracie gets the middle, because Gracie, we kind of like you. Abbey: Livvy! Don't say that. We love her! Livvy: Yeah Gracie, we love you!"

"Abbey: Can we have a drink? Me: Sure. (I pour ice water into 3 Chuck E. Cheese cups) Livvy: Where did you get these? Me: At Chuck E. Cheese's. Gracie: I love Chuck E. Cheese! Abbey: I like to insult and hurt Chuck E. Cheese. Me: Well, that doesn't sound too nice! Abbey: It's ok, it's a real person in a costume. (Seriously laughing my butt off!)"

"Abbey and Livvy want to move in with me. Apparently a dinner of Lucky Charms, cheeseballs, yogurt and popsicles are the best meal Abbey has had "in years." But, she said she would miss you and that her "real dad" should go into the Army and you could be our neighbors (even though this is an Air Force base). Livvy said she would miss her friends, but Abbey told her they don't like her anyway. "They always run from Livvy." :)"

Oops...

2011-07-01T23:52:00.000-05:00

Wow...June 21? Really? That was the last time I wrote?

I have been B.U.S.Y.

You know that side business that I absolutely love? It's been my ONLY focus! And you know what? It paid off! Because I got a promotion this morning!!! I am SO excited! And I am ready to take just a few days off to breathe and recoup. Because in about a week and a half, that business is about to explode and I will be gone almost every night of the week for the entire month of July. No. In case you forgot...I'm NOT a prostitute. It's not that kind of night job.

Until July 11th, I am only working ONE more day (Tuesday) for ICS. I'm looking forward to a little vacation time alone in Chicago next week. Have you ever taken the Megabus? Or heard of it? It's an inexpensive way to travel. And it LOOKS nice. It SOUNDS nice. But because I'm traveling alone, I'm very nervous. Hopefully a couple Xanax before I leave will calm me enough to make it through the 5 hour bus ride alone. That's what I hate the most...is that I am going alone. BUT...supposedly they have power outlets and free wi-fi. Here's to hoping I survive!

We have NO big plans for tomorrow. I plan to sleep as long as the kids will let me. Then, for the first time in quite a long time, Kris and I are going on a date. We're going out to celebrate my promotion, then meeting with up a friend and some of her friends/family to celebrate her birthday. I may or may not do something productive tomorrow. Likely the most productive thing I will actually get done is showering, fixing my hair and putting on make up! And I am SO OKAY with that!

Laughter

2011-06-21T22:02:00.000-05:00

It's always good to laugh. I needed a good laugh tonight. Today was a really discouraging day. On so many different levels in different areas of my life. But I got a small glimmer of joy at the end of the day. When Kris put the kids in bed! ;-)

But before that...

Abbey came out to tattle on Olivia (who keep in mind is only 5). Abbey was upset because Livvy told her that when she died she wasn't going to be with Jesus. This of course crushes Abbey's little 8 year old heart because Abbey wants nothing more than to spend her entire life on earth and after she dies with Jesus. So, of course, she was not happy with Olivia telling her that she wasn't going to be with Jesus.

So I asked Olivia why she said that. And she explained to me that she WOULD be with Jesus, until she came back to earth as an animal. WHOA kid...back up a minute? Could you please repeat that? Who told you that when you die you will come back as an animal? She just shrugged. I'm really wondering what Buddhist befriended my 5 year old and told her that when she dies she will come back to earth as an animal.

Each night before bed, Kris reads a portion of Scripture to the kids, and they each say what their favorite part was. I don't know how many verses Kris read tonight but Psalm 137:9 is the verse that Livvy said was her favorite. It reads as follows:

"Happy is the one who takes your babies and smashes them against the rocks."

That girl is CRAZY. Whenever she and Abbey play together, they are always pretending the parents are dead or someone dies. What is their fascination with death???

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T07:49:00.070-05:00

I'm sure bloggers around the world are posting incredible blogs with heartfelt tributes to their fathers. I thought I'd be cliche and do the same thing, though this is more heartfelt than incredible!

I was blessed to grow up with a father. He was always a constant. While he may have worked a lot to make sure our family was WELL provided for, he was always there. In the ways that counted. I have memories of time spent with my dad that, to this day, make me smile. Watching Matlock and the A-Team with him. And Knight Rider. And James Bond movies. And the Rocky movies. I have a love for Rocky movies, because of memories of watching them with my dad. I don't care how cheesy some of them were, or how the later few weren't people's favorites...I love ALL 5 of them, because I remember watching them with my dad. I remember sharing his almost burnt Red Baron's pizzas, minus the red pepper flakes. Or WITH, on the rare occasion he would dare me to eat them and reward me with money if I actually did it! ;-) I have memories of him using pliers to remove toothpicks from my bare feet, which always seemed attracted to said toothpicks, that I'm pretty sure were unknowingly discarded onto the floor...by him. I remember my dad constantly aggravating our dog Babe. And this amuses me. I don't know why. Maybe it was the look of joy on his face, the sheer pleasure of annoying the dog. It's the same look any father gets with any child they are trying to irritate, which is pretty much a dad thing. One of my favorite memories, and I think my sister would agree, was when he was remodeling what used to be our back porch. And Jenny and I were home and he would chant these silly cheers with our names in them, that always used to make us laugh. We recorded him once. On a tape recorder about the size of shoe box. Do they still make those? ;-) Good thing for you dad that we don't still have those tapes because in this day of all things media...it could have been very embarrassing for you! I love you dad, and I hope that you have a great Father's Day, and that you got the card that I actually remembered to send, probably for the first time in who knows how many years!

And then there is my husband. The best model of a father for my children. In all my ups and downs, Kris has been a constant for the kids. When I couldn't be there, emotionally, he was. He could have turned and run at the first onset of my crazy. But he didn't. He stayed, likely for the children! So they didn't grow up scarred by BOTH parents. I'm only kind of kidding. I'm sure he will scold me upon reading that. But that man...who grew up without a father that was consistently active in his life, turned out to be the world's greatest dad to our four children. He loves those kids with such passion and fierceness and it is remarkable in this day and age for children to grow up with the love and protection that he provides. My family is blessed to have him, as he attempts to lead us the way God has called him to. He may stumble and fall sometimes, but there is not a single person who can say that he isn't the most generous and loving father to his children!! Both with his affection and time. Thank you Kris, for all that you do for this family.

Another weekend

2011-06-18T07:43:00.001-05:00

Unlike last weekend, our plans are somewhat laid back this stormy Father's Day weekend. I'm up earlier than usual. Especially for a weekend. I don't even get up this early during the week! Huge thunderstorms have been rolling through St. Louis and this morning was no exception!! So my friend Faith and I spent an hour playing bridge online this morning...because we're geeks...and that's what we do, and the stupid storm had us both up at 6am. But mostly because we're geeks.

I looking forward to my last massage today (because we cancelled my membership so we could pay for the Y), and then get to hang out with some pretty cool people, including my "bestest" girlfriend Jennifer, who moved to a galaxy far, far away from me (OK, so only 3 hours but whatever...). I'm thankful, as I have said before, that she is in my life and that we connect on so many different levels. Really looking forward to hanging out with her. And Harry and Tara, if you're reading this, I'm excited about seeing you guys again too! Though Harry, I may ignore you as payback...

We are going out to St. James tomorrow to surprise Kris' dad for Father's Day...and HOPEFULLY will be back in time to play bridge tomorrow night! Again...because we're geeks. And because it's pretty much the best card game ever and anyone who wants to make fun of me for that and this long run on sentence can just shut up...

I am hoping that next week isn't so chaotic and maybe I'll have more time to write. I've been frenzied this past week...mentally and physically. All over the place, and fighting a UTI since May 23! Finally on a crazy strong antibiotic and for the first time in weeks feel better! And the doctor is trying to find out which bacteria keeps causing these so that hopefully we can figure out a treatment plan. In the meantime...she's put me on two probiotics, cranberry supplements and a digestive enzyme...

Uh oh...I hear one of the children up...it literally pains me that I've been up for an hour and a half while all the children sleep. I guess it is bittersweet...because at least they didn't all wake up with the thunder!! Kaleb is now up and asked what he could do. I told him he could go downstairs, or clean but it was too dark. Then I said "You have two options." And he responded with "Actually that's only one option." I started to argue then realized he was right. I very clearly said it was too dark to clean! Smart aleck. He chose to go downstairs and I am now debating between trying to go back to sleep and doing some work I know I should get around to...

Weekend Getaway

2011-06-11T10:41:00.004-05:00

We're in Indiana for the weekend, visiting my parents and going to family reunion. All the cousins will get to play together, and that is always nice! They get so excited to see each other.

The drive in was ~~horrendous~~ perfect. We left ~~an hour and a half later than anticipated due to unforeseen circumstances~~ at the EXACT time we planned to. ~~Torrential downpours/blinding rain and fog for FOUR hours.~~ Clear, sunny skies the whole way. ~~Construction had all but one lane closed part of the way.~~ All lanes were open, as there was no construction. The kids were ~~absolutely INSANE-hyper, loud, crazy~~ perfect little angels. I didn't have to take any ~~but two to start, then another later, after I bit all my nails off~~ Xanax because everything was just splendid.

Hopefully the drive back will be MUCH better!!

The best part of the day was Abbey singing a new song she wrote called "Help Jesus Help", and taking first place in the talent contest!! I'll post the video and lyrics later tomorrow hopefully!

Unthinkable.

2011-06-09T07:00:00.002-05:00

That is the word that comes to mind when I think about what my life would be like if I had never had kids. Of course I HAD to choose this writing prompt. I can't just let it pass me by...

You know, because I don't like my kids. Or so some people think. Because they don't understand sarcasm. And because they don't really know me. Or the demons I face on a daily basis.

But I think my answer might surprise you. Or, if you know me well, it won't.

Quite honestly...I truly believe I might be dead.

Morbid? Maybe. A little.

OK...

...a lot.

Children change your entire outlook on life.

I don't remember battling depression BEFORE I had kids. But I think that without the kids, at some point, I still would have wound up in the cyclical clutches of depression. I think having children just kick-started what very well may be a lifetime battle for me.

I had my kids young. Too young most people would say. And I had a lot of kids. Too close together. It's next to impossible to have 3 children in 2 years and 5 days (without them being multiples), and yet somehow...I did it.

I got married when I was 20. I had my first, second, and third child at ages 21, 22, and 23. I missed out on a lot. I missed out on traveling with my husband to all the places I've always wanted to go. I took for granted the year and a half we had married, without kids. The spontaneity. The freedom. The QUIET. It was easier to just get up and go somewhere before kids. Once you have one kid, you have to factor in one extra hour to prepare for any trip, even if it is just down the road to fill up your tank!

Having four kids? That's right...four extra hours. And then you have to factor in the screaming and fighting all the way to Indiana (a four hour drive) to see my parents. Even the 12 minute drive to and from the kids' school is a nightmare for me. Bedtime is a nightmare. So many aspects of having kids pushes me to my breaking point. On some occasions OVER my breaking point.

In some of my worst moments, when all I could think about was a way to die (yeah...I just admitted that...), the ONLY thing that kept me from making that a reality was the thought of leaving my children without a mother; that and the fact that I am terrified of pain and there are few ways to die without pain. While sometimes I feel like my children deserve a better mother than I am, and while I truly believe my husband is the best father in the world, no kid should grow up without a mother. And it was the children that kept me going (that KEEP me going), in my darkest hours. When I was up late at night Googling painless ways to die, or thinking about driving off the side of the road into a wall at 100 miles per hour, the children were there. In the back of my mind. Keeping me alive. Forcing me to hold on.

Children are a blessing from the Lord. They truly are. Even the annoying ones. :-) And while it pains me that some women have to go through life not knowing how it feels to give birth and to see that baby for the first time, there are those of us out there who literally could not survive the pressures and stress of day to day life without children. Children gives us a purpose. Something to fight for. Something to live for. God gave me those four treasures to remind me that when I can't feel His love, I have a reason to be alive. I have a purpose. I cannot leave those babies without a mother.

So there is no world, no life, in which I would change a thing. It's unthinkable.

Poor Abbey!

2011-06-08T23:05:00.001-05:00

Apparently everyone but me was aware that, over the last 5 days, my 8 year old's hands have looked like this:

My first thought was "Oh my gosh they're going to have to amputate her hands!". Because that is how my crazy mind works. Always thinking in worst case scenario, even though I know I'm overreacting. Drama, drama, drama. It's highly unrealistic...but the red to white contrast really freaked me out! As soon as I saw it, being the intuitive mother that I am (no one has intuition like a mother), I called the doctor and they said they could see us at 4pm.

I took her and they escorted us through the back door; you know, so she didn't infect anyone...just in case. I hadn't gone through that back door since my babies were...well, babies! Essentially, her eczema got out of control and became infected. The doctor said she has staph strep and she is now on a very strong antibiotic and has this long list of ridiculous things that we will have to do on a regular, daily basis, some things several times per day. But, good news: no amputations!

Once the infection is under control, we can treat the eczema. I may consider taking her to a dermatologist once it has cleared up, to get a more specified plan for caring for her skin; since Livvy has eczema too we could use all the knowledge we can get!

Poor baby. I can't wait until her hands clear up. One of her blisters burst and she held up her hand (which grosses me out) and said (VERY EXCITED) "One of the bubbles popped!" I told her to go show "daddy" because it kinda creeped me out and she said "They're so ugly." So funny. Poor kid is all about being beautiful inside, but especially OUT, and so I am sure that her hands make her very self-conscious. But the doctor said the antibiotic should clear it up in a few days so hopefully she won't scare anyone (but me) away with her weird, NON-contagious hands. The doctor said we really should take a sterile needle while she is asleep and burst open those puss-filled blisters. Yeah...that is so NOT happening! Everything else...I'll try my best. But NOT that. Gross...

The End

2011-06-08T15:17:00.000-05:00

All good things must come to an end. Isn't that how the English proverb goes?

Sometimes, with endings, there is sadness. Unless we're talking about the end of summer break when the kids FINALLY go back to school (not that I'm counting-just over 2 months!).

So, that being said, I am sad today. "Why?" you ask? Because something is coming to an end. Something I cannot control. Something I do not want to end. Something that has been a source of great enjoyment and hours of living in another reality for me.

I am talking about The Wheel of Time Series. Specifically book 13, Towers of Midnight. Robert Jordan began the series and wrote the first 11 books before he died. He had scripted out a lot of final book, which he intended to be one huge volume, but they are now breaking it into 3 different books. Kris and I have been listening avidly to the entire series and books 12 and 13, finalized by Brandon Sanderson, using Jordan's notes. From interviews with Sanderson, the final scene/ending was already written and it will be in the final book as it was written by Jordan, before his death.

What is sad is that there is about an hour and a half left in book 13. And book 14 won't even be released in print until at least March 2012. Which means it won't make it to Audible until after that. So, in the next day or two, we will finish Towers of Midnight and have to wait almost a year to finally finish the series. I can't even begin to think about the sadness that will consume me once the entire series ends. *sigh* It is by far the best series I have ever 'read'. I highly recommend these books. You will NOT be disappointed! Unless you hate reading, and then that is just sad too. :-)

I have a confession...

2011-06-07T23:55:00.000-05:00

It's been one week since my last blog post.

I have another confession.

I still have a mustache. :-( I'm working on it though. Monday I had my third laser hair removal treatment. I can say that after the first two treatments the hair still came back but not as much and not as quickly. They said that sometimes you won't really notice a real difference until after the third treatment. So I will be watching closely. I got back again in July; I have three more treatments. Here's to hoping I can take that next step towards looking like a woman!

Speaking of looking like a woman...

I have another confession.

I wore a dress Sunday night. And heels. Though my dear perfectionist friend Jennifer decided to point out that they were technically sandals, but since they do indeed have heels, I can call them whatever I want! Kris and I celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary on Sunday. We slept in (after staying up until 3am the morning before watching Dinner for Schmucks-which I liked), and then we went to see Something Borrowed. I loved it. It was funny! A different story and ending than I expected. After that, we went to The Melting Pot, which of course was delicious! Then we rounded off the evening with about an hour of playing bridge. We actually competed in the Worldwide Bridge Contest on Friday and Saturday. Both days we ranked in the 3000's out of 5000 people, WORLDWIDE. I'll take it! We didn't earn any Master Points, but we had fun and met some great new (or old...ha ha ha...) people.

Here are some pictures from our anniversary on Sunday, to prove I wore a dress and what I call "heels".

See...A DRESS!! WITH jewelry! And makeup. The transition is almost complete...just have to get rid of the mustache.

Sexy right?

Oh, I suppose I'll post a picture of both of us...

A new phase in life?

2011-06-01T16:45:00.000-05:00

Things are changing. In a good way. At least temporarily.

I begged and pleaded with Kris that if we were going to take a pay cut that he let ME absorb it and drop my hours/salary at work. I could work less hours at our company, work more on my side business that I can't mention in my blog (which is going REALLY well by the way!!) and spend more time with the kids. What? Me wanting to spend more time with them? Well, yeah. It's true. I'm tired of feeling so rushed and like life is so chaotic we would just pick them up, eat dinner and put them in bed. So, I am now off on Wednesdays! :-) And my other days will average about 7 hours and at least the pay cut will have some sort of benefit! I'm pretty excited about it. I love that I have that flexibility and my hope is that as business picks up (PLEASE GOD!), that instead of me having to shift back to full-time we will be in a position where someone else can take my place. Kris doesn't want to lose me as an employee (I'm pretty valuable) but I don't want to be doing this day job long term. So, that's the hope. Time will tell. But for now, I'm looking forward to this short-term-for-now change!

Did that just happen?

2011-05-27T18:30:00.000-05:00

Pay close attention. There will be a question at the end that needs answered.

This afternoon, while on the phone, I went outside to get my jacket out of the van. It may be irrelevant, but I was wearing jeans, a plain green t-shirt, tennis shoes, no makeup and my hair is in a pony tail. This black SUV came down the street in front of my house. I've seen cars similar to this, and when he waved, I just assumed it was a neighbor, so I smiled politely and waved back. Then I went back to my phone conversation.

A few minutes later the SUV came back the opposite direction, driving slowly. As it passed my driveway it slowed even more, and then stopped completely in front of my house. He had a passenger now, who had his window down. The passenger looked at me and said "You got a man? Where your man?" I was taken aback but trying to think quickly (because maybe this guy is going to try to kill me...) I said "On his way home." The guy looked disappointed and then they drove away.

Here is the question:

A. Was he hitting on me? Or asking that because the driver who waved at me originally was interested in my sloppy mess of a self?

B. Were they casing the joint, trying to find out if there was a man of the house to determine if they could possibly come back and kill my family, and then kidnap and rape me?

This has never happened to me before. Your thoughts are welcome.

Peace

2011-05-24T23:52:00.000-05:00

Lately life has seemed...tumultuous. Yes. That's a good word to describe it. And it's fun to say, even if it is just in my head (and now yours-seriously, how many of you stopped to think the word tumultuous just now?)

I'm working 40 hours per week in a job that I don't love but am thankful to have, trying to build my side business into my primary business (which is becoming a reality much sooner than I anticipated), raising four kids is exhausting, and marriage is by far the hardest thing I have EVER done. Actually, STAYING MARRIED is the hardest thing I have ever done. When you are really stressed out and in the midst of some serious marital tension, what do you want to do? FLEE. That's what I want to do. When things get tough or awkward between Kris and I, my instinct is to run. I just want to run away. I want to quit. I want to just forget about life for a while. It's a lot easier to run away than it is to stay and fight for your marriage. But I truly do believe that the couples that stay together and fight to keep their marriage alive come out on the other end stronger and happier. But it takes hard work. And time.

I say all of that to say that today, for the first time in months, I have felt at peace. Without the aid of Xanax. I can't explain it. Maybe it is everyone praying for me after all the "drama" from yesterday. Whatever it is...I am grateful. I came home after picking the kids up from school, expecting the usual screaming and crying and whining...and yet, I managed not to do ANY of those things on the way home. ;-)

The kids played together quietly during the entire 12 minute drive home, which is unusual, to say the least!

Then we came in and the older kids helped me put some laundry away and deal with the dishes that were mounting. With the dishes cleared away so I could see my counter tops, I started making dinner. As I was standing there, cooking my fabulous spaghetti, I realized that it had been a really long time since I made a normal, during the week dinner. Like an actual meal...not just sandwiches or cereal, which are common meals in this home, as I am usually too stressed out to "deal" with life. Or we eat out.

Standing there, preparing some garlic bread, it struck me that I was at peace. I hadn't yelled at the kids. I hadn't even been ANNOYED! It was unreal!! And it was a moment of pure bliss. Unless you understand that roiling anxiety that I feel almost every second of every day, you won't understand why I can say that the moment was pure bliss. It was a moment I was grateful for. Did I mention I hadn't taken any xanax?? It was a good moment.

And then I had to start bedtime... ;-)

Blessed are those who home school...

2011-05-24T13:27:00.002-05:00

...for they are the only ones following God's word. Where's that sarcasm font at? RELAX. I'm kidding!

I really stirred up some strong feelings on Facebook yesterday. Actually, I riled up ONE person, who in turn riled up me and about 20 of my friends!

I am not going into all of the details about where my marriage is at, or the significant pay cut we may be taking soon, or the fact the tuition we agreed to pay for next fall ended up being $300+ higher than we expected, or the very difficult weekend that I experienced.

The bottom line is that Kris and I, after many different conversations and seeking advice of people we respect (people have had raised their kids and are respected in the church), and looking at our finances and what we need to do to survive, made the decision to remove our kids from the private Christian school they were attending. We are hoping that it is only temporary and that God provides the means farther down the line to put them back in private school.

I do not have issues with home schooling. I do not have issues with the public school system. Do I want my kids taught that evolution is right? NO. They've already been taught that God created the world and we will continue to teach them the truth. Am I concerned about the sex "education" that will be taught? YES. Am I an idiot? I don't think so.

Here's the question...the debate:

Is it right for another Christian to tell a fellow sister in Christ that a decision she has made is NOT God's will for her life? Is it OK for someone who has very strong feelings about home schooling to conclude that what God has told me is based on my feelings, and not actually from God? The issue isn't home schooling vs. public school vs. private school. The issue is that I said that Kris and I were led by God to remove our children from private school and enroll them in the public school system next year.

There are benefits and drawbacks to social networking, like Facebook. I had two statuses early yesterday, as this decision was weighing heavily on my mind; very simple...just basic throwing out of info and asking for prayers.

The first one was this:

The Bishops have some tough decisions to make regarding school next year. Prayers appreciated.

The next one was this:

Thanks for all the prayers. God has been showing us in many different ways that it is time to move the kids back to public school...at least for the 2011-2012 school year. It was not an easy decision but we have peace about it.

Would those comments alone offend you or raise questions of conscience in your head?

What I thought was harmless appreciation to my friends/family for their encouragement and wisdom on the decision we had to make caused quite a stir. There were 35 comments on that second post. The first one, and the one that bothered me (and apparently all my friends!) was this:

So God is telling you to send your kids into an Atheistic, Humanist, Godless educational system for 8 hours a day?? Hmmm not seeing how you can honestly believe that or have any peace about it. You can choose to send you kids to public school, but please do not say God told you to do it because scripture is pretty clear on who is supposed to train up our children.

So...my response was this:

Nice. This isn't a debate. I don't think God tells you to raise your family the same way he tells me to raise mine. Sending my kids to public school is not against the Bible...we are and will continue to train them. You have no right to impose your very legalistic views onto me and how I choose to raise my family. I understand you have very strong feelings about the public school system but it is the parents' responsibility to train the children, not the school...the Bible doesn't say that the training has to be done at home 24/7.

And then all hell broke loose, so to speak. I had friends immediately commenting and emailing me, encouraging me and asking how I was friends with this person. Well...you know how it goes on Facebook. You're friends with someone you met at college and you knew this girl because of him but didn't really interact much and then you have a friend request and because you share common interests (God?) and you like to have friends (in general-not just on Facebook)...you become "friends" on Facebook. And every now and then, you will make a comment via a status update and sometimes people feel that it is their duty to point out that you are not being led by God if you choose to live this way or that, even if you believe that it is indeed God leading you.

So I've got my real friends jumping and defending our decision and there were counter attacks from the person who made the original comment. This person did go ahead and email me (which I believe should have been the only appropriate way this was done). The email was along the same lines...more defense of why I should NOT put my kids in public school. She included several passages from the Bible, which she believes God to be saying that it is Biblical for a mother to stay home and home school their children.

While we are told to train our children in the way they should go, nowhere in the Bible does God address the actual location of where the children are trained. I believe that the parents are responsible for training their children SPIRITUALLY. I do not believe that those passages address educational training, specifically where a child goes to school.

I also think that it is important to be open and prepare our children for what awaits them in this evil world. We live in a fallen place, with much sin, even among the church. Especially among the church! They need to know what they will be facing. We can't shelter them from the real world. We are to be IN the world, not of it. So we cannot just hide in the shelter of our home and train them up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I do not believe that is what the Bible is saying. Do I want my children over-exposed to the sin that runs rampant? Of course not. Do I believe that they need to know what the real world is like? Absolutely! And I will not waver in that. The Bible is clear on what to do/how to live with regards to lying, stealing, anger, etc...

But there are other areas, like school, that are not clearly spelled out in the Bible. And God allows us to make choices that we believe are in the best interest of our children and our family. He can and will protect my children in public school and we will continue to train them at home and confront any things being taught that go against what the Bible says. The issue of how you "teach" your children, with regards to WHERE they attend school is not something that should be debated in my opinion, and no other person should try to discount what I believe God is me telling me to do. I am not going against Scripture or just off of my "feelings" because I am putting my kids in public school until we are in a position financially to move them back to private school. If I believed that the verses this person gave me indicated that I should quit my job, stay home with my kids and home school, I would do it...because God told me to. But that just isn't the case in this scenario.

I am, of course, no longer "friends" with this person on Facebook. I don't need that kind of "counsel" and stress. I have enough in my life, and I don't need to have unnecessary negative people in my life. It is my responsibility to listen to God, to listen to the advice of my elders, to listen to His word. Not to a girl on Facebook who I consider a peer and is still raising her children, as I am.

You do what is in the best interest of your relationship with God, your marriage and your family, not based on someone else's strong opinions on the subject. And our family is in a place where the best outcome is to put them back into public school. Unless I win the lottery, which I don't play. I will not sacrifice my marriage and family just so that Kris and I can work two jobs each, never see each other or the kids, in order to keep the kids in private school. That is NOT what God is calling us to and no one else can tell me what God is or is not telling me to do.

And just as one more point on the topic...my kids are going to the mission field. They don't necessarily see if this way but essentially, they are. I see no problem with this. Abbey was witnessing to a waitress the other day at Ponderosa. No prompting from us. It's just Abbey. She loves Jesus and she loves telling other people how much she loves Jesus and how great he is. All of my kids are that way. So, why not allow my children to minister to a child who may have never been to church in their life??? I am proud of my children and I know that they will have opportunities, which they will take, to share God's love with their friends. And regardless of the other downsides to public school, if my children can share God's love with someone, they are where they need to be. God can and will use my children to be a light in the dark and I am confident in and do have peace about the decision we made.

Seriously Steak 'n Shake?

2011-05-22T22:17:00.000-05:00

So, I was at Steak 'n Shake tonight. And I had to pee. Yup. I said pee. If I were speaking to you, I wouldn't say "I had to use the facilities" or "Gotta go potty". So, what you see is what you get. Or something like that.

There were two stalls in there. One of them was roughly the size of table with seats for 6. How did I come up with that comparison? I was looking around my house, trying to think of something to compare it to...and I see my table that seats six. Simple logic.

The other stall, however, was...well...it was small. And by small, I mean TINY. I stood there staring at it for a few minutes...trying to contemplate how one would go about even shutting the door. Getting in is no problem. If you want to pee with the door wide open, for all the world to see. As you will see...there are literally just inches (maybe one or two) between the door and the toilet seat. And to the right, there is the large, round toilet paper dispenser. And trust me when I tell you that this picture is deceptive. The space on the right LOOKS a little bigger than it is. I totally could not have fit between the toilet and wall. Yes, I know I'm a big girl...(feel free to pause and enjoy the video before continuing on...)

...but I'm pretty sure my 10 year old couldn't fit between the toilet and the wall, especially with the toilet paper dispenser right there. So I came to the conclusion that the only possible way to get into the bathroom and accomplish shutting the door would be to climb up on the toilet seat and then turn around and shut the door. You would then, of course, have to exit the same way.

Needless to say, I used the table-sized stall.

And since I'm feeling generous, I'd like to take this moment to make you laugh. Are you ready? Tonight I watched this girl at Steak 'n Shake make a complete fool of herself. Moron. Idiot. She really was. As she was exiting the restaurant she went to open the door. Even though it clearly said LLUP (pretend those letters are inverted because my keyboard won't make them go the other way), she must have read it PULL and proceeded to PULL the door open. Only it wouldn't open. Because the idiot read the word backwards and the PULL only applies to the people on the outside, who know how to read left to right, and not right to left. She must have had a REALLY long day.

Yes, that idiot was me.

People Get Ready...

2011-05-21T01:43:00.000-05:00

...Jesus is coming...

in a few hours apparently.

Here's what I don't understand about people who prophesy about the end of the world or the rapture. The Bible is pretty clear that no one will know the day or the hour, and that it will come like a thief in the night...so I'm pretty sure it's not happening at 6pm in whichever time zone you happen to be in. It's all a bunch of nonsense.

I can't sleep tonight.

Olivia is having problems with her asthma again. Big surprise...

That being said, Kris stayed home with her today. Now, I should preface this by saying that Kris RARELY changes his status on Facebook. Hardly ever. So to find out he changed it twice today had to be for something good, right?

The first funny thing Olivia said is this:

"I like staying home sick most with mommy. Because mommy takes me somewhere to eat like McDonalds."

Then, later, he changed his status again to the following:

"Olivia is officially her mother's daughter. She just turned to me and said, 'OK, you can stop looking at me now.'"

Maybe it's funnier if I tell you that I say that to Kris a lot...especially when I am uncomfortable about something and he is just staring at me.

Stupid little babies

2011-05-19T00:27:00.003-05:00

You know who make me really jealous?

Like insanely, crazy, passionately jealous?

BABIES!

Like this one:

Or this one:

Even this one:

Just look at them! Do they look like they have any worries or a care in the world? Do they look like they are stressed out over money or work? To be a baby again...to be held (wait...I don't like to be held...)...to be swaddled up and kept warm. To have my every need met, whenever I cry? To be loved unconditionally. To be treated with such gentleness and tenderness. To not know the hurt and pain that comes with being an adult. To be innocent and sweet and elicit feelings of love and adoration from everyone around me.

And babies? Plain adorable. So freaking cute. They are small and helpless and can make you feel like there is a reason to live. They are the essence of life - everything that is good and true in this world.

Stupid little babies!

Random updates

2011-05-17T11:15:00.000-05:00

Work is slow. Too slow. Slow enough that the owners may be taking a pay cut. It is worrisome, since Kris is one of those owners. I don't know what we will do or how we will make it through, but the hope/prayer is that the decrease will not be long-term. The easiest thing to do to recover the loss would be to pull the kids out of private school. However, this is NOT an option. We worked too hard to get them back there.

The kids are almost done with school for the year. I had NO clue how we will manage this summer. My mother-in-law has graciously agreed to watch them as often as she can. She can't watch them on Wednesdays, so Kris and I are going to have to figure something out, since our presence is needed in the office daily. With what I consider to be a HUGE pay cut coming, paying someone to watch the kids will be problematic...

I still love bacon.

I'm still crazy (in case there was any doubt).

I still don't have my beloved Evo. Soon...very soon. I hope. Though with the upcoming income changes...we'll see...I may need to be contributing most, if not all, of my additional income just to make the bills.

I don't have a lot of time to write, and when I think to write, it is when I am utterly exhausted at night or at work. I'm not telling you which of those times I choose to write. ;-)

I am still going through the laser hair removal treatments. I have had two now. My third is on June 6th. I was told that I wouldn't notice a big difference until after the third. However, I have noticed a difference, because the hair is growing much slower and is much less noticeable. I am glad I made the decision to go through with it, and if you are self-conscious about something that this will fix, and you can afford it, I highly recommend it! It has given me one less thing to obsess about!

I have found the dearest friend in Jennifer (you know who you are). When you go for years not connecting with another woman, someone you can tell your whole heart to and know that woman to woman, they understand, it is invigorating and incredible to find a kindred spirit. We're bosom friends, like Anne and Diana. And I just wanted to give a shout out, because it brings me great joy to have found her.

I think that about sums it up for now. I have a busy week ahead, but hopefully I can sneak in some writing. I never did get a chance to show you the card the kids got me for Mother's Day. So I will try to do that soon, and also, I will have to geek out for a bit over a bridge tournament we competed in on Saturday night. Stay tuned...

Bacon artwork

2011-05-17T10:31:00.000-05:00

Van Gogh's Starry Night

A newer take on an old painting, sent to me three times in the last week, for obvious reasons, as you will see.

What else do you have for me, related to bacon?

sigh

2011-05-09T23:43:00.000-05:00

There is always a downside to being brutally honest about yourself and your life. It is worse on Facebook than among the blogging community. I know that I can write whatever I want here, and MOST of you won't judge me or think I'm as horrid as some of my more conservative friends on Facebook do.

These last couple of days have been really rough. Mother's Day didn't go as planned and the kids were really struggling, after staying up way too late Saturday night. That's the nice way of saying it. I said a few things on Facebook, most in jest, and of course I ruffled some feathers.

But you know what? I am not *THAT* mom. I'm not the mom who puts on a smile and acts like she loves being a mom at all times! I'm not the mom who pretends that my kids are NEVER bad, annoying, disrespectful, rude, etc...

Yes. Believe it or not. My kids get on my nerves. There. I said it.

I have four children under the age of 10. Three of which are all very close in age. Yes, I realize that is my fault, along with my husband's help. Why does it make me a bad mother to admit that I get annoyed by my kids' behavior sometimes? How many posts have you read about all the great, funny things that my kids do? Do I need to list them off? Am I not allowed to have a bad couple of days, and express my frustration via Facebook, which is MY personal outlet? If my comments bother you, hide me. I'm not going to be offended by that. What offends and upsets me is the implication that I do not love my kids.

Is it because I said negative things ON Mother's Day? Well I'm sorry. I didn't have a great Mother's Day. I just didn't. Does that make me a bad mom to admit that. Am I a bad mom because my ideal Mother's Day is one spent without my kids??? Without the responsibility of cooking, cleaning up messes, settling arguments, etc...?

I LOVE MY KIDS. WITH ALL MY HEART. If anyone questions that, because I say that they annoy me, or make negative comments from time to time, my only response to you is LIGHTEN UP. Just because I don't parent the way that you do, or because I am open and honest about my feelings from time to time, doesn't make me a bad parent and doesn't mean that I don't love my kids.

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world! And I REFUSE to act like I have it all together. Because the truth is, I DO NOT! You won't see me smiling all the time, cooing to my kids out in public and acting as if they never do anything to make me mad. That's not who I am. And it's unrealistic. I know from other friends who aren't afraid to be honest that you know what? Their kids annoy them too!

I didn't necessarily intend to write all of that, but I suppose I needed to vent. I've had a lot of pain in my back and am worried that it is going to give out at any minute. That never helps. My neck and head have been screaming in pain for days. It's just been hard...when you live with pain on a daily basis, it impacts everything about you, including how you feel about being a mother, and how you feel about your children/spouse.

So, I DO love my family. But that love is clouded by pain right now. So if I have offended anyone on Facebook...all I can say is that you just really don't know me, and if you don't know me, I need you to just back off. Because who are you to judge me or imply that I am a bad parent? Until you spend a day in my shoes filled with constant pain, a demanding full-time job and four children, one of which may or may not be bipolar...I don't think it's fair for you to assume that you know anything about what I am going through, or confront me for expressing some moments of weakness via Facebook.

Just to make me mad

2011-05-07T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure my husband gets some kind of sick pleasure out of making me mad.

It isn't that we fight a lot. That isn't what I am talking about. Mostly, I am an instigator, and he is a peace maker. But there are certain moments when he enjoys making me mad. It's almost as if it is some sort of a game to him.

Like the night he proposed.

Or tonight.

I told Kris tonight I was going to run to QuikTrip to get my beloved white peach tea. He said "Katherine, you should give Mommy her Mother's Day present now." So Katherine brought me a card that she picked out on her own (which I will write about tomorrow-it made me laugh and cry), and inside of it was a QT gift card. I'll admit my first thought was "Is this another $10 gift card?" It was in fact a $20 gift card, which I immediately thanked him for, then while I was out, I ended up spending $10 of it on him and the kids. So I came home and told him "Good thing it wasn't just for $10!"

Anyway...back to the story...

He decided to give me the gift he got for me tonight too. I'd been telling him that with my recent conversion into a girl, I now needed some sort of jewelry box and I made it CLEAR that I wanted to be able to HANG my necklaces. I sent him pictures of jewelry boxes/armoire, so that there would be no question about what I wanted. I told him it would make a good Mother's Day gift.

Last week he came inside with a small bag that said JC Penny Jewelry - so I figured he got me a new necklace or something. I put the thought of a jewelry box behind me, pleased that he got me a Mother's Day gift. We don't always do gifts for Mother's/Father's day...we usually just all go out to eat together.

So when he gave me my gift tonight, I was not surprised to see the JC Penny jewelry bag. Inside was a small box. I opened it up, facing away from me, and asked Olivia if it was pretty. She said "There's nothing in there." I turned it around to see that indeed there was nothing inside the necklace box. So Kris said "Oh, there's nothing in there? Well maybe you should open this then." and he handed me a small box to open. I opened that to find a VERY small jewelry box with a heart on it - with room for very little jewelry, let alone a place to hang my necklaces!!

So of course, my first thought was "Um...yeah this is NOT the kind of jewelry box I asked for." But I said "thank you", instead of something sarcastic. I know. I am as shocked as you are. But I will admit I was getting mad. I knew he was just screwing with me at this point, and likely enjoying himself immensely. Where was the necklace and why did he buy me such a tiny, useless jewelry box?

That's when he handed me the "real" present, which was a beautiful, wooden armoire of sorts, with two places to hang necklaces and a lot of room. Inside of it was a beautiful necklace with two hearts on it. So of course, I loved it! The necklace and the armoire/jewelry box. I gave the smaller jewelry box to Katherine.

But I couldn't help but be frustrated with Kris. I'm telling you, he must really love to watch me start to get mad, and then swoop in just before I really start fuming and make everything better with the "real" gift. What kind of sick, twisted human being does that?

BACON

2011-05-04T19:47:00.000-05:00

Close friends and family and anyone else who sees my status updates on Facebook know that I love bacon. I think it is one of the best foods ever created! Left uncontrolled, I could probably eat an entire pound in one sitting. I like it that much. I could eat it every day. Until my arteries clogged and I died. I would proudly welcome death by bacon.

So with my love for bacon, and my friends' knowledge of said obsession, people think of me now when they see bacon-related things. For instance, my friend Jennifer told me a couple of weeks ago about Bacon Cologne. And now, while it's pricey, I'd really like to smell it. And Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon too apparently both talked about it on their shows. Here is the video from The Colbert Report about the cologne and all the Denny's new bacon dishes:

Thought For Food

The website describes the Bacon Cologne as "pure essential oil blend of mandarin, bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, nutmeg, pimento berry, black pepper and a touch of sweet, a smidgen of savory, and one pinch of Bacon salty goodness." I wish I could request a product sample, just to smell it.

Then, not long after, my friend Jaime posted a link on how to make Bacon Roses. I love that my friends see these things and send them to me. That day, I posted the following on Facebook:

"I love that my friends keep posting weird things about bacon on my wall. That's true friendship right there! I think that when I die, I should be buried with a bacon rose made by Jaime and a small bottle of bacon cologne from Jennifer."

Jennifer also said "All I can think about is you writing a blog post or song like "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry, only with a bacon theme to it. Weird. Creepy even." I took that as a challenge - my lyrics aren't great but you will find them below. It helps to listen to the song while you read my lryics. Not great lyrics...just me being silly. Later, in the same thread, my sister was offering lines like "If I die young, bury me in bacon..." and "So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my bacon." and "What I never cooked is fried..." and then "Gather up your pork, keep it your pocket, save it for a time when you're really gonna need it."

Later, another friend posted a picture on my wall of the bacon roses with a different link. A few days ago my friend Trish said "So I'm at Denny's' right now and I'm so tempted to get the maple bacon sundae!! Have you had one yet?" The answer to the question was NO. But I am very interested in the BBLT...extra bacon on a BLT? PERFECT!

Another friend, Kim posted a link on my wall about this business these guys started. They have bacon salt, and even bacon flavored chapstick, though I am not sure I could go for that!

So with all the fun stuff people were posting, including pictures like this from Amanda who captioned it by saying "The things that make me think of you, my dear friend. :)":

...with all of that, I simply changed my status to say "I think I should have a contest to see who sends me the most bizarre bacon-related item/product. The prize of course would be a lb. of bacon from me, that you have to share with me."

Well, apparently someone took me up on it! Today when I got home, I had this odd, smallish box from Amazon.com at my door. The outside said it came from some place called BigFlySports. I waited until Kris got home, because I didn't remember ordering anything from Amazon.com and certainly not from BigFlySports. I asked him if he knew anything about it. He said "no" and so I proceeded to open it. And then I just laughed and laughed and laughed. For about 5 minutes. My kids also laughed and Katherine wanted to open it up and smell it...Here is what I received today:

Bacon Scented Car Air Freshener

And I have NO idea who sent it to me, so I can't even thank them. I just think it's hilarious and pretty awesome that I have such cool friends!

Here are the lyrics to my "Bury Me With Bacon" - it's rough, I know...I'm not a song writer! And I couldn't come up with clever lyrics for each line...

If I die soon, bury me with bacon

Lay me on homemade bacon roses

Sink them in the oil and fry

Send me away with the scent of a warm slice

And whip up an omelet, and eat it in my honor

You'll know I'm still with you when you pair it with some bacon.

A sharp knife makes a short slice.

Three slices of bacon

Goes with eggs and toast

Gather up your pork,

Keep it in your pocket

Save it for a time when you're really gonna need it.

A sharp knife makes a short slice.

Well I've had just enough time

So put on your best bib and fry up some bacon...

**some lyrics courtesy of my sister!**

Breakfast in bed

2011-05-01T09:49:00.000-05:00

I love my kids. I really do. I feel like I should preface this post with that.

Earlier in the summer, we had a conversation with them about the weekends. And letting us sleep in. They are old enough now that they can take care of themselves for a few hours in the morning. We have a finished basement with a TV and the rule was that they could get up and go downstairs and watch TV. They could even get themselves breakfast WITHOUT ASKING and could get the five year old breakfast too.

And yet...they seem to have forgotten. Perhaps it's time to have the discussion again. I am so tired of hearing them come in my room before I have any intention of getting up, and trying to have a conversation with me. Olivia is the worst, because she's five and talks....All. The. Time. The weekends are the only chance I have to sleep in. And for the last several weeks these crazy kids have made it impossible. I was ranting on Facebook yesterday about Livvy asking me constant questions that we've already told them several times they do not need permission for! AHHH!!!!!!

This morning when Olivia came into my room, I was prepared. I could hear her coming-I'm a light sleeper-and so I barely opened my eyes, verified it was her and said "Don't you say a word. Just go downstairs and watch TV." And then she did! So I thought things were good. I thought I could go back to sleep, which was just foolish, because once I'm awake, I'm awake. But I was still trying. Until Kaleb came into my room, holding a bowl of cereal in front of my face. And while I wanted to appreciate the sweetness of him making me breakfast, I just wanted to scream "GET OUT OF HERE AND LET ME SLEEP!" I didn't, of course. I'm crazy, but I'm not cruel. Most of the time. I just told him that I really appreciated that he made me cereal but that I was clearly still sleeping and someone else would have to eat it. Then he carried it away and pretty much demanded that Katherine eat it.

And while I'm ranting...why do the children always ask ME their unnecessary questions first thing in the morning? They don't go to Kris and ask him a million things or feel this need to talk to him. It's only me. Several people have suggested that Kris and I switch sides, thinking that if he is on the outside, they will talk to him. We used to sleep that way. It didn't matter. I could sleep downstairs and instead of going into my room, they would find me. I could sleep outside and their little selves would just know where I was and they would seek me out. I swear they would. *sigh* The joys of motherhood!

How do you spend your nights?

2011-04-30T22:33:00.001-05:00

I am so excited about my night job. It is so much fun, and the pay isn't bad! Unfortunately, I can't really be very open on my blog about what I do 5-6 nights out of the month ("facebook me" if you're still curious). Not for legal reasons. I'm not selling my body...in case anyone was worried (or interested). But I'm really excited because this is my best month ever, in 8 years of doing this, and I made almost $1000 this month...and was only gone 5 nights! I don't know about you, but to me, that's a lot of money!

I'm so much closer to my Evo. I'm sure you're thinking "An Evo doesn't cost $1000." Well, technically I only made $913, and I had to buy a new printer and had other expenses that I needed to do my job. Oh, and I bought some jewelry. So I have stuff to pay off, but after tithe and taxes...I still might have some "profit"! Pretty cool! And next month is looking really great too so I might actually have even MORE profit next month!!!

I know I haven't written consistently. Because I'm kind of working two jobs now, and I kind of have four kids too. And I'm so busy that there isn't much funny stuff to tell you. But I do have a little story for you. It was really frustrating for me, but I have a feeling you guys will get a good laugh out of it.

Kaleb's third grade class went to the observatory/planetarium Friday night. Last year, when Kat's class went, Kris had trouble picking her up. I figured this year would be different. That it would be better. Easier somehow.

Kaleb had to be picked up between 9:45 and 10pm. I got over there around 9:50pm. Naturally, I parked where all the other cars were. I got out of my van and headed towards the door. Well, one of them. There were at least 10. I tried the first 3, and all were locked. I tried a set of six doors. All locked. Then I walked up to the main entrance of this school where the planetarium is and that door was also locked.

I called the only mother that I had a cell number for. She said one of the doors was unlocked. Then she mentioned another mother was there and she would call her. I actually had the number for that mother, so I sent her a text message. Oh did I mention yet that I had already been walking around for 20 minutes trying to open any of these doors?? I was getting really frustrated! The mother finally texted me back and said she was coming to find me. She finally came out and I told her that NONE of the doors were unlocked. It was after 10pm at this point, and she started panicking, thinking she wouldn't be able to get back in either!

So we walked over to the door she came out of, and I knew it wasn't going to open. Because I had tried to open that same door. And you can guess what happened next. The freaking door opened!!!!! So we go to leave and I'm just dumbfounded, because I KNOW I tried to open ALL of the doors. More than once!

Kaleb then realized he had left his backpack in his friend's van. And if you know anything about Kaleb, you know we HAD to do everything within our power to get that backpack! So I texted my friend again and asked her to have the father come out and unlock his van so we could get Kaleb's backpack. A few minutes later, the father came out of the front door of the building. Note...this is NOT the same door that the other mother had been able to open. We got Kaleb's backpack, and I watched the father go back to the front entrance. And guess what?!? That door opened too. WHAT???

I was fuming at this point and just completely perplexed. I tried ALL the doors. I SWEAR I DID!!! They didn't open! I came home and after telling Kris about it, he just said "Well, maybe you just don't know how to open doors." Maybe not, jerk. Maybe not.

They're not as big as they used to be

2011-04-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

Wait...

I suppose that title could be taken wrong.

Or misconstrued.

I am not talking about body parts, just to be clear!

I am talking about those Totinos Party Pizzas. When I was growing up, that was the PERFECT size pizza for a teenager. I LOVED those pizzas - combination was my "flavor" of choice. Now that I am all grown up...it seems that the pizzas are getting smaller.

And the biggest problem (there are several) is that as the price continues to go up, I swear the pizza gets smaller. From this picture, it looks like a reasonably decent size, doesn't it?

But look at this one, with Kris' hand covering it. It's the size of his hand!!! And the worst part, HALF of the pizza is TEN Weight Watcher points! So if I wanted to eat the whole pizza, (which I do) I can't, unless I want to use half of my points for the day. I find this irritating. How can a pizza so small "cost" so much, both monetarily and in the WW world? One of the many stupid things that shouldn't bother me, but does!

St. Louis Weather Update

2011-04-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

Some of you know that I live in St. Louis. I don't know if you have followed any national news at all or heard about the tornados that ripped through the city last night, leaving 700+ homes damaged and the St. Louis Airport closed inedifinitely. We were blessed and had no damage to our home. However, there was so much devastation, less than THREE miles from our house. We live very close to the airport, which was hit hard, as well as Ferguson and Berkley MO. Our kids go to school in Maryland Heights where the tornados also struck hard. It really puts things into perspective.

You hear on the news all the time about tornados and other "acts of God" causing destruction and death. Never before have I heard of tornados going through whole cities, with no fatalities reported. As far as we know, the injuries reported have been minor. Several peopl were injured in the airport when the glass started shattering from the windows but even those injuries have not been portrayed as serious.

For me, it's like God has his hand of protection over the entire city of St. Louis. Through all the damage and destruction, the fact that there were no fatalities or serious injuries is just overwhelming. I spent a couple of hours today walking through Ferguson taking pictures of the damages. I *think* you can see these pictures even without a Facebook account or without being my friend. At least I hope so. If not, leave your email in the comments and I can email them to you, if you are interested in seeing the damage.

Pictures of St. Louis April 22, 2011 tornado

Best. Wife. Ever.

2011-04-22T15:20:00.000-05:00

I know that by now you all know what a kind-hearted, loving wife that I am. And how I am always praising my husband both here in blog form and to his face. You know how sweet and even-tempered I am. You know how many posts I have written about the many awesome things I have said and done to really just build up my husband and validate him as a man.

You also know by now that I am also a liar. And how I have said such things as "I'm not like you. I'm not stupid" or "Sometimes I think about coming over there and kissing you, and then I see your face." or "You're horrible at putting things places." Newer readers...within context those comments aren't nearly as bad as they sound. I swear!

So...funny story for you...about how *nice* I am.

This segment is called "The Ungrateful Wife".

I've been trying to decide how to tell this story. Do I begin with the actual facts of what happened? Or do I tell you MY thought process and Kristopher's interpretation of the situation?

I think I have settled on telling you EXACTLY what happened and then explaining WHY I'm not really as bad as I sound. Or why I am? Bottom line: there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with me!

I love QuikTrip. I have a bit of a problem. A serious addiction, really. I've talked about it before. It's the Peach White Tea that they keep on tap in the fountain every day, just for me. Some days, it's pretty bad...I carry my 52 oz cup with me everywhere, filled up with the "good stuff". I think at it's worst (or best in my opinion!), I have made three stops at the QT fountain within one day. Because I keep my cup, that comes out to $3.15. Per day. If I went every day. So basically all of my spending money goes to supply my habit. But most days, I can limit myself to just ONE refill. MOST days. And on the rare occasion, I don't even get any tea at all. VERY RARE.

Contrary to my normal behavior, a few weeks ago I very lovingly encouraged Kris (no sarcasm here for once) to get out of the house. To take a break from helping me get ready for my parents' imminent arrival into town from my home state of Indiana. There was much cleaning and laundry that had to be done...and he had had a stressful day (while he was gone I just hid everything downstairs and in my room!). It was one of my rare moments when I am sincerely, with no sarcasm, serious about being nice to him.

Kris' dad had recently given us some money (a late Christmas present)...and I had told Kris that I wanted to go to the casino. He said he wanted to go too. But we had a problem. Well, we had FOUR problems. Their names are Katherine, Kaleb, Abbey and Olivia. ;-)

To solve this problem, I suggested that Kris go by himself to the casino that night, with the understanding that the next night was MINE. He agreed. He was gone for a LONG time. And when he came home that night, through my drug-induced hazy sleep, I heard him say he came home with $30. At first, I thought he JUST came home with $30. But I found out the next morning that was not the case...he came home with what he went in with PLUS $30.

So I did what any good, loving wife would do. I asked him if I could have it.

He said no.

Then he proceeded to tell me that he THOUGHT about buying me a QT gift card, but that it was too late by the time he left the casino.

My thoughts?

#1. QT is open 24 hours. It's NEVER too late, even if he was tired.

#2. It's NOT the thought that counts. If that gift card is not in my hands, why tell me about it? Does he not know about me and all my crazy after 12 years?

So a week or so passed. No gift card.

FINALLY...about two weeks later, we went in to get tea at QT. He rarely goes in with me, but this time, he followed me in. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was coming in with me and I was like "Um...OK." So I walk in, and then turn to say something (assuming he is following me). But he was at the counter and he waved me away. It was clear that I was finally going to get my gift card, which was great timing because I was running out of money and payday was too far off!

I get my tea and he hands me a gift card. I have no idea how much he put on it, but since we had previously talked about him winning $30, I had it in my head that he was implying that he was planning to buy me a $30 gift card. It's not my fault that he set a false expectation.

I took the gift card and proceeded to pay for my tea. They handed the card back to me and told me I had $8.96 left on my card.

And you guys know me. You know that I am never sarcastic or hateful or anything less than sweet.

So, when we walked out, it should come as no surprise to you that as we were walking out I said "Wow, you were really generous..."

Kris looked at me, taken aback. I assume he expected to hear the words "thank you" come out of my mouth or something like "you're the best husband ever". Has he never met me?

Likewise, my comment was purely based out of being shocked that he used only $10 of the $30 I expected to "see". He told me that he used half of his money on me, which I countered by reminding him that he said he won $30. He just said "Oh yeah..."

We talked about it later, and he gave me his version (which I wanted him to write down so I could share it with you because it was funny and very embellished!). I explained to him why I was so shocked and explained that it was really his fault for telling me, in the same breath, that he won $30 and thought about buying me a QT gift card.

And for those of you Kris supporters out there, just to be clear, I have since thanked him and truly was grateful for the gift card. I'm selfish most of the time, but I'm not heartless! But that gift card did NOT stretch very far...

Have you missed me?

2011-04-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

I will write again, some day soon.

When I'm not so tired.

When I'm not so busy.

About bacon.

About Totino's party pizzas and my "issue" with them.

About how grateful I was for the gift card my husband bought me recently, and how he didn't seem to understand how grateful I truly was.

About our inability to keep fish alive - it's a wonder the children are all still healthy and alive.

About the millionth time I've started Weight Watchers and how it's going - first week down two pounds - let's see how long I can stay on it this time. The proverbial food wagon...

About how great my small business is going right now - though I have to be cryptic about that because there are such strict rules about what you can and cannot put on the internet. If you friend me on Facebook and want to learn more about my small business, feel free to send me a request - the name can be searched under Jamie Cross Bishop. Just be sure you send me a message telling me you read my blog.

WHO IS DOING IT??

2011-04-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

I get a kick out of little things.

Things like looking at Google Analytics to see how many people have visited my blog, how many repeat visitors I have, what browsers they are using, what devices they are using to view the blog, and how much time is spent on my blog. It's an obsession. The weird thing is that while I LOVE that there are people out there who don't know me that find some sort of interest in my crazy life, it's never been about numbers for me. If you want to read my blog, great! If not, I'm OK with that. It's mine and for me and my family. If I can make you laugh from time to time because I'm a crazy person, well, so be it!

But lately, I have been noticing more and more that apparently (unless Blogger is lying to me) some of you are recommending my blog on Facebook. I added that button a long time ago, at the end of each post, to recommend on Facebook. I didn't realize people were actually using it until the other day when I found out that my husband had recommended it on his page.

Now, I find myself looking at that number. And it makes me wonder if it is lying to me. I know my friend Nichole recommended the post I wrote about how she is turning me into a girl. But unless it is one of my friends, I have NO idea WHO IS DOING IT!

Don't get me wrong. THANK YOU! But seriously...I have to know. Are you recommending my blog posts from time to time on Facebook, and if so, I'm just curious, why? There are some posts where 7-9 people have supposedly recommended it, and I just find it hard to believe, because I was pretty sure only about 4 people actually read this little thing I pretend to call a blog! ;-)

So, fess up. Who are you and if you are recommending my blog posts on Facebook, we might as well take the first step towards being Facebook friends. Because you're very appreciated in my book. So, if it's you, connect with me on Facebook (because I'm there...a lot...). Even if you aren't recommending the posts, but want to connect via Facebook, send me a friend request (to my actual page, not my blog page). Just tell me that you read my blog, so I know you're not some crazy person trying to send me spam or porn or some other nonsense.

You can find me on Facebook here. I look forward to finding out which of you are making my day and fueling my obsession!

Poor sportsmanship

2011-04-11T10:07:00.000-05:00

Here is a little tidbit of information you may not have known.

No girl is too young for "catty-ness". I learned this yesterday.

Katherine is playing basketball in a spring league. These are fourth grade girls. Approximately ages 10 and 11. So, you would think that they would not yet have learned to be as catty as grown women. And yet, somehow, there are some girls within this age range that do or say things that are appalling.

I was really angry yesterday. I'm not angry today, but still appalled at something that happened after Kat's game yesterday.

Let me start of by saying that Kat's team won, and while she only played a few minutes, she was guarding her girl CONSTANTLY and never gave her a chance to get the ball. It of course was a proud mom moment. The girls played hard, and they won, by I think 5 points or so. It wasn't a huge point difference and both teams played hard, and played well.

So, I was shocked, to say the least, when after the game Kat whispered something that had happened to her.

Apparently, when they were going by and "high-fiving" each other, as they always do after a game, this same little girl that Kat was guarding walked by and whispered "Loser" in her ear. And maybe you're thinking "What? Are you serious?" Because that is what I was thinking.

But wait...it gets worse.

Not only did she call my daughter a loser (which she clearly wasn't since they won but I won't go into her confusion on what a loser was...), when they passed by to high five, she dug her fingernails into Katherine's hand!!!!

WHAT???

So I'm not happy. What mother would be??

But wait...it's even worse than that.

Katherine wasn't the only girl this happened to on our team. At least 1 or 2 other girls received the exact same "clawing" and being called a loser! One girl had skin pulled back because of this girl's fingernails! It seems to primarily have happened to the girls that were guarding #50. That's right...I'm calling out #50.

Who does that? Katherine would be in some serious trouble if I found out she did something like that. I was appalled!!! And it leaves me thinking "Where does a 10 year old learn that kind of behavior?" I'm not saying the coach or the girl's parents approve of her behaving that way, but what I am saying is that I just do not understand why that little girl would act that way (it seems kind of extreme) and seem to think that her behavior was acceptable. And perhaps she knew it was wrong...but she still did it.

Did I mention that this is a Catholic league? I'm not saying that private Catholic/Christian schools won't have students who aren't kind and sportsman-like. But you would think that there would be a higher standard.

What do you think? Am I justified in being angered by this?

If you really knew me

2011-04-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

#3. If you really knew me...

...you would know that I am so NOT a girly girl.

Much like Pinnochio, I've been a puppet. For years. Most of my life, really. Never being one to conform just because everyone else is, I did not wear makeup in high school. I did not wear dresses unless forced to by my mother or an obligation depending on which church I went to. I didn't wear jewelry. When Kris and I got engaged, I told him 1/5 of a carat would do for my engagement ring. He didn't listen, and bought me a 1/4 carat...but he knew better than to go higher than that because #1. He couldn't afford it. #2. He knew that I was not into jewelry, especially the big, flashy, kind.

Over the years, I've tried to tug on my puppet strings a bit and break out of my tomboy ways. I'd wear makeup from time to time. I'd put on a skirt/dress. Primarily because I was pregnant every summer for several years in a row and let's face it...when you're hot AND pregnant, you'll pretty much do whatever you can to stay cool. With regards to makeup, I'd wear it for a couple of days and then revert back to my "I'm so thankful I have a face that doesn't need makeup" attitude. Well, some days it was that. Some days it was "I am so NOT going to take the time and effort for that girly nonsense!"

But now, the day has come. The day that my magical fairy grants me a wish and I am no longer a puppet. I am a REAL girl! I am not sure how I feel about this though.

You see...for quite some time now (MONTHS!), I have been wearing makeup. I keep it in the van and put it on before I go into work or church or wherever. That's the only way it gets on my face. I can't explain it. Well, I probably could, but it's really boring and stupid and so let's just leave at "I put it on in my van."

And then, my friend Nichole decided to start a business. A jewelry business. A Premium Jewelry business. And because I'm pretty much the best friend ever, I BEGGED her to let me have a show for her! What with my love for jewelry and all. Wait...that's not quite how it happened. Oh that's right...she asked me if I would host a party for her and I agreed. Because I am still pretty much the best friend ever. But I wasn't that thrilled about the product itself...being that I am NOT a jewelry person. So Nichole came over, did her presentation and showed us all the jewelry...and I found that it all was quite beautiful. And as long as I was getting free jewelry...I could maybe try wearing it. I thought it would stop there.

I thought I'd get a few pieces and probably forget to wear them. And then, at Kohl's the other day, I ashamedly caught myself holding jewelry in my hand, thinking about purchasing it! I immediately texted Nichole, demanding to know what she had done to me! She corrupted me. And now I wear something and think "I need some jewelry to go with that." What is wrong with me???

When my jewelry actually arrived yesterday, I was like a little girl at Christmas, like I am whenever I get any new Pampered Chef item! And guess what I'm wearing today!?! Makeup, earrings AND a necklace.

*gasp*

Imagine that...Jamie is finally growing up...

My mind, face and wardrobe are all confused!

Afraid

2011-04-03T02:12:00.000-05:00

What are you afraid of?

Animals? Germs? Commitment? Cabbage Patch Kids?

Mice don't really scare me...though I do despise them. I also hate squirrels...they are evil and expensive to expel from your home. I should have just fed them and kept them as pets. But again, they do not scare me. Cockroaches, while completely disgusting, do not terrify me. They do however creep me out!! I never minded the crickets that occupied our home for a while. I just disagreed with their "religion" and refused to let them run their cult out of my home.

Here are some things that DO scare me:

People. I don't like 'em. 95% of them are idiots. If you are reading this, likely you are in the 5% that I do not consider idiots! Because we all know that anyone who reads this lovely little blog of mine is certainly NOT an idiot.

Hugging. Yeah...you know how I feel about that. Mom and Dad...I don't mind hugging you! Or you Jennifer Young, but only when we haven't seen each other for a while.

The dark. That's right. I'm a 32 29 year old woman afraid of the dark. I'm like a child. And yet I have no sympathy when my children tell me they are afraid of the dark. My fear isn't rational, especially when you couple that with the fact that I also fear that in this darkness someone is going to rape and then kill me. Yes...this is what is in my crazy head. I think about this way more than I should!

My husband dying and leaving me alone to raise four children on my own. And we do all know that he has promised me he is not going to die any time soon, but it still scares me.

And while I play out my husband dying, another fear creeps in. A fear that if he does die while the kids are still young, no one will want to marry me. Who wants an insta-family? Not very many people. I have absolutely no experience with dating and I'm pretty sure that no one else would put up with all the crazy that Kristopher puts up with! And there is A LOT of crazy in this head of mine!!!

Losing a child. I cannot even begin to imagine what that is like and don't want to ever find out. EVER.

Laundry. Yes, laundry. I mean, who isn't??

Pain. I'm afraid of pain. In terms of dying. I am not afraid of dying. I am just afraid that it will hurt. That I'll get shot or be tortured (by that person who waits in the dark to rape and kill me), or that I'll drown or be strangled. I would prefer to die peacefully in my sleep. I get anxious when I think about pain that may be associated with dying.

This has all turned very morbid hasn't it? It's probably because I am writing this at 2:45AM because I can't sleep. And these are the thoughts that spill out when the day is done and I am left to my own thoughts!

What is your biggest fear?

A new bedtime idea

2011-04-02T21:03:00.000-05:00

My friends are so much cleverer than I am. On Friday, I wrote about how much I hate bedtime. I posted a link to that on Facebook this morning. One friend explained that when her kids go to bed happy, they do not go to sleep right away, but if they are mad or upset, they pass right out! So I started thinking that maybe perhaps making the children cry each night at bedtime might be really good for everyone. I mean...it will be good for the kids, because they will fall asleep sooner, thus giving them the rest they really need, so that they are less cranky the next day. And it will be good for Kris and I, because our voices will no longer be hoarse from yelling at them to get back in bed, and it will allow us to spend more quality time together without the constant interruption of a child with some bizarre excuse as to why they just NEED to get up.

So I was pondering this, and then another friend, also much more clever/cleverer (Shawn Spencer would say "I've heard it both ways.") commented "So the poem about the woman who lives in a shoe is really starting to make sense now..." Of course, I only remembered the first two lines, so I had to look it up...and I am convinced now that not much has changed since this was written in 1794. Check it out:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

C'mon people! 217 years ago it was a good way to keep the children in line at bedtime. Perhaps we should go back to this old nursery rhyme. I think this is some sound advice, with regards to a bedtime routine. What do you think? Who's with me? Likely NOT Super Nanny or Social Services.

General Hospital

2011-04-02T06:30:00.001-05:00

How many of you out there watch a soap opera?

A long time ago...when I was in high school...I wanted to watch General Hospital. My mom didn't want us watching it...but sorry mom...sometimes we would sneak and watch it when we got home from school. In college, I never had time to watch it. But after I had Katherine and was home during the day all the time, I started watching it again.

First of all, it amazes me that you can go YEARS without watching a show and then within 2 episodes be caught back up.

What is it about soap operas? The acting is typically horrible. The storyline is replayed over and over again. Characters die. But then wait...they're not really dead. Oh wait....yes they are. That's just their twin. Wait...now it's the real person and the twin is the psychopath. And it goes like this over and over again.

Or how about the fact that everyone is related in one way or another. Sonny, on General Hospital, has sired at least 27 children, hasn't he? And the women he hasn't impregnated, he has slept with. And Brenda? She was dead several times. Sonny's wives always die or divorce him. How many wives have they killed off for that guy? And the amount of divorces on that show...it's just so unrealistic.

And yet...I'm drawn in. Every time. I don't have Tivo or DVR, so I can't save shows to watch later. If it doesn't come on Hulu.com, I don't watch it. And then, about 2 months ago, I saw that it was finally on Hulu. So I have started watching it again, and while so stupid with horrible acting, I'm once again drawn in, and every Friday I'm left wondering what will happen next week!

So, what is it? Why are soap operas as intriguing as they are? Why?

Oh and my last question is this:

Will Sonny ever age? I mean, he looks exactly the same as he looked 18 years ago! No younger, no older. It's like the man doesn't change at all.

Bedtime, how I despise you...

2011-04-01T06:30:00.019-05:00

Have I ever told you how much I HATE bedtime? Hate isn't even a strong enough word for it. The kids seem intent on sending me into a fit of rage. Every. Single. Night. It's maddening!!

Common excuses, most of which I am sure all parents have all heard:

5 minutes in:

"I can't sleep."
My response: You haven't even TRIED! It's only been 5 minutes!!"

"I'm thirsty" or "I need a drink."
My response: Whatever. Hurry up.

"I need to go potty."
My response: Go. Just hurry up.

10 minutes in:
"I forgot to brush my teeth."
My response: Too bad. You should have done that 20 minutes ago when I told you to get ready for bed.
Their further response: But then my teeth won't be clean.
My further response: Not my problem.

"My belly hurts."
My response: Do you feel like you're going to throw up?
Their further response (ALWAYS): Yes.
My response: Don't you DARE throw up! You get a bucket and you lay back down. If you are going to throw up, you throw up in the bucket!!! And you'd better not throw up!

20 minutes in:

"I forgot to tell you something...(long pause while I sit there looking extremely annoyed)...I love you."

My response: I love you too. Now go to bed and don't get up again!

"My elbow hurts." (Elbow can be substituted with knee, toe, finger, head, eyeball, spleen, etc...)
My response: Well, go to sleep and if it is still hurting in the morning, I'll look at it.

"I need a bandaid for my boo boo."
My response: Let me see it. (I investigate) You do not. I can't even see anything. Back to bed.

"The TV is too loud."
My response: Shut your door.

"(insert name of any child here) won't stop talking so I can't go to sleep."
My response: Shut your door if you don't want to hear it.

"I'm scared of the dark."
My response: No you're not. Get in bed right now or I will shut your door and then you'll really be scared of the dark!

1 hour in:

If I hear anything at this point, which is about once or twice a week, I simply throw my hands up in the air and scream an exasperated "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*sigh*

I know that all too soon my children will grow up and move on with their lives and that as everyone says I "should cherish these moments."

You know what my response is to that?

Why don't you come over every night for the next ten years and go right ahead and cherish it while I lock myself in my room, curl up into the fetal position and wonder why on earth I thought having kids was a good idea.

All I do want to do ~~practically every night~~ occasionally is ~~yell SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!~~ say calmly "It's time for bed now kids. Please close your eyes and mouths and go to sleep."

What I know for sure...

2011-03-31T14:53:00.000-05:00

1.) Compile and share a list of your favorite tweets.

2.) Share a story of a memorable dinner.

3.) What I know for sure.

4.) You stole WHAT!?! Spill it!

5.) The house that built me.

#3. What I know for sure.

I know for sure that the other night while under the influence of sleep medication, Kris told me I started making out with him. Then I turned back to watch Chuck, and promptly fell asleep on the couch. Here's the thing: I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS...AT ALL!!! Makes me wonder what else I have done without knowing.

I know for sure that Livvy has not coughed at all the last four nights after she's gone to bed. HUGE difference!!! See previous post for details on why that's a big deal. It's amazing the difference I've seen in her! Take that dust mites!!

I know for sure that sometimes you just need a bowl of cereal before bed.

I know for sure that I fell asleep last night while trying to write this post!

I know for sure that I miss my muscle relaxer. I'm on an antibiotic for another 5 days and my muscle relaxer interferes with it, so I cannot take it. My body CAN tell a difference!

I know for sure that some of my favorite songs right now are "What Do You Want" (Jerrod Niemann), "Not Tonight" and "Just By Being You" (Steel Magnolia), "Jar of Hearts" (Christina Perri) and "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not", "My Kind of Crazy", and "If It Takes All Night" (Thompson Square).

I know for sure that sometimes my blog is just plain boring! :-)

A brave little girl

2011-03-28T15:40:00.000-05:00

Today I took Olivia for the dreaded "skin test". She has had issues with allergies for years. Granted she's only 5, but between her asthma and our being convinced that she was, at the very least, allergic to soy bean oil, it was getting really hard to feed her. And then I thought she was allergic to milk because she broke out in hives after having it a couple of weeks ago. Well, today was the BIG day.

The allergist was really nice too, so she put me Olivia right at ease. The test consisted of a total of 48 pricks on her skin. 6 sets of 8 different allergens. They did the four sets on her back all at once...one nurse on each side. Then they did the set on her arms at the same time, again one nurse on each side. And then we had to wait. And keep Olivia from scratching, which was more difficult than anything else.

First of all, she didn't cry. AT ALL. Such a brave girl. She did really great and the doctor and nurses kept going on and on about how great she was. They said she was the best patient they had had in a long time! We made it through the next 30 minutes until the nurse came in and put cream on all of her tested areas.

Here is what I found out.

She is NOT allergic to soy bean. AT ALL. Of all the things I was convinced she was allergic to, soy bean is NOT one of them! Which I suppose is good news, because it may expand what she can eat.

Now, let's talk about what she IS allergic to. Before we get to the foods...

The biggest one is DUST MITES. So now we have to get a vinyl pillow covering and get rid of her stuffed animals. Not all of them, and she can play during the day, but she cannot sleep with a stuffed animal. I promised her a trip to Target to pick out a special doll/toy to sleep with at night that the dust mites can't live in. The allergist actually said she is allergic to the dust mite feces. That's just gross! To think that there are dust mites everywhere...leaving their feces...YUCK!

She is NOT allergic to dogs. She is however VERY allergic to CATS. Do you know how happy this makes me? I am SO proud of that little girl!!! Being that I don't like cats and all, I have an even better excuse to never get a cat, aside from the fact that I'd never get one anyway!

She is allergic to every kind of pollen that there is. Tree pollen, grass pollen, weed pollen. So we're screwed there. Good thing I'm not a window-opener. I'm more of a "turn the air on whenever it feels too hot because I don't care about the electric bill" kinda girl anyway...so this is actually safer for Olivia.

She is also allergic to mold. And I know that we have mold in our house. I am not sure how we address that, since there's no way we can move or afford to completely remodel the house in order to get rid of the mold. We'll just have to figure out a way to keep her from being exposed to it I suppose.

The allergist thought it was odd, seeing as how Livvy has NEVER been around horses (to my knowledge) but she is allergic to horses. There goes her Triple Crown dreams.

Next we have a few food issues, potentially. The allergist explained that food tests can often have a false positive, but NEVER a false negative. Meaning that if soy bean is negative...it's negative. However, she tested positive on the skin test for an allergy to PEANUTS, WALNUTS, and SESAME SEEDS. I had to take her to a lab to have a blood draw to see if she is truly allergic to those foods. She has to go back to see the allergist in 4 weeks.

The allergist explained that some of the hives we have seen can simply be that because she has eczema, her skin is just extra sensitive/reactive. So while soy bean oil was a common ingredient in peanut butter, ranch dressing and Pringles, she may not actually be allergic to them. We will still avoid peanut butter for now, until we find out for sure if she is allergic to peanuts or not.

It feels good to finally have that done and have some answers. I will feel even better when I know if she is allergic to peanuts, walnuts and sesame seeds. Oh and the allergist did say that her reaction to wheat was higher than normal, but that she didn't believe she was allergic to it. And she also said that allergy shots ARE in her future. Poor baby. She gave us a prescription for Singulair and I have to start giving her Zyrtec once a day as well.

So there's the update, for all of you who were waiting and concerned. We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers!

An old journal entry

2011-03-24T23:20:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday again, which means it's time for Mama Kat's writer's workshop. I was going to write about what I do that drives Kris crazy...but the list is just too long. I mean, he'll tell you that he only hates it when I crunch...in fact, my first blog on blogger URL was krishatescrunching.blogspot.com.

So that got me thinking that I could share a "journal" entry from that particular blog, since that is essentially what my blog is/was-a journal. I was just thinking on the way into the house to night that the gum balls were out in full force

From Saturday, February 25, 2006:

So, we have this stupid, incredibly annoying gumball tree in our front yard. And those things mass produce themselves daily. I've needed to get out there (Kris hates yardwork and doesn't really have time) and rake the gumballs up, because in the last couple of weeks, it has become a mine field, trying to walk through the yard. Even the driveway was beginning to get covered with those stupid things. So on the way home from school yesterday, I told the kids that they could play outside because it was so nice out. And I said something about mommy getting out there and raking up some of the gum balls.

Katherine [only 5 at the time] then says "I wonder why God put that tree in our yard." And I told her that the tree was probably there long before the house and that really she should be wondering why someone thought it was a good idea to put a house next to a gumball tree. (And don't give me that whole "it provides shade" thing--I'll take the heat over the chaos in my yard). So anyway...she said again that she wondered why God put the tree in our yard and I repeated myself and she said "Well, I wonder why God put trees in people's yards." So again I told her that most of the time the trees were there before the houses. So then she said "But what I want to know is why God put gumballs on the trees." I told her that I had absolutely no idea and that it was a good question and I wondered that myself sometimes.

Then Kaleb chimes in and says "It's just because Jesus can do whatever he wants." It was hilarious! Kaleb went on to say that maybe Evan's dad (Evan is a boy in his class--I may have the name wrong) built the house and that Evan's dad builds everything. So I had a good laugh over the whole conversation. They can be so cute!

Speaking of feeling violated...updated

2011-03-21T07:00:00.016-05:00

Remember my dermatologist appointment post from yesterday? Let me follow that up with my creepy massage experience from Saturday.

I got two more cortisone shots, this time in my left shoulder. The following night (Thursday) I think I slept on my shoulder funny. I woke up Friday morning with awful pain in my left shoulder-I could feel a huge knot and the pain was stretching up into my neck/head on the left side. I finally located my BioFreeze that had misplaced itself and began massaging that into my shoulder and neck. It provided *some* relief...but the knot was still there. I had scheduled a last minute massage for Saturday night, hoping that between that and the cortisone shots, I would finally experience some relief from the neck pain that has been plaguing me for over two years.

I am pretty sure I got the only massage therapist available, and I hesitate to even call her a massage therapist. She was creepy, to say the least! Not at first. At first she seemed nice enough. A little...weird...and way too chatty...but OK. I was still hopeful. I had a 90 minute massage scheduled. At 6pm, my appointment time, the therapist came and introduced herself, and then asked me if it was OK if I waited a few minutes because she had some "cleansing" she needed to do. I wasn't sure if she meant cleaning, like the room, or cleansing...like her mind? But I was fine with waiting. I wanted to get my eyebrows waxed anyway and they just did that first, instead of after the massage as I had originally planned. So I got back into the room around 6:15pm. I got myself situated, without the presence of anyone else (dermatologist, take note!) and so the massage started around 6:20pm. Which means it should have ended at 7:40, because a 90 minute massage is really only 80 minutes of actual massage time.

I had explained to the therapist that I had a knot in my shoulder and pain in my neck. She said she'd try this "rolling" technique that I was really going to like. First things first, she wasn't very good. At the whole massaging thing. Which is really unfortuante because that's kind of her job! It didn't feel great, but not much time had passed, so I was thinking "she'll eventually really get into actually massaging my sore muscles..."

After a while of sub-par massage, she asks "Can I put my fingers in your hair?" Now, I'm all about having my scalp massaged. I think it feels great...although now I may be a little hesitant to let anyone touch my scalp again! So I tell her to feel free. So she begins and I should have been freaked out the first time she kind of "sighed". And for the next 10 minutes at least she proceeds to "play" in my hair, massaging my scalp and kind of MOANING from time to time!!! WHAT?? I am not joking! This really did happen to me Saturday night. At the end of the massage, she sighed heavily and said something about that being great...and I'm like...wait...shouldn't I be the one saying that? She was acting as if she had enjoyed it more than I did...which in reality is likely true, since I didn't enjoy it at all!!

As if that wasn't bad enough...she didn't even flip me over. If you've never had a massage, usually you start on your stomach and then they flip you over and massage the other side (minds out of the gutter people...they do avoid the areas you don't want them touching). But she didn't flip me over, which also meant that the area where the knot was in my shoulder didn't get the same attention it would ahve with pretty much any other massage therapist-because they actually know what they are doing.

So she tells me we're done and leaves the room. I look at the clock. It's 7:20!!! Remember, the 90 minute massage started at 6:20pm. I was NOT happy. Not only did I feel completely the same as before the massage (which was a little bit better than awful and I got to add creeped out to that), I got robbed of 20 minutes! Really, I got robbed of the entire massage if we're being honest. Since the therapist was horrible.

And because I'm not a confrontational person (except when writing), I didn't say anything. I keep thinking about emailing them. When I went out there to "tip" (which was less than 15% percent...I shouldn't have given her ANYTHING!), she just hovered for a while, so I would have felt weird saying anything at that point. And when I looked at my receipt, they charged me for 3 half hour increments. For my 60 minute massage, if you can even call it that.

What would you have done? I will confront it...if I can find an email address, or work up the courage sometime this week to call or go over there.

**UPDATE** - I worked up the courage and called this morning. They were very sorry and very good about it and credited my 90 minutes back to my account!! So I still love the company and they assured me they would NOT put me with that therapist again and that they would talk to her.

Derma-completely-inappropriate-tologist

2011-03-20T22:22:00.000-05:00

I went to see the dermatologist on Wednesday to have suspicious looking spot checked out. It was on my back, and I had no clue it was even there until the rheumatolgist pointed it out. I'll start out by telling you the biopsy came back clean...so I'm good there.

Now that that is out of the way...let me tell you a little story.

The appointment started out like any other. You know...get there 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork that only takes 2 minutes. Seriously...there was only ONE form. I felt a little cheated. I mean, I'm so used to 15 pages of paperwork, where you essentially write down the same address and insurance info on each individual page. I guess the one page only should have been the first sign that this doctor appointment wouldn't be just any ordinary appointment.

After keeping me waiting for what only doctors would consider an appropriate amount of time, I was finally called back. Where as you all can guess, I waited some more. After another "appropriate" amount of time, the dermatologist finally came in. She briefly introduced herself and then proceeded to violate me. Or at least, that is how I felt. People, I am not a stripper and I do NOT take kindly to people asking me to take my shirt off for them.

I am not even exaggerating the fact that she told me to take my shirt off. But first, let me back up a little. Let me show you the view from the little room I was in.

This is ALMOST at ground level! I could see people walking back and forth. CLEARLY. So that in and of itself was a little disturbing. And the blinds were up. And the doctor came in. And told me to take my shirt off. She didn't close the blinds. She didn't give me a gown to put on or politely excuse herself while I undressed. She just stood there while I took my shirt off...and didn't pay me for it! In fact, I had to pay her!!! What kind of craziness is that?

So she has me lay down on the table, spends 5 seconds removing the spot, then tells me how to care for my "open wound". And as I am picking my shirt up, with her still standing there, she opens the door. I'm left standing there, holding my shirt, half naked and she walks out of the room!!! I could see the receptionist!

OK...I shouldn't feel as violated as I did...when you look at the building from the outside, the windows are so dark that you can't see anything. But I wasn't thinking of any of that. All I could think about was the fact that I could see the people walking back and forth and I was half naked. It was horrifying and humiliating! And the fact that the receptionist was there in plain view while I held my shirt in my hand just made it that much worse.

Raising Hope

2011-03-19T00:04:00.000-05:00

Do any of you out there watch Raising Hope? I love that show. It's one of my favorites out there presently. That, and Big Bang Theory. I'm also a big fan of Chuck and Psych. Along with about 75 other shows. And while I'm talking about shows I love (or USED to love), the second half of Glee this week was GREAT!!! I loved all of the music, especially "Get It Right" and "Loser Like Me".

I got cortisone injections in my left shoulder on Wednesday. I can't really tell a difference. And then this morning I woke up with a horrible knot in my left shoulder, radiating up my neck on the left side. I think I just slept "funny"...after 14 hours of pain, I remember I had BioFreeze somewhere, found it and applied it. It finally gave me a little relief...a little. I'm hoping it will work itself out by morning. If not, I have a massage scheduled for the evening...

I love the new muscle relaxer I am on. It's called Tizanidine. I swapped my Unisom out for it and the last two nights have not taken Melatonin and am still sleeping just the same...4-6 hours straight without waking up!!! This is so great! So far, I haven't cut the two Xanax (used to be three) down to 2 at night. I can't tell you how great it feels, after 8+ years of not sleeping at night to sleep for even just a few solid hours!

Oh and just for those who were wondering, there was nothing cancerous in the spot the dermatologist removed from my back. So all is well on that front!

That's it for the quick, boring update. I can barely keep my eyes open, because this muscle relaxer is pretty powerful. I'd better go! Have a good weeknd! I apologize in advance for any typos or grammar errors. I'm now half asleep.

Writer's Workshop

2011-03-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

I chose writing prompt #3, possibly because I am in a bad mood right now, and so I am discontent.

"I often daydream about..."

Being independent, i.e. unmarried and unencumbered by the burdens and hardships that come with children and marriage.

Traveling the world, seeing all the places and things I've always wanted to see. Castles, ruins, beatuiful architecture. Mountains, oceans...

Being thin...and yet still being able to eat whatever I want.

Feeling beatuiful.

Men that aren't creepy being attracted to me, both physically and for my funny, light-hearted personality.

Being NOT crazy.

Being less emotional.

-----

And yet, in the midst of all of that, I daydream about...

Growing old with Kris

Dying before he does, so I don't have to cope with losing him.

Seeing my kids grow.

Seeing the paths that my kids choose for themselves.

Enjoying my grandchildren.

Going to culinary school.

It's a wonder I get any work done at all with all the day dreaming that I do!!!

More doctors

2011-03-16T00:08:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow will be a day filled with Dr. appointments. OK...not filled. But I do have two. At 9:55am I am going back to the rheumatologist for the cortisone injections on my left side (neck/shoulder). I told you I did the right side didn't I? Then at 2pm I am going to the dermatologist to make sure I don't have skin cancer...good times...I'm not really worried about it...but it's best to be safe. I'm pretty sure one of my brothers and my sister have had spots/moles removed and it hasn't been a big deal, so I am not panicking unless it becomes necessary, at which point...I can't say what I will do!

Work is CRAZY. Nothing new there! I was off on Friday and Monday and between those two days managed to put in 5 hours anyway. So much for taking off! I have a problem!!! But I am SO far behind (even though I caught Friday/Monday up before I left). I have so many things on my calendar for today and tomorrow that I didn't get to, because I was too busy answering the phone and setting up new claims. But new claims are GREAT for our business, especially when they are from new clients! I will be working from home in the morning, then dropping the kids at my MIL's, then rheumatologist, then working some more remotely, then maybe lunch (hopefully not Red Hots again like today-maybe something a little more substantial), dermatologist appointment, and then, to top off the day, I will be going to the office (around 3pm) and working until at least 8pm. I am looking forward to it though because the quiet after 5pm will give me the time I need to really get caught up on a few things. I think some things may be transitioning at work soon, so hopefully within a couple of weeks my work load will lighten up a bit. We shall see...

I think Olivia, in addition to soy bean oil, is allergic to milk. I won't know anything for sure until March 30th, but her stomach hurts every time she drinks it AND she broke out in hives after it touched her face over the weekend. So it will be really interesting to see if she is allergic to both soy AND milk. I want to go to Trader Joes and get her some almond milk to see if that makes a difference with her stomach. I'm just ready to get this skin test done and find out what all we need to avoid. I think just knowing will make it easier.

I guess that is all for now...hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!

A much need mini vacation

2011-03-11T12:04:00.000-06:00

We are taking a short, three day trip to see my brother and sister-in-law this weekend. The kids' spring break starts on Monday. Even though they are off school today. I don't understand why they don't just say that spring break is today through next Friday...but whatever...and while we can't be gone the whole week of spring break (what with having to work and all) we will get to spend three days there. And while I'm talking about spring break...remember when we used to have spring break in April, around Easter? Or, beyond that, when spring break was actually AFTER SPRING???

So my "vacation" started out with a fire (problem) that needed to be put out. As we were finishing packing and heading out the door, a potentially VERY bad scenario was unfolding and I was chatting w/a co-worker trying to resolve it. I ended up spending 2 hours working through it once all was said and done. And not only did it resolve itself and wind up not being something we did wrong, I got an incredible compliment from the client and felt completely validated and more than competent.

Olivia has already given me plenty of good "content" to write about. She is giving us a running commentary on the drive. We had to go downtown to the office to drop some papers off and every street we turned down she said "I see another city!" I didn't have the heart (or desire) to explain to her that it was all still the SAME city. After we left the office and headed through downtown further to get to the interstate she started chattering non-stop (as always). Here is a sampling:

"I think that's China over there!" quickly followed by "Are we in Japan?" promptly followed by "Look Mommy an airport!", as we drove past the train station. She's so funny sometimes! Oh and apparently she calls Long John Silvers "Long John Silverware".

Daydreamer

2011-03-10T09:36:00.000-06:00

It is hard to narrow down my selection of significant songs to just one, or 25 for that matter. I LOVE music. I love lyrics that apply to me or my life. I am moved by music and words and love that there are people who can write exactly what I am feeling/thinking, and take it a step farther by putting it to music. On the other hand, if it has a great beat and sound, sometimes I don't even care what the lyrics are, or if they apply directly to my life. Lately I find myself consumed with Adele. She is a new discovery for me, and I just LOVE everything about her voice and her music. The significance of this song is the certainty of knowing that there is someone in my life who waits patiently for me, even when I think he shouldn't. So, the song encompasses everything I could want. Great lyrics that speak to me and such a smooth, enjoyable sound. It's called "Daydreamer".

The video above the lyrics is her singing "live". Whether you listen to her live or on CD, she's just amazing. Very talented. I love her! And if she ever comes to St. Louis, I'M THERE! Her new album "21" is awesome too!

Daydreamer sitting on the seat
Soaking up the sun
He is a real lover of making up the past
And feeling up his girl like he's never felt her figure before

A jaw dropper
Looks good when he walks
He's the subject of their talk
He would be hard to chase but good to catch
And he could change the world with his hands behind his back
Oh

You can find him sitting on your doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
And he will feel like he's been there for hours
And you can tell that he'll be there for life

Daydreamer with eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter
Plus he's there for you when he shouldn't be but he stays all the same
Waits for you then sees you through

There's no way I could describe him
But I'll say he's just what I'm hoping for

But I will find him sitting on my doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
And it will feel like he's been there for hours
And I can tell that he'll be there for life
And I can tell that he'll be there for life

Waiting...

2011-03-09T21:23:00.000-06:00

The past week was a blur of pain and agitation. Literal pain, and terrible agitation due to it. I couldn't stand being around Kris, the kids, anyone else. I couldn't focus on work. I actually screamed something so horrible at Kaleb today that I hope he forgets. It was so horrible I am not even going to tell you what it was. That's how bad it was!! I felt like the worst parent in the world and I really hope he forgets it as he grows up.

The pain in my neck and shoulders was horrible. As bad as it has ever been. Yesterday I want to kill someone. I would have paid any amount of money yesterday (OK...only the $3 I had on me) for some pain pills! I finally called the rheumatologist at around 4:30pm yesterday because the pain in my neck and shoulders, shooting down my right arm was practically unbearable. He called me back an hour later. He told me that once the pain pills wore off, the pain would "rebound" and so he wasn't going to give me pain medication. But he told me I could come into the office for injections. He told me he'd be in the office by 9:15am this morning. I showed up at 9:15am. I was seen right away.

He examined my neck/back/shoulders. Even though I take a muscle relaxer every night now, the muscles are still very tight in the morning and he found the worst trigger points and then injected my neck (C-7), my trapezious muscle on the right side, and the middle of my back, between my shoulder blades, on the right. He used a combination of Novocaine and Cortisone. He said the areas would feel numb for about an hour (they *kind* of did) and that the Cortisone would start doing its work tonight or tomorrow hopefully. I'm skeptical...just because NOTHING has ever worked. But I've heard good things about Cortisone. So...there is a glimmer of hope...I'll keep you posted...

Here's the semi-bad news. The rheumatologist asked me if I go to a dermatologist every year. My response? "I never been to a dermatologist." He told me I should find one because there are several spots on my back that he doesn't "like the color of". At first it was just one...and then he pointed out two others. I asked him if they were moles. He said no. He said they were spots that concerned him. Being that I ~~always~~ NEVER get paranoid about ~~everything~~ anything, I promptly found a local dermatologist and told them the situation. They are seeing me next Wednesday afternoon. So...we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I will try not to obsess about it. No need to worry, unless there is something to worry about, right? At least, that's what I'll keep trying to tell myself!!

Oh, and my blood pressure was high. For the first time in my life. Not very high, but higher than it should have been (140/95 or something like that-so not really high). The rheumatologist assured me that it was most likely because of the amount of pain I was in...so I am hoping that was all related too. I have an appointment to go back in 5 weeks.

I want another day...

2011-03-06T21:29:00.000-06:00

...in my weekend.

Yesterday was a crazy, chaotic day. It felt like a normal work day. But it was a Saturday. Saturdays shouldn't be like that. It's just wrong. Today was nice, up to a point. Kris and I went to see "I Am Number Four" this afternoon. I thought it was entertaining. It was a bit corny in spots...but I loved Dianna Agron in it. It was great to see her in something besides Glee and I think she did a great job! The biggest drawback was the "bad guys". They just looked and sounded and acted stupid. But other than that, I liked it.

Katherine has this book of Freaky Facts. She keeps reading to me out of it and I decided to post some of the things that amused me.

"Cats can spend 16 hours a day sleeping." Lazy animals. I knew there was something not quite right about them...Additionally, "When awake, cats spend up to 30 percent of their time grooming." They're prissy too...

This one is absolutely CREEPY: "Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have more than one million descendants." GROSS!

For all the Star Trek geeks out there, "The Bible has been translated into Klingon."

Ludicrous laws:

Florida: Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. -- it just can't be strapless...

Minnesota: It is illegal to mock skunks.

Virginia: All bathtubs must be outside, not in the house.

Milan, Italy: Citizens can be fined $100 if seen in public without a smile on their face. Exemptions include time spent visiting patients in hospitals or attending funerals.

Oklahoma: People who make ugly faces at dogs may be fined and jailed. --note to self, don't go to Oklahoma.

New York: It is illegal to do anything against the law.

This one was probably my favorite. I know this is kind of inappropriate but yes, I'm going to go there. "Research indicates that plants grow better when they are stroked." Does anyone else see the humor in this or is it just me and my dirty mind??? My immediate thought is "Most things do..."